My wife wasn't exactly against me carrying, but she was not real sure either. I made sure to talk everything out with her. The thing that helped the most was reading her articles from Mas Ayoob about people who were able to save lives from carrying and those that were allowed to carry, but were not and lives were lost because of it. I subscribe to Combat Handguns magazine, where he has his own section every month about issues like that. A couple months after I started carrying, we were in a section of town that looked unsettling, and she turned to me and asked if I was carrying my gun. I told her yes and she said good. She has never said anything else to me about carrying. Good luck and stay patient.
ccw and wifey
- Thread starter fishingjld
- Start date
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shadowalker
Member
My wife didn't start out anti gun but she wasn't pro gun either, by following these steps she has her own guns, has her CWL and is extremely pro 2A and is an amazing shot. She was a little nervous at first but now she expects me to be carrying, she makes a joke every now and then about how much stuff I carry (Sig, 2 magazines, SureFire, OC, wallet, keys, etc) but it reassures her that I am armed.
Make sure she is aware of the CCW laws, she might just be nervous about getting caught. If that is the case carry around the house so she gets used to being around you while you are armed. Explain what will happen if you are discovered, how traffic stops will work, etc. It was a logical progression of thought for you to get your CWL but she might not have thought through all the situations like you have.
You need to understand why she feels the way she does, does she have a fundamental belief that guns are wrong, has her has someone in the family had an accident with a gun or is she lacking education and experience / exposure to them?
Just like any other issue take it slow and don't expect to get the whole answer at one time. Go along the lines that obviously you and her have different opinions on guns and you want to understand why she feels the way she does.
Listen to what she has to say, don't interrupt her or try to dispute her feelings or facts or she will probably shut down. Once both of you feel like you understand where she is coming from ask her to listen to how you your side.
Hopefully she will be willing to listen just as you did at first, explain the experiences in your life that have resulted in you having a CCW, take her to the Armed Citizen archives where she can read about guns saving lives.
Explain to her how important it is to you and that you aren't going to push it on her, hopefully she respects you enough to accept that.
Finally show her that you are trustworthy enough to be armed. This means always execute safe gun handling, she needs to extend her trust of you in other things to trust in you with guns.
Maybe take a free gun safety course with her, if she is interested, if possible find a womans or couples course or get a private course with an instructor or make sure there will be at least a few other women there.
It is possible it is a fundamental belief and that she isn't interested in learning, in that case I guess you have to ask her to respect your rights, show her you can be trusted and are capable and make a compromise that both of you can live with.
If you can't do that you need to re-evaluate how important each one is to you, and go from there.
Make sure she is aware of the CCW laws, she might just be nervous about getting caught. If that is the case carry around the house so she gets used to being around you while you are armed. Explain what will happen if you are discovered, how traffic stops will work, etc. It was a logical progression of thought for you to get your CWL but she might not have thought through all the situations like you have.
You need to understand why she feels the way she does, does she have a fundamental belief that guns are wrong, has her has someone in the family had an accident with a gun or is she lacking education and experience / exposure to them?
Just like any other issue take it slow and don't expect to get the whole answer at one time. Go along the lines that obviously you and her have different opinions on guns and you want to understand why she feels the way she does.
Listen to what she has to say, don't interrupt her or try to dispute her feelings or facts or she will probably shut down. Once both of you feel like you understand where she is coming from ask her to listen to how you your side.
Hopefully she will be willing to listen just as you did at first, explain the experiences in your life that have resulted in you having a CCW, take her to the Armed Citizen archives where she can read about guns saving lives.
Explain to her how important it is to you and that you aren't going to push it on her, hopefully she respects you enough to accept that.
Finally show her that you are trustworthy enough to be armed. This means always execute safe gun handling, she needs to extend her trust of you in other things to trust in you with guns.
Maybe take a free gun safety course with her, if she is interested, if possible find a womans or couples course or get a private course with an instructor or make sure there will be at least a few other women there.
It is possible it is a fundamental belief and that she isn't interested in learning, in that case I guess you have to ask her to respect your rights, show her you can be trusted and are capable and make a compromise that both of you can live with.
If you can't do that you need to re-evaluate how important each one is to you, and go from there.
zeroskillz
Member
IMO, one key point to get across to her is this:
We carry with the express hope of never, ever, having to use it. But at the same time, being prepared to defend the life of the wife I love. Please don't put me in the position of being helpless while someone hurts you.
Another thing that would probably help is getting her to the range. And start her with a nice .22. One thing my wife always comments on about range time is how relaxing and meditative shooting is. She wasn't thrilled with guns at first either, but after some convincing over time, she eventually went to the range with me to give it a try. She now looks forward to our 'redneck-dates'--dinner and the range. She also has her own .22 now, a buckmark two-tone, wood grips and fluted barrel. Yup, she went with me to a gun show and picked herself out a 'pretty one'.
Another gun we had during her first range trip was my Sig 229 with laser grips. After shooting the .22, she was willing to give 9mm a try. I chambered one round with an empty mag so she would feel more comfortable knowing there was only one bullet. She tried it, it wasn't to bad for her. After a full mag, her shots were all over the place and she was less than thrilled. Enter the laser sight. After a couple mags with the laser sight (at about 5 yards
) she was feeling pretty good and having fun.
The punch line is now my wife is a Class 01 dealer, along with me. To put this in better perspective, my wife was a fashion buyer for Nordstroms. Bout as far from gun dealer as you can get.
Good luck, and FWIW, little steps.
-Ted/Zeroskillz
We carry with the express hope of never, ever, having to use it. But at the same time, being prepared to defend the life of the wife I love. Please don't put me in the position of being helpless while someone hurts you.
Another thing that would probably help is getting her to the range. And start her with a nice .22. One thing my wife always comments on about range time is how relaxing and meditative shooting is. She wasn't thrilled with guns at first either, but after some convincing over time, she eventually went to the range with me to give it a try. She now looks forward to our 'redneck-dates'--dinner and the range. She also has her own .22 now, a buckmark two-tone, wood grips and fluted barrel. Yup, she went with me to a gun show and picked herself out a 'pretty one'.
Another gun we had during her first range trip was my Sig 229 with laser grips. After shooting the .22, she was willing to give 9mm a try. I chambered one round with an empty mag so she would feel more comfortable knowing there was only one bullet. She tried it, it wasn't to bad for her. After a full mag, her shots were all over the place and she was less than thrilled. Enter the laser sight. After a couple mags with the laser sight (at about 5 yards
) she was feeling pretty good and having fun.The punch line is now my wife is a Class 01 dealer, along with me. To put this in better perspective, my wife was a fashion buyer for Nordstroms. Bout as far from gun dealer as you can get.
Good luck, and FWIW, little steps.
-Ted/Zeroskillz
xsquidgator
Member
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2007
- Messages
- 835
Hang in there. I had the CWP for several years, and after I started "using it" and carrying, she treated it as if it was a mid-life crisis thing of mine that she humored. As someone else here said, after some time (about 6 months) of her seeing me carrying low profile and not looking for someone to shoot, just being cautious, her attitude towards CCW softened. I tried as subtley as I could to nudge this along, but I definitely didn't push. Rather than trying to bring it up as a conversation topic, I simply made sure to leave the neswpaper on our coffee table open to the latest story about a local armed robbery, home invasion, what-have-you.
Eventually her attitude shifted enough that she finally went and got her own CWP and now she carries, too. (Helped along by several lockdowns where she works, prompted by the PD searching for armed criminals within several blocks of her workplace).
I think the best thing you can do is to simply carry, carry responsibly and appropriately, and don't make a big deal about it. After you CCWing becomes part of the everyday background of your lives, hopefully your wife will have a chance to mull it over. CCW unfortunately gets people all alarmed because it (unfortunately) is so far from the "conventional wisdom" of what people think of as solutions to violent crime. However, if one can see responsible CCW as an everday occurence in life, a reasonable person is likely to eventually come to the conclusion that it's a good thing to do (contrary to the agiprop put out by the Brady Campaign). Hang in there.
Eventually her attitude shifted enough that she finally went and got her own CWP and now she carries, too. (Helped along by several lockdowns where she works, prompted by the PD searching for armed criminals within several blocks of her workplace).
I think the best thing you can do is to simply carry, carry responsibly and appropriately, and don't make a big deal about it. After you CCWing becomes part of the everyday background of your lives, hopefully your wife will have a chance to mull it over. CCW unfortunately gets people all alarmed because it (unfortunately) is so far from the "conventional wisdom" of what people think of as solutions to violent crime. However, if one can see responsible CCW as an everday occurence in life, a reasonable person is likely to eventually come to the conclusion that it's a good thing to do (contrary to the agiprop put out by the Brady Campaign). Hang in there.
harbinger_j
Member
Time
xsquidgator has a great point. I'll never be able to carry in NJ, but if my wife was unsure about it, only TIME would "wear her down" I mean give her confidence in CCW.
People who don't like guns/CCW have a stereotype of people who do and once they see their stereotype is not true THEN can they be convinced otherwise.
xsquidgator has a great point. I'll never be able to carry in NJ, but if my wife was unsure about it, only TIME would "wear her down" I mean give her confidence in CCW.
People who don't like guns/CCW have a stereotype of people who do and once they see their stereotype is not true THEN can they be convinced otherwise.
I agree that asking her why it bothers her is imporant.
If it's because she's afraid of guns for some reason then point out that a gun is just a thing and that your carrying one doesn't mean that it can act of it's own volition since it has no volition. You're sympathetic to her fear, but you carry because of your personal experience with evil and that your purpose is to protect her and your child.
If it's because she's afraid of what you will do carrying the gun you should point out that you've never ramed anyone with the car or beaten anyone up or exhibited any other irrational violent behavior and that there's no reason to expect you to change because you're carrying a gun. It's a machine and not a posessed totum that can take you over.
If it's because it's the only place/way she has leverage to keep you from carrying point out that married partners don't bully each other by passive aggressive behavior. She is not enabling a pathological behavior if she respects you as a person and understands your desire to carry, but disagrees with the idea. She has the right not to, but has no right to try to manipulate or control you. That's not a marriage partner.
If it's because she's afraid of guns for some reason then point out that a gun is just a thing and that your carrying one doesn't mean that it can act of it's own volition since it has no volition. You're sympathetic to her fear, but you carry because of your personal experience with evil and that your purpose is to protect her and your child.
If it's because she's afraid of what you will do carrying the gun you should point out that you've never ramed anyone with the car or beaten anyone up or exhibited any other irrational violent behavior and that there's no reason to expect you to change because you're carrying a gun. It's a machine and not a posessed totum that can take you over.
If it's because it's the only place/way she has leverage to keep you from carrying point out that married partners don't bully each other by passive aggressive behavior. She is not enabling a pathological behavior if she respects you as a person and understands your desire to carry, but disagrees with the idea. She has the right not to, but has no right to try to manipulate or control you. That's not a marriage partner.
I think you have to start by asking her where the difficulty is. Not in a confronting or challenging way, NOT in an attempt to argue or to persuade her. But simply so that you can find out what the difficulty is.
Once you know what the problem is, you can begin to address it. (Not in the same conversation!!! The first conversation should be you asking a question or two, really listening to what she says, and letting her make whatever points she is going to make.)
If the problem is that she does not believe you behave safely with the gun, you could maybe reassure her by agreeing to sign up for a class. Maybe even a class you take together (Don't let on how thrilled you are by this. Let her think she's twisting your arm).
If the problem is that she thinks you look like a geek while carrying, or that your gun is not well concealed, ask her for her help in dressing around the gun and keeping it well concealed when you go out.
If the problem is that small towns are safe, you'll have to do a little homework. But if you know the local cops at all, you could try asking one of them what their usual response time is. Better yet, ask for a story about the longest response time they ever had. Lotsa small town cops have funny stories about racing from one end of the county to another on some late night shift. And "backup" in rural areas usually means there's someone the cop on duty could call, but that someone is often thirty miles away and in bed. Also, let your wife know the gun isn't only about human criminals; it's also about aggressive, mean dogs and (if it applies in your area) dangerous wildlife.
Until you know what the actual problem is, though, all the attempts to argue her into it, or to force her into agreeing with you, or to manipulate her around, are just going to fall flat.
pax
Once you know what the problem is, you can begin to address it. (Not in the same conversation!!! The first conversation should be you asking a question or two, really listening to what she says, and letting her make whatever points she is going to make.)
If the problem is that she does not believe you behave safely with the gun, you could maybe reassure her by agreeing to sign up for a class. Maybe even a class you take together (Don't let on how thrilled you are by this. Let her think she's twisting your arm).
If the problem is that she thinks you look like a geek while carrying, or that your gun is not well concealed, ask her for her help in dressing around the gun and keeping it well concealed when you go out.
If the problem is that small towns are safe, you'll have to do a little homework. But if you know the local cops at all, you could try asking one of them what their usual response time is. Better yet, ask for a story about the longest response time they ever had. Lotsa small town cops have funny stories about racing from one end of the county to another on some late night shift. And "backup" in rural areas usually means there's someone the cop on duty could call, but that someone is often thirty miles away and in bed. Also, let your wife know the gun isn't only about human criminals; it's also about aggressive, mean dogs and (if it applies in your area) dangerous wildlife.
Until you know what the actual problem is, though, all the attempts to argue her into it, or to force her into agreeing with you, or to manipulate her around, are just going to fall flat.
pax
WeThePeople
Member
I have an acquaintance who really wants to carry but his wife won't let him. I've tried to get him to stand up to her, but he simply won't.
Personally, call me what you will, I don't think that either spouse in any relationship needs "authority" from the other to do anything that is otherwise perfectly legal and not detrimental to the family.
I have been married for 12 years and my wife and I do consult with each other prior to making any big decision. That is NOT to get permission, but out of respect for each other. We would NEVER tell each other that the other one wasn't somehow allowed to do something. That level of control over each other is something that, in my opinion, doesn't foster a trusting and respectful relationship.
In your case, I would ask her for her reasons and try to convince her that it is her position that is potentially detrimental to the family. Show her the recent story of the couple from Knoxville that were carjacked, raped, tortured, mutilated, and THEN murdered to show her exactly why you feel the need to carry in the car with her.
Here are some links:
http://www.knoxnews.com/kns/local_news/article/0,1406,KNS_347_5275295,00.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Channon_Christian_and_Christopher_Newsom_murder
http://www.volunteertv.com/special
http://mylifeofcrime.wordpress.com/...me-an-article-on-the-lack-of-media-attention/
If the reports of that heinous crime don't change her position, I don't know what will. Good Luck.
Personally, call me what you will, I don't think that either spouse in any relationship needs "authority" from the other to do anything that is otherwise perfectly legal and not detrimental to the family.
I have been married for 12 years and my wife and I do consult with each other prior to making any big decision. That is NOT to get permission, but out of respect for each other. We would NEVER tell each other that the other one wasn't somehow allowed to do something. That level of control over each other is something that, in my opinion, doesn't foster a trusting and respectful relationship.
In your case, I would ask her for her reasons and try to convince her that it is her position that is potentially detrimental to the family. Show her the recent story of the couple from Knoxville that were carjacked, raped, tortured, mutilated, and THEN murdered to show her exactly why you feel the need to carry in the car with her.
Here are some links:
http://www.knoxnews.com/kns/local_news/article/0,1406,KNS_347_5275295,00.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Channon_Christian_and_Christopher_Newsom_murder
http://www.volunteertv.com/special
http://mylifeofcrime.wordpress.com/...me-an-article-on-the-lack-of-media-attention/
If the reports of that heinous crime don't change her position, I don't know what will. Good Luck.
Last edited:
TallPine
Member
Let her stay home then ...
Shadowangel
Member
I'm lucky in that when I started dating my girlfriend, she was very anti-gun. After getting her to shoot a pistol, she liked it, but hated rifles. So after much coaxing, she shot one of my rifles...and I haven't been able to shoot it since. She asks me to go shooting, and has expressed not only support for me getting my chl, but she wants one as well.
slow944
Member
My wife is the same way, got her to go to the range with me once. I carry everyday even though she doesn't like me to. I simply told her that bad things happen to good people and I didn't want her, our daughter, or myself to be a victim. As the Supreme Court has said "the police have no responsibility to protect you". So therefore I carry to protect myself and my family. Nor is it open to debate. She wouldn't get in the car with me either so I made her drive her car and I took mine until she saw it was costing to much in gas to take both cars.
Sounds like y'all need to find these sorta things out BEFORE you marry a girl that doesn't like guns....seems silly to me to marry a girl that does not like guns or her man carrying one then complaining about it AFTER you married her....These sorta things gotta be worked out before the "Seal the deal" routine.
xsquidgator
Member
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2007
- Messages
- 835
Not always possible. In my case, I grew up with guns (rural east Tennessee) but it wasn't a big deal. I had a couple of 9mm pistols but got "out of it" and went almost 10 years without even shooting them. Then for a variety of reasons including 9/11, living in an area of increased crime, just getting re-interested in shooting as a hobby, the guns came back.
Circumstances change. 15 years ago when my wife and I met, guns weren't even on the radar screen for either of us even though I'd had them for years. If my wife had a problem with guns, I'd figure a way to work around it. Guns are just one of the tools for protecting us both; I'd want to protect my wife regardless, not get rid of her.
Now, if we were just dating again and my attitudes were what they are now, I'm with you, CCW and self-defense is important to me, and I'd want to know she wouldn't have a problem with it.
-terry
Member
Gor...
I think you marry someone because you love her and want her to be with you always and to be the mother of your children...not because she likes guns. People usually accomodate so you start picking up and doing dishes, she watches football games occasionally. You both go to date movies.
There are some very good posts here, thoughtful, reasonable, and likely to work. Usually when someone doesn't like guns, there is a reason. You find out by little questions, then listening to the answers without response. When she understands that she can present her views (and maybe her fears) without criticism, she'll begin to tell you the real reasons. Usually, the stronger the aversion to guns, the deeper and more personal the reason is. Let her talk, just listen and repeat what she said so that she knows you heard her and understand. Sometimes that is all it takes.
In my opinion (at least with my wife), coming down hard (growing a pair et. al.) is not a solution with anyone. Whether stated or not, your wife will resent not being heard on the issue. Give it time.
My wife doesn't like guns very much, but says that I was grandfathered in so she'll accept them. I didn't like the grandfather part very much, but I carry when I feel like it, shoot when I want to, and she doesn't fuss much about it. It moved her a lot when my daughter (18) started shooting with me. She couldn't believe it. Now she's willing to go to the range sometime with my daughter and I. I just bought a Mossberg .22 for her to shoot when we go.
She would never absolutely forbid me to do anything...but it she did, we would have quiet conversations about it until we reached some accomodation.
Hang in there, listen, understand, and things will gradually improve.
-terry
BTW: Pax is so right on about these things that I'd marry her if I wasn't already happily married.
I think you marry someone because you love her and want her to be with you always and to be the mother of your children...not because she likes guns. People usually accomodate so you start picking up and doing dishes, she watches football games occasionally. You both go to date movies.
There are some very good posts here, thoughtful, reasonable, and likely to work. Usually when someone doesn't like guns, there is a reason. You find out by little questions, then listening to the answers without response. When she understands that she can present her views (and maybe her fears) without criticism, she'll begin to tell you the real reasons. Usually, the stronger the aversion to guns, the deeper and more personal the reason is. Let her talk, just listen and repeat what she said so that she knows you heard her and understand. Sometimes that is all it takes.
In my opinion (at least with my wife), coming down hard (growing a pair et. al.) is not a solution with anyone. Whether stated or not, your wife will resent not being heard on the issue. Give it time.
My wife doesn't like guns very much, but says that I was grandfathered in so she'll accept them. I didn't like the grandfather part very much, but I carry when I feel like it, shoot when I want to, and she doesn't fuss much about it. It moved her a lot when my daughter (18) started shooting with me. She couldn't believe it. Now she's willing to go to the range sometime with my daughter and I. I just bought a Mossberg .22 for her to shoot when we go.
She would never absolutely forbid me to do anything...but it she did, we would have quiet conversations about it until we reached some accomodation.
Hang in there, listen, understand, and things will gradually improve.
-terry
BTW: Pax is so right on about these things that I'd marry her if I wasn't already happily married.
glad you see what I am saying. My current gf is very interested in getting involved with hunting, fishing and shooting with me. This is a good thing because she is not against it. its not a problem from the start. She has never fired a round before and wants her first shot to be with me. It's very wise to find these things out before you get married. After marriage, your stuck with her and her whining about you and guns and carrying, which I don't want nor have time to listen to. My ex gf attempted to tell me that if we moved in together I could only own three guns and would have to sell the rest. I never let her have my testicles in the first place, so that crap did not last very long at all. Remember, if your selected girl does not see eye to eye with your personal views, on a majoritive term, than you CANNOT change her. Only she can change herself, so those of you who turned one around, she changed her own mind with a little influence.
Big Calhoun
Member
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2006
- Messages
- 554
For one, you have to know your wife. Not to say that you don't. But what I'm getting at is, you must address the root-cause for her concerns before you can address them appropriately. You can give her all the data and facts in the world, but if they don't relate to what her main fears are, you might as well be talking to a brick wall.
My wife and I went through this situation, albeit, with different circumstances. At first, she absolutely forbid any firearms in the house. As she became more familiar with her surrondings, she relented some but did not want to be anywhere near me when I had a firearm out. We sat down one day and I asked, "Why the hostility?" Well, turns out when she was younger, a friend of her brothers shot and killed his own younger brother after mishandling a gun in the home. To her, the GUN was evil and the person behind the weapon did not factor into anything.
So with that, I formulated a plan. First thing was to get her to put her hands on a gun. So I got some snap caps, loaded a spare mag, and we sat down and practiced. We went over the safety rules, loading and unloading, chambering, grip, FTF, etc. Once she was comfortable, I had her try out the trigger pull and let her dry fire. With that, the operation of a firearm became more familiar to her and she understood what had happened years ago was a foolish accident.
The next step was to get her to a gun store...immersion tatic, so to speak. So we went to the one I consider more friendly and she had a hoot, mind you, she never shot anything. She just enjoyed looking and the sales person did A LOT to ease her nerves. AAMOF, the sales guy took her over to the area where they monitor the range so she could see how everything works. Most importantly, she was exposed to a variety of firerarms owners; single moms, 'gun nuts', fathers and sons, families shooting together. It really went a long way into changing her perception about gun owners.
So how well did all this patience work...well, she is still on the fence about getting her CHL. She no longer flinches when she sees me with a gun. And if I'm in another room and ask her to bring one to me, she obliges and exhibits excellent discipline (check if it's loaded, carrying it in a safe direction, handing it to me in a safe manner, and keeping her finger off the trigger). Still some ways to go, but there is progress.
My wife and I went through this situation, albeit, with different circumstances. At first, she absolutely forbid any firearms in the house. As she became more familiar with her surrondings, she relented some but did not want to be anywhere near me when I had a firearm out. We sat down one day and I asked, "Why the hostility?" Well, turns out when she was younger, a friend of her brothers shot and killed his own younger brother after mishandling a gun in the home. To her, the GUN was evil and the person behind the weapon did not factor into anything.
So with that, I formulated a plan. First thing was to get her to put her hands on a gun. So I got some snap caps, loaded a spare mag, and we sat down and practiced. We went over the safety rules, loading and unloading, chambering, grip, FTF, etc. Once she was comfortable, I had her try out the trigger pull and let her dry fire. With that, the operation of a firearm became more familiar to her and she understood what had happened years ago was a foolish accident.
The next step was to get her to a gun store...immersion tatic, so to speak. So we went to the one I consider more friendly and she had a hoot, mind you, she never shot anything. She just enjoyed looking and the sales person did A LOT to ease her nerves. AAMOF, the sales guy took her over to the area where they monitor the range so she could see how everything works. Most importantly, she was exposed to a variety of firerarms owners; single moms, 'gun nuts', fathers and sons, families shooting together. It really went a long way into changing her perception about gun owners.
So how well did all this patience work...well, she is still on the fence about getting her CHL. She no longer flinches when she sees me with a gun. And if I'm in another room and ask her to bring one to me, she obliges and exhibits excellent discipline (check if it's loaded, carrying it in a safe direction, handing it to me in a safe manner, and keeping her finger off the trigger). Still some ways to go, but there is progress.
I'll post my vote for "Carry Anyhow". Don't throw it in her face, just carry the way you would if she wasn't with you. Don't bring it up, and don't argue about it if she does. If she says she won't go with you, go without her. It's an issue that's not open for debate, it IS going to continue, so she needs to find a way to deal with her hang up.
I'm curious, if she is that against guns, how is it you can carry when she isn't with you, and a bigger question, how do you get her let you keep a gun in her house?
Good luck, and having your woman pissed off at you ain't such a big deal, after a while of being married, you look forward to the "silent treatment".
I'm curious, if she is that against guns, how is it you can carry when she isn't with you, and a bigger question, how do you get her let you keep a gun in her house?
Good luck, and having your woman pissed off at you ain't such a big deal, after a while of being married, you look forward to the "silent treatment".
ZeSpectre
Member
fishingjld
You might also want to take a glance at this old thread of mine. Don't know if it'll help or not.
Range trip with the wife...a few surprises for me.
You might also want to take a glance at this old thread of mine. Don't know if it'll help or not.
Range trip with the wife...a few surprises for me.
fishingjld
Member
hey again thanks guys
wow!! really only expected to get like three responses. well to answer again some of the questions. gorgoroth i didn't have the opportunity to find out whether she was cool with guns or not before we started dating. i am 26 and she is as well. a month after high school (1999) we started dating and the like. we moved in with each other and the rest is history. yes i am a heathen for moving in with a girl unmarried.
anyway at the time i was not really into guns seeing as how my father was the patriarch and he had the gun thing covered i only owned a .22. safety was his concern and he took care of it. fast forward to a year later when i am on my own and my car got broken into(see first few posts). i start thinking that it would be a good idea to get a handgun. i know most would say you "start thinking"? remember i was still young. so we get married and i still have my little .22. i start shooting it again and getting into shooting. she eventually realizes thats just who i am. in 2005 my son was born and the 3rd day he was home someone fired gun shots right outside our house while she was up feeding him at 3am. i felt helpless. i guess i would stab him with a knife or shoot him with a .22. hehe. so i got a sigma .40. yeah its a crappy gun but it was all i could afford. it pretty much stayed in a case loaded waiting for any kind of problem. well that problem came when my house was broken into and it was stolen. so now i own a browning hi power clone 9mm that i love dearly and carry everyday that i am not with my wife. we no longer live where we did when our house was ransacked thank goodness but just the other day we had a home invasion in our little country town. literally within walking distance to our house. so as i regain my breath i will say it is not her fault that she is against me carrying. and yes i had to get her to understand that a gun in the house is OK. and i will diligently work on getting her to understand that i need to carry to protect her and our son because of all the wonderful aforementioned reasons. so again thanks guys and keep it coming. sorry this is so long. 
wow!! really only expected to get like three responses. well to answer again some of the questions. gorgoroth i didn't have the opportunity to find out whether she was cool with guns or not before we started dating. i am 26 and she is as well. a month after high school (1999) we started dating and the like. we moved in with each other and the rest is history. yes i am a heathen for moving in with a girl unmarried.
anyway at the time i was not really into guns seeing as how my father was the patriarch and he had the gun thing covered i only owned a .22. safety was his concern and he took care of it. fast forward to a year later when i am on my own and my car got broken into(see first few posts). i start thinking that it would be a good idea to get a handgun. i know most would say you "start thinking"? remember i was still young. so we get married and i still have my little .22. i start shooting it again and getting into shooting. she eventually realizes thats just who i am. in 2005 my son was born and the 3rd day he was home someone fired gun shots right outside our house while she was up feeding him at 3am. i felt helpless. i guess i would stab him with a knife or shoot him with a .22. hehe. so i got a sigma .40. yeah its a crappy gun but it was all i could afford. it pretty much stayed in a case loaded waiting for any kind of problem. well that problem came when my house was broken into and it was stolen. so now i own a browning hi power clone 9mm that i love dearly and carry everyday that i am not with my wife. we no longer live where we did when our house was ransacked thank goodness but just the other day we had a home invasion in our little country town. literally within walking distance to our house. so as i regain my breath i will say it is not her fault that she is against me carrying. and yes i had to get her to understand that a gun in the house is OK. and i will diligently work on getting her to understand that i need to carry to protect her and our son because of all the wonderful aforementioned reasons. so again thanks guys and keep it coming. sorry this is so long. Myrdhyn
Member
Interesting thing
My fiance and I have talked some about guns in the past, and she has gone to the range with me a handful of times, but I always got the impression that she was only half interested, or more wanted to go have a little fun but not worry too much about all the responsibilities that go with shooting/gun ownership (my fault for not driving home the 4 rules BEFORE the first range trip I think). I have been despairing of getting her active interest rather than passive neutrality on the issue. However, she turns 21 in October and I want to try and talk her into getting her CCL and being more active.
Today I emailed her from work because I knew she was having a bad day, and suggested maybe she read some of pax's site www.corneredcat.com. Asked her if maybe she wanted to read a few things (didn't suggest anything....just let her explore on her own). Within 10 minutes she had emailed me back and I quote: "I like this site... I gotta forward it to my mom."....darndest thing is...I can't get this HUGE grin off of my face now
My suggestion would be to talk to her about it some, maybe try and get her even passively interested, point her in the direction of some good information (online or a friend/relative you can trust that is NOT you) and let her do her own exploration.
My fiance and I have talked some about guns in the past, and she has gone to the range with me a handful of times, but I always got the impression that she was only half interested, or more wanted to go have a little fun but not worry too much about all the responsibilities that go with shooting/gun ownership (my fault for not driving home the 4 rules BEFORE the first range trip I think). I have been despairing of getting her active interest rather than passive neutrality on the issue. However, she turns 21 in October and I want to try and talk her into getting her CCL and being more active.
Today I emailed her from work because I knew she was having a bad day, and suggested maybe she read some of pax's site www.corneredcat.com. Asked her if maybe she wanted to read a few things (didn't suggest anything....just let her explore on her own). Within 10 minutes she had emailed me back and I quote: "I like this site... I gotta forward it to my mom."....darndest thing is...I can't get this HUGE grin off of my face now
My suggestion would be to talk to her about it some, maybe try and get her even passively interested, point her in the direction of some good information (online or a friend/relative you can trust that is NOT you) and let her do her own exploration.
The Real Wyatt
Member
Sometimes scare tactics work.
We live just a little north of the Tennessee border in Kentucky. The Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom murders in Knoxville convinced my wife of 48 years to start practicing shooting with me ... just a little, so she's familiar with the guns. I'm beginning to think that maybe this fall, after she feels somewhat proficient with the 38 snubbie (she's beginnig to like that gun a lot), she might apply for her concealed carry permit.
It is a scary world out there and it ain't gettin' any better. Who else is gonna protect you? You're all you've got.
We live just a little north of the Tennessee border in Kentucky. The Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom murders in Knoxville convinced my wife of 48 years to start practicing shooting with me ... just a little, so she's familiar with the guns. I'm beginning to think that maybe this fall, after she feels somewhat proficient with the 38 snubbie (she's beginnig to like that gun a lot), she might apply for her concealed carry permit.
It is a scary world out there and it ain't gettin' any better. Who else is gonna protect you? You're all you've got.
I had the same problem with my wife. She was against shooting entirely (thought the gun would hurt her.) I was able to get her shooting by starting with a .22 revolver. Very little recoil, and no flying brass to contend with. She now refers to my .22 revolver as "her gun."
She will shoot my .22 semi-auto rifle, but will not shoot a semi-auto pistol (due to the flying brass so close to her face). She has moved up to a .357 revolver (with .38 loads, for now.)
What I did was invite her along when I go shooting. Eventually she decided it may be fun, so she tried it. Now, I can't go shooting without her, or I get in trouble. Soon, it will be time to get the older boy started with a .22 rifle. Not quite there yet, but soon.
She is still worried about the kids finding a gun. I have tried to show her that I am not worried about the kids finding a gun, because we have gone over the rules from corneredcat. Many times. Surprisingly, the 6 y/o got bored with my gun after about 3 minutes. Hasn't asked about since. I even offer to let him see it once in awhile. He's just bored with it. Of course, the only loaded gun in the house is on my hip, so no worries there. I don't even keep ammunition in the house (except on my hip).
She will shoot my .22 semi-auto rifle, but will not shoot a semi-auto pistol (due to the flying brass so close to her face). She has moved up to a .357 revolver (with .38 loads, for now.)
What I did was invite her along when I go shooting. Eventually she decided it may be fun, so she tried it. Now, I can't go shooting without her, or I get in trouble. Soon, it will be time to get the older boy started with a .22 rifle. Not quite there yet, but soon.
She is still worried about the kids finding a gun. I have tried to show her that I am not worried about the kids finding a gun, because we have gone over the rules from corneredcat. Many times. Surprisingly, the 6 y/o got bored with my gun after about 3 minutes. Hasn't asked about since. I even offer to let him see it once in awhile. He's just bored with it. Of course, the only loaded gun in the house is on my hip, so no worries there. I don't even keep ammunition in the house (except on my hip).
wjustinen
Member
There are many situations
where you won't agree. Some of them require you, as the husband, to make a decision for both of you. This is one. My wife of 39 years learned long ago that her feelings are not the #1 priority. My children and grandchildren have learned the same. Love means doing the right thing for the circumstances.
Don't take this to mean that I'm telling you to tell her that you will be carrying whenever you decide it is necessary. That is a decision you must make.
One of the tag lines on the HighRoad quotes the VA Tech spokesman as saying that faculty and students could "feel safe" in a gun-free zone. Then the shooting happened.
Best wishes on a long, happy marriage.
where you won't agree. Some of them require you, as the husband, to make a decision for both of you. This is one. My wife of 39 years learned long ago that her feelings are not the #1 priority. My children and grandchildren have learned the same. Love means doing the right thing for the circumstances.
Don't take this to mean that I'm telling you to tell her that you will be carrying whenever you decide it is necessary. That is a decision you must make.
One of the tag lines on the HighRoad quotes the VA Tech spokesman as saying that faculty and students could "feel safe" in a gun-free zone. Then the shooting happened.
Best wishes on a long, happy marriage.
blackhawk2000
member
Are you kidding me? Man up, and tell her how it's going to be. Does she think you are going to shoot her?
Kimber1911_06238
Member
wow, you would think safety for you and her would take priority. Maybe if you took her shooting and showed her that you are safe and responsible she would be more comfortable?
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