A Mall Ninja Thread With Funny Stories About Mall Ninjas,

[VegasOPM]

I work in a Casino and worked very closely with the security officers for a long time (I ran bars and clubs)- the Mall Ninjas tend to get straightened up pretty quick. The Executive Level Security guys in the casinos come with pretty solid bonafides (think FBI, Secret Service, LAPD) and serious paychecks. They also understand that a loud mouthed punk in jump boots with an attitude can cost the Casino big time.

That being said, I used to love going to the range my buddy owned when he was qualifying "Armed Security Officers". We would look through the window and laugh, while he made his son be the R.O.

 

[KiltedClaymore]

Tourist, is that a CANABIS patch on there?!
:0

 

[Treo]

Almost every security company in town is in white shirts and black pants , the guys at the courthouse wear blue on blue and we wear light blue on black. nothing close to what the cops wear.

We are not allowed to have handcuffs ( I guess there's a class you have to go to) our roving guards & supervisors carry handcuffs and pepperspray ( the spray's for self defense) & the downtown guys carry the full roll (sans night stick) I'm quite sure that they've never been in a shooting incident but they have to break up fights and apparently the cops have told them they want both fighters handcuffed when they come to get them. but again they're acting as city agents on city property so the city has given them the authority to detain people. I'm not sure what the legalities are but I know it happens regularly. I do know that we are specifically instructed never to inform someone of their Miranda rights. I think that might be where the line between licensed security officer and police impersonator is drawn.

 

[The Tourist]

is that a CANABIS batch on there?!

No, no, of course not. It's just that I did a lot of volunteer work and choir practice during that era. That's an award I got from the Girl Scouts for being "eco-friendly" and living the green life well before the times.

 

[Black Knight]

I used to be an armed security officer in Virginia. Here if the officer works for a contract security agency and is registered with the state as an Armed Security Officer he/she had the power to effect an arrest for offenses commited in their presence. This was true even if they were working an unarmed site. I know this because I made 3 arrests at the same location in a 6 month time span, one of which I had to draw my duty weapon (4" S&W 686). Local police transported them to the magistrate's office but I swore out the warrants. BTW I handcuffed two of the subjects with my cuffs not the police, the third was cuffed by the police. He was the one I had to draw on. Not all uniformed security personnel are mall ninjas. Most are level headed folks just doing a job but there are those few that make me shudder.

 

[KiltedClaymore]

No, no, of course not. It's just that I did a lot of volunteer work and choir practice during that era. That's an award I got from the Girl Scouts for being "eco-friendly" and living the green life well before the times.

as a punk rocker and reggae fan, i'd differ with you. but i'll let it slide this once.

 

[The Tourist]

Not all uniformed security personnel are mall ninjas.

No one is saying that, not even me. In fact, as part of my duties as a credit manager for a long distance company, I also got stuck with plant security. It is legal in Wisconsin to be armed at home and on the job site. I carried a Colt Officers ACP and a Detonics.

What we do belittle are the classic mall ninjas. All hat, no cowboy, all chrome, no pistons.

To my way of thinking, there are more "worse" than there are "better." I have never met one, not one, who didn't think he was Dirty Harry. About as close as they got were dirty and hairy. I have zero respect for the breed.

Having said that, the last time I was arrested I met a really nice cop. Several years later, after his retirement, I hired him as a consultant for the company I worked for.

I respect real cops, however I plan to give mall ninjas the worst heartburn of their lives.

 

[KiltedClaymore]

however I plan to give mall ninjas the worst heartburn of their lives.

how? feed them habinero peppers? i didnt get this joke.

 

[The Tourist]

i didnt get this joke.

Mall ninjas are Barney Fifes. They do there job primarily fooling you into thinking they even have a job.

I hold them accountable. If they confront me, I want to know under what authority, who gave it to them, who's their boss, can I see their licence, are they sworn, where's the fountain?

If they serve any purpose at all, which I doubt, it's probably to witness retail theft. Considering the thousands of shoppers, that would be a good job and most could handle it.

Drugs circulating at the food court--you know, real crime--I'd leave that to off duty sworn officers making a few extra bucks.

Edit: BTW, if you got today's edition of the WSJ (July 18, 2008) turn to the editorial page in the front section. You'll find my letter-to-the-editor praising the real police for an encounter I just had. I think citizens ought to know things like that.

 

[Treo]

From what I've seen most security guys are just going through the motions trying to make a living.

We have one guy that works for our company that swears up & down that he's worked for Haliburton ( he invaded Croatia W/ them) He's worked for Black water (helped rescue Jessica lynch W/ them) and has Millions stashed in overseas accounts just waiting for him to be old enough to retire.

So how would it change the world for the better if I called the guy on it? How would it make my life better? If all I was ever going to be in my life was a 9.00$ an hour security guard I'd kinda feel like a loser too.

 

[The Tourist]

So how would it change the world for the better if I called the guy on it? How would it make my life better?

No, but it would make our lives better.

My wife lives out in the world, and last thing she needs is to be hooked up by Barney Fife. If this guy has a problem with the truth, he might have also padded his resume' to get the nine-buck job he has now.

You're actually abetting his actions.

 

[Black Knight]

The Tourist:
I understand where you are coming from. I was in the business from 12/78 to 10/94 and the normal security officers today are nowhere near as good as they used to be. Back then we had a sense of pride in ourselves, our company, and what we were there for, plus we had some sense. The company did not allow BDU's. We wore navy blue trousers with a red stripe, white or light blue shirt. We had full leather duty gear, to include everything the local police carried. Of course our radios were on different frequencies. Toward the end of my tour I was a Firearms Instructor and the types I had to train closer to my termination date did give me some reasons to be concerned.

BTW the standard duty uniform for the police force I currently work for is BDU's bloused, tactical type boots, Uncle Mike's nylon gear, and Beretta 92FS pistol. Not particularly my favorite but they paid for the uniform.

 

[Treo]

My wife lives out in the world, and last thing she needs is to be hooked up by Barney Fife

I would agree W/ you if this guy had a job that required him to interact W/ people. The company I work for doesn't do retail we guard property. he spends his evenings ( I am not making this up) guarding bikes ( think Schwinn not Harely) at the Olympic Training Center. if he wants to spin some fantasy about what a hardcore operator he is to feel important let him.

I'm younger than you ( I think) but I'd like to pass on some wisdom that I've learned.

Life is hard enough for everybody W/out me going out of the way to make it harder for somebody else.

 

[Rmart30]

Edit: As to the aspect of hand-cuffs, I cannot find any legal, moral or ethical reason for anyone but a sworn officer to hook up a subject. Even caught in the act, the felon is still technically "innocent until proven guilty" and a mall ninja doesn't even have the power to make "probable cause" stick.

curious topic there..... that makes me question what about a citizens arrest and what you can do legally to detain someone..

As for the mall ninjas....My job requires me going to all types of places with security guards, from construction sites , private office buildings, etc etc....
I run into alllllll kinds.....wait untill you run into a lady mall ninja Now thats some funny stuff there

 

[Cave Dweller]

Civilian security comes in two flavors, proactive and furniture. Most security you see, from the grocery store to the armed guard at the bank, are furniture. Most of them are not allowed to get involved. Uniform presence only.

Some like those in armored cars are allowed to defend themselves (and thus the money) if attacked.

My job falls under the proactive category. I am a non sworn, civilian employee of a local police department. Our school district needs their on police dept, complete with around 40 sworn officers, 5 sergeants, a lieutenant and a chief/administrator. One of the sergeants is in charge of us, the campus security officers.
There's about 50 0f us for 5 high schools 2 continuation schools, adult ed, and dozen or so middle schools. We patrol, respond to classroom disturbances, break up fights, respond to emergencies including medical emergencies... Were uniformed, with body armor, unarmed (save for pepper spray and asp) have an impressive "batbelt" which includes the before mentioned less than lethals, tape recorder, handcuffs, and handy talkey we use ten code and california pc code, ride around of bicycles etc...
Yes we look every part the "mall ninja"
But we do our job with professionalism that reflects our level of training and experience. Our arrest powers are under "citizens arrest" although we do operate under posey comentada from time to time.(I'm sure I misspelled that)
Our arrest and use of force procedures are mandated by the police department we work for.

So that's MY mall ninja story, from the ninja's point of view.
Keep em coming


(and no I don't want to be a cop, too much paperwork)

 

[KiltedClaymore]

Were uniformed, with body armor, unarmed (save for pepper spray and asp) have an impressive "batbelt" which includes the before mentioned less than lethals, tape recorder, handcuffs, and handy talkey we use ten code and california pc code, ride around of bicycles etc...

all of ours are armed with asp, mace, airtazer, and service handgun. we must be more dangerous

 

[katastrof0]

I still want pictures of "The Van" from the other thread that got shut down.

Oh! So thats why i cant find that thread... Even foreigners are waiting for those pics

BB John

 

[TexasRifleman]

Thanks for the story, Dubya. But there was one line that I wasn't sure about:

Quote:
we climbed into Jack’s car to continue our *****-a-thon

Huh?

Let's say "Gripe"-a-thon, substituting gripe with the word we use for female dogs.... get it now?

 

[wheelgunslinger]

I'm actually in the midst of swapping careers right now from Journalism into Law Enforcement/ Private Security. If I go into LE, I'll be a 3rd generation.

I've actually turned down the mall ninja positions because I don't want to work alongside their other employees (overweight and one step from taping trauma plates on their bodies) I've seen in facilities. Not that I'm some high speed operator, but you are known by the company you keep- even at work.

Maybe this is why there are less level headed and fit people in the security field. The good applicants aren't applying.

And, from what I've seen, the "unmarked" store detectives are waaaaay worse than the guys in the smokey the bear hats. They're the ones who like to brag about their sales floor camouflage and tackling people before they can get away.


Of course, I realize that there are some qualified and very career oriented people in private security- even in malls. Just not in my geographic region.

 

[JWarren]

Re: The Tourist's post #50 above:


"Special" isn't always a good thing....


-- John

 

[Threeband]

Quote:
I still want pictures of "The Van" from the other thread that got shut down.

Oh! So thats why i cant find that thread... Even foreigners are waiting for those pics

The Van will never be forgotten.

I suggest we give it a rest for a few more days, then make inquiries in a mature and High Road sort of way.
--------------------------------------------------


Regarding Mall Ninjas, I haven't encountered any, but when I was in second grade I beat up two fifth-graders who were "safeties" (white cross-belt and nickle plated badge.).

These so-called "Safeties" used to give the little kids a hard time about stepping on the grass. I plucked a handful of grass, put it on the sidewalk, and stepped on it. These two Martinets grabbed me (assault? Illegal Arrest?) I slammed one with my book-filled duffle bag, we all went down, and I bit the other on the ankle. They went howling and crying to a teacher, to whom I told my story with some indignation. I think they got "shot down".

All these years later, I'm still proud of that incident. Can ya dig it, Tourist?

 

[The Tourist]

I have just received a PM from ORB stating that he cannot find my letter to the editor praising our local police.

I checked my copy,and the info I gave is correct.

It is the July 18th edition of The Wisconsin State Journal. The editorial page is in the back of the main section of the paper.

You can recognize the edition easily. The lead story on the front page has a guy curling weights in front of a mirror.

My letter deals with our police responding to call we madewhen my SIL believed she found a human bone in the garden.

Did anyone else have trouble finding this letter?

I pride myself on telling the truth. I keep copies of all of my editorial letters. I have that copy if you need verification.

 

[SCKimberFan]

Tourist - WSJ to those outside of Wisconsin generally means the Wall Street Journal.

 

[Treo]

I watched some group of female dogs (as in the bounty hunter sheesh) on Montel once they went after some guy that was out on some really minor crime ( didn't pay court ordered child support or something). Anyway they boxed this guy in on a major roadway during rush hour, jumped out of their car broke out the sidewindow on this guys car W/ a baton ( all this during rush hour mind you) dragged the guy out of the car at GLOCK point handcuffed him threw him in their car and drove off. Leaving his vehicle sitting the middle of the road. Montel thought they were the bomb.

I have about as much use for bounty hunters as The Tourist does for Mall Ninja

 

[revjen45]

"Bounty hunters, as a profession, are pretty unregulated. (Which is why a felon like Dog can be one.) They have no legal authority, and the "badge" that Dog and the crew wears is something he had cranked out by a novelty shop."
Dawg and Juggs aside, bail recovery agents can do things the real police can't to secure their employer's investment in terms of entering premises. Unregulated- yup. Some are jerk-offs, but the the real cops may not have time to run down the bail jumpers who would steal your TV while living with the folks.
BTW- I once had a conversation at the local gun shopnwith a wannabe, a fat old Fudd who considered himself a crimetopper and carried a mail order badge that said "Patrolman." He wasn't even a real mall ninja, but belonged to a Citizens' Band Militia who considered themselves the eyes and ears of THE LAW. I asked to see his badge and was polite enough not to laugh when he flipped it out. Just guessing, but I bet he had a world class collection of porn and never had a girl friend. (Cheetos anyone?)