CCW...and dating?

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chris in va

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I've been out of the dating loop for about 8 years now, but I met someone recently that has the odd notion she likes me. Yesterday I took her on a date, which involved her riding pillion on my bike.

So. Normally I either strap the Sig to my side or a holstered P11 in a jacket pocket. I wasn't carrying either yesterday and I felt naked. As you may have figured out, when you have a passenger, they hug your waist. :D

I don't want to freak her out and really have no idea how to explain something like this. To add further complications, she's Spanish. Flame away, but it's been my experience that they don't want anything to do with guns.

The gun thing is only a facet of what's going on, so it's not like 'guns or her' kinda thing.
 
I always carried when I was dating (and in those days it wasn't legal.)

On our first date, I took my wife-to-be to a parachute jump. She watched me come out of a CV-2 Caribou at 12,500 feet, free-fall for 60 seconds and blow my ParaCommander into rags. I came down on the reserve.

We agree -- I gave her fair warning of what it was going to be like living with me.:D
 
It's like ripping off a band-aid. Get it over with.

The sooner you do it, the less invested you'll be if there's some kind of show-stopper problem. If she goes fugazzi over gun ownership, or much less, CCW, better to suffer the heartbreak of a handful of dates, than be the poor schmuck who posts the thread every couple of months:

HELP! MY FIANCEE WANTS ME TO GET RID OF ALL MY GUNZZZZ! :(

Be up front, say: "There's something you should know about me. It's perfectly legal, but some people have a problem with it."

(At this point she's sweating bullets because she thinks you're about to tell her you have AIDS, were once a woman before the "operation", or are a secret polygamist with 10 wives and 100+ kids, and you want her to be #11.)

Then, tell her by handing her your CCW permit. (This subconciously puts the weight of the VA state govt. behind you a bit...) After a pause, say, "Out of respect for you, and because we were just getting to know each other, I haven't been carrying while we were out together. I need to know what you think."

Wait for a response.

Then go into the specific arguments we all know.

"I have it, because I don't know when I'll need it."

"I, (or you) can be killed (raped, robbed, maimed, kidnapped) faster than 911 will get the police here..."

"This permit means I've had training, and a state and federal background check."

"It's a LAST RESORT. I do not think this makes me a Cop, nor am I a vigilante. I now go even further out of the way to avoid conflict because of the responsibility CCW entails."

Etc. etc. etc....

It may well go better than you think.
 
Just ask her....

when you hand her your CHL, "do you have one of these?"........chris3
 
You guys are being diplomatic about it.

If the chick is ok with it, she will be ok with it anyway.

On the first or second, but never later than the third date, I tell her:

"By the way, I own guns. Do you?"

Depending upon her reaction, she finds out that now only do I own them, but I carry them. Depending on her reaction from there, depends upon whether or not I allow her to have another date with me.

Remember, you are the gun owner/carrier, you are the person smart enough to realize the world isn't some Sesame Street/Mr. Rogers love-a-thon, the chick should be thankful she has you, because pretty faces are easily replaced.
 
How about

"Hey I was going out with the guys and I was thinking I'd really like to have you along with me, are you interested?"

If she says yes, you'll have to prep her with some basic handling and safety instruction. It wouldn't hurt if SOMEONE else you shoot with has a FEMALE significant other along, who shoots even minimally, so she can have "an hermana" to relate to / comiserate with ;)

You take it from there.
(not knocking you w/ the female comment, just that you don't want YOUR S.O. feeling 'left out' or like a 'third wheel'...)
 
(At this point she's sweating bullets because she thinks you're about to tell her you have AIDS, were once a woman before the "operation", or are a secret polygamist with 10 wives and 100+ kids, and you want her to be #11.)
Click to expand...

HAHAHA! That's exactly what my wife was thinking when I started "the talk" on our second date . . .:)
 
Chris, Quit foolin around and tell her! If she has no problem, then, GREAT; you and she have something else to do on a saturday afternoon. If not which do you prize the most your freedoms or the female? My wife of nearly 35 yrs. knew that I came with guns, it didn't bother her then and it doesn't bother her now. It's no big deal, they been making girls for a long time now, all shapes, sizes and models.:what:
 
I think Smurfslayer has a good idea. The range ain't a bad place for a date anyway.

As an aside, I met an attractive young lady yesterday at school who happens to have her CHL.

...and she's married. :banghead:
 
Wow, 8 posts and noone has said it yet, so let me be the first:

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
 
I recently had a date find out the accidental way :uhoh:
We'd hung out several times before this. We decided to see a movie and while I was buying the movie tickets she put her arm around my waist and her hand paused at 4 o'clock, on my Springfield XD9SC in a CTAC holster, and started to give it the 'whats that' type of pat down. She didn't say anything (I was hoping she wouldn't lift my sweatshirt or ask "what's that" with the other people in line around us, concealed means concealed). She quickly realized what it was and just moved her hand above it. Afterwards I asked her about it and mentally started preparing all the logical responses for the "why?" question but she just shrugged and was really cool about it, to which I breathed a sigh of relief. She thinks it's cool that I will take the necessary steps to make sure we are both safe. Gotta love country girls!

For your case I'd start with some tester questions to see how she feels about hunting, guns, etc. and let it progress into personal defense. If you think she's anti it would not be good to let her find out the way mine did, although I already knew she wasn't anti. If she's cool with it take her shooting (preferably with a .22)
 
If you've got the cash you could always pick up a P3AT - it fits nicely in a pocket. It's not the most powerful pistol around, but it's better than nothing and can probably get by the hug test, even on a bike. I've had dates that ended up with the clothes off and never once has the girl asked or even noticed it's in there. The pistol, I mean.
 
Bah, just start talking about shooting. If she wigs out about it, you'll know. I'd work it in before she finds out you CCW to prevent any serious problems if she does wig out..and if she seems ok with you shooting, don't mention the CCW..when she figures it out, she figures it out.
 
not that I'm any sort of expert on relationships (I'm more of the "this is what I did in this situation and look how badly it turned out for me" guru of these things) but I would think if the woman is someone you are interested in then she must have more going for her than just a pretty face. So approach it like anything else, with a bit of tact and thought. Invite her to go shooting (with another couple is an excellent idea) and see what her reaction is to that.
I worked for years as head of security for entertainment companies (read: nightclubs, live venues, and different acts) and I've seen all sots of reactions from women over my owning and possessing guns. Everything from "you'd think I just offered them a big old turd" to one rather hot little one who found out after 2 years of working with me that I owned guns (big plural s) who got this glased look in her eyes and would only say "COOL" in the most enticing manner whenever the subject came up. (the end of that story is not suitable for mixed or underaged viewing).
You'll never know untill you ask/tell. If she is worth going after , she is worth the truth about this.:banghead:
 
Posted this before - True story:

Blind date 2 years ago. She comes to my house 'cause we're gonna' go Harleying. She gets there early. Only had Jeans and a T-shirt on, with the 1911 underneath in a Sparks VM-2. Within 10 seconds of entering my place we give each other a hug and she puts her hand right on it - the gun that is - the gun in the holster that is. ;) Secret over.

Great all-day date. Now she's my wife of 6 months, and she out-shoots me EVERY time. Even has her own 1911 now too.

Yup, I'm one of the lucky ones - she's a beauty that loves guns and shooting just as much as I do, and there is never a quarrel about 'another gun'.

Hold out for the right match, it's out there - just gotta' take the time to find it.
 
Though not a Spaniard (to my knowledge), Barbara is the only female (that I can tell) who has offered you any advice. I would give her's more weight than most all of the guy's advice put together.
 
Henry Bowman's experiances with Cindy Caswell don't count! :neener:

Although, even though I'm a man, I don't think that the "upfront and honest" approach can be all bad.

And I would say that on average to most non-shooters, carrying would be a bigger deal than merly "owning".

Backing into the topic of CCW could be construed as a lie of omission...
 
Just have to add my 2 cents

I think I'm seconding what most of the guys here have said. My experience with my current girlfriend was pretty straightforward, on our second date I explained that I owned firearms, was a recreational shooter, and had a concealed handgun license. She frowned a little about it at first, but she's the type that while she doesn't really want anything to do with guns herself (I'm working on that, ever so patiently), she doesn't mind that I have guns and that I have a CHL. So not perfect, but not horrible either. :)


BTW, her dislike of guns comes from having some idiots out plinking around her house and having a round come through the kitchen window, where her mom had been standing a couple minutes prior.
 
Listen to Barbara.

I never had a problem with dating and guns. Most times it was someone I knew from shooting either with them, or shot/hunted with a member of the family.

Like Vern, I carried before little pc of paper was required, for a cheap date, we went out plinking. Heck used to be, the daddy and the bros want to plink out back while the date got ready. Checking you out. I'm the guy getting fussed at by the date for giving the bros shotgun lessons :p "We are going to be late for the movie...".

Usually one had to move a box of ammo from the seat, didn't matter her vehicle or mine, or ammo slid from under a seat, in the console, glovebox...spent shells, hulls in the bed of a truck a pretty good tip off too.

Now I have always been low profile, meaning even now I may just be with classmates for a something or another. I hang with like minded folks.

"I'm taking my truck, who want to ride shotgun and shoot any carjackers".

Most think I am kidding...then again usually a person, even a lady will say "whew, nice to now someone else in this bunch like me, you drive, I'll shoot".

Dating and meeting other folks is like a bus stop, you miss a bus, there will be another coming along later.
 
My wife noticed my gun on my hip on our first date. She asked and I answered:
"If I'm wearing my pants, I have a gun on me. If I'm not wearing my pants, I have my gun near me." My kids were along, and she said no more.

Duning the reception for our wedding, she leaned over to me and whispered. "Don't you think it's time we go someplace so you can get your gun 'near' you?" :evil: I think I'll keep her.

Pops
 
met current GF 14 years ago... she was anti, and knew I loved guns and shooting... since her bro and oldest son had guns, I figured it was ok...

eventually, we split up (not over guns)

7 or 8years ago, we got back together... I had just gotten my ccw...

second date, met at my place, I was getting ready to go out the door with her, I scoop up my Smith & Wesson 5904, and shove it home, into the Galco Jak-Slide, at 4-o-clock...

she raised an eyebrow and said nothing, so I offered only that I had a permit, and carried about 24/7...

she asked "why" I answered "for my safety and yours" end of convo, no problems...

fast forward, today she owns her own guns...

HONESTY is the ONLY WAY! telkl her now, if it's a big problem for her, then better to deal with it asap...
 
met current GF 14 years ago... she was anti, and knew I loved guns and shooting... since her bro and oldest son had guns, I figured it was ok...

eventually, we split up (not over guns)

7 or 8years ago, we got back together... I had just gotten my ccw...

second date, met at my place, I was getting ready to go out the door with her, I scoop up my Smith & Wesson 5904, and shove it home, into the Galco Jak-Slide, at 4-o-clock...

she raised an eyebrow and said nothing, so I offered only that I had a permit, and carried about 24/7...

she asked "why" I answered "for my safety and yours" end of convo, no problems...

fast forward, today she owns her own guns...

HONESTY is the ONLY WAY! tell her now, if it's a big problem for her, then better to deal with it asap...
 
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