Advice on Guns and the Significant Other

[Positrack]

First off, let me say I did read a couple pages of this thread:

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=423557&highlight=girlfriend+wife+shoot

but that was really asking a different question than I have so here goes...

I need some advice regarding my girlfriend's attitude toward guns. She very much believes they are dangerous and would probably go so far as to call them "evil." Yeah, I know... However, she is open minded to the point that, despite her views, she has no problem with me owning, keeping, and shooting them, and has NEVER given me grief for it. If she had, we would not be together. She even grudgingly tolerates the fact that I keep a loaded SxS 12ga. and a loaded .22 autoloader (15 LR rounds in mag, chamber empty, safety on) in the closet right by my side of the bed (we have no kids, and an empty gun is basically an expensive club). We have been together for over 7 years, lived together for over 5, and we love each other so please don't bother with the "just dump her" comments. She's really a wonderful person in so many other ways, and nobody's perfect.

Anyway, we live on a farm on a pretty well-traveled highway, and over the years COUNTLESS people have stumbled up to the door in the middle of the night (my grandparents lived here for 50 years and I all but grew up in the place so I know the history). Most just have car trouble of some kind (lots of accidents), but more than a few have been genuine wackos or belligerent drunks/drug abusers. One guy stumbled into my shop late one night when I was puttering around with something. He was shirtless and covered with blood. I casually but firmly picked up a crowbar when I saw him boldly stumble right in the open door. He was also absolutely cranked out of his mind, and thought our place was a truckstop because of our barn light apparently. It's an interesting story, but for other time... My point is, it's reassuring to know that I have something more convincing than 911 out here.

My problem with my girlfriend is twofold. One, I would feel much better if she knew how to competently use a firearm in the interest of her self-defense for times when I'm not home. Two, I just think that if we're going to have firearms in the house (particularly loaded), she ought to at least have a basic understanding of how they work, how to handle them, how to make them safe, etc... She absolutely won't touch them, but in all practicality, the time might come some day when I'm not there and she would have to move them, unload them, put them up when her niece visits, etc..., and I would NOT be comfortable with her touching a loaded gun since she hasn't got the first clue about guns or gun handling. Plus, I hate to imagine what might happen if she ever had to try to use one in self defense.

My question to you all is, what would you do to improve the situation? Has anybody had a similar experience? I have tried everything I can think of to get her interested in shooting, or at least to sit down and let me show her how to safely check, handle, and unload the weapons, but she absolutely will have none of it. She's just scared to death of guns, and is remaining willfully ignorant of anything having to do with them (she is irrationally scared of a surprising number of things- one of her less appealing qualities...). No matter how I approach the subject, she gets irritated, angry, and will get screaming pi**** and upset if I push the matter. I did ONCE talk her into shooting the .22 thinking that if I could just show her what it was to shoot, she might get a kick out of it (.22 rifle- the "gateway gun" ). She fired exactly one round (and by-God, knocked over the can she was aiming at too ), and then vowed on principle never to do it again. :banghead::banghead::banghead: Really, I shouldn't have even let her do that since she simply would not stand for any real instruction on safe gun handling beforehand, but like I said, I was hoping to just get the da**** door open a bit.

Any advice? Am I overreacting in my assertion that she should have a working understanding of the guns I keep loaded (she says I'm being ridiculous and that she will never have a reason to touch one). It's a mighty frustrating situation in an otherwise great relationship. Any and all advice/suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[JeffDilla]

Well, I don't have any advice for you, but I'm going to be watching this thread because I'm sort of in the same boat you are. My girlfriend isn't against firearms (she bought me a rifle for christmas) but she just doesn't have any interest in shooting them, or at least learning to safely handle them and make them safe if the need arises. I feel it's important that if firearms are going to be in the house, she should at least know the basics on safe handling. She just passively refuses anytime I ask. I'm working on it. Good luck to ya.

 

[woad_yurt]

How about this?

Read the stuff on the site below and then show it to her. Just ask her to read it as a favor to you. If you're both as good for each other as you've said, one should be ok if the other one asked for the first one to merely sit down and read something for 30-60 minutes. I mean, it's not like it's physical labor or anything, right? I'd read something for my girl and she'd do the same for me.

Anyway, it's got some great insight. Here you go:

http://www.corneredcat.com

 

[Bearhands]

the time might come some day when I'm not there and she would have to move them, unload them, put them up when her niece visits, etc..., and I would NOT be comfortable with her touching a loaded gun since she hasn't got the first clue about guns or gun handling.

Start a conversation with her using the above quotation (your words).... seems like a good starting point. She just may take the "challenge" of getting to know at least a few safe practices, which is a good thing to know. Her inquisitiveness just might spur further discussion and she might even request a little working knowledge!.. Whatever you do (and I'm sure you're not trying to), don't throw too much at her at the inception of a good conversation or she might "turn off" completely.

Good Luck.... good sense will prevail.

and thecorneredcat site is a good one as woad yurt has suggested.

 

[BADUNAME37]

I've been married nearly 30 years and am in the same predicament. My wife has nothing to do with my guns. I was hoping when I bought a 642 that she might become interested. BIG MISTAKE. Don't think that buying another gun will "win her over" because it most likely won't happen if the person is that against guns & shooting.

I think it will take something like a dire situation where they have to learn in order to survive, and even then they still might not be interested.

I'll watch this thread as well, because I sure don't have "the answer!"

 

[woad_yurt]

My girl had never touched a gun before she met me. Now she has a carry permit. It wasn't an instantaneous change.

Hypothetically:
If you were to arrange a range trip with another couple and were to make the event have all of the trappings of a picnic or a nice dinner out, she'd probably want to go with you. You know, get nice cold cuts, bread, cole slaw, etc and bring 'em in a cooler. Or, if it's cold, find a good restaurant and say that you're going there after shooting. If you don't know a local shooting couple, find one using the Rallying Point forum on this site.

If it's fun, they will come. Mine did!

 

[moooose102]

Well, i will just be plain blunt, and to the point. Get her to go shooting with you. Let her shoot a 22 rimfire. If possible, get her to go several times. If you can convert her, fine. But if she still feels like they are just plain evil, you are going to be faced with a decission. Which do you really want, her, or your guns. If you think she is against them now, wait until there is a baby suckling on her. She will go stinking bezerk about them, about how dangerous they are around kids, and how she wants nothing to do with them, and she will not have them in the same house as her child. And then you will be stuck. I have seen this happen a few times. One divorce, and one bunch of sold guns. It is up to you to decide.

 

[Hawaiian Eye]

Probably like woad_yurt, I've read several articles on corneredcat.com and found them interesting and useful. Here's a link that might have some bearing on your predicament

http://corneredcat.com/Ethics/mrsdutoit.aspx

If she's a keeper, keep her. There's probably stuff she likes that you might accept but rather not participate in i.e. ballet, opera, abstract art, or something like that. If she doesn't mind your having and using guns, prefers not to use them, and still wants you as her significant other, she may have paid you a high complement. She thinks you're a keeper too. Perhaps finding a common interest that you both can participate in and enjoy a lot will either replace the need you feel to have her take an interest in guns. Or, it may provide an opportunity at a later time to extend an invitation to reexamine learning about guns.

As a anothe suggestion, maybe try archery as a backdoor to shooting sports, or plinking with a bb gun.

 

[shaggy430]

You've got one good thing on your side... she doesn't object to the fact that YOU like and own guns. This means that she in some way understands the need to own them. My wife was the same way. Now she will go shooting with me.

If she doesn't object to you owning guns but objects to them herself, then it probably comes down to one thing- she might not say it, but she is scared of them. A lot of this comes from negative images on TV, parental views growing up, etc.... My wife was terrified of guns when we first started dating due to things her dad would say about them when she was little. (This guy gets manicures if that tells you anything.) Show her how to properly handle one and that shooting can be fun and safe and she may come around.

Get it figured out now, because when you have kids she will most likely give you an ultimatum.

 

[winston smith]

Get her a book on reincarnation- she has a dislike of guns because she was shot in WWII... Let her think about why she is the way she is. Maybe she will think her way out of it...you can't force it.

 

[xsquidgator]

I would suggest trying the above tacks, to get her interested in learning enough to at least move one of your firearms to a safe or safe place, to unload it, etc. If you get really lucky she'll take enough of an interest to learn how to operate it enough to be able to shoot it, if she was alone and in trouble.

Whether she does or not though is largely outside of your control. My instincts tell me that if she does not develop the interest to learn at least this little bit about how your guns work and some rudimentary safety, that you shouldn't leave a loaded gun with her in the house. Really. Carry a holstered gun with you, or only bring out your shotgun and 22 when you're at home, the rest of the time they should be secured. Not that she's likely to find them and mess around with them like an unattended child would. But there's just no telling what she might do by accident if you weren't around, maybe she'd be cleaning or something someday and need to move them, and she could have an accident. For her safety, I'd keep the guns secured somewhere when you're not around, unless she learns enough to load and unload a weapon and some of the basic safety rules.

 

[nksmfamjp]

Good luck. I can barely keep my wife remotely interested in shooting, but she has no evilness issues. I can tell you that there is a point being missed here.

If you are remotely like me,. . . .well. . .Guns are an important part of my life. There is value in being able to use a gun well. IMO, it makes me a better American, father and husband. I might go one further and say that the ability to kill a game animal falls in line with this.

The point is, if you value these kinds of things highly and she views them as evil, it breaks the relationship. Not because you want to own a gun, but because you two have a values chasm related to the morality of gun ownership and use.

Now, a mature relationship has had several values issues which should have been negociated to an acceptable agreement. Both of you should throw this issue on the table. I would suggest you discuss how your beliefs related to guns were formed. Maybe you do more talking about the root of this issue. In my wife's case the root of her issue is she had an abusive boyfriend ~15 years ago threaten her with a loaded pistol. She will never be much more at peace with that than she is now.

 

[sloppyjoec]

my brothers/buddies and I all went to the range and had a impromptu target competition, when we where done, we came to my place for lunch and brought our targets in to judge, compare. when my wife saw that we all went out, shot pistols all morning and not only did no one wind up dead, but we all had a blast, she decided that they (guns) are not all bad. every Women is different though, so be patient, eventually if she sees how much you enjoy firearms, she might get curious and want one of her own, but than again maybe not. at least she isan't raising hell about yours.

 

[Sharpie1]

Here's how I would handle it:

First, I would let her know that you have something very serious that you would like to discuss with her. Make sure you catch her in the right mood when you will have plenty of time to have a lengthy discussion.

Let her first know that you understand that she has a fundamental dislike of the whole subject of guns and the use of them - and that you love her and want her to feel comfortable with the whole "gun" situation - and that you don't want to argue with her about it anymore. Also let her know that if it is ultimately her decision to continue not having anything to do with guns, you will respect that - but since owning and using guns is an important part of your life, you want to fully understand in great detail why she feels the way she does about guns.

As long as you have made her feel comfortable, she should begin to give this information - but, as with anyone, the tone of the conversation may abruptly change - and she may abruptly want it to end if you start ridiculing her reasons or start trying to dispute her "justifications" or "misconceptions" about guns. She will see this as an attack - and the conversation will not be productive. You will need to take all of her concerns in - and nod with understanding - and use follow-up questions to pry every last bit of information you can out of her - so that you can fully and completely understand her thought process on the matter.

Once you fully understand her thought process, only then will you be able to begin developing a "plan" which will help her to overcome her irrational objections to her philosophy of guns and gun use.

Here are some pre-conceived notions she may convey:

--Guns are for killing people - and she does not want to kill someone.

--Guns are dangerous - and can "go off" at any time.

--"The news" talks about guns being bad all the time and we have guns in this household - so I feel guilty.

--Guns are associated with people who do bad things or who are bad people.

--People who carry concealed are menacing individuals who are looking for a fight.

--Guns make loud noises and hurt when you fire them.

The above reasons probably sum up some or all of her preliminary understanding. Only after you gather the necessary information from your significant other, as I described above, will you be able to help her to understand the following:

--Guns have a legitimate place in society.

--Guns by themselves are not safe or dangerous. The people who own and use them determine how safe it is to own and use said guns.

--The vast majority of gun use is positive. Team-building shooting sports, target shooting, hunting, personal defense, collecting, etc. - are all quite legitimate reasons to use guns.

--With the proper training, owning and shooting guns can enrich the lives of you and your family.

--No reasonable person *wants* to kill anyone. No reasonable person thinks that having to shoot someone is an acceptable resolution to a problem. It is only the LAST resort. It is everyone's right to feel safe in their home - and if someone shows that they are willing to harm or kill you, then morally and ethically speaking, you have the obligation to prevent them from doing that - otherwise, you are cheating not only yourself, but also your entire family (who you have certain obligations to) - as well as your friends.

--Owning and using guns is the *responsible* thing to do.

In order to get her to "come around" -- all of the above mentioned points will have to be understood by her. There are several ways to make this happen. She will need to see people and groups of people shooting and enjoying guns. You can do this by watching the shows on Midway USA's Wednesday Night At The Range on the Outdoor Channel. You could also take her to an IDPA match - or to some skeet or trap competition. Secondly, I recommend education. The NRA Home Firearms Safety course is a good first step. People are afraid of what they don't understand, so this course will help her to have a fundamental understanding of the use and operation of guns -- but she may only be willing to have the education after she first sees others using and enjoy using guns.

Now -- I hope this has been helpful to you. I would encourage you to first have the "fact-finding" discussion with her as I detailed above and post the results.

Do not immediately rebut and contradict everything she says. She wants to be respected, just as you want to be respected.

 

[jbkebert]

BOW days

I do not know if your wife has any interest in other aspects of outdoors activities. There is a program that I help teach here locally but it is a national sponsered event. The program is called BOW Becoming a Outdoors Woman. The classes are set up to give women a better understanding of hunting, fishing, target shooting, hiking and so on. All of the instructors some women and some men try very hard to teach the basics and give a feel for diffrent things. Absolutly no chest thumping allowed. The ladies have the chance to shoot skeet, archery, small bore rifle and up to a .243 at the state owned range. Since the course is for women only and no other people are allowed to shoot sometimes women are more at ease. We have postings through out the class for furthur instruction after the fact. Might be someting to look into.


Now if your wife, girlfriend or whoever shows some interest. Leave your gun at home while in the field. My wife knows how much hunting means to me and while I was on a deployment she went out on her own and took hunters safety, bought her license, and even picked up a 870 wingmaster 20gauge for herself. Talk about a heck of a surprise. We spent alot of time shooting skeet, practicing with a .22 rifle then she found a love in my 22-250. The is a hedge grove in the corner of the field around 275 yards from the back door. She used to sit out there on a windy day and count time on wind gust. She became a surgeon with that rifle. Then came hunting season. She went out and walked fields with my friends and I. A pheasant would get up and would be down before she got the gun shouldered and the saftey off. I cant tell you what a mistake that is. She quickly lost interest in hunting. Now my wife does not hunt or shoot anymore. Most of it has to do with being a mother of 4 and working full time. I just want to stress when it comes to hunting it needs to be about her. Same as teaching a kid to hunt my gun stays home. You are there to teach not to hunt. I have seen to many fathers take there kids on their first hunt and the kid never gets a chance to shoot. Not much fun for a wife or you children.

 

[KarenTOC]

Care for a woman's point of view?

For years and years I was terrified of guns and wanted nothing to do with them. My husband was a police officer early in our marriage, so a gun in the house was something I (uncomfortably) knew I had to live with. He wasn't a gun enthusiast; the gun was one of the tools on his belt. He handled it safely, and it was always secured.

Time passed, and eventually I came to realize that the reason I was afraid of guns was my own ignorance of how to handle them. I came to realize that if I learned proper gun safety and how to shoot I'd have no reason to fear them. At the same time, I realized I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in learning because I had no interest in ever picking up, let alone firing, a gun. I also had no interest in swinging a golf club. Not anti, just uninterested.

If your girlfriend isn't interested in guns now for any reason - fear, lack of enthusiasm for the sport, whatever - then you can't force it on her. Trying will only drive a wedge between you.

So you're left with two choices: leave loaded guns around an unsafe handler, or lock them up. I recommend the latter. If she's ever in a home defense situation where a gun could have protected her, there's a chance the gun could be turned against her. So leaving a loaded weapon around her is no favor to her.

Bottom line: She made a choice not to arm herself. You have to respect that choice and its potential consequences.

And have that "guns in the house after the babies arrive" conversation now. She might be ok with a dedicated locked room, or a gunsafe in the garage.

By the way, it took me 36 years to get to the point where I would handle a gun. Three years after my husband died, I inherited a revolver from his father and, much to my surprise, I actually wanted to learn how to fire it. I now regret not having taken my husband up on the many offers to teach me to shoot during the 33 years we were married. I hope your girlfriend has no such regrets 30+ years from now.

 

[JeffDilla]

Karen, very good advice and very well said. Thanks. It sounds a lot like my situation, my girlfriend is not anti, just uninterested.

 

[peyton]

I see two issues here. First a person has to be willing to learn something. I took my wife shooting at a range. Punch holes in paper was boring. My wife got me a deer lease and I took her shooting there. Shot pop cans, milk jugs and it was a lot more exciting and instructive. Second issue, your S/O has to realize 911 does not help help to your home when you need it quickly. The instinct for self preservation has been washed out of most people. Going from condition white to condition red has to be trained. Take baby steps, make shooting fun and it will help develop interest and then work on long term use.

 

[Positrack]

Wow, thanks to everybody for the MANY great responses! There's some excellent advice in there. I'd like to address a few of the comments. For one, she is both admittedly scared to death of guns and seemingly totally disinterested in shooting. I'm really not sure where this irrational fear (and it really IS an irrational fear with her) came from. Her grandpa (retired farmer) has guns, but her father and most of her immediate family are seriously anti-gun. I guess this is where she got her opinions on the matter since she has never really had any experience with guns, good or bad, outside of our relationship as far as I know.

I also want to say, like several have mentioned, that I too am rather uncomfortable having loaded weapons in the house with her, which is the main reason I would like her to at least learn the basics. That said, she is smart enough to realize she has no business handling a gun at the moment. She knows exactly where they are, and I make a point of repeatedly reminding her that they are LOADED and that she should assume they are ALWAYS loaded. I am completely confident that she absolutely will not touch them. I have my doubts as to whether she would even grab one in self defense, and I'm not sure I would want her to anyway under the circumstances.

An excellent point was made that first of all, a person has to be open to learning. This is a real problem here. For some reason, she has just put up a wall around this issue, and like I said, she is honestly remaining WILLFULLY ignorant. I just can't understand this, and it's really frustrating. I think this is the biggest hurdle. As soon as she realizes the topic is guns, she just tunes it out and will not listen. I have learned not to push the issue, because that just makes it worse and gets us nowhere.

The BOW is a great idea. She actually went to one of these events with her sister once, and did shoot a bow and arrow. I got excited thinking this might be an opening, and set a target up for her in the back yard, and got my old compound youth bow out of mothballs. Unfortunately, her interest waned, and she never used it. However, that might be a great way to get her opened up to the idea of shooting if she went to a BOW outing and signed up for the rifle session. I could see this possibly working, and then at least they would teach her safe gun handling as part of the course. She seems more than ready to expand her horizons if some authority is doing the teaching, and particularly if her sister is involved, but she absolutely will not let me teach her anything. I've tried to get her interested in outdoor activities for years as I'm a real outdoorsy kind of guy, but she's never showed any real interest. However, her sister decides to go to BOW, and she immediately gets excited. I gotta say, it's kind of frustrating, and I don't understand why she is not more open to doing these things with me.

As to the "family" discussion, we've had it and don't really have much of a problem there. I have made it perfectly clear that I will always keep guns, and intend to teach our children to shoot and handle them at an early age. I firmly believe educating children from an early age is the best way to keep them safe around guns, and she doesn't have a problem with that. Obviously, I will no longer be leaving loaded weapons unlocked when we have have kids, and I don't think this will be a problem. She understands I am unbending on the gun issue, and has accepted that. Her family on the other hand... Well, I guess it's none of their business.

The "CorneredCat" site looks like a great resource, but like I said, with this particular issue, she just locks up at the first mention of guns. I'm sure I could get her to start reading it, but as soon as she realizes what it's about she would get exasperated and say she doesn't want to know about guns and has no reason to learn...:banghead: It's so odd to me since she's so scared of so many things but absolutely cannot imagine a circumstance where she might actually have to pick up a gun in self defense. She was even there the night that crazy, bloodied, hopped-up meth-head walked off the highway and into my shop, but she never made the "connection." Admittedly, the chances of any of us having to defend ourselves with a firearm are extremely small, but my point is, WHAT DOES IT HURT TO HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE, even if you never have to use it? I was a Boyscout as a kid, and see no problem with being prepared. I agree completely with the comment that a person has a certain responsibility to be able to protect his/her family and put food on the table if the need ever arises. I also see it as part of being a responsible citizen. Just because you have the knowledge to defend yourself with a firearm doesn't make you a violent killer. It makes you a responsible husband/wife, parent, neighbor, and citizen.

Thanks again to everybody for all the great advice. I might even see if I can get her to read this thread. I think it would be valuable for her to see that not all gun owners are the "crazy gun nuts" you see in the movies. I wish I knew a woman around here who liked to shoot. I think she would be way more open to the issue if a woman offered to take her shooting sometime. I think she has the idea that most gun owners are just paranoid anti-establishment nuts. It didn't help that I once told her I wasn't going back to one local shop because I was pretty sure the owner was a skinhead, and knew he was a crabby old SOB to boot. But that's another gripe for another day...

 

[poker88]

Here's some more advice from a woman.... you need to leave her alone on this issue. No matter how much you don't like it, she doesn't want to hear about guns from you. As you said, she is immediately shutting you out.

That being said, have you ever offered to take her sister shooting? If the sister gets into it and decides to go to a class then maybe your g/f will go with her.

If not the sister then consider finding other women in the area who are shooters (preferably women who are in relationships) and make friends with them. If the two of you can find other couples in the area that like shooting that may encourage her to open up about it.

 

[HeavenlySword]

Go to the rallying point, look for couples that shoot in your area.

 

[leadcounsel]

Two types of people:

1) Anti gun at heart, driven by emotion rather than thought, and no chance to change the person or open her eyes. Run, don't walk, out of the relationship.

2) Outgoing and open minded and intelligent driven person, who has never considered the argument for guns and never shot one. Take her shooting and introduce her to guns in a positive light. If that doesn't change her mind, see #1 above.

Guns are my barometer test for people I meet, much like religion is for others or politics for others. I can't be around anti-gun people and be happy.

 

[chris in va]

See if you can find a female firearms instructor in your area. Sometimes women don't like to have their guys 'teaching' them anything.

But certainly don't press the issue. Show her visually how to do it, leave it be. She's leaving the house security up to you.

 

[Positrack]

Update:

I thought I'd just pop this back up to tell those in similar situations, "there is hope!" My girlfriend has recently taken somewhat of an interest in shooting! I just thought I'd post up and describe how it worked out and what I learned from the experience.

After posting here, and getting lots of good advice, I decided to just let it go and see what would happen. Recently, I could tell my girlfriend (Joni) seemed to be getting a little curious about shooting (though she wouldn't come right out and say it). Believe it or not, I think it had a lot to do with a PBS special we watched a couple months ago about Annie Oakley (very interesting story BTW). Shortly after, she offered that if I would go to prom with her (she is a high school librarian and was chaperoning), she would "let me" show her how to handle and shoot a couple of my guns. I agreed, and after enduring a night of the WORST "MUSIC" IMAGINABLE, I started working with her on my 552 (.22) and 870 (12ga.). I took it slow, and worked with her on the basics for short periods over the course of a few days when we both had the time. I'd quit as soon as she showed any signs of getting bored, and tried to keep it simple (basic safe handling for the most part) instead of barraging her with a bunch of stuff at once (like I have a tendency to do). We finally had a free Saturday, and she agreed to outside and do a little shooting. I set up some milk jugs in the field at various distances, and brought out the .22 and the 12ga. along with a box of special low noise, low recoil target loads I'd bought ages ago for just such an occasion. Unfortunately, Joni is pretty short and the 870 didn't fit her at all, but she actually wanted to try it. I advised her to keep it good and tight against her shoulder, keep her elbow up, keep a proper stance, and to keep a firm grip on it, but bit my tongue on giving a bunch of instruction beyond that. She only shot it a few times, but by God, she's a pretty decent shot! She seems to be naturally good at sighting targets. I barely gave her any coaching and she hit probably 80% her first time out. Granted, stationary targets at close to moderate range, but still, I was impressed.

We've since gone out several times, most recently with her brother who already knows how to shoot (sort of...). We all shot quite a bit, and I've got to say, she did great! She's at least as good a shot as he is (maybe better), and she's considerably better at safe handling. I found myself reminding her of the rules mainly for his (all of our) benefit. He is not a regular shooter (doesn't own any guns), and could do with a refresher course... Joni however, did just fine. The biggest problem she has at this point is a tendency to "gently" rack the 870, and she starts flinching a little after she shoots for a while (which is why we've been keeping shooting sessions short). As a side note, it's been my experience that new shooters often have a problem with firmly operating actions; Joni's brother jammed my 552 every time he tried to chamber the first round because he'd pull the bolt back too gently (not all the way I'm thinking), and then slowly follow it home with his hand rather than dropping it. I've NEVER had that gun jam like that, and didn't realize it was capable of it...

Anyway, I think Joni is quite proud of herself, and deserves to be. I don't know if she'll ever be a real "gun enthusiast," but she does seem to genuinely enjoy shooting, and I feel confident that she can now safely handle a firearm (at least the long guns I keep loaded). I'll also say, I'd hate to be an intruder staring down the barrel of that 870 with her on the other end of it. I still don't know if she'd consider using it in self defense if the situation ever called for it, but at least I know she has the basic skills to use the weapon if she ever decided to do so.

Lessons I came away with:
-Don't be pushy (I never really was, but what little I did do didn't help).
-In Joni's case, it seemed to really help seeing a respectable woman involved in shooting (look up Annie Oakley's life if you're not familiar; she was quite a lady and one HECK of a shot).
-Everything in short installments and when there is time.
-Let her shoot. It took a lot of tongue biting on my part not to coach her to death on the details of shotgunning prior to letting her shoot, but I have no doubt if I had, she would have gotten tired of it and it would have turned into work. Another thing I hadn't thought about before is that she can't comfortably hold the gun to her shoulder for 5 minutes while I critique her posture, stance, hold, sighting, etc... because the gun gets mighty heavy for someone of smaller stature. Plus, it irritates her. I actually realized that the first time she shot the .22, and made a point not to do it again. After I gave her the gun, I gave her the briefest of instruction so that she wouldn't hurt herself and then just let her shoot when she was ready. After blasting a couple of targets, she was smiling.
-Keep the shooting sessions short so nothing hurts afterward, and to avoid flinching.
-Start off with the super-light shells. Some might disagree with me on this, but I just wanted her to have a positive experience the first time so there would be a second time. Plus, it was still a pump action 12ga (not exactly a gentle machine...) I have no doubt after getting used to these, she will be able to at least step up to standard heavy target or bird hunting loads. I don't know if she'll ever be shooting 00 buck or slugs (she is pretty small), but I don't think it would help to have a frightening, painful first experience.

Man, that got long... Anyway, thanks again to all who offered advice (particularly from the female perspective). It was great to hear a variety of opinions, and I certainly appreciate it.

 

[General Geoff]

Congrats on the progress.

I don't know if she'll ever be shooting 00 buck or slugs (she is pretty small), but I don't think it would help to have a frightening, painful first experience.

Size has nothing to do with it, as long as you have proper stance and a tight hold to the shoulder, along with a proper length of pull.