candid
JohnKSA,
Unfortunately, stress often does promote undesireable reactions (undesireable even in the eyes of the actor), in many circumstances with untried persons. This should be understood, though educated and trained for the better.
As for the public humiliation bit, there is probably a good way to address that. Simply sit down and have a candid conversation with the girl, avoid the confrontational "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN TO ME IN PUBLIC" kind of rhetoric (guaranteed to produce more defensive, offensive situations), and simply ask what her purpose was in making the second statement. If she indeed says it was to "publicly humiliate" or "teach you a lesson" or anything of the sort, then I agree, this is not the kind of person I would chose to be tied to in any way. On the other hand, if it is simply a case of "I was emotionally ragged, distraught, and I am sorry that I put you in a bad position" this would probably reveal a fairly different side of things. Again, honesty in relationships should be rather important, especially five weeks before marriage....
Perhaps I missed it, but does age come into play here? This is honestly the kind of reaction I would expect from a 23 year old young lady unaccustomed to firearms. Not my daughter, or my wife (the second NOW knows better, and I plan on teaching the first as the time comes), but again, fairly typical. However, if we are treating a 35 lady who one would expect to have the maturity to tame the tongue, even under such duress, I would have to wonder about the potential for future progress.
Someone posted before that you can't change someone; no, you shouldn't go into a relationship expecting to "change" them. However, maturity happens. A young lady, if possessing qualities and traits suggesting a good mate, should not be disregarded for simple immaturity that most would recognize as fairly typical.
However, I agree with alot of people here on this: its not normal for someone to come to a gunboard, complaining about something like this and asking marital questions, and it being the ONLY cause for his discomfort. Perhaps you should examine things on a wider level. Although, I know that cold feet does seem to kick in about that time..... However, regardless of the timing, to remove yourself now from a relationship in which you consider trapped will be MUCH easier and less painfull for all parties then five years down the road.
In resumation, I would again suggest that some wisdom is clearly needed in such evaluations as this, and should have been taking place for the past two years. If you are not in the position now where you can confirm being committed to live with this person for as long as you live, regardless of the circumstances (i.e., cool-headedness over guns and funerals, or the lack thereof) then indeed you had best look elsewhere, for I doubt you will be anytime soon. I do not thing this isolated occurance should not be the litmus test for your relationship. If however, it points to something deeper, which you have seen as an underlying constant, that should alert you to something.
Regardless of the armchair counceling you see going on here (myself included), none of the posters here know your fiance. You have had the opportunity to gauge her over a two year period. Simply examine what you know of her. I guarantee you will be able to see the picture clearer than anyone here who has no broader perspective on this girl. Make an honest, honorable evaluation in light of those two years (and, this circumstance as well). Luck.
