Movies so stupid they hurt to watch

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There are tons of gun related things in movies that are hard to watch. Like at the end of a movie where one of the guys are out of ammo so the other guy drops his gun so they can duke it out. I dont think anyone would ever do that. maybe back in the days of chivalry but now a days i doubt anyone is that "honorable."

Everything gun related in "The Hills Have Eyes" made me want to gouge my eyes out. And to think they are making a sequel to it. Except the second time around the victims are the National Guard instead of a vacationing family. Kinda reminds me of Southern Comfort, which is another movie that kind of baffled me at the stupidity of these "soldiers"
 
Great. The Hills Have Eyes part 2 is gonna be junk.
This if from IMDB
"A group of National Guard trainees find themselves battling against a vicious group of mutants on their last day of training in the desert."

Last day of training? So basically, it's a unit of fully qualified soldiers getting beaten by a group of inbred "mutants". If the movie is longer than 5 minutes and contains anything other than the soldiers completely pwning the opposition, it will be bull****.

They undoubtedly picked the National Guard because of the "weekend warrior" misconception. Today's Guard get the same training as any other branch. They use the same real 5.56 rounds and have to deal with the same Soviet RPGs in the sandbox as any other branch.
 
Bad movies caused a HUGE argument between my dad and I. He, after seeing it portrayed in so many movies, was a die-hard advocate that a bullet will blow you back when it hits you. He even commented on my purchase of a .45 handgun, by saying "Yeah, I've heard from a few officers that those heavy bullets will spin you around and knock you on your ass if they hit you in your pinky."

So yeah, I got into a 30 minute debate about how it was physically implausible for a common handgun (and rifle) round in such calibers all the way up to .500 to blow someone back. I finally had to end it by showing him a video on the internet of a guy having level IVA body armor tested on him. He stood on one foot as he was shot by a FN FAL. Then, sticking some of this stuff under his shirt, the host took a .44 magnum, pointed it upside down at his stomach, and fired. Nothing.

That finally ended the conversation. Well, more like it ended my dad's one defense that when he shoots a deer it falls over, so the bullet must have knocked it over.
 
The first Terminator where Ahhhnold strolls into a L.A gun store and picks up a full auto Uzi, and full auto rifle (anyone know what the rifle was I could never get a good look to identify it) and the clerk says you can take the rifles and shotgun home today but the handgun has a waiting period. In 1984 L.A you could just walk out of a gun shop with two NFA items the same day :scrutiny: .
 
Speaking of National Guard, hows about this plot line?

"A squad of National Guards on an isolated weekend exercise in the Louisiana swamp must fight for their lives when they anger local Cajuns by stealing their canoes. Without live ammunition and in a strange country, (Isn't Lousiana in the USA?) their experience begins to mirror the Vietnam experience."

Southern Comfort (1981)
 
Yeah I mentioned Southern Comfort in my last post, if you watch you'll see what I mean, The Guard members appear to have absolutely no training what so ever. And they are all a bunch of goof offs. didnt take anything seriously.

And as you stated DRMMR02, The Hills Have Eyes 2 will be junk. The soldiers should be able to fix the problem immediately but you know that almost everyone will die and only a few people will escape with their lives. The Mutants in the first one didnt really look like they would have been to difficult to take care of with a few armed people.
 
Yeah I mentioned Southern Comfort in my last post, if you watch you'll see what I mean, The Guard members appear to have absolutely no training what so ever. And they are all a bunch of goof offs. didnt take anything seriously.
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Oh, I must have missed it, that'll teach me to remember what I read! :confused:
 
The movie that almost got me kicked out of the theater (because I was almost yelling at the screen in disbelief) was Signs.

All I could do say was "Where. Are. The. GUNS?!?!?!" Over and over.
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To heck with the guns, those were the most ineffective aliens I've ever seen, I'd happily take on a dozen of them if I had a few pointed sticks!

What killed me was how many people liked the movie...
 
"Most horror movies would be cut well short if someone just had a 12-gauge shotgun and the sense to use it."
- Same thread long ago on a board far away
 
If i could make a suggestion to ya'll....I know you're all intelligent people and I also totally agree with everything everyone has said...but...how about when a new movie comes out, we elect someone to go see it. After said electee see's the flick he/she tells us how it was and then we know whether or not to waiste our money. :confused:. Sounds like a good idea to keep folks from getting in trouble by yelling at the damned screen and in a complete state of dilusion wanting to throw your CCW at the screen :what: :p
 
The movie that almost got me kicked out of the theater (because I was almost yelling at the screen in disbelief) was Signs.
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A movie with great potential, but fatal flaws, the biggest of which is:

If they're so smart they can traverse the galaxy... how come they're dumb enough to get locked in a pantry?
 
Saving Private Ryan was well done but not terribly realistic
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I hope you're not referring to the opening scenes, because I personally know 2 veterans that landed on Omaha beach that both say it was like reliving the battle, it was so well done.

As far as movies go, I get tired of screaming at the screen "Get the damn gun!" to no avail. Running from creeps, hiding to take one by surprise, beating them down with a pipe, and then running while leaving an unconcious creep and a perfectly unused MP5 behind, should result in your death!

Has anybody seen The Cutter yet? You'd think as old as Chuck Norris is, he'd tell the writers, "Oh come on, I'm not gonna shoot somebody, NOT see any blood, and still assume he's dead!"
 
Actually, I'd feel confidant in saying its the worst movie i've seen since "Bloodrayne"
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Well, I am equally confidant that Bloodrayne is the crappiest movie I have seen since "Showgirls". How Ben Kingsley could have allowed himself to be associated with that movie is beyond me.

Interestingly, the sole reason that I watched that movie is because Kristanna Loken is hot, and even that failed me. That is probably the most awkward, gratuitous, most nonsensical sex scene I have ever seen in a movie. If you haven't seen the movie, consider this: How bad must it blow if I, a single guy, am actually complaining about a sex scene with Kristanna Loken? Answer: It is a really, really, really horrible movie. Man, do I hate Bloodrayne....

Other recent movies that have ridden the suck-train, in my opinion: V for Vendetta and Ultraviolet. V for Vendetta should have been called D for Dull. Ultraviolet actually would have been pretty cool if it weren't for the horrid editing. Evidently, the studio didn't like the directors cut, so they took it out of his hands and cut out a full 30 minutes of movie, mostly so they could get it down to a PG13 rating. The word on the street is that the directors version was much better.
 
Speaking of National Guard, hows about this plot line?

"A squad of National Guards on an isolated weekend exercise in the Louisiana swamp must fight for their lives when they anger local Cajuns by stealing their canoes. Without live ammunition and in a strange country, (Isn't Lousiana in the USA?) their experience begins to mirror the Vietnam experience."
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Hey, that's a great movie! The whole point is the Guard unit in question had degenerated way more than the coon a's. They're poorly trained and led. Powers Boothe plays the newcomer from a much better run guard outfit in Texas IIRC. He's disgusted by what he finds but is told to stop worrying about it.

Anyway, I spent part of my childhood down there. The real Cajuns are not people you want to cross. There's lots of places out there where there won't even be a body after a few days exposure.

I hope you're not referring to the opening scenes, because I personally know 2 veterans that landed on Omaha beach that both say it was like reliving the battle, it was so well done.
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The opening scene was great, and harkened back to straight-up, realistic and brutal European war dramas such as "Talvisota" and "Come and See." But the film falls apart as soon as the dust settles and the main characters are chosen from the survivors. By the final battle the Germans are again behaving like complete morons and Tom Sizemore can take multiple 8mm rounds at near point blank range and complain about getting "the wind knocked out of me." It's a load of dren that has a lot more to do with the romaticized war movies the director loves so much than with reality. But then again, if the film had stayed hard core it would have packed fewer theaters. People need to leave on an upbeat note. "Band of Brothers" is a superior effort in almost every respect, and highlights how television is now the dominant medium.
 
I saw movie on the Sci-Fi channel about three months ago that was laughably pathetic. It was a monster movie, toxic waste making normal creatures into enormous monsters type of flick...Cant remember the name of this disaster, don't care to either.

Tex
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That's pretty much a description of EVERY "SciFi Original" movie ever shown. :scrutiny:

Re: Signs
To heck with the guns, those were the most ineffective aliens I've ever seen, I'd happily take on a dozen of them if I had a few pointed sticks!
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Heck, the sticks don't even have to be pointed! Just "Swing away" ;)
 
The worst movie I've ever seen is an obscure action film from 1985, The Crime Killer. It's about a Greek detective who cleans house on some sort of criminal organization. The plot is incredibly incoherent, so it's hard to tell what's actually happening. In fact, my signature line is one of the many hilariously awful quotes from the film.

If you can find a copy, I'd recommend it. It's insanely funny to watch- I mean, you'd think it's a spoof of everything wrong with 1980's action movies, but it's entirely serious.
 
If they're so smart they can traverse the galaxy... how come they're dumb enough to get locked in a pantry?
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My question is if they're smart enough to pull off interstellar travel WTH did they come to a planet that is covered by roughly 70% of something that kills them. Not only that but the stuff falls from the sky and they don't wear any kind of protection (Get your minds out of the gutters people). Really that movie had me muttering "*** mate?" the whole time.


For myself I nominate the Americanized Godzilla. Whatever yahoo gave the order to use MLRSs in a high density urban area should have been shot. I have other issues with that movie, but I've angried up my blood too much already.
 
I agree about Signs. And for proof, you only have to look at our own exploration of Mars. And alien civilization that is advanced enough to travel to other planets, is going to create robots to do some exploring long before they actually try to invade. And the aliens in Signs had neither suits to protect them, weapons to use against us, or scientific instruments to analyze the planet. If there really were aliens looking to take over our planet, they would know about everything that could potentially hurt them decades before sending any actual armies.
 
"the crappiest movie I have seen since "Showgirls"

Timbo - how dare you insult one of my favorite movies! Whoever said there has to be a plot?!
 
I can often forgive a little technical sloppiness if the protagonists actually use guns to fight back instead of just acting like idiots. I promise if I ever make a horror movie we'll have to come up with a threat that can't just be shot to death.:p
 
As far as "Saving Private Ryan" goes I love the look on the Captian's (Tom Hanks) face towards the end when he starts shooting the tank with his 1911
and it blows up, not knowing a plane was responsible for the tanks demise. Oh yeah and the sheer glory of those 1919's rockin was enough to bring a tear to my eye.
 
texgunner said:
I saw movie on the Sci-Fi channel about three months ago that was laughably pathetic. It was a monster movie, toxic waste making normal creatures into enormous monsters type of flick. The characters were armed with handguns only and not only did they not ever run out of ammo, the slides on their semi-autos did not cycle. Brilliant muzzle flash and loud bang for every shot though. Cant remember the name of this disaster, don't care to either.
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It was probably "Cobra vs. Komodo!!!1!11!one." My wife and I watched it, transfixed by its awfulness (like watching a trainwreck). In the initial encounter between Semi-Drunkard Burned Out Ex Special Forces River Pilot Man and a giant cobra, he fires 57 shots from a Beretta Cougar, in a row, no reloading (they don't even cut away for a second to make us think there might have been a chance at reloading). And, of course, no slide cycling.

I want to put in another vote for Ultraviolet as one dumb movie. First of all, it's visually painful to watch. Second, it makes no sense. Third...well, I don't have a third point. I rented it on OnDemand, lost interest about halfway through, and changed the channel.
 
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