When meeting new girls...

[Dookie]

If owning guns, legally and non crazy, can cause a relationship to break up there were other problems. If you owning guns cause a woman, or man, to break up with you they were looking for an excuse anyway.
Whether or not she is into guns should not be a basis for a relationship, just like if you were not into photography or finger painting and she was.

I have a friend, good guy, that will not date a girl that isn't in to hunting and fishing. He is very much single and desperate. As I told him, being the friend I am, what are you doing to make a girl like you? You have your requirements, have you met hers?

 

[Hardtarget]

I think Tinpig said it well. It is work to make things get along between men and women. Both sides have to want it to happen.

Maybe after you've gone out a time or two...if she comes to your place...you have a gun magazine on the coffee table. She sees it and y'all can talk about guns then. Its got to come out sooner or later.

My wife and I started dating when we were 16 yrs old. That Christmas I got a Ruger .22 pistol. She knew right off that there was guns/hunting/shooting in my life and it wasn't going to change. We got married six years later, (1972).

Mark

 

[788Ham]

skribs:

Quit setting yourself up dude!! Just be yourself, these things will happen when they're supposed to, you'd be surprised how quickly the topics of conversation will change. My wife, now 26 years we've been together, asked me one evening shortly after we met, what I liked to do for fun. I told her I liked to shoot, had a couple of firearms, told her about my Pop and brothers hunting, it just ballooned from there. A couple of weeks later, we went to an gun range, took a handgun course, she bought a Ruger Security Six .357 and its been bliss ever since. I now have about 17 rifles/pistols/revolvers and a bsmnt full of reloading gear, see what I meant by ballooning? Good Luck Pard!

 

[raveneap]

Tinpig: "I've been married 42 years to the same wonderful woman; we're still going strong.

She doesn't like guns.

But she respects my right to own them.
In turn, I don't wave them in her face, and I don't clean them on her kitchen table when she's home.

How you deal with the things you don't agree on has a lot to do with making a relationship work.

Tinpig "

Well said, Tinpig. 41 years here and the same philosophy.

 

[vaherder]

Guns and the ladies

First question are we talking serious relationship material or stress relief material?

A Black American Express card will get you a lot further with the ladies than a black rifle or handgun. And sorry Glock boys a black American Express card does a whole lot better than a black Glock with the ladies. deleted

Now it always better to be man of mystery then to tell her you love to go shooting at the range, play WOW, reload ammo, read Model Railroader, and live at home with mom in the basement.

deleted

Once you find one the right one she be happy that you reload and read Model Railroad. She won't care if you go to range as long as momma gets new pair of Brian Atwoods and your mom isn't living with you both. Her mom will be moving in shortly.

deleted

Va herder

 

[Sevenfaces]

Without reading the replies, I will answer your question, OP, with stunning 100% correctness.

If she is into firearms (aka you met at the range) Tell her immediately, since you can now have something to talk about.

If shes maybe into firearms (you met at the bookstore, or starbucks, whatever)
Keep it quiet until after a few dates, or it comes up in conversation.

If shes totally against firearms, find another girl.

Myself, my wife isn't a huge gun fan, but she knows that I am not a psychopath and that I only keep them around for protection, hobby, and rarely hunting. if she suddenly became anti-gun, I'd just convert her.

 

[788Ham]

vaherder,

Living by deceit will never get you any where, especially in trying to start a new relationship. Double ID's, SS#'s, and then one's ability to remember what lies were told last time together? Life's gonna be a long, lonely stretch I'm afraid!

 

[MrOldLude]

If you have to ask, don't.

 

[cleardiddion]

I've been with my girl for about 3 years now.
She's not overly fond of guns, never had much contact with them growing up save for the television and the movies.

However, after a few years it's kinda one of those things that goes unsaid about one another. She like to corchet, I like to shoot. I also have about a thousand things in my car 'just in case' all the time, a gun included. She used to give me some ribbing about that but the whole preparation mentality is growing on her I think (she's taken about half my knife and pocket tool collection ).

She used to kinda cringe when I would OC before but that became routine and the funny looks stopped after a local businessman and his ladyfriend were grabbed off one of the local trails by some nutjob. He tied them up and I guess was going to kill them but luckily they managed to escape. She hasn't said a word about carrying since then.

Honestly, just go with the flow. As some people have said before, it'll come out eventually. Either it works or it doesn't.

 

[cougar1717]

when is a good time in a new relationship to let her know that I own a firearm?

Since so many people (esp women) are uneducated about firearms, safety, and use, there can be a lot of unsubstantiated fear when talking about firearms. Even police supply salesmen like to use the phrase "public safety" products when talking about holsters, handcuffs, tactical flashlights, etc. It's kind of natural when talking about hobbies to say that you like go to the range and target shoot, go hunting, or whatever you do with your firearm. Note: it is very important that you do not talk about this subject for a long time at first. Just a hint in passing is plenty unless she's a shooter and interested.

On the other hand, if your "going out clothes" consist of anything camo, gun insignias, your open carry piece, or if your business haircut includes a party in the back, you probably don't have to say a word.

I don't want her to think, "This guy is going to try and force me to get in his van" or something like that

If you do indeed own a full size van (not a minivan) that includes any combination of these elements:

Shag carpet
Disco ball
Quadrophonic stereo
8 track player
Fuzzy dice

Please borrow a vehicle from anyone on your first date.

However, you could always open the door for her and show a little chivalry to show that you are neither a kidnapper nor involved in trafficking.

I don't want it to be 2 months down the way when she finds my gun and thinks, "What is he hiding?"

If you choose to wimp out and not say a word, here are a few choices about what to say when she finds it:

"I see you've met Gladys"

"So do you like my pellet gun? They make them seem so realistic now."

"So are we going shooting this weekend."

And my personal favorite, "I have killed a lot of people, but they were all bad."

 

[LaEscopeta]

Without having read all the replies above, I’ll leap before I look and say:

If she asks you, tell her the truth without flinching.

If she does not ask, I’ll repeat the advice above and wait 5 or so dates and mention it casually in passing. i.e. "I had a good day at the range, shot my highest score ever.” “I need to stop off and get some ammo.” Judge her reaction and go with it. If she questions you and seems nervous tell you are still the same guy she has been getting to know; the fact she now knows you own a firearm does not change who you are. Get her talking about what bothers her and work it out. The key is you remain calm and soft spoken, answering any objections she may have with facts. This will show her you are not a crazy guy who forces girls in the back of vans, and will show her you have that confident inner strength. As we used to say when I was a boy, “Chicks dig the whole confident inner strength thing.”

Drifting off topic here, have you ever been to the ocean and watched the tide? When it is going out there is no stopping it. For most decent, regular guys in their teens through early twenties the is tide going against them when it comes to women. The women your age don’t want guys like you. They want (or think they want) bad boys, sports stars, rap “singers.” You could try to be (or look/act like) one of those guys, but then you have the whole not-being-true-to-your-self thing.

You can also wait for the tide to turn and be ready for when it does. Women your age will soon realize what they really want is a decent fun guy who treats them right, who has a job and his own place, who can show her a good time, respect her and care for her. Work on being that guy, and work on talking to girls you are not trying to pick up. Learn how to get girls to talk to you about themselves. Practice on women at work, the checkout line, anywhere. Get used to talking to weomen and getting the nerve to talk to a girl you are trying to pick up is a lot easier.

The tide will turn and go your way soon. Look at the single woman a few years older then you. What are they looking for? (OK you may have to watch Oprah and read Cosmo to see this but you are researching for the future.)

Good luck and hope this helps.

 

[Bovice]

This is hilarious, guys!

You don't have to talk about anything gun-related unless it specifically comes up on its own. Guns are not what define my entire being, they are only a PART of who I am, and hopefully you see things similarly for yourself. It's a small detail that doesn't need to be mentioned the first time you meet some shones. If they find out and don't like it, that's what the door is for. You don't have to justify yourself to a girl you just met.

Easy enough!

 

[stchman]

Don't even give it any thought. She will find out in time. If she does not want to see you because of that then let her go, she's not right for you anyway. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[wh!plash]

Ok, tons of people have responded already, but here's my points anyway.

Don't make guns out to be this big heavy, dramatic, scary thing. It doesn't have to be the "you should sit down, i have something important to tell you" kind of thing. The topic of guns may not ever come up in conversation unless she's a shooter (unlikely). The topic of what you both like to do in your spare time will almost certainly come up. So if it really matters to you, just mention it along with that stuff in a non-threatening way (I like riding bikes, playing guitar, shooting, watching movies...).

Second, if you only have one gun, all the more reason that it shouldnt freak someone out. I'd say tons of guys out there own *a* gun, so in that regard, you're probably more average than you are a weirdo.

 

[A and O]

First date. If you are both not wearing #9 it's a doomed relationship.

 

[stchman]

So the rest of us that own 15+ are weirdos?????!!!!!

 

[Krusty783]

Just find this woman and you'll never have to worry about this issue.

 

[wh!plash]

So the rest of us that own 15+ are weirdos?????!!!!!

Haha, no thats just called Monday at my house. I mean to a random non-gun girl on a date, owning one gun shouldn't lump you into the Branch Davidian category right off the bat.

 

[THE DARK KNIGHT]

I would say it depends on the girl, but maybe after a date or two, is when I usually mention one of my hobbies is going to a gun club. Some girls have been very turned off by it (one of them revealed she's a huge gun control person), some are indifferent to it, and one of them was very excited and wanted to go shooting. Actually come to think of it, the one that was very anti-gun ended up calling me maybe a month after we stopped dating and asked if I could teach her how to shoot.

So really it all depends. Just go with your heart. If she likes it, or will at least put up with your hobby, cool. If she is against it to the point where she wants you to get rid of them etc., well then she may not be the girl for you anyway. Plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[RimfireChris]

You guys are making me glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this kinda stuff anymore.

 

[vikinggirl]

Just to give you all another female perspective, you would be surprised as well how many MEN are scared off by guns. I have also gotten to the point that I will throw out a casual comment like "had a great time shooting zombie targets at the range" when asked something like "so how was your week?" I have seen many a prospective boyfriend blanch and never call again when guns come up. It all has to do with how comfortable you are with yourself. If guns are a big part of your life, that is going to come up and its better to get the cards on the table so you know the other persons reaction and what you might be dealing with. But certainly also how you present that interest can go a long way towards how the other person reacts. Its not necessarily something that has to come up on a first date.

Yes, I am often the only female shooter at the range, and no one has ever tried to get my phone number!

 

[stonecutter2]

If things have progressed to the point of her spending the night on a regular basis, and the subject has not come up prior to this in a natural way (which I'm pretty sure it will) then I would approach it as:

"Before you stay here, I simply want to let you know that I have some firearms for self-defense, for shooting at the range, and/or collecting as a hobby. They're all locked up safely right now, and that's how I keep them. (if this isn't true - you should probably consider safely locking them up). I'm telling you this now because the last thing i want to do is make it seem like i'm hiding anything from you, and I trust you will be safe with them around, too."

Then discuss if she's familiar with firearms, and based on that discuss any safety if she's interested. I think it'll come across as a non-issue so long as you don't throw it out there too fast and in too intense of a way. People in relationships can get skittish when things are too extreme too quickly.

 

[pro2]

When I initially started dating my wife, she stated that she would never have a firearm in her home. She knew that I owned firearms and enjoyed shooting. I never pushed my ideals on her, nor did she push hers on me. No big deal.

After a few dates, I invited her to go along with me to the range. She enjoyed herself. She basically "claimed" my old S&W model 10 as "hers." My grandfather even bought her an LCP. I took some of her friends shooting as well, and my wife enjoyed the attention. It was fun and built confidence.

Fast forward a couple years, we moved in together and got married. We have firearms in our home.

...... do not create a problem if there isn't one. If the chick you are dating doesn't like guns, do not rub her face in it. In due time, if she likes and trusts you, she might come around. If she doesn't, she is irrational or she simply doesn't like you that much. Either way, it is time to move on. Simple stuff really.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I would say that telling a girl you carry a gun is a lot like telling a girl that you carry a condom in your wallet. When the time comes, you won't need to tell her. If she happens to notice a buldge on your hip or a ring in your wallet and asks ... the time is right.

 

[Guillermo]

The tone of this question suggests you might be looking for a wife. Let dating happen, have fun. As you "vet" one another you will find out all kinds of things about one another. Don't have to make it a big deal.

I have taken dates to the gun range and then dinner. Fun stuff. Let it happen.

My wife gets mad when I pick up girls at the shooting range

What she doesn't know won't hurt you.