I usually keep my thoughts to myself. In this case, I will make exception.
So, my wife and daughter offer to take me out for my birthday...any where I want to eat. There is this awesome cook-at-your-table joint in the mall. But, before we go, I'm checking my MPCL is in the wallet, G17 is loaded, I have 2 spare 17-round mags, and a G19C as my back-up pistol. My wife and daughter snicker and prod me about if I expect trouble from the cook.
I give my typical overly-serious don't screw with me look back, and ask if they want Mall Ninja to protect them. I check my money (yes, I had to pay), and we were out the door.
Ten minutes later, we enter the mall parking lot. A couple of idiot drivers nearly t-bone us, and I let them go first. I'm not in a rush. There is one security personnel vehicle in the whole lot. The oval lot measures more than 1.5 miles around. The vehicle was on the far side. So, we are clearly on our own. That's cool. I park the Jeep, and we walk in. I'm happily thinking of my pending, theatrically-prepared meal. <<Dang...hope the cook doesn't drop the knife this time!!>> All of the sudden...Mall Ninja Boy comes strutting like a Bandi Rooster, geared up with his radio. He's still about 100 feet away. I look to my wife and daughter and say, "Here comes the mall insecurity! Are you kidding me?!"
Mall Nijnja boy continues towards us, makes zero eye-contact, and walks on by. MNB is literally all of about 5'6" (at most), 120 pounds (at most), looks to be 15 years old (not joking), is pimple-faced and sporting an attitude as-cocky-as a yappy Chihuahua. MNB has no muscle...no firearm...no baton. I'm thinking to myself, this MNB is going to protect me?!?!?! Please!!!!
After MNB passes us, I look to my wife and daughter and ask, "That your prince-in-shining-armor?!" They look puzzled and ask, "What?", to which I respond, "If I didn't have my CCWs, that's the insecurity guard who would be defending us!" My wife literally shuddered. My daughter snickered.
If the mall intends to hire "security guards", at least hire someone who can put the scare into my 13-year old daughter, and her friends.
What the Hades is up with those funky hats they wear?! Rant off.