Well truthfully...when it comes to pundits, there's only ONE worth watching at all.
Stephen Cobert For President!!!!!!
"I don't let the facts get in the way of the truth.", Stephen Cobert
On how a water park could solve our immigration problem: "The top of the slide is in San Diego, but the catch pool is in Juarez."
On Jill Carroll's release: "She is safe and sound. Fantastic news. Proves Iraq has finally turned a corner. People may not be greeting us as liberators, but we are being greeted as we're liberated. Here she is this morning receiving a plaque from an Iraqi journalist -- I believe she was voted 'most likely not to return to Iraq.'
On a scientist winning the religious Templeton Prize: "Listen science, your attempts to discover the awesome, mysterious forces that formed and continue to shape our universe have nothing to do with religion. Keep your 'hard evidence' chocolate out of our 'personal faith' peanut butter. God found Adam under a cabbage leaf. Read the bible."
On marriage: "It is an accepted fact that if you're a single woman over 35, you're less likely to find a husband than you are to be devoured by a circus lion in a convenience store." Great news! Only 13 more years until it's statistically impossible for my idiot sister to marry and breed!
On bears: "For years, these ravenous brutes have had free reign to use our woods as their personal latrine, protected by their 'endangered' status. Now the government is wisely considering ending grizzlies' special treatment to protect our honey jars and Paddington Station." Plus maybe it's not too late to save that Grizzly Man guy!
On pre-union American factories: "Unlike today's sterile office towers, these old factories were a family-friendly environment. It wasn't uncommon to see a man working in a textile mill, with a child right there at his side. That's right, every day was take your daughter to work day."
On being a history buff: "I like to put the news in historical perspective. But history is more than battles and presidents and the contribution of enslaved peoples to the development of the banjo."
On advice for participants in the impending Iraqi civil war: "Do take lots of pictures of yourselves, to provide detailed historical documentation for future Iraqi civil war re-enactors. It may not seem like much fun now, bit in 150 years--if the war is over by then--it'll be a great thing to do on Saturdays."
