My girlfriends irrational fear of guns

[DontBurnMyFlag]

Ok, heres what you've all been waiting for. We sat down and had a talk. This is how it went. She said she is debating going to the gun range with me and that she doesnt want to live in a house with a gun unless im a cop. (which I intend on doing after school). So I told her, "I wont be living with you for a long while then." Thats how it went. We are still together, she said she over-reacted with the "guns or me" thing. So my guns are still my guns, my range time is still my range time, and my lifestyle is unchanged. I worry about the future arguments, however she is someone who most likely will come around. I know her more than you guys and while it looks bleak, I feel I can change her. Thanks for all your help and concerns.

 

[recondoc]

I was talking with my hot, lovin', Colt Officer's packin', 5'2", mother of two, Wife about this thread and her reaction as a woman was; "SEE YA!" "He needs to get rid of her before she gets really weird."

This is the woman who didn't mention that she had been trained by Cooper at Gunsite when she agreed to go on a range date with me so I could "teach her to shoot." Needless to say, she cleaned my clock but I got the best end of the deal. She agreed to marry me. Seven year, two kiddos, a war, and a lot of rounds down range later, it just keeps getting better.

I thought about 4 women before her were "The One" before I woke up. I wasn't even looking for someone to date when we started going out. She was just fun to hang out with.

Keep your options open. God put just the perfect woman on this planet for you. Just keep an eye out and she will show up.

I hope it all works out but remember that no woman will ever truely love a man she cannot respect. No matter what you try to do to placate her.

Best wishes on the entire situation,
Doc

 

[jfh]

famous last words of the young and naive....

while it looks bleak, I feel I can change her.

I was married to my second wife for twenty-seven years when I realized I hadn't changed, and that she wasn't going to change, either.

It wasn't much a marriage for me for that time, either.

Good luck.

 

[pax]

recondoc ~

Excellent post.

pax

 

[El Rojo]

I feel I can change her.

That makes me cringe. I thought my wife would change and go from having a cluttered house to having a clean house. That was almost three years ago. All I can say is good luck.

 

[FunGunner]

In a good relationship, one doesn’t change the other you both grow together.

I can’t put it any better than that.

I have learned that to have a good relationship love isn’t the number one factor. Trust is.

The ability to argue, and communicate without fighting ranks up there at number two.

Then comes love.



Like I was asked once, “what do you have once the honeymoon is over?†Or, “loving some one is doing what ever you can to make them happy, even if it means leaving them, can you do that?†I have been taught some rough lessons about love in my life. I really hope that you don’t learn the same ones.


I still love sweeping her off of her feet, and sometimes even rubbing them.

Live long and love well

FG
out

 

[TonkinTwentyMil]

Wrapping it Up

This has been a GREAT discussion, and I congratulate everyone for their forthright and illuminating contributions.

One final point from my dusty corner: Even though the "outcome" here is highly personal vis-a-vis one THR member, I firmly believe WE ALL very much DO "have a dog in this hunt." Why?

There is no doubt that a significant -- and influential -- segment of our society is dedicated to eradicating privately-owned firearms. Those folks use all kinds of insidiously-subtle (and not-so-subtle) means to demonize, marginalize, and punish Second Amendment supporters. It's a big part of THEIR political agenda (see TV, schools, news media). I've experienced a ton of it -- socially and professionally -- and I bet a lot of you experienced Old Salts have, too.

When I hear tales like this one -- where women (potential spouses) seek to disarm/pacify/feminize their men as a condition of the relationship -- it just illustrates the successful (and cancerous) ideological conditioning of the Anti's. And THAT must be fought at every turn -- and un-done -- if the 2A is to survive. Mushy "compromise" is nothing but capitulation in slow-motion.

It's ALL political, and The War never ends. As cold as it sounds, I believe that the Constitution, and the republic's survival, is more important than any one personal relationship. Maybe that's why folks who think like us/me go to war... and folks who disagree -- don't.

Some things ARE worth fighting for.

 

[Fred Fuller]

"I feel I can change her"

DBMF,

I sincerely wish you the best in that relationship. I would be remiss in failing to say that the line I quoted above has come back to haunt more people than you can imagine. It might be possible in your case, you are right that I don't know either of you at all.

But the odds are NOT in your favor...

Regards,

lpl/nc

 

[eagle45]

First of all, best of luck.

Relationships based on ultimatums seldom survive. Even when they do, consider what you have, a relationship based on what one person wants or thinks is right. The person making the adjustments in their life to suit the other person will always carry the anger of being forced to comply. You will never feel like an equal in that type of a relationship, and quite honestly you won't be an equal.

If a serious effort to educate her on your interest in firearms does not win her over to accept the lifestyle you desire for yourself, then you need to decide what you care about the most. (Not wanting a gun in the house unless you are a LEO is absurd.) You may also want to consider what it is about her that attracts you now.

In the future, if that pattern continues, what else will you have to give up to please your partner? You and your spouse should both be happy that your partner has interests that make life interesting and fun, and support one another in those interests. My wife is not a shooter, but has never complained about learning the basics, practice shooting for self/home defense or how much time I spend reloading or at the range. One of the sweetest sounds you'll ever hear is your wife saying "Honey, what gun are you going to buy next?" I always have an answer for that one!

 

[Mastrogiacomo]

I'm glad to hear that the conversation went well -- however, and you don't want me to say this -- but this is the same point counselors try to discourage women from doing with men. "He says he doesn't want children, but I know I can change him over time." "He drinks a little too much socially now, but I know he'll change after we get married." "He's a little cold and lacking in romance but I know I can change him when we get married." You marry what you have already and they don't change. If this works out, I'm happy for you but go in with both eyes open. Clean the guns in front of her, encourage her to go to the range and meet the people there -- it can be a club meeting, not shooting time. She needs to get the Hollyweird perception out of her head. Point out all the celebs that got rich with gun movies, the so-called anti celebs that use guns in their personal life via bodyguards or themselves without a permit, list the cops that have abused their rights and explain that law abiding citizens shouldn't be treated as registered sex offenders.

Again, best of luck. Personally if a man told me: "You're into a lot of violent things! Sumo, boxing, ultimate fighting, guns, martial arts - you need to end all that and leave the violence to the professionals..." I'd start singing Ray Charles "Hit the road Jack." But that's just me....

 

[Bubbles]

she doesnt want to live in a house with a gun unless im a cop.

What if you apply and don't make it? I know several folks who applied and weren't accepted for various reasons (failed polygraph, scored "too high" on the tests, etc.)

So I told her, "I wont be living with you for a long while then."

Don't sleep with her either. You don't want to risk having kids with her.

I feel I can change her.

Damn, I thought only women were crazy enough to stay in relationships and think this way...

Ten years ago after dating a guy for two years we were discussing getting married. Then, the issue wasn't guns, it was my horse and my dog. I got the same ultimatum that you did - "it's them or me". I walked out immediately. I had to put the dog down last year due to old age. The horse I still have.

I'm also now happily married to a guy who couldn't be a better match for me.

 

[GEM]

Change - I was watching the news and they had a report on the looney women who write death row prisioners or other inmates. The psychologist said they thought these guys could be 'changed'.

Fundamental personality characteristics don't change. That is what has to be determined here. I suggest discussing the issue with a counselor if marriage is on the schedule.

Figure out this 'change' thing before you are changing diapers. Then it is much worse to break up.

 

[2nd Amendment]

A relationship should be built on who a person IS, nor who you hope they will become...or what you can turn them in to. You've already missed the best part of any relationship if you're operating on the latter two points and not the first. Tell her goodbye, even if tomorrow you decide you never want a gun again. She has already shown she wants to change you, by any method. Now you've stated you want to change her. Game over...before it even got started.

 

[Molon Labe]

She is fearful of guns because she knows nothing about guns.

Take her shooting. Her worries will dissolve.

 

[Oleg Volk]

Once married to you, she will use kids as leverage. I'd run and not stop until getting to hard cover.

 

[longeyes]

"its either me or the guns"

Finally, an easy one.

What she's really saying is "Who rules, you or I?" Listen hard. Don't give up who you are for ANY woman.

 

[torpid]

Maybe over time she'll change you...

(If she does, can I have your guns?)



.

 

[DontBurnMyFlag]

I forgot to mention that I said this "My love of guns was here before you, it will be here after you, I dont want you to leave, but you do what you have to do" She just stood there shocked and then once she saw I wasnt joking around we had that conversation listed above. I am not giving up my right. I often joked with her saying Im going to call the ACLU becuase she is denying my 1st and 2nd amendment rights That just made argueing worse. lol.

 

[Magnum PI]

I think this is SO IRONIC that YOU are in NJ TOO!!!

Where in NJ are you from?

I am from South Jersey, Cherry Hill area and work in Philly. I have not had this issue with anyone yet, but can REALLY sympathize because SO many people here are ANTI-GUN. Especially some of the females, which is most definitely because I think their exposed to firearms even LESS than males. And most of that exposure is negative coming from the news or their parents who cannot interpret news.

I am 34 now and am still happily single and have dated some SMOKING hot chicks along the way....so I know it can be a hellacious situation if you really like the chick. YOU MUST tell her that this is the way it is, COP JOB OR NOT, because it is a test. She does not give a rats ass about you if she decides to leave because you are not yielding to her commands.

You have to communicate it is a hobby that is meaningful to you and it won't interfere with her life if she chooses not to participate. You must communicate that SHE has to get over an immature paranoia she has because SOMEONE implanted these ideas into her head (look to parents first, then a blind interpretation of the news)

You really have to stand up for yourself. I have one TOO many friends that are completely PU$$Y whipped and aren't happy because they did NOT stand their ground. It's a crying shame when I see them put their tail between their legs sometimes.

Too many women in the world to be concerned, trust me. I just love them all!!!

IC

 

[Amy]

Tell your girlfriend that Amy Lewis says she's full of leftist BS!

Has she ever had a stalker after her? I have, and still do. I'm here to tell her that 300 grains of prevention beats the snot out of a pound of court orders!

Don't need a gun???

Get real woman!!!

Her problem is that she's never been seriously confronted by the REAL world!

She really needs to wake the f.... up!!!

a.

 

[Magnum PI]

Amy-you Are100% On The Money!!!!!!

Are you single? Ha!

That "Real World" Comment is absolutely the problem in NJ. So many people are sheltered all their like that they don't know what the REAL world is anymore. LOTS of SHEEPLE in NJ.

IC

 

[.40-.45]

my 2 cents

I have not even read any of the info beyond your post

anyone Male of Female that ever says to you "its me or ______"

kick them to the curb

if people are so closed minded that it has to be my way of the highway then they are gone, politics, guns, anything

.40-.45

My wife is not a big gun fan but she knew when we got married that i enjoy firearms while she still is not a big fan she knows that our boys will not get ahold of them as they are locked away in a gun safe


anyway thanks for your time


.40-.45

 

[runswithscissors]

Here's an idea bud

Don't get rid of or hide the guns. Continue to do what you always have done with your guns(provided its legal and safe ) and just let her decide. If she wants to be with you, she will get over her fear of guns, if not, she will leave you. Then you should definently give her friend a call. Better yet, give me her friends number You should never have to change who you are or what you believe in to be with someone who truly loves you. If they make you chose, then they do not truly love and accept you for who you are.

 

[beerslurpy]

I'm here to tell her that 300 grains of prevention beats the snot out of a pound of court orders!

Jesus christ, what kind of handgun is that? I guess you are a big fan of open carry.

PS, are you single?

PPS, why are you living in CA?

 

[dasmi]

300 grains?!
Damn...
OH ya, and I'll throw in my "are you single?" line.
I'm in California as well