lonewolf1981
Member
- Joined
- May 24, 2009
- Messages
- 8
My prayers are with you. Sorry to hear about your loss and please ease up on the alcohal.hope you fell better and keep us updated.
my mother passed away
- Thread starter johnchamp
- Start date
- Status
bikerdoc
Moderator In Memoriam
Jchampagne,
Sorry for your loss.
Now for a little tough love, by virtue of you being a mrmber of the THR, you are my brother and I will Tell you as I would tell my own brother, Mom is in a better place. She is with you in spirit. Rejoice in that. Yes you miss her but booze is not the answer.
Grief has many stages, see your pastor, or a support group. Honor her memory by good deeds and behavior.
Please get some help.
Doc
Sorry for your loss.
Now for a little tough love, by virtue of you being a mrmber of the THR, you are my brother and I will Tell you as I would tell my own brother, Mom is in a better place. She is with you in spirit. Rejoice in that. Yes you miss her but booze is not the answer.
Grief has many stages, see your pastor, or a support group. Honor her memory by good deeds and behavior.
Please get some help.
Doc
mcdonl
Member
It is said that a boy becomes a man when his mom dies. I have no doubt you were a man before, but you have entered a new phase in your life.
I hope that this time has brought your family together and that you will celebrate her life.
My condolences.
I hope that this time has brought your family together and that you will celebrate her life.
My condolences.
Sav .250
Member
Sorry for your loss.
Papaster
Member
If you need someone to talk to, please call (800) 488-HOPE. (that's 800-488-4673) Someone there would love to talk to you about what you're going through, and perhaps provide some materials or help you get in touch with a counselor in your local area. I will pray for you. You will need some time to grieve. Please do take it easy on the drinking. Drowning your problems will only make this last longer.
MisterMike
Member
John--
First let me offer my condolences and my assurance that the heartache will diminish. I've been down that road, and while it's hard to believe it's possible, the passage of time will make things better. Know that you did the right thing by letting her pass into a better place.
Now, as for the drinking, ask yourself what your mother would want for you. The answer is clear: she would want you to remember her with love, and to live the rest of your life in happiness. Alcohol will not only prolong and accentuate your grief, it will screw up your life.
You--and only you--can do this. Before you let another minute pass, call a pastor, a counselor, AA, or someone who can guide you through this. Don't put it on your "to do" list; do it now. It's not an easy path, but it's what your mother would want.
First let me offer my condolences and my assurance that the heartache will diminish. I've been down that road, and while it's hard to believe it's possible, the passage of time will make things better. Know that you did the right thing by letting her pass into a better place.
Now, as for the drinking, ask yourself what your mother would want for you. The answer is clear: she would want you to remember her with love, and to live the rest of your life in happiness. Alcohol will not only prolong and accentuate your grief, it will screw up your life.
You--and only you--can do this. Before you let another minute pass, call a pastor, a counselor, AA, or someone who can guide you through this. Don't put it on your "to do" list; do it now. It's not an easy path, but it's what your mother would want.
All my family has passed, Mom, my sister and my dad. I understand the pain and loss, but as others here have told you that your mother wouldn't want you to numb yourself with alcohol. You do her no honor with such behavior.
If she were your best friend what do you think she'd tell you? If it was, "drown in grief and drink yourself to death", she was no true friend. If it would be to stop and honor her memory, then she was.
If she were your best friend what do you think she'd tell you? If it was, "drown in grief and drink yourself to death", she was no true friend. If it would be to stop and honor her memory, then she was.
UniversalFrost
Member
man, sorry to hear about the loss. It is tough to handle. I personally had a buddy of mine die in my arms on my first tour and it was really tough and really messed me up for several years and still have flare ups.
the drinking helps you know, but will become a crutch later. best way is to cut down on the drinking (notice I didn't say quit) and then go talk to a priest, pastor, or anyone that will listen. Me, I had a great priest help me out otherwise I would have really lost it and probably would not be around right now.
all i can say is talk to someone. don't get too depressed and don't do anything stupid. I am sure your mom is in a better place. we all pass away, so don't rush your way to the end. try to carry on your mothers legacy and let others know of her and how she impacted your life.
hang in there!
the drinking helps you know, but will become a crutch later. best way is to cut down on the drinking (notice I didn't say quit) and then go talk to a priest, pastor, or anyone that will listen. Me, I had a great priest help me out otherwise I would have really lost it and probably would not be around right now.
all i can say is talk to someone. don't get too depressed and don't do anything stupid. I am sure your mom is in a better place. we all pass away, so don't rush your way to the end. try to carry on your mothers legacy and let others know of her and how she impacted your life.
hang in there!
BullfrogKen
Moderator Emeritus
I don't speak about this much. I don't even speak about this much with my wife. The fact that she doesn't check this forum at all makes this all that much easier for me to type and expose myself on a BIG public forum. In fact, outside of my Crohn's disease support forum - with defined confidentiality rules and codes of conduct - I think this is the only time I've discussed this in a public place.
Nearly 5 years ago I became very ill; tragedically and perilously ill. I vomitted daily, and had diarrhea the likes of which one only hears about from symptoms associated with Amoebic Dysentery. I also lost a great deal of weight - very rapidly. At my lightest I weighed about 145 lbs on a 6' 1" frame. At the time nobody, no-one could conclusively tell us what my actual problem was. One GI doctor I went to went so far as to suggest my problems were all pyschological.
I knew he was wrong. All I had were my faith in my myself and my feelings.
But for many, many months I was all alone in my self-diagnosis.
All I knew was I was rapidly wasting away. And test after invasive, embarrassing, ignoble, test we still had no definitive answer. I sunk into depths that man should never sink. I am convinced we were mere weeks from my death before I went to another doctor and discovered the diagnosis.
Through much tribulation we found that answer. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. My life has never been the same since.
Maybe it's odd that we're talking about this in Rallying Point . . . . but it seems fitting that Rallying Point is the place we're having this discussion . . . . Perhaps pallying point can mean other things than rallying some for shooting activities. And perhaps by sharing my story publicly, without shame or reservation, this may rally you.
And if my story can rally you then its worth the telling.
In addition to the weight loss I struggled with a lot of pain. A lot of pain. Back before anyone believed me I was on my own. And at times I treated my pain through alcohol. It was personally embarrassing to admit that I needed it. But I needed it for pain relief. And sometimes I needed it simply to find some sleep. Even if only for a few hours.
Eventually I found a doctor who believed me. And then we began to treat my disease with steriods, proper medication and pain perscriptions. I also began to discover other people with pain. Not just my unique pain. But pain in any form. And for a while support groups helped me manage both my physical and my psychological pain.
To this day I still have struggles. I struggle to find a proper nights sleep. And I still have flares and with it pain. I guess I'll never fully be rid of it. But that's life. It's not what I want. But life isn't about what I want, or what's fair. I had a really good life before my pain and my sickness . . . . but like I said life's not fair.
All I can say to you is this . . .
Don't live in shame. We let everyone down at some point, especially our mothers. And there are many people before you who have had to do things to get by. They may have done things they aren't proud of to get through their pain. But for most of us pain is temporary. For me pain, real pain, will be something I'll live with until I die and meet my Maker. And then He and I are going to have quite the long discussion . . . .
This pain you feel today, and are treating with alcohol . . . this will pass. But an addiction to alcohol will live with you forever. Only you know if this behavior you're forming is a temporary passing or something that will become a lifelong problem for you.
Your mother will forgive you if your grieving over her includes a short period of drunkeness. I've grieved over other dear friends in the same way. But if your drinking is a problem . . . . and you know deep down inside your soul if it is . . . . then you should seek some help.
But that's entirely for you to diagnosis and decide.
Some of the strongest, greatest men I know are former drunks. There is no shame in admitting you have a problem. But there is shame in using an addictive behavior to treat a problem that can be solved with other, more appropriate methods.
Nearly 5 years ago I became very ill; tragedically and perilously ill. I vomitted daily, and had diarrhea the likes of which one only hears about from symptoms associated with Amoebic Dysentery. I also lost a great deal of weight - very rapidly. At my lightest I weighed about 145 lbs on a 6' 1" frame. At the time nobody, no-one could conclusively tell us what my actual problem was. One GI doctor I went to went so far as to suggest my problems were all pyschological.
I knew he was wrong. All I had were my faith in my myself and my feelings.
But for many, many months I was all alone in my self-diagnosis.
All I knew was I was rapidly wasting away. And test after invasive, embarrassing, ignoble, test we still had no definitive answer. I sunk into depths that man should never sink. I am convinced we were mere weeks from my death before I went to another doctor and discovered the diagnosis.
Through much tribulation we found that answer. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. My life has never been the same since.
Maybe it's odd that we're talking about this in Rallying Point . . . . but it seems fitting that Rallying Point is the place we're having this discussion . . . . Perhaps pallying point can mean other things than rallying some for shooting activities. And perhaps by sharing my story publicly, without shame or reservation, this may rally you.
And if my story can rally you then its worth the telling.
In addition to the weight loss I struggled with a lot of pain. A lot of pain. Back before anyone believed me I was on my own. And at times I treated my pain through alcohol. It was personally embarrassing to admit that I needed it. But I needed it for pain relief. And sometimes I needed it simply to find some sleep. Even if only for a few hours.
Eventually I found a doctor who believed me. And then we began to treat my disease with steriods, proper medication and pain perscriptions. I also began to discover other people with pain. Not just my unique pain. But pain in any form. And for a while support groups helped me manage both my physical and my psychological pain.
To this day I still have struggles. I struggle to find a proper nights sleep. And I still have flares and with it pain. I guess I'll never fully be rid of it. But that's life. It's not what I want. But life isn't about what I want, or what's fair. I had a really good life before my pain and my sickness . . . . but like I said life's not fair.
All I can say to you is this . . .
Don't live in shame. We let everyone down at some point, especially our mothers. And there are many people before you who have had to do things to get by. They may have done things they aren't proud of to get through their pain. But for most of us pain is temporary. For me pain, real pain, will be something I'll live with until I die and meet my Maker. And then He and I are going to have quite the long discussion . . . .
This pain you feel today, and are treating with alcohol . . . this will pass. But an addiction to alcohol will live with you forever. Only you know if this behavior you're forming is a temporary passing or something that will become a lifelong problem for you.
Your mother will forgive you if your grieving over her includes a short period of drunkeness. I've grieved over other dear friends in the same way. But if your drinking is a problem . . . . and you know deep down inside your soul if it is . . . . then you should seek some help.
But that's entirely for you to diagnosis and decide.
Some of the strongest, greatest men I know are former drunks. There is no shame in admitting you have a problem. But there is shame in using an addictive behavior to treat a problem that can be solved with other, more appropriate methods.
Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.
May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.
May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us
and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.
May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us
and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
ugaarguy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2006
- Messages
- 13,828
Back in December I lost my grandmother to terminal illness. My father and grandfather, with advise from legal counsel and healthcare professionals, had to make the decision to remove a form form of artificial life support. These decisions are never easy. You're obviously a man of God asking for prayer. Find strength in the Lord. You will be in my prayers.
charliewood
Member
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2009
- Messages
- 52
my heart goes out to you ,as well as prayers.
grampster
Member
The loss of your mom is tough. Mine passed a year ago July 28. My dad's been gone since Oct. 28, 1999. I've lost other members of my family and have lost friends to suicide and four were murdered.
Drinking yourself into oblivion daily or frequently is no answer. Getting a bit soused and reliving happy memories of loved ones is fine. But to turn it into a lifestyle does not solve anything. Sounds like you're finding that to be true.
A little conversation in the AM with the Almighty is a good way to start the day. A little reflection with Him for short moments throughout the day and finally giving thanks for his grace and help through the day is a good way to end the day.
You have the support from a fine group of folks here at THR. Lean on 'em and listen to 'em.
Drinking yourself into oblivion daily or frequently is no answer. Getting a bit soused and reliving happy memories of loved ones is fine. But to turn it into a lifestyle does not solve anything. Sounds like you're finding that to be true.
A little conversation in the AM with the Almighty is a good way to start the day. A little reflection with Him for short moments throughout the day and finally giving thanks for his grace and help through the day is a good way to end the day.
You have the support from a fine group of folks here at THR. Lean on 'em and listen to 'em.
jfh
Member.
It's no comfort to say "don't drink to kill the pain"--but I know all too well it does not work.
My mother, at the age of 95, had the final "incident"--that started a six-month decline that lead to her death. I am an only child--so the burden fell on me to help her through this end to her life.
Along the way came some hard choices; I supported her in her decision to not do any more surgery. She ended up with an open sore on her (artificial) knee that would not heal--and, eventually, I had to make the decision to stop medical treatment--no more antibiotics--and provide only pain relief and hospice support. She died twelve days later.
Even though I felt well-prepared for having to make those kinds of decisions, there still was terrible conflict about doing it. I assuaged my guilt and anxiety with the knowledge that alternatives were worse. And, in the end, I grieved her death.
Eventually, I was able to move on--in fact, I had to, simply because I suddenly had to deal with my own serious illnesses (two cancers in 10 months; one of them is stage IV).
You can move on, too. Seek personal friends and contacts for comfort, and post here as needed.
Jim H.
My mother, at the age of 95, had the final "incident"--that started a six-month decline that lead to her death. I am an only child--so the burden fell on me to help her through this end to her life.
Along the way came some hard choices; I supported her in her decision to not do any more surgery. She ended up with an open sore on her (artificial) knee that would not heal--and, eventually, I had to make the decision to stop medical treatment--no more antibiotics--and provide only pain relief and hospice support. She died twelve days later.
Even though I felt well-prepared for having to make those kinds of decisions, there still was terrible conflict about doing it. I assuaged my guilt and anxiety with the knowledge that alternatives were worse. And, in the end, I grieved her death.
Eventually, I was able to move on--in fact, I had to, simply because I suddenly had to deal with my own serious illnesses (two cancers in 10 months; one of them is stage IV).
You can move on, too. Seek personal friends and contacts for comfort, and post here as needed.
Jim H.
Tim the student
Member
I am very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it will be like when my parents die.
But I do know that they would not want me to kill myself slowly with a bottle. You have shown a lot of courage with your public admission of your drinking. You know this is an unhealthy thing for you. Call someone, get involved in AA, call a pastor, call your buddies, talk to some of your family, talk to us. Hell, talk to me if you want. PM me and I'll give you my number and you can talk to me.
It may seem impossible, but you can stop drinking. I have seen plenty of references to AA and sobriety here. If you search for it, I'm sure you could PM the people that made those references. I have a hard time they would not be willing to give some advice to you.
But I do know that they would not want me to kill myself slowly with a bottle. You have shown a lot of courage with your public admission of your drinking. You know this is an unhealthy thing for you. Call someone, get involved in AA, call a pastor, call your buddies, talk to some of your family, talk to us. Hell, talk to me if you want. PM me and I'll give you my number and you can talk to me.
It may seem impossible, but you can stop drinking. I have seen plenty of references to AA and sobriety here. If you search for it, I'm sure you could PM the people that made those references. I have a hard time they would not be willing to give some advice to you.
SimpleIsGood229
Member
Prayers are sent for you, your family, and your mom, jchampagne. May she rest in peace. Be strong, man; I know you can do it. Just give it all to God.
I must also say that Geno and hso offer most excellent advice.
I must also say that Geno and hso offer most excellent advice.
Phydeaux642
Member
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2007
- Messages
- 1,886
I'm sorry for your loss. I also feel your pain. My dad died about 3 1/2 years ago and it's still really painful. Sometimes I think I am trying to eat myself to death to deal with the loss, so, I kind of understand where you are coming from. Neither way of dealing with grief is good. I know it and I believe you know it, also. Here's hoping we both get through it with the pain receding and fond memories that stay with us forever.
Hi J,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my grandfather on January 2nd of this year and he was like a best friend to me; their isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him.
You really do need to slow down on the drinking. I am sure its not how your mother raised you or would want you to live. If there is anything I can do, or you just need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message.
You and your family will be in my prayers,
Jack
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my grandfather on January 2nd of this year and he was like a best friend to me; their isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him.
You really do need to slow down on the drinking. I am sure its not how your mother raised you or would want you to live. If there is anything I can do, or you just need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message.
You and your family will be in my prayers,
Jack
kd7nqb
Member
Loss is always hard, but its important to realize that you made the only choice you had. As to the drinking you know thats not the right think to do, and your admitting your problem so you have made the tough admition already. NOW STOP IT. There are lots of great support groups for both pain and Booze, I recommend that you find yourself one, or a good friend either one.
I, too, am sorry for your loss.
I lost a leg in 1991 and suffer daily with back and leg pain. I haven't given up and don't plan to. You will make it, but booze will not be any help at all. It will only make matters worse. I hope all the support and msgs here will give you solace and guidance.
I lost a leg in 1991 and suffer daily with back and leg pain. I haven't given up and don't plan to. You will make it, but booze will not be any help at all. It will only make matters worse. I hope all the support and msgs here will give you solace and guidance.
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