Shaq said:
For a carry/defensive revolver, I wouldn't be concerned about recoil. In a defensive situation you won't remember any recoil & people who have had to shoot in such situations frequently don't remember hearing any noise, either. You can practice with light target loads - maybe only a few rounds per shooting session. My personal favorite is the Ruger LCR.
While I have to technically agree with your statement, I think it also misses two important things.
1. While you are not likely to notice painful recoil under stress, physics doesn't care if you notice it or not. A gun with more recoil will still be harder to control, probably less accurate, and produce slower follow-up shots than one with light recoil, regardless of whether you are conscious of this in the heat of the moment.
2. Painful shooting equates to less practice for most people.