I never thought I'd be writing a 'dear John' letter, but here goes:
Dear John,
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. I don't know you, or your family, but I am very close to my mother, and I can only imagine what pain you may be going through.
I can only hope that you can take comfort that her pain was short-lived, and after reading the details of her service published on the funeral home site, it appears she was a lady of faith, and by my beliefs, she is now in a better place.
I'm also sorry that your sibling situation is not giving you the support that you want. That's not an easy situation to be in. We can't choose our family, and I've had to face that as well in my life, so I know what that can be like.
This next part may be a bit harder to read, but I promise it is intended with kindness, compassion, and support.
There are many on this forum that have offered to help you. That is a remarkable and wonderful thing! I think overall, the members on this forum are showing a wonderful character level by offering to help you. Post after post (I'm sure you've read them all) offering prayers, and willingness to listen to you if you need an ear. I suspect there are those that would even meet you to talk over a cup of coffee or a milkshake.
It seems that you realize the drinking will not solve the problems, or overcome challenges in life. Hopefully, you’ll decide to do something about that, and I pray that is sooner rather than later. If you continue this pattern, it will kill you, and can take others with you. I don't believe that's how God wants us to live, or die.
According to the obituary, you have children and/or nieces & nephews. This is a position of responsibility. As adults, it's our job to display a pattern of behavior that is worth emulating. This means we need to behave in a responsible manner. It's OK to cry, it's OK to miss someone dearly. And it's OK to stumble and make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. We as men (and women) should not be evaluated by our successes, but rather by how we deal with our mistakes. Showing Christopher, Jason, Sky, Jason, Kobe and Cameron that you can accept help when you need it is one way to do just that. We're not meant to walk through life on our own. That's why that 'footprints' story is so wonderful. There are many on this forum (and perhaps others that are not on here) that have offered their hand in support, but in order for that to work, you must choose to accept it. Send us your phone number; we'll even make the call (I know how calling a stranger can be very scary sometimes).
It's OK to stumble and fall; (you haven't failed yet, you only fail if you don't get back up and keep going) it's OK to need help getting up! Most of us have been there, and I believe God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.
Please, accept help, and be that example to others of how to accept help when you need it. If you make the right choices, this world can be a better place for the example you set.
I hope you make that choice, and soon.
PE