Buying a gun for your wife?

[Pilot]

Pax, this should be a sticky. I went through the "buy your wife a gun" thing. We went to a gun store and I tried to get her to like a bunch of semi-autos. HK, Sig, CZ, Glock , XD-9, Walther, etc. I let her shoot my Sigs, HK's, CZ, etc. She is a very independentlly minded woman (what woman isn't) and she ended up buying a S&W revolver in .38 Spl. Go figure. Its the perfect carry gun for here. Now at the range she likes my PCR and P7M8.

 

[Camp David]

I bought one for her years ago... it is our only gun that has NEVER been fired! It's locked up somewhere; or lost in a cardbox box... I have no idea!

It sounded like a good idea at first... I got her interested in guns and gave her a book or two to read... tried to get her to a shooting range but no dice there...Then I purchased her a gift: A small (tiny) Smith & Wesson Chief's Special .38 with a box of ammunition... It looked cute rather than threatening... I tried to get her to a range to shoot it after.... nope... Not sure what happened... she does carry mace and pepper spray... every once in a while she fiddles in her purse looking for something and that damn spray goes off and smells up the place....

 

[poppy]

Oh pax, pax... Will you marry me? poppy

 

[pax]

We got our first gun in response to a home invasion incident.

That's more common than you know -- not the home invasion, I mean, but buying a gun because something happened. Seems to be the most common route to gun ownership among people (esp women) who didn't just grow up with guns.

We went to a couple of gun stores and they all wanted to push the "ladies" favorites on her.

:banghead:

That, too, is more common than you know. I'm torn between amusement and annoyance when that happens, but I try really hard to think of it as an opportunity to educate the guy behind the counter. Most of them mean well and just don't know any better.

Whatever she wanted to look at the guy would always hand the gun to me first. I wouldn't do a thing but hand it to my wife. She asked him to take the trigger lock off so she could feel the trigger pull. Again, the gun comes back to me. and I handed it right back to her.

To me, that passes the line from "needs education" right over into "personally rude and I won't be back."

Wonderful story, otherwise! Glad she's gotten into it.

pax

 

[birddog]

Looks matter.

Too true.

When my wife bought her first handgun, the evil salesman placed a Kimber Ultra CDP in her hand. Beautiful gun. Fit her hand like a glove. It could have been a .45 or a 50BMG and she was coming home with it.

Surprise, surprise, now she likes shooting .45's.

 

[psyopspec]

Great Oden's Beard!!! What an excellent article. Have you considered submitting it to Guns & Ammo, Concealed Carry, Playboy, etc?

 

[palerider1]

i'm trying to get my wife to shoot with me,,,,,says she wont shoot a gun but i'm sure i can pursuade her. if i were getting a gun for my wife i would buy her a colt 380 automatic with some good home defense ammo. it would be small enough for her to be comfortable shooting it (being a new shooter) yet powerful enough to be a good self defense tool.
i would also pay to have her take a couple of handgun self defense/safety classes, especially if she is a new shooter. fear can cause many dangerous decisions to be made and if she does not have the proper training you may be looking at the wrong end of the gun coming home late at night. i have shot guns and practiced gun safety all my life. i grew up shooting, but i also know what it is like to see new shooters learn. i have 3 step sons that i have taught to shoot and when i first started with them i wouldnt go into the field with anything but a red ryder bb gun.
good luck,
paul gilson
palerider1

 

[Larry Ashcraft]

Pax, a lot of good points. Thank you!

No real point here, just my observations about my wife Sandy (who is a member here but rarely posts).

In the early 80's, we competed in IHMSA handgun silhouette, so she is no stranger to handguns or recoil. She used a Rem. XP-100 in 7mm International and a Ruger SBH in .44 mag. She has shot and enjoyed handguns in just about every caliber and platform, from .22lr up to and including .480 Ruger.

A couple years ago, she fell in love with a S&W Ladysmith j-frame being raffled at the FNRA banquet. I bought her a couple chances and she came in second place, winning an NRA belt buckle, not what she wanted. The next year I bought her more chances (the raffle is 48 roses with ticket attached for $20 each) and my son in law bought one chance for my daughter. My daughter won the gun. So I broke down and bought Sandy a blued Ladysmith for her birthday. She shoots it well and it is pretty so she decided it would be her CCW gun.

We took our training for CCW in early October this year and had a surprise. Sandy broke her left wrist in September 2004 and has lost some strength. We discovered that she cannot shoot the little revolver weak-handed. That is unacceptable to her so we are again looking for a CCW gun for her. I think the answer may be my (her) little KelTec P3AT, or maybe a PPKS that we have. Time will tell, neither of these guns are pretty enough, so they will probably be stopgap guns. We are waiting on our CCWs (the state has 90 days, and they are taking every minute of it).

 

[pax]

Larry ~

Sorry to hear about Sandy's wrist troubles.

When my right arm was messed up with severe tendonitis this time last year, I found that it was less painful for me to shoot bigger & heavier guns even though they were harder to hold. Something about the sharp & slappy feel of smaller calibers just about killed me, every time. Such a relief when it finally cleared up and I could again shoot whatever I wanted.

Give Sandy my best wishes that she heals up fast -- and good luck to both of you in finding an acceptable replacement for the beloved LadySmith!

pax

 

[Shorts]

Good post Pax. I've gotten to the point now where I roll my eyes now when I see a "What gun for my wife/GF/female?" on any board. I use to reply, but that got old

Nice follow on why the husband/BF should not be the teacher. There is a tension there and its just easier and I think more adventageous to have professional instruction right off the bat. A good first experience will boost a first-timer's confidence and interest in shooting again.

I also think this post should be a sticky

 

[Larry Ashcraft]

Here's some food for thought, and maybe deserves its own thread.

Our trainer, Leonard Jimenez, knows me pretty well, knows I've shot competitively, IHMSA and some USPSA. Knows I reload and shoot quite a bit. He also knows Sandy is supportive and wants her own CCW, but doesn't shoot quite as much as me.

During our classroom training, he made this statement:

"Sandy, you and Larry are likely to be together should something go down. Not to sound sexist but, you know your role is going to be as backup. Your gun may not need to be as big and your presentation may not need to be as fast. Your awareness, however, is paramount."

I don't think Leonard meant to be sexist, I think he just meant I would more likely respond with violence faster than she would. (In your case the roles would likely be reversed.)

Thoughts?

 

[mustanger98]

Hey Larry, Here's my thought for what it's worth. Your instructor may well not intend to be sexist and I'm not saying he still might be, but the question of who's going to react violently to a threat faster, IMO, depends on the threat, which direction it came from and who saw it, and on the individual in question. Also, I recall something about the female of any species having to be deadlier than the male. So, if a married couple, for instance, finds themselves under attack, the reaction will depend on which partner saw it first. Which one will react more violently may just depend on who's ticked off worse. I think we can't know for sure unless we've been there and survived.

 

[Templar223]

Great Topic, who would flame for this?


Inquiring minds want to know.

The instructor wants $50/hr. for personal lessons. Is that about right?

Damn!

We'll give her a two day NRA Personal Protection class for $135.

With the other 20 students, that is.

John

 

[Templar223]

GREAT post Pax. You're right on. Who could flame that?

I bought a gun for my girlfriend for X-mas, but now I'm seriously thinking about keeping it for myself!

John

 

[Z_Infidel]

Good post, Pax.

My wife solved this whole problem for me. Once she picked up my S&W 457 in .45ACP and decided she wanted it -- felt good in her hand with the Hogue rubber grips, the right size and weight, etc... It is now at S&W being converted to DAO at her request. When we get it back she wants to learn to use it well. She will probably never have the same interest in guns and shooting that I have, but she understands that she needs to learn to shoot and handle her gun with familiarity.

 

[Cousin Mike]

Great post, pax!

My fiance read this thread with me, actually, and we agreed about most everything you said, except one thing... hence, my question:

What if your gf/wife wants you to be the only one to teach her to use firearms? In my case, she's not ready for concealed carry, when she is she'll let me know. She's just learning about guns, and I asked if she would like a professional instructor of her own to teach her how to shoot. She shot the idea down immediately (no pun intended), and said she wanted to continue learning with me acting as teacher. Also, she is a very good listener, and very independant at the range (i.e., clearing malfunctions on her own once taught how). When I do point out flinching or other bad habits, she works hard to correct them, and she also never takes things I say personally. In general, I do understand why it's generally not a good idea to teach your girlfriend/wife to use firearms for most couples. All couples aren't the same though. So, I guess what I am asking (in detail) is:

Is it still a bad idea to act as instructor if:
a.) She has expressed that that's what she wants
b.) She feels more comfortable learning with her boyfriend/husband than a stranger
c.) She understands what you say and why when it comes to mistakes/bad habits, and doesn't take it personally or get frustrated?

I'm not saying we never argue, we just never argue about guns
I'm lucky in the fact that I have a girl who has learned to love firearms, and has a serious desire to learn everything she can about guns/shooting.

Thanks again for the thoughtful, well written point of view.

 

[pax]

Cousin Mike ~

Sounds like you & your fiancee have this worked out pretty well between you already.

That's excellent ... but it probably isn't the norm. There are just so many places the process can go wrong -- over emotional reactions, over safety issues, over instructional techniques -- that it's a rare couple who can really tiptoe through the minefield without at least one mishap.

Big concern for a couple like yourselves who have no emotional difficulties is the question of instructional technique. You'll probably have to sit on your hands a little bit (or stuff 'em in your pockets) to avoid reaching in and "fixing it" if & when she has problems with gun manipulations. Also be alert and honest with yourself when she gets to the point where you have taught her as much as you can, or if she hits some difficulty you don't seem to be able to teach her about. At that point, she may want to enroll in a class or find another instructor to explain whatever-it-is in a different way; it may be hard on one or both of you to admit that, but there's no shame in it if it happens.

Key sentence in your post:

All couples aren't the same though.

I agree with you; that's the reason I used the word "probably" when I said someone romantically involved probably wasn't the best person to teach her to shoot. Obviously, to any rule that involves human beings there are going to be exceptions.

Congrats on being one of them.

pax

 

[xd9fan]

Thanks Pax I want my wife to get a gun. great info!! Thanks

 

[Cousin Mike]

pax, you are GREAT! I think you might save some relationships with this one! Thanks again for your thoughts and insight - you have a gift for explaining the female perspective in a way that is easy for the guys to understand. Not many people can do that.

I have seen quite a few couples at the range we frequent become quite snappy and short with eachother. I definitely have seen the things you cited first hand. I see lots of women at the range with their husbands, and usually it's pretty visible to all that they are uncomfortable, and not enjoying themselves. As for me personally, I'd be happy to get my fiancee a teacher, but she rejects the idea everytime. I think once she gets as accurate as I am, she'll open up to the idea of a professional instructor. However, she is shooting, shooting well, and shooting often! We're having more fun together than ever. That's about all I can ask for, right?

 

[Sandy Ashcraft]

One question?

Pax this was a great thread. I really enjoyed reading it.
I just have one question - Why do men think we know which gun we will like without buying five or six like they do?

I think I am going to have to start posting here just so Larry will see my Christmas list.

Dear Santa
1. New gun
2. Lessons
3. New shotgun (Steve's fault)
4. Lessons
5. CCW
6. More lessons

It's not to late Santa doesn't shop till Christmas Eve.

 

[Scarface]

Pax, what a great post.

My Dad gave me the best advice I've ever had the morning my wife and I were married. He told me "Never try to understand her, just go along with her". He and Mom were married for 50 years, so I figured he must know something.
My wife shoots with me about 4 times per year, primarily because she knows how much I enjoy being wih her. With the exception of repaeting the safety rules each time we shoot, I haven't tried to improve her skills unless she asks. Recenty, we took a new couple shooting. While instructing them, she said she learned more than all the years we've shot together. Now, she asks for tips and I'm thrilled to be able to help her out, but onlywhen she asks me.

Over the years, I've bought several pistols with her in mind. Of them all, she likes our P22 the best and has become proficient with it. She has a Taurus 605 wih Crimson Trace grips under her pillow and fam fires it each time we shoot, but she practices with the P22. I'm just glad she goes with me and practices.
Next year, we will have been married the 38 best years of my life. I never try to understand or train her.

Be Well,

Scarface

 

[pax]

I just have one question - Why do men ...?

Sandy, I've never been able to answer a question that starts with those three words!



pax

 

[mustanger98]

Sandy Ashcraft:

I just have one question - Why do men think we know which gun we will like without buying five or six like they do?

pax:

Quote:
I just have one question - Why do men ...?

Sandy, I've never been able to answer a question that starts with those three words!

I cannot presume to speak for every man on the board much less the planet, but I for one do not think that. This question again brings to me images of my sister and her preferences. She likes one gun. I like several. (And I can't figure out my brother-in-law as he don't seem to like anything.) My sister has shot most of my sixguns and says they're "too forward heavy". She never bought one; just shot whatever I had. And FWIW, I almost hate that .38 snubbie she keeps, but not because of brandname/quality/price/whatever. I just don't do well shooting that small of a revolver just like she don't get along with my selections. So we don't generally shoot each other's guns. "Why do men...?" I don't know... why do women...? why does anybody...? I've come to the conclusion that people are just notional by nature.

 

[Hikingman]

The Best?

Err, Hikingman is wondering - any women out there care to comment on this forum topic?

 

[Father Knows Best]

We took our training for CCW in early October this year and had a surprise. Sandy broke her left wrist in September 2004 and has lost some strength. We discovered that she cannot shoot the little revolver weak-handed. That is unacceptable to her so we are again looking for a CCW gun for her. I think the answer may be my (her) little KelTec P3AT, or maybe a PPKS that we have. Time will tell, neither of these guns are pretty enough, so they will probably be stopgap guns. We are waiting on our CCWs (the state has 90 days, and they are taking every minute of it).

Wow. If she has trouble shooting a J frame Smith weak handed, I don't know why you think a P3AT or PPK/s would be o.k. I've found the P3AT to be wicked to shoot. The tiny grip and light weight contribute to wicked recoil, despite the .380 cartridge. The P32 isn't bad, but in my experience the P3AT is extremely uncomfortable and almost impossible to hit with. It's a BUG, at best.

As for the PPK/s, I have one. I hate it. The double action trigger pull is incredibly heavy, and from what I understand, that's typical of these guns. It takes a LOT of hand strength to squeeze off that first shot. In addition, slide bite is a common problem.

For folks with hand strength issues, a good 'smith can generally lighten the trigger pull on a J frame without compromising reliability. Another possibility is the Glock 26 (subcompact 9mm). It is relatively light, has a light and consistent trigger, and recoil is quite light. The only issue may be the grip dimensions, which don't always fit people with small hands.