Anti Significant Others....

[carbuncle]

I'm on the other end, I thought I was married to an anti and just found out last month that she's suddenly all about me keeping guns in the house. Score! I've got her all fired up about taking an introductory safety course (one where you get to shoot a bunch of handguns in different calibers) with me next month, and into pricing safes with me...never woulda thought it. I think she opened up a lot after finding out several of our friends either currently or have shot recreationally in the past, and after we moved into a house were she is occasionally alone at night.

 

[clarence222]

I guess I'm lucky, my wife has never complained once about my guns and accessories. Well ok after leaving ammo on the stairs to the basement for a week she does get a little angry. Other than stuff like that she never says much about it.

However you have a very young daughter to think about. No I don't think your daughter is going to be able to get the gun the way you have it stored. What I'm talking about is before you make any major life changing decisions or ultimatums. Think long and hard about how the actions will affect your daughter and your future relationship with her.

This little bit of advice is not coming from a computer. I myself have two children of my own. So I do have some experience in these matters.

 

[Echo9]

She's in Criminal Justice and she's irrationally terrified of guns?

I don't mean to pry, and please, do not feel pressured to reveal personal information on either your lady's behalf or your own, but it sounds to me like maybe she once had a pretty bad experience with guns? Tough spot to be in.

I sell guns, and one time at work some guy's wife was saying stuff like "This is ridiculous, why would someone need these awful things, home defense stuff is a bunch of garbage." A twenty-something female a few feet away handling a small-framed Glock said "Unless you get raped." Obviously, no one was going to ask her, but the look on her face did suggest to me that it was not a hypothetical, but she'd actually been raped.

Do you know anyone who's life/health was saved by a firearm? Or someone whose continued good health could have been? In my experience, meeting someone who was unarmed at the wrong time or armed at the right time can help convince an anti-gunner that a firearm has genuine value in the right hands.

Also, I think when I'm a father I'll be far more concerned about kitchen knives, swimming pools, car accidents, garbage disposals and cleaning chemicals than an empty, hidden, locked up gun.

Like someone else said, don't take relationship advice from Anonymous. I'd hate to see you break up with someone because of a message on a forum. BUT if I were in your shoes, I'd be less upset that my girlfriend disliked guns, and very upset that my girlfriend (apparently) refused to believe I was responsible enough to own something dangerous.

 

[bmxr4life87]

i had this talk with my wife when we first got together. My first gun was a winchester 94 that was my grandfathers so she couldnt say anything about it regardless... then i purchased a shotgun from a coworker for the sole purpose of HD. We went shooting and she loves the shotgun and 30-30 so we saved till i could afford my g19. Before we left the house she showed me a picture of a "pretty" gun on the computer that she wanted. The picture was a smith 686 stainless..... i was blown away that she wanted such a classic wheelgun. After buying mine she handled the smith and a ruger gp100 and settled on the ruger. She handles it with full house .357 magnums through it with no flinch or fear of recoil. It is a real comfort knowing that my wife has her own gun especially since its just her here to keep the house safe and now our daughter too

 

[wrs840]

Personally I couldn't have a relationship with someone who didn't share my core beliefs.

That's the bottom line. I don't care if it's guns, religion, or politics. If you insist on staying with someone you'll end up being at irreconcilable odds with, fine, just don't make babies. I don't want to share the planet with any more emotionally damaged kids.

Les

 

[gyvel]

If you are serious about SD/HD then you can't stay with her. If you stay with her and not "compromise" ie getting rid of the guns, she will have half of your stuff within 10 years.

Another problem that hasn't been addressed so far is that if things get "sticky," a situation can arise whereby she may call the police on you after a particularly bad argument and claim "domestic violence."

If charges are brought, you are screwed in that you can't own a firearm ever again.

It CAN and HAS happened.

 

[Shadow 7D]

Start sticking the crime blotter on the fridge.

If it's about beliefs, especially core beliefs, you are best talking openly, you keep the guns and she gets to keep you. About the kid, um, my wife, while she doesn't like guns, has no problem with them as long I make sure that they are put up "safely", and knows how I feel about them.

 

[Mr.Davis]

With all due respect to you and to your girlfriend, this may be a dealbreaker. It all depends on the importance you place on self-defense and your shooting hobby.

She clearly has a VERY irrational stance about firearms. It would behoove you to have an honest, levelheaded conversation with her about her fears. My wife got very weird after I bought my first gun. She was fine with it until I actually brought it into the house. At that point, she didn't want to see it or talk about it. I let it lay after trying to engage her in conversation a few times. About a month later, she told me that she was over her irrational fear and was fine with me owning it. Don't try to force anything on her, or use the relationship as leverage. Find out if she has reasons (people develop irrational fears all the time, and it's usually for a reason). Hopefully you can work it out.

If she just doesn't see the merit, Google up American Rifleman's "Armed Citizen" stories. They're great examples of responsible self defense with firearms.

 

[docpadds]

My ex is ardently anti guns and doesnt support my kids having anything to do with them either, where i am the opposite considering its part of my livelihood! I dont know there to be any way to change her mind on this one, she truely beleives in the firearm being the problem and not the person pulling the trigger.

Funny thing is i grew up in a pretty suburban life but have had a shotgun at least since i was 12, she grew up in the country and wouldnt go near one.

I didnt have a gun in the house while she lived here, but since she doesnt i converted that closet that only had towels in it into a more useful purpose

 

[berettaprofessor]

My bride and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary this coming year. I can't imagine spending forty years trying to get my partner to understand my point of view.

LOL. After >25 married, we still find some points of view differ but I can't imagine 40 either!

 

[Erik M]

I lucked up and settled down with a pacifist, she wasn't anti but she didn't see the need or enjoyment of firearms.. Through safety classes and trips to the outdoor range Ive now aligned her style of thinking with my own. She even started her own collection.

 

[Mousegun]

Think of it this way. If you gave in to her and got rid of your guns and heaven forbid, something went down, you came out of it but she didn't. Would you be able to live with yourself the rest of your life knowing you at one time had the means to do something about the situation but gave it up?

This is one of the best arguments I throw at any anti that accuses me of being anything less than stellar for having guns.

 

[nitetrane98]

As somebody else pointed out, this ain't about guns.

From experience, though, I agree with Johnny Taylor, If you're fed up with her you better stay fed up with her cause "It's Cheaper to Keep Her"

 

[woad_yurt]

Have you ever taken her to the range? I've taken quite a few newbies and they all, even the two most gun-frightened, ended up having a ball. An old Glenfield 60 can be a real fun thing. I would suggest sticking with a .22 rifle or semi-auto pistol at first; keep it mellow and recoil-less that first time.

Now, regarding her concern over the child's safety, this'll keep the kid safe and will allow you to access the gun quickly if neccesary. It's a one gun lock box that is opened by fingerprint recognition. You put your finger on the tab and it pops open. It costs $229.00. If a locked up gun still scares her, though, you may have an unresolvable issue. Good luck.

http://www.gunsafes.com/BioBox.html

​

 

[chuckusaret]

I have been very lucky, my wife likes jewelry, and I like guns. This has worked real well for the past 49 years. One thing that we don't agree on is the THR. She is a member but will not participate because of one moderator assigned to General Gun Discussions and would rather participate on the Florida Gun Forum.

 

[oneounceload]

She needs to be more concerned with sharp kitchen implements, cleaners, poisons, detergents, medicines, vitamins, etc. than a gun that is secured as you mentioned. My two boys at that age could open everyone of the "childproof" locked drawers and cabinets, but they never touched the guns up high.

I do not envy you your position, especially with a child, you're on the hook one way or the other

 

[EHL]

When I was single, I would make it a point to bring up the subject of hobbies. Eventually, the subject of guns would come up and I'd guage their reaction. If they were absolutely repulsed, I'd discuss the pros of gun ownership with them versus not owning any. (protection, security, etc..) If they still had an adament anti/I-don't-care attitude about it, the date would end almost immediatly.

As others have said, if she isn't willing to bend on this one, you're going to have to make a choice. Good luck.

 

[jptaco]

My wife has also taken the stance of not wanting guns around the house. I am new to shooting sports and it required quite a few months of discussion about purchasing a pistol before I brought one home. Even then she didn't really want to see it and definitely did not want to touch it So I began to expose her gradually to being around firearms in an attempt to decrease her irrational fear. I made sure she was home when I cleaned my guns, initially she would leave the room, but eventually she was comfortable hanging around while I had 3 pistols stripped down and lying on our coffee table. I took her to our local gun store with me, so she could meet some of the people I went to the range with and even convinced her to make some trips there on her own to pick up some accessories for me. I took her to the range, she watched, did not have any interest in shooting - but she met some of the people there and it helped for her to meet some of the female shooters who were there. Has any of this helped? I think so, initially she said I could own 1 pistol, now I have 3 plus my Remington 870. She doesn't mind them being in the house and is supportive of my shooting pastime. My next goal will be to see if she will return to the range and become an active participant herself, but I'm not pushing this (she still won't touch a pistol). I don't think all is lost with your relationship, you're just going to have to put some work into it regarding having guns in the house. Hope that helps.

 

[CoRoMo]

"Unless you get raped."

ChefKristian:
I believe that your girlfriend is reacting with only her feelings. You'll need to use that to show her some logic. Strike those feelings of her's with the horrible facts. The words I placed in the quote box above should give you an indication of something that might make her think. Only you would know whether this approach might have an impact on her. If she could only stop and think about the ramifications of a helplessly unarmed life, she'd find herself painted into a corner.


I hope it works out for your daughter's sake. She could really use two parents in the house.

 

[BHP FAN]

this is depressing.I'm going back over to the Black Powder forums to cheer up...

 

[gregj]

I'm in a similar situation, but with my wife of 22 yrs. I was born and raised in Texas, and started hunting when I was 12 or 13 (about 40 yrs ago). My wife was raised in Maryland (almost as communist as California), and firearms were never part of her life. I expect a major reason for this is her dad served in WWII (Battle of the Bulge), and probably saw more than anyone should ever have to.

We also have two sons, 19 and 15, great kids, and at an early age they started getting into paintball, and lately airsoft. This helped to ease their mom into accepting their involvement, though it wasnt with "real" firearms.

I recently rekindled my interst in firearms and started rebuilding my "collection", though I always had one or two around for protection. My son's prior experince with paintball and airsoft, and my wife's exposure to it, has made it a lot easier for her to accept my renewed interest in it, as well as the fact my sons love going to the range me. It makes for some great father/son quality time.

If you give your relationship time, and respect her fears, hopefully she will come to accept your hobby. You mentioned she's afraid of your 18 month old daughter getting access to it. This is a tough one, because there are few things that are stronger than a mother's protection for her child. The best you can do is ensure it is safely secured, and there is no way she can access it. Best of luck.

 

[scythefwd]

Talk to her about the importance of knowing how to unload / inspect your gun for safety. Make it clear that the gun is staying, so she needs to know how to handle it safely. Point out that she doesn't have to ever shoot it, or handle it, but she does need to know how to clear it/ handle it safely. Keep it unloaded while teaching her, and don't goof around. My wife isn't gun ho, but she isn't an anti either. I flat out told her that she will learn how to handle my guns safely because they will be in the house. She has, and will go to the range with me once in a while. She doesn't handle the guns at the house, but at least I know she won't AD due to ignorance if she comes across one.

 

[Grey Morel]

Just keep being you.

If she loves you, she won't try and change you... too much.

 

[mustang_steve]

As the saying goes....

Women date men they hope they can change, but they never do.
Men date women hoping to stay the same, but they never do.

Basically, it's safe to assume man and woman will rarely see eye-to-eye on issues....this is where trust comes into play. If she cannot trust you to have firearms around the house, the relationship is already over. After all, why would you want to spend your life (and risk your financial livelihood) with someone that doesn't trust you?

To me trust is the cornerstone of a relationship....when it's gone, I'm gone. It may seem a bit bull-headed, but I've seen what type of women being easily swayed brings you....those kinds of relationships are like cheap wine.....very intoxicating, but leaves you with one hell of a headache when it's all over.

 

[kda]

I agree with a few of these posts. This struggle is not about guns ... it is about CONTROL. Not mutual control, nor reasonable control. When someone plants their feet like this, the issue is ultimately about absolute control ... and when one or the other wins absolute control over the other, the future of that relationship is cast in concrete. From this point, it will only go down hill. You have my condolences. But your choice is easy. Do you want a life of being dominated or do you want some freedom and your hobbies, guns, etc.