I myself am recoil shy just because I am. After trying on a whole lot of handguns here are my conclusions, many of them "duh" statements:
*22's are the most pleasant to shoot.
*more powerful calibers kick more than less powerful ones.
*lighter weight guns will recoil more than heavy ones.
*longer barrels tend to have less muzzle jump.
*revolvers recoil is more predictable and easier for me to handle. They just go up, whereas auto's tend to snap back and then forward with the slide.
*I shoot better with single action triggers.
*some guns feel better in the hand, sitting lower and more comfortably, which helps me manage the recoil. This varies person to person and within the gun. For instance, I have had a 1911's cut me when fired because of all the sharp checkering (particularly on the bottom of the mainspring housing. stupid springfield). It's like holding a cactus. But not all 1911's are that way. Different grips and dehorn it a little and it's a much better gun. Another personal example, I hate sigs. They sit up so high above the hand that it magnifies the recoil to me. But a lot of folks love sig and swear by them. It's a matter of preference, and it's hard for the internet to tell you what you will like.
So, I sold all the 45's and 40's, and 44's, sold the 1911's and glocks, tried and passed on the sigs, beretta's and most plastic guns, sold and passed on the short barreled stuff and settled on a cz75 pattern gun and a full sized 357 revolver. Big, heavy, long barrels shooting downloaded 9's and 357's. Probably the least pleasant guns to shoot were the tiny 9mm plastic pistols by ruger and keltec, and glock. Double action revolvers have a more recoil absorbing grip than single action revolvers, and the bisley grip is better than the regular single action army grip, though it looks funny.