ccw and wifey

[fishingjld]

ok so i have had my concealed carry permit for about a month now and carry everywhere i go EXCEPT when my wife is in the car. not my decision it's hers. the sad thing is that in the past 6 years i have had a car broken into and everything stolen out of it mostly electronics, i have been the chosen person of an attempted car jacking, and most recently my house was broken into and all of our wedding jewelry was stolen, as well as my guns. now for the hard part. she says that when she is in the car i am not to carry it. i have tried to not tell her and carry it anyway but she found it. i think she thoroughly checks me over or something. hehe. i have told her that with all that has happened you would think that she would understand that the world we live in becomes more and more unsafe each day. she refuses to leave with me if i carry. so give me advice as to how you all have convinced you significant others to understand and embrace our culture. i have also tried the whole its my god given right to carry and i did everything the law said i had to, to be able to carry. i love my wife so please lets not bash her and say dumb things like find a new wife. just give me some advice as to how i can be able to get it through her head.

 

[B yond]

she thoroughly checks me over

SmartCarry or ThunderWear, unless she's being REALLY thorough.

 

[Fast Frank]

My wife had a similar attitude.

The good news is that I was slowly but surely able to chip away at her until she has come pretty much all the way over to our side.

She is even able to have fun shooting .22 rifles at the range with me.

The bad news is that it took almost ten years of putting up with her "I don't believe in guns" nonsense to get here.

Hang in there, man.

 

[JerryM]

I would show her some incidents where one would not expect an attack. Some church shootings show that no place is sacred any more. Others such as Walmart or grocery shop shootings, and car jackings would also help, in addition to school shootings.

Then I would try to impress upon her that I have a great responsibility to protect her, and my own life also as she probably loves and depends upon you to a great extent. Show her that the police do not have the resources to protect you.

Hopefully you may persuade her. However, if not, unless it would cause a serious strain on your marriage, I would carry anyway. Only you and she can make the determination as to the stress on your marriage.

I am the head of my family, have a responsibility for the care and protection of my wife and family, and I carry.
Each person has to make that decision for himself.

Best,
Jerry

 

[sierrabravo45]

Get a New Wife..... (Sorry had to say it even though you said not too)

My fiance' competes USPSA in the Limited 10 Division W/ a .45 I might add.

She carries a Smith 5 shot. (She also is hot)

I got a good one, I got a good one.

Sorry, Had to Brag.


I really don't know what to tell you. Is she a vegetarian also????

 

[Fast Frank]

Forgot to mention in my first post...

Probably the most important point I had to get her to see was the fact that I wasn't walking around with a gun looking for somebody to shoot.

And just telling her that wasn't good enough. She had to see it for herself.

 

[JesseL]

My wife got me a gift certificate to get my CCW for Christmas a couple years ago . She used to get mad at me for taking her anywhere without bringing my pistol, but I haven't done that for quite a while now .

 

[Kim]

I would not go anywhere with a man who did NOT have a firearm available immediatley if needed. Plus he must know how to use it. I mean this IS at least one thing a man should know. The second is how to change the oil in the automobile of coarse.

 

[CapJack]

I would carry anyways. My response would be "Get over it". If she truly loves you, she will cede the point. It's that important. I love my kids, but I would not let them play on the highway if they wanted to. Sometimes a man has to take charge of situations and the safety of his family is one of them. I hate to be crass or offensive, but you need to stand up to her.

 

[Guncrazy45]

What's Love Got to Do with It?

I love my wife, too. And I love my daughters.

And I would, and do, go far out of my way to please them.

But loving someone doesn't mean that you give them everything they want. Loving someone means that you'll do what's best for them, even when it upsets them.

I chide my wife about her smoking. I make my kids eat their vegetables. And I get resistance and grief for it. But I accept it, because I love them. My kids are well-nourished. My wife...well, at least she cuts back.

If I were in your position, here's what I'd do. I'd make the extra effort to assure my wife that I love her--probably spend a week just making sure that all her wants and needs are met. And then one day tell her gently, but firmly, that because I love her, I don't want to find myself in a position where I'm unable to protect her. So I'll be carrying a gun when we go out, from now on. She'll protest, I'm sure, but don't argue about it. If she gets angry, keep your cool. If she yells about it, reply softly, but hold your ground. She may sulk and ignore you for a while. And all that stuff you did the week before? Keep doing it. Eventually, I think, she'll come around. And if she doesn't? Well, at least you'll be free to find a rational woman to love.

The things which are objectively, logically, unquestionably good for our loved ones should not be up for debate.

One more tip. One of her concerns is probably that you'll be "made" while carrying, which she might find embarrassing. I don't normally suggest such things, but for the sake of trying to keep the peace, you might pick up a "mousegun," such as the Kel-Tec P3AT. It's unobtrusive, comes in friendly colors, and is still a lot more gun than you currently carry around her.

 

[fishingjld]

you guys are great

first of all thank you to everyone that has posted it does help to know i am not the only to go through it. i am thinking about trying the smartcarry and such but i really wish she would come around so its not a TABOO. you have a gun bullsh**. but to answer the questions from the posts. no she is not a vegetarian thank god. i really like steak. hehe. i wish my wife shot ispca or something so i would think she is even hotter than i already do but i am stuck with.... did i say stuck hehe. i mean i am married to a person who doesn't agree with my stance on guns. i will just have to keep chipping away till i win her over. thanks again everyone.

 

[Abby]

Huh.

Well, it seems she "lets" you carry except when y'all are out together. So can we assume she's not totally/irrationally opposed to the very fact that firearms exist and you have one?

This means all is not lost. There are questions you should try to ask, and listen to the answers.

1 - Honey, you know I carry a gun when I go to auto parts store by myself - why don't you want me to carry when we're out together?

2 - Are you worried all your friends are going to find out if I carry when we're out together, and they'll think you're married to a maniac?

3 - Is there anything I can do to make you comfortable with me carrying a gun when we go somewhere together?

I think it sounds like there's room to work here. But - and this is important! - even though she might be "wrong," you're not going to win by telling her that again and again. You have to find out what the hangup is and take it seriously, even if it's silly.

Then again, it's possible you've taken a little too enthusiastically to "dressing around the gun." Have you started wearing absurd safari vests or something? If that's the case, she might have a point...

 

[fishingjld]

i like it

no i am not a safari vest connoisseur dang maybe that is where i am going wrong. anyways i agree abby that she is not totally lost. here is the scenario, she grew up in a small town where we currently live where everyone owns a gun, hunts and fish. i grew up in a larger city where sh** happens to everyone everyday and some of my life i lived in the worst part of town. my parents ran a shelter for abused and neglected children so i have seen the worst it can get. she is a great wife a wonderful mother to our little boy and all that mushy stuff but i just wish she could understand my need to protect them. on a side note i would like to mention that she doesn't have a problem with me carrying if my son and i only are going out. so i don't know will try all of the tactics everyone has added. thanks again

 

[Valkman]

Mine was nervous about it but she knew I was going to carry, and all the time. One day a weird guy was hanging around where we were and she said "I'm glad you have your gun". Never been a problem since. Either start carrying against her will or wait until she changes, and hopefully what changes her mind won't kill you both.

 

[10 Ring Tao]

Guncrazy is on to something.

You have many jobs as the patriarch of your family. One of them is being concerned with the wellbeing and safety of your loved ones.

Put your foot down. Tell her that this is the way its going to be, and she needs to understand that your sole motivation is her and your children's safety.

Take your balls back.

 

[ArfinGreebly]

Not enuf data

Tell us a little about your wife's thing with guns and self defense.

Is there some history there?

I'm not quite grasping the source of her authority.

How does the person with the greatest amount of fear get to be the one who makes policy?

I'm sorry, but I feel like any advice I would give (in the absence of more data) would simply be shallow platitudes.

 

[starshooter231]

If you figure it out

let me know. My wife HATES guns. She knows I have my CPL, and that I carry ALL of the time ( except in the house when she is home). She doesn't see the point of guns. I am very very slowly working on getting her to atleast go to the range with me, but it hasn't worked yet.

 

[Soybomb]

I think you need to find out more about why she objects to you carrying with her. Find out exactly what she is worried about and show her why those worries are unfounded and that you intend to be able to protect not only yourself but her also when you're out.

 

[pete f]

Tell her point blank, "I love you too much to risk losing you to some moron thug. I stood up in front of x number of people at our wedding and promised to take care and cherish you. That means I am going to do everything I can do to keep you safe and with me for as long as possible," and then stop and walk away and put your gun on, put your coat on and say We are going out.

 

[tbreed725]

has she ever even shot a gun maybe if you took her shooting she would loosen up, marriage is give/take 100% both ways she's not being fair to you or herself. that said my wife loves guns and shooting she is getting her own ccw permit and her xd9 is her "little friend"

 

[1911 guy]

My guess and my strategy.

My guess is that you and your wife are relatively young, because she obviously doesn't read the newspapers. Don't bribe your wife, inform her. My wife was the same way when we got married. Guns were alright, as long as they were in a case. Now she packs her own Sig .380. No need to get preachy, just point things out to her on the news, in the papers, etc. Explain to her that you swore a vow to protect her and intend to uphold that, even if it means her being bent for a while. She'll get over being upset. Getting over an armed robbery is considerably more dicey.

 

[TonyB]

One time we were out to eat,and I mentioned that I wasn't carrying..my wife said"oh great,if we get attacked,what are you going to do,give the guy a stern talking too?"
This may be sexist,but it's our jobs to protect our wives...by any and all means..even if it pisses them off.
Of couse my feeling is that all women need 2 things...a cell phone and a handgun...which one they use first is up to them.

 

[30 cal slob]

i don't like resorting to scare tactics, but sometimes a testimonial is powerful.

from another gun forum:

http://opencarry.mywowbb.com/forum54/2542.html

...The first time you're in a situation where you need to defend yourself and can't, your whole mindset changes. Now, I never was an anti, but for years I didn't see the need to carry, either.

Until I was raped at knifepoint. ONCE. I promise it will never happen again. It was a busy night on a college campus, with campus police, friends of mine, not three blocks away, on patrol.

I truly believe it will take a significant emotional event to change the mindset of most true anti's, and I'm not willing to provide that SEE (for most). Often my story sways those who are neutral, or who have never really thought about it. And there are those who have thought things through, and would rather be hurt than think of hurting someone else. I don't agree, but if they've thought it through and reached that conclusion, so be it. I just hope my loved ones are never needing of that person's protection.

I've also told antis that I would be more than happy if all guns were gone. But ask how they can ensure all guns are gone. DC couldn't do it. New York couldn't do it. England, Australia, Canada couldn't do it. Who can?

 

[Linda]

This last post about being raped hit it on the head.

Unfortunately, often times it takes something bad to happen to someone or someone very close to them, before they see the light.

I would point out to her that bad things happen to good people all the time, and as the husband and her protector, you could not live with yourself if the two of you were attacked and the only thing you could do is watch as a group of thugs raped her, while they've tied you up.

If I were you, carry anyhow. After a while she will come to accept that is part of your routine. You may go thru some arguements, but oh well. She'll come to accept it sooner or later. And hopefully, one day, she enjoy the fun of shooting guns as well. It's a process.

Occassionally when it comes up in the news where a person has defended their lives while carrying, show those articles to her and use it as a teaching tool.

Good luck! Carry On!

 

[bakert]

After 40 yrs, I've accepted most of my wife's faults and quirks and she dislikes some of my actions, but my hunting, shooting or carring a gun are things she has never criticized and shoots with me occasionally. She at times even asks me if I remembered to put my gun on when leaving home. In at least one instance when a lady friend, apparently after hearing I had a permit to carry concealed, made the statement "I don't allow guns in my home", my wife politely informed her it wasn't a problem, we would not be visiting.