Wife ok with gun for HD not with me carrying CCW

[ejfalvo]

My wife is fine with having various firearms around the house for HD and one for each vehicle but she will not go with me anywhere if I CCW (yes, I know to some thats a blessing for some members). I've tried a number of rationale discussions as to the value of CCW but she will not budge on the issue.

Any serious thoughts or ideas on how I can convince her to understand the value of CCW?

 

[Old Shooter]

She feels fine with guns in the home and cars for self defense but is concerned about you carrying cconcealed for self defense?

Do the local papers have any recent stories about roberies/assults/rapes/murders that you could point out to her as examples of why it is necessary to be prepared at all times, not just when she thinks it is convenient?

My wife is more comfortable when we are out and about if she knows I am carrying, says she feel like she has her own personal bodyguard.

(Mayby not as good looking as Kevin Costner but I'm available!)

 

[dom1104]

Chance of actually requiring your CCW - .04 %
Chance of requiring staying married - 100%

Carry a knife, and keep the gun at home till she is comfortable with it.

<I CCW daily but if my wife wasnt happy with it, I would drop down to a big folder in a heartbeat. Not worth hurtin the marriage.>

 

[Voimakas]

Don't tell her?

On a serious note, did she say why she won't go anywhere with you? If you knew her complaints, you might be able to formulate some kind of discussion points refuting her problems.

You could also go with "Honey, now you're safer when we go out. I'm doing this for us, not just me. I could not bear to stand by idle while someone hurts you. Would you rather have me attempt to throw my life away by charging an armed man bare handed?"

 

[Thedub88]

I say when she wants you to go somewhere you dont want to go, like the inlaws, strap on you piece and she wont "let" you go!! Sounds awsome!!

All kidding aside, look for the tv show "I survived". It has alot of people on it that servived a violant attack. This worked for my fiance. She has a 3 year old and hated guns. She went from "no guns in my house", to "at least tell me when your carrying" to "why arn't you carrying" to expecting me to carry everywhere. This all happened within a year. I do tell her when im carrying out of respect and she respects me for it.

Their are also many news articals on the internet about ccw holders defending themselves, but seeing a victim telling a tearfull story is better than reading it

good luck and carry!!

 

[Gouranga]

I would start by asking, what is her main beef with it? Is she afraid of what others think (there can be a negative social stigma in some circles)? Does she have safety concerns? Is she afraid you would not be responsible?

Give us the rationale we may be able to give you the argument.

I know my wife was very nervous for a couple reasons. First was the LEO aspect of it. What IF I got pulled over and the officer freaked? Along with that, what if I am at Walmart and one of the kids pulls on my shirt and for a brief second shows my carry weapon (I carry IWB), and someone goes berserk about it? Without telling her (easier to ask forgiveness than beg for permission), I went 3 weeks straight carrying concealed around town with her. She had no idea. After 3 weeks we had a discussion (which honestly could go the way it did OR down the darker "you've been hiding things from me..." route), and while she was a little unnerved that she did not notice, it did set those fears at ease.

Also, if you do not mind answering, what state are y'all from? I grew up in Western NYS and the prevailing mentality there is in public cops carry guns and bad guys carry guns and that is about it. That was a mentality I had to overcome myself and my wife also had that. My father came to visit me this summer and upon finding I was carrying a weapon everywhere, he sat me down to tell me he was not happy about that. He is generally a very rational intelligent guy so we talked about it. He could not give me a reason why it bugged him. He was a bit surprised about that when he really dug down, he had no rational reason. It started him thinking a bit. My sister (who is a cop) carries everywhere she goes and has for years. That never bugs him, but me carrying did. It was eyeopening for him.

So I guess the jist is, what is the wife's beef with it? I mean sit her down and really let her go into the why without interrupting her or arguing your side at all, just take it in.

 

[Quoheleth]

Dom1104 hit it on the head. Your marriage is #1. I have couple come to see me who let trivial stuff cause major relationship problems (seriously? Which way the toilet paper is hung? Squeezing toothpaste from the middle?). Don't put a CCW between you two.

My wife is still anti-gun, anti-CCW, anti-minitary channel, etc. What I did is gently broach the subject over a few years' time. As major events evolved - Virginia Tech, etc - I gently commented to the effect of "what if a CCW had been present." For me, the straw that won her over was the Colorado church shootings in 2008. As I'm a pastor, the awareness that that can happen in a church finally clicked home for her. Reluctantly, she gave her blessing.

I carry most places, now, with her not asking and me not telling. She busted me right before Christmas - we were at church practicing the children's Christmas Eve service and we, as a family, we going out shopping afterward. I had my officer 1911 in a IWB rig. She slipped up to my weak side to hug me, slipped her arm around me and "dinged" her knuckles on the heavy frame. Her eyes got big and she said, "You're not!" I nodded and, fortunately, she dropped the conversation until we were in the car. She trhought it ridiculous I carried in the church because nothing probably would happen in our town. My answer was, "You're right - nothing will PROBABLY happen, but that's what they said in Colorado." She stopped arguing.

We're at "don't ask, don't tell." I know she doesn't like it, so I don't broadcast it. I hope & pray I never, ever am in a position to say, "See - I told you so."

You're at a good spot, really - she lets you own firearms and carry them in your car. You're one or two steps from the holy grail, so keep being gentle in your dialogue, listen to her concerns, and answer then reasonably and without sensationalism.

Q

 

[3845]

I have to agree with dom1104. I have been married and I have been divorced. Married is better when those are the only choices. (!) Get some pepper spray to go with that knife and stay alert. Being alert and careful about where you go will keep you out of a lot of trouble. Frankly, a pistol is just an expensive and dangerous rabbits foot for a lot of people.

 

[19-3Ben]

Kimber's Pepper Blaster II is really nice. I bought one for the wife about 2 weeks ago. Got it for $40 delivered. it fits the hand nicely and I'm sure it would take all but the baddest attacker out of commission.

 

[19-3Ben]

Another thing might be a taser if legal in your state. With pepper spray and a taser, you're actually pretty well set up for an attack within 15 feet (which is the vast majority of attacks.)

 

[LemmyCaution]

My wife is fine with having various firearms around the house for HD and one for each vehicle

I'm confused by this. Am I inferring correctly that you have a dedicated firearm that you leave in each of your vehicles? I hope not, but that's what it sounds like. Please elaborate.

 

[content]

Hello friends and neighbors // Sometimes there is a general handgun class at the same time as the CWP and advanced handgun class across the street.

There are many ladies taking these classes and almost everyone there looks like a normal guy/gal.

If she would agree to take a general handgun class with you "as a refresher". In addition to all the great information she would also see the variety of "normal" everyday folks, men and women of all shapes, sizes,backgrounds and ages getting their CWP or fine tuneing their carry methods.

If you are lucky she will see someone she knows, and thinks well of, or has seen at the grocery store, church ......

I'm not married so I'll leave that area alone, good luck not pushing or pulling. I hope that making shift to CC is easy for you/her.

In the meantime::
I see OC spray and folding knives mentioned, a good strong cane/walking stick in the car can be useful at times, there are also purpose built SD umbrellas.

 

[KMO]

Any serious thoughts or ideas on how I can convince her to understand the value of CCW?

Buy her a membership in the NRA. Get some quality instructional videos that not only explain the value of personal defense achieved by CCW, but also reveal the numbers of citizens whose lives have been protected because they were prepared with a CCW when trouble came. Show her some of the "Armed Citizen" stories in the American Rifleman magazine (or read them online). You might also try to find out what or who is influencing her position about this. Is she tuning in to any TV personalities who are shaping her opinions to be contrary to yours? Frankly, I disagree with the previous "get some pepper spray instead" responses. If pepper spray was so effective, why would any of us use CCW's? A knife instead? An umbrella?...Give me a break. Since it is your duty as a husband to be the provider/protector, I would encourage you to keep trying to influence your wife's opinion to a more common sense position rather than cave in and submit to a wimpy compromise.

 

[shockwave]

Chance of actually requiring your CCW - .04 %
Chance of requiring staying married - 100%

Absolutely agree. Don't carry if the wife isn't down with it.

I'm no mind reader, but if I had to guess, it's probably something along the lines of her imagining a stick-up on the street. No problem handing over the goods and getting on with life, but a big problem being in the middle of a shoot-out. The presence of a gun means the likelihood (no matter how unlikely) of being around gunfire and flying bullets. You can't really fault a person for not being comfortable with that possibility.

 

[KMO]

The presence of a gun means the likelihood (no matter how unlikely) of being around gunfire and flying bullets.

What?? I've been married for 30 years, and guns have been in the house the entire time. We have yet to experience any flying bullets. Are your guns going off all by themselves or something? Good grief...This thread reads like it was put together by the Brady Campaigne.

 

[cambeul41]

I'm lucky. My wife decided that she wanted me to carry while she she was still a hoplophobe. A particularly murderous weekend in Detroit where I work was what persuaded her.

She has since changed her mind, has her CCW / CPL, and carries most of the time -- including in the house.

I attribute at least some of the change to my not being pushy, argumentative, or critical. In short, I did not project an attitude which she might feel the need to resist. I do admit to leaving informational material where she might pick it up to read if she so chose.

 

[KMO]

I do admit to leaving informational material where she might pick it up to read if she so chose.

Aha! So your approach was to EDUCATE your wife to a better understanding of the facts. That is certainly a more appropriate approach than softening your convictions to satisfy her misperceptions. I applaud you!

 

[Deanimator]

Chance of actually requiring your CCW - .04 %
Chance of requiring staying married - 100%

I'm not married and alive.

Being married and dead because you had no reasonable means of defending yourself from a deadly force attack is pretty much the same thing as not being married. That's why when your husband or wife dies and you remarry, it's not bigamy.

As far as carrying a knife goes:

• In Ohio, it's a Concealed HANDGUN License, nothing more.
  
• Experienced knife fighters agree that in a knife fight, you should ALWAYS expect to get cut. I don't want to get cut, especially because of somebody else's avoidable foolishness.
  
• Never bring a knife to a gunfight.

 

[danprkr]

I feel your pain, I've never had that issue. My first wife got caught in the middle of confrontation with a dry cleaner and an angry customer, and not only demanded that I carry all the time but that she get a gun also.

I'd scour back issues of the NRA's Armed Citizen column and other media outlets for folks that were concealed carrying using their guns. Other than that I don't know what to tell you bud except - good luck.

 

[Deanimator]

The presence of a gun means the likelihood (no matter how unlikely) of being around gunfire and flying bullets. You can't really fault a person for not being comfortable with that possibility.

No, the presence of a gun in HIS hands means the likelihood if there's any gunfire, it won't ONLY come from an armed assailant. Admittedly, a lot of anti-gunners see that as a BAD thing. They're the kind of people who're glad that the ONLY ones who had guns on the LIRR and at Virginia Tech were the mass murderers.

And YES, I CAN fault somebody for illogical and irrational thinking.

 

[IlikeSA]

If I may tactfully give some marriage advice that some friends gave my wife and I before we got married, and that is living with the idea that "if it's important to her, it's important to me: and vice versa." With that in mind, remind your wife how much you value her safety, and how much you value the time that you can share together. Let her know that the disagreement isn't over the firearm, but over safety. Let her know that it is important to you to be able to defend her and your family, so that you may live a long life together, then let her think on it.

My wife and I haven't been married a long time, but the principle of making the others thoughts important to one another has really shown us how self-centered we can be, and how little we value ideas and beliefs that would otherwise seem ridiculous, but because the spouse is valuable, their thoughts are valuable as well. I believe that thinking and acting in this direction could save many marriages many heartaches and arguments.

 

[welldoya]

I don't tell my wife what to carry in her purse and I don't expect her to tell me what to carry in my pocket. That's just the way it is.

 

[test drive]

Hmmmmm. marriage should be 50/50 sounds like your at 0/100 on this. now with that said, i know someone in the same boat. when i ask the wife why the dim view on cc, looking over her shoulder, she said that shes for cc but "he" is not someone that should be carying a gun. after talking with her i agree. so take a good look at yourself. if thats not the prob. then cary the thing and be done with it. remember, some people have to be protected even if they dont think so. (just ask the government) OR... sell your guns and buy yourself a new sun-dress. just make sure the color doesnt clash with hers.

 

[Just One Shot]

It seems like a trust issue to me. I would ask her why she doesn't trust you to CC. I for one would be curious as to how she answers this question. It might give some insight to the real problem of her objections.

 

[HGUNHNTR]

My wife was uncomfortable at first as well. She asked me not to carry when we went out, but I did anyway. Maybe there is a .04% chance of needing your ccw but I did. Now she admits that she just didn't think it was neccesary, but she has changed her mind. I would not and did not let someone's irrational fears prevent me from carrying, regardless of who it is.

Do you really believe she would leave you over CCW? If you are so close to divorce already, maybe its time.