A Mall Ninja Thread With Funny Stories About Mall Ninjas,

[arthurcw]

I still want pictures of "The Van" from the other thread that got shut down.

 

[Bob R]

I was sitting outside of a mall restaurant the other day waiting for my dates to show up and was able to catch a fleeting glimpse of one of the members of the mall protection force.

He glided by slowly and quietly on his tactical bicycle, dressed in black shorts, black shirt and one of the most impressive bat belts I have seen on anyone in a long time.

BTW, the reason he was seen I attribute to the fact that this is the Northwest and the sun has been absent quite a bit this year and his legs were whiter than a newborn lamb in a late spring blizzard. So while he was tactically dressed, his inability to mask the glow from his legs was a dead giveaway to his position as he glided around the parking lot.

Anyhow, back to the bat belt, he had a total of 6 pairs of handcuffs, three pouches that each held two sets of cuffs. Along with the usual glove pouch, (x 2), and what looked to be some chemical spray agent, whether pepper of mace is unknown, I only had a glimpse. There was so much stuff on the belt it amazed even me, and I have been to 3 rodeos and a state fair!

What I would like to know is why he felt the need to have 6 pairs of cuffs, because if he uses a single set of them I am sure he is opening himself to criminal charges, and his company to civil liability.

Once my dates arrived, I attempted to convince them to sit with me in hopes we could catch another peek at the mighty mobile MJ, but they threatened to eat without me, so that was the one and only sighting for the night.

bob

 

[iowajones]

Think female dog....

Of course! Duh. I should have figured that one out. I counted the asterisks, but my perverted mind kept inserting a four-letter word that would have dramatically changed the meaning.

 

[Treo]

Thursday morning (2 AM ) the field supervisor for my company shows up , he seems like a nice enough guy, but I couldn't help but notice that he had his pants bloused ..... wait for it..... over low quarters

 

[The Tourist]

I enjoy a joke as well as the next guy, but I would like to mention a point of view that you may not have considered.

In having our fun, let's be aware that derision we offer in sport in no way touches real police officers.

I would guess fully one third of my clients, friends and associates were/are working, sworn officers. In fact, during the mid-1970's half of my riding buddies were sworn cops from The Blue Knights.

It might seem a minor issue. But let's suppose that a thread involving fake Green Berets got started and the jokes flew. Without knowing it, a real deal Special Forces veteran might see a portion of his life in ridicule.

I have to admit, when you guys do innocent jokes on wannabee bikers it touches a very important part of my life.

Another thing. I had a very candid conversation with HSO on the subject of war stories and the proper action we should take. And there is an adult way to handle this nonsense.

A forum is not actually a venue for free speech, rather, a forum is private property. And the mods have been assigned (or have volunteered) to keep rules in play. And I have seen good forums go incredibly bad.

So the next time John Hero makes wild or misleading claims, hit the red button. If they do it enough, they get banned and none of us have to deal with lies and false claims.

At 0200 in the morning, that might be hard. But I feel it works.

Let the jokes continue!

 

[Treo]

I'm not sure if this qualifies as " mall ninja" but one of our guys found 2 rainbow family people ( I think that's what they're called) stowed away on a train on our site the other day. The client instructed him to detain them until the Sherrif's Dept. showed up to collect them. The Guard used the deadly Mall Ninja mind trick of telling them both that he had to file a report W/ the S.O. , and would they like some coffe & donuts while waiting for the Sheriff?.

Worked like a charm

 

[conw]

The Rainbow Family of Living Light, also known as The Rainbow Family, are a loosely affiliated group of individuals committed to principles of non-violence and non-hierarchical egalitarianism. Founded in 1972 in the United States, the Rainbow Family has held annual Gatherings in National Forests for the first week of July each year. The Rainbow Gatherings are non-commercial and all who wish to attend peacefully are welcome. There are no leaders, and traditionally the gatherings take place for a week, with a primary focus on the Fourth of July in North America, when attendees pray, meditate, or observe silence in a group effort to focus on World Peace. Thus, the name Rainbow Family of Living Light is a reflection of both the emphasis on welcoming people of all races, religions, ethnicity, and social status, as well as a spiritual focus towards peace.

Those who attend Rainbow Gatherings come from all walks of life, and work together for a variety of goals, among which intentional communities, ecology, spirituality, and an expanded tolerance for others are traditional themes. Those who attend refer to one another as Rainbows, or often as Brothers or Sisters reinforcing the emphasis upon a belief that all people are not only related as part of the human community, but are just as important as members of one's own nuclear family, and given the respect implied in such relationships. Group Councils are the only form of government, and attendance is open to all interested parties, with decisions being reached through consensus. Money is not exchanged, and instead there is a bartering system for all needs, although a magic hat is passed around for necessities, such as additional food, that benefit all who attend.

Hmm...specialized tactics for special circumstances, right Treo?

 

[Treo]

They didn't appear to be jerks and I don't think they were actually "detained" I'm sure no one would have tried to stop them had they tried to walk off site. It appears however, that Rainbow people ( especially those who have been hiding on a train since Oregon) will do anything for coffe and donuts.

Our company does have 3 sites where the officers have been vested by the city W/ the authority to forceably detain people under certain circumstances. ( like trying to bring a weapon into the court house or trying to beat someone up at the bus station) and it will be a cold day in Hell before I work at any of them

 

[conw]

I have met some rainbow people. They were at a bluegrass festival called Merlefest, and most were nice. A few were exceedingly creepy Manson seeming types.

Government representatives say "The Rainbow Family purposely poises itself on the brink of anarchy, that its gatherings attract dangerous and idle masses that overwhelm county and state services, disregard local communities, and destroy the natural resources the group claims to worship."

 

[45Guy]

Around here all of our mall security people wear hats that make them look very much like Canadian Mounties So now that is what myself and my friends call them.

Note: Not condescending of actual Mounties, it's just the way these people look.

 

[The Tourist]

Not condescending of actual Mounties

That may not have been necessary, but thanks for at least thinking about the issue.

For example, there will be a new cable show called "The Sons of Anarchy" starting September 3rd, I believe.

Oh, I know I going to be lambasted here with jokes. Like the old saying goes, "A million professional comedians out of work and I have run into an amateur." Just look at the example of the "Rueben Rueben" commercial that is playing now.

 

[AlaskaErik]

Was it Dog?

Not likely, being that he is a convicted felon who does not qualify for firearm rights restoration.

 

[Jeff White]

treo,
I pulled a hobo off a CSX train one night. An officer in a town five miles West saw him riding on a hopper car, had dispatch call the railroad and it was in my town when they got the train stopped. CSX railroad police were notified and the special agent who called us back asked us to hold him for them, said he'd be over and take him and file all the charges. I'm always happy when someone else wants to to the paperwork . Anyway 3 hours later the CSX special agent still hasn't shown. I'm sitting in the PD with this guy because we didn't have a holding cell, so I have our dispatch call them back and the special agent says sorry, he got busy on a theft case and he wouldn't be over. I asked if the railroad still wanted to press charges and he thought for a minute and said, no, kick him loose. So now we had the hobo wandering around our town....I wanted to give him a ride back down to the tracks, but refrained....Hope your SO got better cooperation from the railroad then I did.

Jeff

 

[ilbob]

Good story Jeff.

One of the places I occasionally was posted as a guard back in the dark ages was near a train yard that had a lot of trouble with thefts and riders. The train police were always coming by to ask if we had seen anything. The chance of me seeing anything from the guard post was close to zero as the way the building was oriented you could not see the tracks from the guard post and most of the windows in the rest of the building were up along the ceiling for some reason, so there was little opportunity to see much of anything in the train yards. one would think they would be able to tell that, but they came by at least once a month asking.

BTW, what kind of report do you fill out for such an incident? Does your department have a "wasted 3 hours in the station waiting for the RR police" form?

 

[Tarvis]

Government representatives say "The Rainbow Family purposely poises itself on the brink of anarchy, that its gatherings attract dangerous and idle masses that overwhelm county and state services, disregard local communities, and destroy the natural resources the group claims to worship."

Said "Rainbow Family" had their hippy-fest in Idaho when I was in high school; I think it took the volunteers about 3 weeks to clean up all the garbage and crap they left behind when they slithered back to their respective squat houses.

 

[Aguila Blanca]

I pulled a hobo off a CSX train one night. An officer in a town five miles West saw him riding on a hopper car, had dispatch call the railroad and it was in my town when they got the train stopped. CSX railroad police were notified and the special agent who called us back asked us to hold him for them, said he'd be over and take him and file all the charges. I'm always happy when someone else wants to to the paperwork . Anyway 3 hours later the CSX special agent still hasn't shown. I'm sitting in the PD with this guy because we didn't have a holding cell, so I have our dispatch call them back and the special agent says sorry, he got busy on a theft case and he wouldn't be over. I asked if the railroad still wanted to press charges and he thought for a minute and said, no, kick him loose. So now we had the hobo wandering around our town....I wanted to give him a ride back down to the tracks, but refrained....Hope your SO got better cooperation from the railroad then I did.

Was the railroad special agent by any chance related to Roseanne Roseannadanna?

I'm sure some of you are old enough to remember her from the old Saturday Night Live: "Oh ... Never mind."

 

[Treo]

Hope your SO got better cooperation from the railroad then I did.

Actually our client is the city, the train engines were owned by U.P. but the cars are owned by the city.

Anyway, when the Sherrif's Deputy showed up the city said not to press charges. So the the Sherrif got a donut, the rainbow people got several donuts and nobody went to jail.

 

[Treo]

Was the railroad special agent by any chance related to Roseanne Roseannadanna?

I thought that was Emily LaTilla

 

[Werewolf]

CSX railroad police were notified and the special agent who called us back asked us to hold him for them, said he'd be over and take him and file all the charges.

Train Police? These guys for real or just security guards? If they're hired by a commercial operation like a train company how can they have police power? What am I missing here?

 

[The Tourist]

These guys for real or just security guards?

Believe it or not, they could be real.

When sorting your garbage first hit my town in a big, formal way, we had garbage police to make sure us troublesome scufflaws used the correct green tub.

You can sell street drugs by the metric ton in our food courts, but you'd better not toss that Mountain Dew can in the third green tub from the end...

Edit: As to the aspect of hand-cuffs, I cannot find any legal, moral or ethical reason for anyone but a sworn officer to hook up a subject. Even caught in the act, the felon is still technically "innocent until proven guilty" and a mall ninja doesn't even have the power to make "probable cause" stick.

My guess is the mall ninja in question had some open slots on his Batman belt and simply filled them with something.

 

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

I'm a security guard in Michigan, and in my state it's law that all private security have red patches on the shoulders that say SECURITY in white lettering to prevent being mistaken for police. But don't think for a minute some of the more ninja types try to make it seem like they are anyways.

 

[bigfoot311]

i work as a corporate security manager for a large gaming company, i have 12 guards, all who have the power of arrest granted by the CADOJ when they pass their guard card training. i dont know if its different in other states...

 

[LoneStranger]

Quote:
CSX railroad police were notified and the special agent who called us back asked us to hold him for them, said he'd be over and take him and file all the charges.


Train Police? These guys for real or just security guards? If they're hired by a commercial operation like a train company how can they have police power? What am I missing here?
Today 02:09 PM

If you look it up in the Code of Federal Regulations you will find out that they are authorized and controlled at this time by federal statue. I would say that makes them as real as anything out there.

In fact, historically some of the western RR had police forces that predated the states. Gave RR police some unreal powers, next best thing to Federal.

 

[Sniper X]

Around here all the Mall Ninja's are all a bunch of overly macho chicano.s or sheepish looking pale face hefty guy's who all got beat up in high school. I have to laugh at some of them under my breath. I meet all kinds of another kind of ninja wannabees when they ask me about my Army carreer, before I tell them what I did they all say they were "Airborne" or Airborne Rangers" or "I was a Green Beret" to one of those I said, you were a peice of headgear for a Special Forces Member?

Being an 18B myself for almost 10 years it only takes a few questions to make darn sure they were never really anything they claim to have been.

The only thing that truely bothers me about these guys is they aren't being honest to themselves or anyone else for that matter. I really wonder if guy's who claim to be ex-rangers or ex-seals, or ex-force recon ever start to believe themselves.....wierd!

 

[The Tourist]

Taurusowner, I wouldn't even mind if a state's laws created a a class of trained officers, unsworn but working under a strict definition under a Writ of Mandamus when there weren't enough sworn officers.

However, like you point out, there will always be the guys who are academy wash-outs who join mall 'security.'

I've met a few. Some have generously donated patches to my old colors.