Representative Tim Couch and the great state of Kentucky now have a remarkable opportunity to generate a lot of attention for themselves.
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children specifically advises parents to do the exact opposite of what Rep. Couch wants to require. They urge parents to keep their children anonymous on the Internet:
Never give out identifying information — home address, school name, or telephone number — in a public message such as chat or newsgroups, and be sure you’re dealing with someone both you and your children know and trust before giving out this information via E-mail. Think carefully before revealing any personal information such as age, financial information, or marital status. Do not post photographs of your children in newsgroups or on web sites available to the public. Consider using a pseudonym, avoid listing your child’s name and E-mail address in any public directories and profiles, and find out about your ISP’s privacy policies and exercise your options for how your personal information may be used.
A possible compromise would be for Kentucky to license and bond all forum operators and Internet Service Providers to ensure that they do not reveal the real identities of children whose parents comply with the proposed Kentucky law.
Of course then it would be necessary for the operators of Internet areas to verify that the parents are indeed parents and the children are indeed children, which would be relatively easy to do if each Internet operator required the parents and children to appear before them in person with proof of age and identity before being allowed to post anything or chat anywhere.
There might be a slight hurdle for law enforcement agencies and task forces that attempt to trap pedophiles by using fake names and ages, but Kentucky could stick to its guns. Then it would be a simple matter to comply with its law through screen names such as: "Suzy Johnson, Age 13 [Lt. George (Bubba) Wiznewczki, Age 35]" and "Bobby Lee, Age 16 [Det. Frank (The Mauler) McGee and Sgt. Horace (Horrible Harry) Tunk, Age 43]."
A few other snags might be the need to monitor all Internet activity throughout the world 24/7 and enforce Kentucky's law in places like China, Russia, New York City, and Iran. I've no doubt that Rep. Couch would be willing to have his secretary do it in her spare time.
We should be grateful to the various states and their electorates for providing positions to people like Rep. Tim Couch who otherwise might be wandering the streets, bumping into lampposts, and delivering speeches in tongues unknown to other human beings.
If Rep. Couch is unmarried somebody should introduce him to Rep. Carolyn McCarthy of the U.S. Congress. I detect the possibility of a natural affinity between them and I think they might hit it off immediately. That's good as long as they don't breed.
