Helping out a good friend.

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killchain

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Hey all. Want to ask some advice.

I'm by no means rich, or well off. I'm going to school, scraping to pay the bills and whatnot. Want to put that out first.

I have a very, very good friend would go hunting with his Maverick 88 shotgun. Just your plain jane field model. Anyway, this Maverick 88 is now in pieces because of an accident, and he can't hunt.

The caveat here is that what he hunts, he eats. He's not doing too well either, and half of his family's diet comes from what he brings home from his hunting trips... and he goes hunting a lot specifically for this reason. He's got a wife and a little girl.

He naturally put a new shotgun on layaway and is currently busting his butt on overtime to pay for it before duck season opens up. It's a higher quality shotgun than the Maverick... not quite sure what it is.

I've brought up the subject to the wife about helping to pay for it, and she's being crotchety about it. I can see where she's coming from... how we don't have much money ourselves and whatnot.

Here's the thing, though... his family depends on that food, and on top of that this guy has literally saved my life more than once. We served in the Army together, and spent a couple of trips in the sandbox together. I don't think my wife understands that if it wasn't for my buddy, I probably wouldn't even be here right now.

Should I just siphon off the cash and help him out anyway? Or hold off?

To be perfectly honest, I'm inclined right now to just take the flak from the wife and do it. But I want some disinterested parties' inputs.
 
I would do anything for my very few GOOD friends.
Explain to the wife that you just can't and won't look on while one of yours is in need.

After all, worst case, a new wife is only a bar/church trip away. A good friend, much harder to find.

It isn't everyday we are in a position to help. Get him that scattergun.

You asked, JT
 
I would, but that's mostly because, personally, money to a good friend is always money well-spent.

I wouldn't set myself to starving, but I would eat ramen for a while.

What's wrong with the Maverick? It may be more time- and money-efficient to buy a couple parts for him, or offer to buy it from him to help him pay for the new one.
 
Go for it. Explain to your wife that it's no more than you would do for her! Married or not, she's good friend - we hope.
 
Never hide anything from your spouse.

Do explain to her that she would not have you if not for him saving your life. Tell her the details because she doesn't have a reference point for this.

Explain that this is as important to you as helping family in need and go over the family budget together to see if there's actually any room to help. If there isn't then don't beat yourself up over it. If you don't have the money you simply can not help him. OTOH, if you have a little "me money" in the budget and there's a smidge left over in the family budget, go ahead. Remember that your obligation to him is primarily yours and not your family's.

What you've not explained is what other reasons your wife might be opposed to you doing this. Does she think your friend doesn't manage his resources as well as you do and if he were a little more responsible he'd be able to handle this himself? Considering the expense associated with hunting is it really the most cost effective way to put food on the table or is it more of a way to balance the fact that he enjoys hunting? Your wife probably understands fully what it costs to feed a family on a tight budget and may not see the food issue from the same perspective as you and your friend. Be sure that there's a real need here and not a rationalization for the new gun.
 
I would, but I'd also give up a personal luxury so that the household budget would remain revenue-neutral. As an example, if you buy lunch at work, brown-bag it for a few weeks and use the lunch money to help pay for the shotgun.
 
Never hide anything from your spouse.
Click to expand...

That can't be repeated enough. I would want to do it in that situation. Talk it over with her. Maybe there are some sacrifices you can make with personal luxuries for you, not the wife. Explain to the wife what you did to us, that you wouldn't be here were it not for him. Sometimes fewer words when discussing such matters convey emotions more plainly. I've overly explained my wishes before and the sentiments were lost in translation. Short and sweet.
 
Do it.

Here's another thought however...

How bad is the Mossy? Is any of it salvageable? If it can be fixed with parts and you are able to do it, I'd get another old Mossy and swap out the parts and then loan him the patched up shotgun for his use. Have him give it back to you after he pays for his layaway - win-win 'cause you can't have too many shotguns.

killchain
Helping out a good friend.
Hey all. Want to ask some advice.
Click to expand...
 
Do it, and tell your wife why. If she is a sensible woman, she will understand (eventually) and (ultimately) love you all the more for it.

Just don't make a habit of it.

mbogo
 
I'd lend him one of my shotguns until he got his new one paid off. Also Deus Machina has a good idea. Fix the old shotgun or buy it off of him to help pay for his new one, and then fix it up as a loaner. I've got a good friend that I'd outright give a shotgun to if he was in that situation, and my wife would fully support me. Good friends are hard to find, and I don't use the term lightly.
 
What if you buy him a nice, used gun from a pawnshop? He could probably get a refund from the store on his layaway. You could also go down to the store and make payments on the layaway and tell him later.

At the same time, be careful getting b/t spouses. You do not want your best friend's wife hating your guts. It's not pleasant and I speak from experience.
 
I'd lend him one of my shotguns ... Good friends are hard to find, and I don't use the term lightly.
Click to expand...

Good advice. I have one very close friend that I would loan anything, too. Unless I remarry...the wife would be off limits in that case, but saving that possibility...I'd loan him the shirt off my back and one of my carry pieces if he needed it. Those types of friends are few and far between. He's more like a brother as I've known him since childhood.
 
You just gotta bite the bullet and do what you think is best. I am torn, why would you lay away a really expensive weapon system when you could get by with a NEF or pardner pump? Especially if it means puttin food on the table! I know what I would do, get a group of vets and have a fund raising ride. You would be surprised what a group of guys both in and retired will do for a fellow vet. Just remember this if mama aint happy; aint no-one gonna be happy!
 
Exactly what Eyesac said. Sorry, but a friend's well-being comes before her temporary happiness. If she doesn't understand, well, tough. When she gets her life saved by a friend, she'll understand. Friends like that are worth the hardship, every time.
 
Killchain: Wifes come and go but true friends are hard to come by, if your wife is also a true friend she'll understand.

I think the idea of loaning a shotgun until he get's his paid off is probably the best seeing that no money is going out and the situation is covered. But if you don't have a shotgun to loan, maybe look around the house to see what "you" might have that you don't really need or want anymore and either pawn/sell it to raise the money?
 
I have a very, very good friend
Click to expand...

Here's the thing, though... his family depends on that food, and on top of that this guy has literally saved my life more than once.
Click to expand...


Nough said.
With these two statements, I don't think there's even anything to think about.
I have a lot of buddies. I don't have many friends.
 
Do the decent thing and help a real friend. Help make some payments or something if that's all your budget will allow. Do keep the wife in this and explain that you WILL make this small sacrifice on her part worth the trouble as soon as you are able. When the time comes to thank her, make it somehow really special for her and she will never again doubt your commitment to her and to your word. Everybody should have a friend such as you.
 
I have several friends that have lasted through and beyond my first wife, and the present wife. Do what is right and your friend will be at your casket when you are lowered. The wife.........well she will probably be on the lookout for a new meal ticket and some stranger will end up with your guns.
remember this......."there is a way to do things right and a way to do the right thing"
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE..............
 
I am going to offer to repair the 88 (assuming it is repairable). It is what I do and I sure can spare that as a thanks for his service . I have a FFL on my end to receive it and will pay for the shipping both ways, and repair the 88 at no cost if you can line that up. Pictures and an explaination of the damage will be helpful to determine if it is repairable. (it would realy have to be something bad to prevent it from being repaired) All you would need is an FFL to receive it back on your end.

You can PM me if you would like to accept that help for your friend.
 
Women don't generally understand male bonding. I've got a number of real friends who have lasted through three wives and a number of girlfriends.

Help your friend. Deal with the wife. If she really loves you she'll deal with it.
 
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