.... the ultimatum on her part sounds more like speaking from fear, not speaking from being a bossy controlling woman.
Billy ~
It doesn't actually
matter if she's speaking from fear or not. I'm sure she really is afraid, and that she would benefit from patient instruction and a trip to the range.
But that's not the issue.
The issue is the tactics she's using to change him, not her motives for doing so.
Grown ups do not use emotional blackmail in their intimate relationships. Period.
She has resorted to emotional blackmail.
Therefore, she's not yet a grown up.
Since she isn't yet a grown up, she's a dangerous choice for a mate. Maybe she's educable, which is why I posted as I did before. Sadly, it's more likely that she's not, which is why so many posters have said, "Leave her!"
But if the OP does like most young men in love, instead of either standing strong or leaving, he will try to negotiate from a position of weakness -- eg, he'll say something like, "If you
let me keep my guns, I'll ..." By starting off the conversation that way, he would be conceding that she has the right to commit emotional blackmail, that she has the right to dictate what he may or may not own, that she has veto power over his life choices.
That's not a recipe for a healthy relationship. It's a recipe for disaster.
pax
You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. -- Mike Tyson