Distancing yourself from stupid...or the art of unfriending idiots.

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Creaky_Old_Cop

Creaky_Old_Cop

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Have you ever noticed how you (or most people) have "that one guy" in your (their) circle of acquaintances who is in the middle of some sort of drama all the time?

Usually, when out with that guy...excuses for bad/stupid behavior have to be made, or there is a "friendly chat" with a guy like me in a blue uniform?

But...you carry a gun. You claim to be "reasonable and responsible" adult...yet you still hang out with "that guy". That guy seems to allow his mouth to overload his ass more often than not, and you may or may not have had to step in to either keep him from getting that aforementioned ass handed to him, or to keep him from trying to hand an ass to someone else with varying degrees of success. You might even think it's "fun" or "just the way he is".

Has the thought that maybe your choice of friends is less than spectacular? Maybe the thought has never crossed your mind and you aren't bothered by the repetitive stupid behavior?

Birds of a feather...

You are judged by the company you keep...

Guilt by association...

I have long since come to the decision that "That Guy" has no place in my life. Not since I was a sophomore in college. I decided, after a particularly nasty dust up at a college bar in Tucson that nearly got me arrested because of "That Guy", it was time to pop smoke and pull the EJECT handle on any "That Guy" in my life.

I saw it many times during my career...That Guy...was often the ground zero for stupidity within a group and the rest of the group got sucked in with varying degrees of culpability. No, it is not all That Guy's fault, because shame on you for not disassociating yourself from him. But, given the repeated situations you find yourself in when That Guy is around, maybe this would be a clue that the smart move would be to do just that.

I ran into my old That Guy a couple of years ago. Nearly thirty years removed, I bumped into him in Tucson. At nearly fifty years old, he still lived near the UofA campus, delivered pizza for one of the local joints and though he has several degrees and an advanced degree...he is unemployable in his field because of all the years he spent being That Guy.

He wonders why his life sucks...but he still drinks at the bars on 4th Avenue and tries to live the life of an undergrad.

His circle of friends are dirt heads and other medical marijuana card carriers and other That Guys who have been ejected from real adults who have learned how to adult in an adult manner.

So, if you think That Guy in your group won't be more trouble than he's worth, when you really need him not to be...That Guy won't disappoint you, but he might just be the catalyst that forces you to have to use your gun and create a whole new nightmare for you.

Just sayin...
 
A simple way to look at a complex and dynamic social structure.

Sometimes it's as easy as saying "see ya loser". Sometimes it's as hard as being family. Sometimes people see it your way, sometimes you're the only one that sees it.

Gotta make your own decisions and live with them. This is very relevant to me as I am still in my 20's and "That Guy" still exists in heavy numbers. I know they don't go away forever, but I would assume that their numbers decrease as I increase in age.
 
Great post.

Add to that watching idiotic drama on the boob tube [ babys momma drama ].

I found it became MUCH easier after a few years as an LEO, there was no way I was about to lose my job and my whole life,due to a wackadoodle.

I call um as I see um,I am not in the least P.C..

Much to the chagrin of even my family,I do NOT try to hurt anyones feelings.

BUT they will not compromise my beliefs and rules.
 
Armored farmer said:
I find that getting rid of alcohol also gets rid of 'that guy'.....and keeps YOU from being 'that guy'.
Click to expand...
Amen to that...they don't list "stupidity" on the label. I am one of those cheap drunks. I have one soft sippin whiskey every once in a great while, at home, on my back porch with a good cigar. I never drink away from home, and even when I am home....I stop at one.
 
Creaky_Old_Cop said:
I have long since come to the decision that "That Guy" has no place in my life. Not since I was a sophomore in college. I decided, after a particularly nasty dust up at a college bar in Tucson that nearly got me arrested because of "That Guy", it was time to pop smoke and pull the EJECT handle on any "That Guy" in my life.
Click to expand...

I had a crew I hung with in what now is middle school. Idiocy and bad decisions were daily life. Theft, vandalism, fights... At one point, one, then two of us said out loud, Y'know. sooner or later, you are going to decide what side of the law you are going to live on. " That was it for me. Out of six of us, three of us went to law enforcement, and three (and a few more), went to prison. Ya, "that guy" was out a long time ago.
 
Creaky_Old_Cop said:
. . . That guy seems to allow his mouth to overload his ass more often than not, and you may or may not have had to step in to either keep him from getting that aforementioned ass handed to him. . .
Click to expand...

That right there would be my hint to ghost. I have a clear distinction between loyalty and enabling stupidity, and it disqualifies a whole class of people from being more than acquaintances.
 
I just make a policy of not telling anyone I'm carrying, that I have a carry permit, that I have guns, etc. My house is scrubbed of all guns and gun related stuff, I don't wear gun related clothing, have gun related license plates, bumper stickers, or cutsie no trespassing signs, etc. Even my family is pretty much in the dark. They know I have guns, but they don't know the extent of it.

I also do NOT "have your back." I don't even care if you're in the right. If you have the opportunity to walk away and don't then you're on your own. And if you can't handle your liquor or otherwise cut yourself off, be advised your ass is going to need a ride from someone who is not me.
 
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All three of my siblings, and the spouses of two of them, are in that crowd. Not with each other, though, nor with me. Alcohol and drugs have gotten the best of them over the years. With one of my brothers, we were both still living at home when one of us was a crack user and the other a cop.

Now, we all live in different states, and I'm pretty good with that.
 
grampajack said:
I just make a policy of not telling anyone I'm carrying, that I have a carry permit, that I have guns, etc. My house is scrubbed of all guns and gun related stuff, I don't wear gun related clothing, have gun related license plates, bumper stickers, or cutsie no trespassing signs, etc. Even my family is pretty much in the dark. They know I have guns, but they don't know the extent of it.

I also do NOT "have your back." I don't even care if you're in the right. If you have the opportunity to walk away and don't then you're on your own. And if you can't handle your liquor or otherwise cut yourself off, be advised your ass is going to need a ride from someone who is not me.
Click to expand...

I have made that abundantly clear throughout my life. I have generally been a believer in the "talk ****, get hit" paradigm. Meaning that if you tend to talk ****, and you get hit...guess what...I am not going to adult for you. Actually, I am not going to be with you anyway because refer back to my original post. BUT...it comes from all those years where I had to adult for others who were bad at adulting on their own...but I got to drive a cool car with lights and woo woo sirens, so that was neat.

Some things I learned about human behavior:

1. Everybody wants to be a tough guy until they get punched, then they wanna call the po-leece.
2. Every drunk I ever arrested for DUI only had "a coupla beers"
3. SODDI or TODDI (Some Other Dude Done It) or (That Other Dude Done It).
4. It's always "That ain't my weed"
5. I'm just holdin that for a friend
6. Regardless of the speed at which someone was exceeding the posted limit, I only pulled them over because they were (insert group here).
7. Apparently, I once pulled over a man "because he was gay". I told him our cruisers were LIDAR equipped, not GayDar equipped because of budget constraints, and that I was not certified in its use.
8. I couldn't arrest them because of X-Y-Z....all three of those letters represented BS. It's like street algebra.
9. Your badge will get you nooky, but nooky will get your badge. (Avoid the North American Badge Bunny and Holster Hugger). Firefighters have similar creatures, called Hose Huggers, but they tend to be unattractive with bad teeth.

Just jump over the BS and kick the Cow poop aside, and leave being stupid to those who have more experience in it.
 
One thing I noticed when I was on the job... whenever I'd have a car pulled over that had four guys in it and I was just about to cut it loose with just a warning to the driver, it was always the right-rear passenger that would suddenly come up with the drunken "Hey, man, whyTF are you hasslin' us!? Don't you got anything better to do!?"

So, that's where That Guy sits in a car with his buddies.
 
MedWheeler said:
One thing I noticed when I was on the job... whenever I'd have a car pulled over that had four guys in it and I was just about to cut it loose with just a warning to the driver, it was always the right-rear passenger that would suddenly come up with the drunken "Hey, man, whyTF are you hasslin' us!? Don't you got anything better to do!?"

So, that's where That Guy sits in a car with his buddies.
Click to expand...
Right rear into the 99th percentile.
 
Sometimes it's more than one "That guy". I had 4 pretty close friends when I was in my early teens. I called it quits when they stole a tone of booze from a local gas station while we were on a camping trip and got so drunk that they couldn't get up to break camp until about 2:00pm in the afternoon. I spent the entire day feeling like I had to cover for them and realized, by the end, that they were on their own.

30 odd years later, two have been in and out of jail, one still works in the rehab where he spent his time rehabbing and one is dead from being drunk and stupid.

These days, I don't tolerate that kind of stupid. Especially when firearms are involved.
 
Thoes folks have long been ostracized from my group of friends and any new folks are invited "in" and not invited back if they don't. Too old for drama and have enough with children much less adults that act like one. If you want to drink that's fine with me if you become belligerent, your out. Simple once you set the rules, follow them and only socialize with others that feel the same.
 
There is another to my list:

10. Most people who I arrested over the years TALKED their way into handcuffs and into the back of my cruiser.

Sometimes, it's better to know when to just HUSH than to keep talking. Same with walking away from a fight (if you can do so safely), and NOT arguing with your wife, after all...who has half the money and ALL the soft girly parts we like so much?
 
Sistema1927 said:
I try to always avoid the "Four Stupids":

Stupid people
Stupid places
Stupid things
Stupid times

Trouble is going need to come looking for me, since I am not looking for it.
Click to expand...

IMO there is a group dynamic at work, here. There is always going to be one member of any group
that is the weak link, somewhat lesser than his peers, it's almost inevitable. And, if you
look carefully at all your peers, and they are superior to you, YOU may be
"that guy".

A mentor once told me "If you go looking for trouble, you will find it." These days
it's an important SA skill, to recognize when you've crossed the line from
"out having a little fun" to "headed for trouble".
 
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I try not to separate myself from friends who have differing opinions, political or otherwise, from myself. I have plenty of friends who are anti-gun or overly religious. I only start to separate myself from those people when they believe their opinions are right and mine are wrong. For example, I was friends with a fellow who was very anti gun. Did not see the reason to carry one at all. However, he believed the only firearm he should be allowed to own was a full auto AR to full blast a home intruder. He was outright convinced I was stupid when I told him it was damn near impossible to get a legal full auto AR and he was probably confusing semi auto and full auto.
 
"...Distancing yourself from stupid..." You can't. It gets elected every few years. The worst of it is that they get paid by us to do the stupid things they do. Always wanted to know who pays for the lobotomy politicians get when elected. And the unelected civil servants are worse.
"...mouth to overload his ass..." Best one I've seen was the guy in traffic court who was explain why he thought it had been a good idea to tell the GF to move and let him say he had been driving for the fender bender. She had no licence at all. So he thought it'd be better to lie to everybody.
 
The other thing to keep in mind is that if all that stuff keeps happening to you and your friends while you're out, and all of your friends seem reasonably responsible, you might be That Guy.

In which case you want to go home and reevaluate your life.
 
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