I trust you, but not your gun

[Deleted member 66305]

A few weeks ago, while at a party at a friend's house, the topic of discussion turned to guns. One person mentioned that I'd recently gotten my CHL (not strictly true -- I've completed the class, and am waiting for the license).

The homeowner asked me if I was carrying, and I said I wasn't, as I still didn't have my CHL.

He asked me if I would mind not carrying it in his house when I got it.

I said that wouldn't be a problem.

He said, "It's not you. I trust you. But people with guns make me uncomfortable."

I didn't get into a discussion with him about it. Next time he's at my place, I'll invite him to see the small but growing collection.

But here is my question: What does it mean, "I trust you, but people with guns make me uncomfortable?"

If he trusts me, he trusts me, right? If he doesn't trust me with a gun, he doesn't really trust me. Or, perhaps, he just doesn't know whether I am particularly responsible with a gun or not.

Or maybe he doesn't trust ANYBODY with a gun -- in which case, perhaps he doesn't trust the mechanical safety of the weapon not to accidentally fire unless the trigger is pulled. Or he subconsciously ascribes a will to act to firearms, and that this desire to be fired is somehow transferred to their owner?

I'm sure a lot of you have had discussions with friends on this matter.

 

[Jeff F]

Myself, I probably would not be going over to his house anymore.

 

[phantomak47]

Heres a website that can help your friend


http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail.asp?SDID=5587:1603

 

[lamazza]

Maybe his trust needs to be explained.
He trusts you in which way?
Trusts you not to steal his wife or harm his children?
How does having a gun + instruction + knowledge alter that trust?
Does he believe in fairy tales and stories of rogue guns that go off on their own create havoc?
His 'trust' sounds like empty retoric. He just doesn't have the fortitude to tell you to your face that he DOESN"T trust you.
Its a good lesson to learn early on who your real friends are -cross this one off of your list.

 

[hksw]

said, "It's not you. I trust you. But people with guns make me uncomfortable."

IMO, the person's observation indicates that they are not an objective thinker and view things two dimensionally. Could use stonger words but I think I'll leave it at that. (I did chuckle at the comment.)

 

[Rokyudai]

You handled the situation very well. What is more important is not letting something like this ruin a good friendship. He doesn't need to approve of things you think and do and vice verse to be a good friend.

-however-

You now have an opportunity to educate and expose someone to what the mass media and anti-2A folks do not want people to know...the truth about responsible ownership.

I would not necessarily open up the vault just yet. Start slow and let him warm up. No sense running the risk of sealing his misinformed notions ....but you know him better. Do you think he is "on the fence" or rabidly anti? Time and patience will tell and in turn help you form a better understanding of how to proceed.

 

[JackBurtonJr]

My daughter in law is spider phobic. I don't expect logic from her when dealing with the little eight leggers.

I wouldn't expect logic from a gun-phobic person either.

 

[springmom]

PM sent.

Springmom

 

[SCKimberFan]

It means he has bought the Brady side of things hook, line & sinker. We all know that people who carry guns can't be trustworthy, can they?

 

[Aran]

My fiancee's sister is pretty much the same way.

She has no problem with me, but if she knows I'm carrying, she won't be anywhere near me.

Edit: I was entirely unshocked when she moved to Boulder, CO and loved it there.

 

[TallPine]

If he trusts me, he trusts me, right? If he doesn't trust me with a gun, he doesn't really trust me.

Not much of a "friend" if you ask me

 

[230RN]

So next time you visit, he'll ask, "Do you have your gun?"

And one answer might be, "Why, no. You asked me not to carry it in your house, and I'm a responsible gun owner."

 

[geekWithA.45]

What does it mean, "I trust you, but people with guns make me uncomfortable?"

This is a common psych game people play with themselves to square up in their own minds the fact that some individuals they trust/respect/whatever also are/do something they generally don't approve of.

By claiming that you're the exception, it allows them to retain (and perhaps not even examine!) their bias against whatever it is that they don't like, without putting their relationship with you in jeopardy.

There once was a family who lived next door, who believed that all members of my race routinely and actively acted so as to place members of their race at disadvantage. After knowing us a few years, and never having seen us do anything other than treat them with the same ordinary respect we treated everyone else, they decided that all members of my race continued to routinely and actively act so as to place members of their race at disadvantage, with the exception of us. We were OK.


People do this sort of nonsense all the time.

 

[Dr. Tad Hussein Winslow]

But here is my question: What does it mean, "I trust you, but people with guns make me uncomfortable?"

Hard to say without delving deeper. It *probably* means "I don't trust YOU.". But it may mean "I'm ignorant of guns, and like so many hoplophobes, believe they can go off by themselves, due to my years of conditioning at the hands of RatherJenningsBrokaw.

 

[FLA2760]

Rokeyudai wrote,
"You handled the situation very well. What is more important is not letting something like this ruin a good friendship. He doesn't need to approve of things you think and do and vice verse to be a good friend.

-however-

You now have an opportunity to educate and expose someone to what the mass media and anti-2A folks do not want people to know...the truth about responsible ownership."

A BIG +1 to that

 

[Nate C.]

Good responses thus far. I doubt I can do any better, but wanted to throw in my dos centavos anyway.

On its face, your buddy made a patently illogical statement. Doesn't mean he can't still be your buddy.

Your buddy fears or otherwise dislikes firearms. Doesn't mean he can't still be your buddy.

You are obligated by etiquette and statute to comply with his request when on his property, or you can choose to not go onto his property in lieu of disarming yourself. Doesn't mean he can't still be your buddy.

Question is, in light of all that, do you want someone who feels that way to still be your buddy?

I wholeheartedly agree that this is a good opportunity to enlighten the guy. People fear that which they do not understand. Maybe it's that simple. Then again, maybe not. Some people just have their mind made up and they aren't budging, come hell or high water.

 

[KenW.]

Invite him to go shooting with you. Spread the fun! There may still be time for an intervention in this case.

 

[lee n. field]

One person mentioned that I'd recently gotten my CHL (not strictly true -- I've completed the class, and am waiting for the license).

Why is this common knowledge? Word for the day here is "****". Obfuscate. Misdirect. Change the subject.

 

[Aran]

You don't talk to your friends about important things in your life?

Since I OC, I don't care who knows I have my LTCF - They're going to see I'm armed either way.

 

[James T Thomas]

irony

Hey, friend.

It is not you that he mistrusts; it is himself!

The mindset is that they are afraid, they could not trust themselves, and therefore, no one else is trusted either. "No one will be allowed guns."

Please remember that when you "show" him your collection and invite him to handle a firearm.

 

[FCFC]

The homeowner asked me if I was carrying, and I said I wasn't, as I still didn't have my CHL.

He asked me if I would mind not carrying it in his house when I got it.

I said that wouldn't be a problem.

He said, "It's not you. I trust you. But people with guns make me uncomfortable."

I didn't get into a discussion with him about it. Next time he's at my place, I'll invite him to see the small but growing collection.

You handled it in excellent fashion. Kudos to you.

He's your friend. You've been to his house before, apparently never with a gun. And that is how your friend wants to keep it. He sounds reasonable.

And you were reasonable with him. Good.

But here is my question: What does it mean, "I trust you, but people with guns make me uncomfortable?"

If he trusts me, he trusts me, right? If he doesn't trust me with a gun, he doesn't really trust me. Or, perhaps, he just doesn't know whether I am particularly responsible with a gun or not.

He misspoke, obviously. Your quote of what he said is in conflict to the point that it may literally be contradictory, given the totality of what he said in your conversation. He was probably a bit nervous about presuming upon his friend, you. I think he doesn't like guns in his house. But he likes friends in his house. He wants you to be coming back.

Contrary to what someone else said, this is not an opportunity to start preaching guns and 2A to him. It's the worst time for that. Just because you decided to get into 2A/carry doesn't mean you have a right to start working on him to be 2A/carry too. Let him bring it up, if he's interested.

Good luck.

BTW, who told your friend that you had a CHL? Hmmm, how many people know? How many have you told?

 

[langenc]

I am going to assume that your wife shoots-

You and your wife invite him and his wife for an afternoon/evening at the range.

Let us know what happens. In any case you must invite him to the range. Start with a good safety lecture/demo.

 

[Millwright]

Seems like you're lift with two obvious conclusions:

1. Your "friend" is really an acquaintence - one basing his opinions of you upon his biases - which he'll readily communicate to mutual "friends" without any evidence or provacation.

2. Your "friend' really doesn't trust you.

In either case its far better to keep such individuals as "surface friends" not privy to most of your thoughts or activities. Dropping such is "dissing" them and ample justification for them to seek revenge. >MW

 

[sig228]

Sounds like an arrogant bastard to me.....

 

[ColinthePilot]

But it may mean "I'm ignorant of guns, and like so many hoplophobes, believe they can go off by themselves, due to my years of conditioning at the hands of RatherJenningsBrokaw.

Bingo! My mom felt much the same way when I asked to bring my pistol to college. She claimed she trusted me (which I believe) but still thought that having the gun in the house was a liability(she was also the landlady). She also claimed that it was "the other people" she didn't trust.

Why is this common knowledge? Word for the day here is "****". Obfuscate. Misdirect. Change the subject.

Who isn't trusting whom? If you expect the friend to trust the OP, why shouldn't the OP trust his friend? Trust is a two way street in my book.
I also don't believe that trust in one scenario necessarily translates into overall trust. I have friends I don't trust with money, or my car, or even my guns. That doesn't mean I distrust them entirely.

I have a big problem with writing people off entirely due to their beliefs on a singular topic; i.e. guns. Thats terribly one-dimensional and people who do it will miss out on some amazing relationships with certain people because they don't happen to like guns.

Finally, how do we expect to spread the word about gun ownership and right to carry among our fellow voters if we keep it all a secret? If the average gun-ignorant voter doesn't know anyone who carries a pistol for self defense, why should they vote for it. How will they know that there are responsible, law abiding citizens in their very midst every day, who carry weapons safely and without incident if we always keep it such a deep dark secret?
Anyone I trust and consider a friend knows I like guns, I like shooting, and I carry legally when I can. I was brought into the CCW community by a friend who carried and wasn't afraid to tell me. How else should we bring others into the fold?