A situation, and a question

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chris in va

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1am, I'm sitting here on the computer and my friend is next to me talking about...something. We start hearing people talking outside in the cul-de-sac, mostly sounds like kids. Very boring, quiet neighborhood and tuesday morning.

She gets up and reaches for the door handle. I probably overreacted, but firmly said 'NO' and lightly pushed her away from the door, pointing out it's not a good idea to open a door if you don't know what's going on outside. I go up the stairs and look out the side window, just a neighbor dropping off kids for something.

That's when things went downhill. I need some honest opinions as I could be in the wrong here.

The past few years of me carrying concealed, she's pretty much accepted my "hobby" and left it at that with a sprinkling of eye rolling and mild comments. But tonight she let me know how she really feels.

"You know what, you've become REALLY paranoid and turned into a MONSTER". Not verbatim, pretty close.

So my question, should I back off and not be so concerned with making sure the doors are always locked and everything else concerning self protection? Starting to really question my motives at this point. Maybe I'm just getting too caught up in all the mess going on. We had a couple really bad home invasions last year not far from my house, then the VT thing...mall shooting, Colorado.:confused:
 
I don't think you're paranoid. You don't sound any more paranoid than I am. Then again... maybe I'm paranoid...

At any rate, if you can convince her of the merits of being careful and armed, then that's probably the best path. If you can't convince her, then you have a problem... maybe a big problem, maybe not. Not altogether sure what the relationship is, and a lot hinges on that. Frankly, a lot of people don't understand basic personal security. The world is not a safe place, and a little caution can save your life. If she doesn't understand this, she will never understand why you do what you do.

I get what you're saying, though, about getting "too caught up in all the mess"... Rash of shootings this year, lots of heavy political crap going on, plus a war, plus "The War on Terror". It's a scary time. But, you know... one of the many definitions of intelligence is the ability to adapt to your circumstances and survive in a given situation. If you're reacting to things getting worse lately, then maybe that's you adapting and surviving. It pays to adapt to your surroundings.
 
IF that had been a bad situation, she would be thanking you. The problem with security, is that it gets boring and repetitive. Not allowing yourself to get complacent is one of the most difficult things to do.
 
Sounds like she was more upset at the WAY you went about what you did than what you did.

For whatever reason she finds it easier to gripe about your "paranoia" than about your telling her "NO" and pushing her out of the way.
 
It's silly paranoia until it's a real situation. Just a few weeks ago, my folks couldn't understand why I carried in church. With all this business in Colorado, they haven't seen fit to question my carrying since.
 
It's not always nothing. A couple of weeks ago, I heard noises outside my townhouse and went to my balcony to investigate. I left my lights off so I couldn't be seen and heard 3-4 teens working their way through the construction site next door. I could hear them knocking stuff over, so I called the cops and told them what was going on. I work in construction, so I know what PITA vandals can be.

I stayed outside to watch their progress and see when the cops would arrive thinking it wasn't a big deal. Then they made their way into one of the new unfinished townhouses and I see bursts of flames from inside the place. It was one of the big propane torches usually with a 20 lb. tank and 3-4 ft. flames. I got back on the phone to 911 and told them about the potential arson. I told 911 which unit the flames were in and a couple of cars were there in about 2 minutes catching the kids in the act.

The point of this story is that I routinely hear noises outside and usually investigate and find nothing important. I'm just glad I didn't blow this one off.
There was no need to go Rambo, I just needed to be a good witness.
 
"You know what, you've become REALLY paranoid and turned into a MONSTER". Not verbatim, pretty close.
Click to expand...

*sad look*

*move closer*

"Awwww, honey, I hate that you feel that way. I love you so much and I just get so worried about keeping you safe. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you..."

Write your own ending. ;)

pax
 
Do what I did with my wife. Sit her down and make her watch the news instead of stupid reality shows for a week. Make her realize there is a world outside of Hollywood and it aint pretty.

My wife thought I was paranoid too, now she wants her CCW permit...
 
some people won't get it until they're a victim
Click to expand...

yup - that expression - "a conservative is a liberal that's been mugged" - is so true.

My wife gave me a hard time about CCW and ignoring the doorbell until, over my objection from another room, she opened the door for a young man that looked too innocent to be dangerous. Fortunately, it was only a con and not a violent person. Now she's $50 poorer and a lot wiser. She no longer opens the door for anyone she doesn't know or who she is not expecting.
 
Bad s*** always happens to the "other guy".

Unfortunately, you are someone else's "other guy".

My wife had much the same atitude when we first married. It wasn't much of an issue when dating, my home security didn't affect her since she lived elsewhere. Three things brought her around. 1) Watching the news instead of brain-numbing melodramas. 2) A few serious "chats" about experiences I've had in the past.** 3) Having a child has brought out her protective streak.

Perhaps expressing the concern you have, a fight brewing or no-goods casing your home, instead of just "NO" might lessen the negative impression she has of situational awareness.

** I readily admit some of my habits and reactions are over the top for most, but I've had serious repercussions from minor glitches in the past. Part of these "chats" is explaining the circumstance, admiting it's a personal foible, and flatly stating that due to the lasting effect of the event I'm not changing it.
 
Use THR!

My wife already CC's but I fill her in on a lot of the "BG Wins/Horror Stories" articles I come across on here. Pointing out instances where a SD/HD weapon could have saved lives keeps us grounded and helps us feel a little less paranoid.
 
I had a similar situation with my wife a couple of months ago. We haven't been married a year yet, so we are still getting used to the whole sleeping in the same bed thing. Well on Saturday morning around 5:30 we both woke up to the sound of a banging hear the front of the house. My first instinct is to open up the nightstand up grab my gun. Her first instinct is that someone is banging on our front door because our house is on fire. She gets up and runs to the bedroom door to see if it is hot. When I saw her run to the door I had visions of her going out and just opening up the front door. I yelled NO! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR - WAIT FOR ME!

It ended up just being our police officer neighbor banging on our door because a drunk had run off the road and through our mailbox. Looking back on the situation, we each had the appropriate response for what we each perceived the threat to be. I guess we just need to coordinate better.

My wife is all for my CCW (she says she is going to get hers, but keeps putting off going to the courthouse to apply). I definitely still make comments about whenever anything scary happens in "safe" places. I think your best option is to explain your actions from the point of view that you care for her and don't want anything to happen to her. The biggest obstacle to overcome is her attitude of it won't ever happen to me. Show her you aren't paranoid - just being serious about both of your security.
 
We start hearing people talking outside in the cul-de-sac, mostly sounds like kids. Very boring, quiet neighborhood and tuesday morning.
Click to expand...

Am I missing something?

If it had been strange or angry adult voices, your snapping at her might have been justified. (Let's ask her if "snapping" is the correct word or whether the push was "light.") If there had been screams or sounds of distress. If the dog -- You do have one, don't you? -- had gone in to alert or warning mode, your reaction might have been justified.

I must confess to snapping, "Shut it off," at my wife not long ago when our dog warned us of some danger. I did not want to be back-lit while checking things out. Maybe you were justified.

I do check windows before opening doors. Perhaps you might try gently encouraging that. You could install a peephole dadget that she does not find paranoid.

And don't forget to suggest to her Pax's website and be sure to read her advice to men.
 
Yeah , you're being paranoid... right up to the point when the crackheads smash in your door and try to kill you and your friend for your spare change. Then they call it being prepared.
 
Tell her how safe people attending church feel. Then show her what has been happening in CO. Maybe work on your technique a little too.
 
*sad look*

*move closer*

"Awwww, honey, I hate that you feel that way. I love you so much and I just get so worried about keeping you safe. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you..."

Write your own ending.
Click to expand...

Pax,
I'm giving you a HUGE kiss and hug (just don't tell my wife <grin>).
 
Pax gives great advice.
Also a note about paranoia.

A paranoid is certain that someone is out to get them...personally.
Being security conscious regarding the generalized threats out there is NOT the same thing.

Nevertheless it's probably best to find a better method of encouraging safe behavior.
 
A little paranoia is what gets a lotta people home alive. It leads to situational awareness...which leads to avoidance...which is the best route to take if and when possible. The gun is just a backup in case somethin' slips in under your radar.
 
Project your paranoia onto the door. "Honey, it's that damn door, we can't see through it and we really need a safe way to see who is on the other side, other than just opening it." Suggest a peephole at the least, or a video camera to view the area, maybe a minefield along the path, a moat with sharks with fricken laser beams shooting out of their heads. Now she'll really think your paranoid. :)
 
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