My girlfriends irrational fear of guns

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If the original poster is forced to make a decision that he strongly disagrees with before the marriage, the marriage is doomed.

Marriages cannot start with ultimatums. It could be sex, religion, kids, money - whatever.

We focus on the guns but it is so more than that.

It is either worked out now or in the courts in a short time after the marriage.

If it is simply a g/f without marriage likely, then there are a lot more people out there.
 
bummer deal man. my g/f doesn't like guns either. she is affraid of them, won't touch them, won't go shooting with me, etc. BUT, she doesn't try to be a controller regarding them. she even bought me a gun safe and some gift certificates for trap shooting for my b-day. and therein lies the big difference. she may not like what you do and vice versa and thats fine. but when one person tries to control what the other person can and can't do, then the relationship is in trouble. not impossible, but in trouble. if she is trying to control you with the "them or me" type stuff now, it will only get worse in the future. it will happen when you want to buy a certain type of car that she doesn't like, or you want this lawn mower and she wants that lawnmower. its a lose/lose situation too. if you get what you want, she may walk or at least hold it over your head forever and claim you don't respect her. if you cave, she'll have no respect for you and she will continue to play that card.

its not only about owning guns, those are just things. you could substitute vanilla ice cream for guns and the same thing applies. its about her not respecting your likes and dislikes, your individuality, your rights to do what you want, your right to own firearms if you so choose. clearly using rationale and logic is not going to work. her emotions are made up. you're probably not going to change them. i haven't been able to change my g/f's mind about guns in 5 years, but we get along famously because we respect each others likes and dislikes even if we don't agree. i hate having brik-a-brak, knick-knacks and foo-foo stuff all over the place but in our dining room is a whole display case full of fairy figurines and Winnie the Pooh Snow Globes. she likes them and they make her happy so she can have as many as she wants. heck i probably bought her half of them, ridiculous as i think they may be.

if what you are doing doesn't have any negative effects on your S.O. then they have no grounds to complain or attempt to stop you for their own personal reasons. realtionships are about love and respect. sounds like she has one but not the other for you.

i'm affriad i can't offer firm advice as i don't know the whole situation, but i wish you luck in your decision.

Bobby
 
Guys, all of you, honestly you've been a big help. Im gonna work this thing out tonite. Thanks for all your help.
 
Wow, this is a long thread -- another woman's two cents then, leave her. Sounds hard but anytime someone gives you the my way or the highway line, they're not being reasonable. Either she accepts you for who you are and your interests or she doesn't. If you stay with her, she'll throw up more things in your face once she realizes that she has the upper hand.
 
Kick this girl out of your life, no question.

Though you may have feelings for her, there is no room for ultimatums in a mature relationship.

Right now, she wants the guns gone. Next to my faith, guns are the last thing I'd surrender to under threat.

As others have said, what's next? No football on Sunday? Mom's coming to live with us? We're loaning my brother some money?

Dump this child and find a woman that respects you for who you are.
 
I went through something similar with my current live-in girlfriend.

We met in NYC about 3 years ago and just this week she moved in with me down here in TX. (We moved to TX together a year ago but got seperate apartments).

When we first met, I owned 8 handguns, and about 4-5 long guns. She was very anti-gun and spouted all of the common liberal one liners. You're more likely to get hurt...they're only made for killing people, etc.

We had some very big arguments on whether I would sell them all, sell most of them and keep only 1 or 2, etc. Statements included that she would not live in the same house with them.

I'm not exactly sure how we got to where we are today but I carry everywhere, sometimes even at home. There is a pistol next to the bed. Loaded guns all over the place. She recently told me she had a dream that an EMP attack occured and that people were walking out of town and that she was looking around to see where I hid the guns. She said that once when she was here alone at night, she heard a noise and went to investigate with a pistol.

She is at the point where she sees them as a tool for defense.

I think somewhere along the way I was able to make her understand that I could not get rid of them. Perhaps I wasn't firm in my way of saying it, and it took a little while to sink in, but she understands now that guns are a totem to my belief system.

Self responsibility, total unwillingness to be a victim, and other common THR member feelings.

The path to where we are now was not an easy one, nor a short one. I would say its not even complete. There are a bunch of other major life-outlook differences we have but they are not a daily presence in our lives as my guns are.

My girlfriend is highly intelligent. While that may seem contradictory, I always felt she could/would come around to my side. The problem is that you cannot make her change, you just have to give her time to grow towards your belief system by being a good example.

Your mileage may vary.

-M
 
It cracks me up that so many people pretend to know this girl and this guy and everything they are thinking. Sorry BillytheKid, but you don't know these people. Your theory on what she is thinking is just as valid as anyone elses because you don't really know the situation. You only know what Don'tburnmyflag has posted.

I can only tell you my experience. My wife knew of guns, grew up with some guns about, but wasn't a gun nut. She would ask if I had to carry my Glock everywhere with me and I said, "Yes." She eventually accepted it and we have no problems with guns anymore and in reality we never did.

Now keeping the house clean is another thing all together. If she is already pre-disposed to be a certain way, it is hard to change years of conditioning. We have hard feelings of the cleanliness of the house all of the time. It is a strain. If there is a strain about guns now, it might exist later. Good luck.
 
Waiting patiently for the results of the conversation, DBMF.

I will have to agree, though, that this is not merely about guns, but also about the dynamics of the relationship. The use of an ultimatum, even (some would say especially) in a moment of emotional stress, indicates that at some level she thinks that she can manipulate you to get what she wants. If the relationship is to succeed, this needs to stop now. Otherwise, every time there's an argument, it likely will devolve into an emotional shoving contest.

Not saying "kick her to the curb!", but it is something that needs to be worked out.
 
manhattan23 said:
She is at the point where she sees them as a tool for defense.
Click to expand...
That may be the secret of the universe... how to get a liberal to get to that point.
 
For the time being I was thinking about moving the guns to a self storage facility when I have them. However thanks to NJ state regulations, its illegal to store firearms in a self storage locker :cuss: :banghead: :fire:
 
I don't have a horse in this race, but I see this as an opportunity to confront it head on, instead of weasling out of it by hiding your guns. What are you going to do when you want to bring them back in the house? She'll be pissed you still have the guns, and she'll be pissed that you were lying to her.

This assumes you tell her that you got rid of them, which sounds like the only thing that will make her happy at this point.
 
Tell her that you're naming your best gun after her, so you'll have something to remember her by...

:D


.
 
and then the shocker...."its either me or the guns"
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Which I respond by saying one of the following:

"Don't let the doorknob hit you where the Good Lord split you!"
"SEE YA!"
"POOF! BE GONE, B**CH!"

Or for more civil means: "It was a pleasure to have known you. Good luck in your future endeavors. It's over. I hope we can at least be friends."

I don't accept ultimadums. They SCREAM "Control Freak"!

Background: I was engaged to a woman who absolutely REFUSED to allows gun in our home. She told me if I brought a gun in this house, she would pack her stuff and leave. Out of love and respect (which I came to find out she didn't deserve either) there were no guns in this house. Then it led to other things, to the point our disagreements would become fights, and those fights ended up in her being physically agressive (punching, slapping, and throwing things at me). At that point, I ended the relationship.

My current live-in girlfriend was with me for the first gun purchase, and I'm now on two guns working my way up to a larger collection (at least a rifle, shotgun, and a 1911). She's not a "gun nut" by any stretch, but accepts that both owning and carrying a gun is my lifestyle and my personal choice. She enjoys going to the range with me, and occasionally gets the nerve to pop off a couple rounds from the .38 snub-nose that's kept in the house for her protection when I'm not here (she's actually a pretty good shot with it!).

Last night, she joked with me about the idea of me taking her to obtain her PA License to Carry. She said she's not looking to daily carry like I do. I told her I'd pay the fees and possibly even buy a gun for her (something small like a S&W snubbie or Bersa .380) or give her the .38 I have now. If it's anything like her folder knife, she'll end up carrying it everywhere. :D

But seriously dude, get out of this now before the bigger problems arise. Like everyone else said, THE BIG RED WARNING FLAGS ARE UP!

-38SnubFan
 
Billy,
You sound as foolish to me as Neville Chamberlain, Prime Minister of Great Britain, who signed a Non-Aggression treaty with Adolph Hitler of Germany right before WWII broke out. The rest is history.

Good shooting and be safe.
LB

ps: I do agree that some of us have more experience than others but it will be up to DontBurnMyFlag to make his decision and take actions he thinks appropriate. FWIW, in three months my wife and I will celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary.
 
JUST SHUN "CULTURE WAR" WOMEN.

The bottom line is -- you are flat-out politically and culturally incompatible.

It's not worth the long-term stress -- and you'll lose your self-respect for any sell-out compromises to "civilize" you.

Beyond that, this issue is central to the Liberal/Nanny-Statists' greater Culture War -- which is comprised of politically-correct ideological "attitude" conditioning (i.e., "Weapons Are Bad-Bad! Zero Tolerance!"). It's all-pervasive in the media/entertainment/academic worlds today, and the only way to fight it is to refuse to accept or "buy" their products. Since women like this are the "products" of this Constitutionally-corrosive thought-control, they must be Shunned. Boycotted.

Get out now.

Buy her a ticket to the Bill Clinton/Alan Alda/Phil Donahue Institute for Feel-Your-Pain/Terminally-Naive Castrated Males Who Weep At The Sight Of Blood. She'll be happier with one of those Sissie-Boys anyway -- even when one of 'em curls-up into a fetal position while she's being mugged and raped by some poor, socially-maladjusted P.O.S.

EVERYTHING is all about politics.

Do NOT change/adjust/grow/progress-to-a-higher-level-of-awareness-and-sensitivity, blah,blah, etcetera. I saw the movie long ago, and the grand finale ain't pretty.
 
Its not just a gun, its my right to self defense, its my constitutional right and my way of life.
Click to expand...

I think you need to review your convictions. Mine are not open for compromise under any circumstances. A lot of good advice has been given here yet you are still ready to seek a compromise what appears to be against your convictions. I say maybe you should give up your guns although I don’t believe a marriage or a relation ship based on something like this will ever survive but hey, Your gonna have to wear those shoes since nothing we say will change your mind.
Good luck.

PS: John Ross has some good writings on this subject, Have you read them?
 
I'm in agreement with the "get out now" crowd. If you don't, you'll will be miserable and have compromised your principles.
New girl friends are plentiful and replaceable. Find one that shares your core values.
 
Billy the Kid said:
Now if she was telling him he ... has to give up pr0n, ... then i would say just one more tip of the hat.
Click to expand...
So...pornography is more important than self-defense... :scrutiny: I believe I see exactly where you're coming from now.
 
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