stalker

[fslflint]

ok, this situation really scars me. my girlfriend has a stalker. his following is becomeing more and more frequent. I asked if she knew who he was and she told me yes. then she told me something else that makes me even more concerned. she told me that he had raped or attempted to rape at least 5 of her friends. now I know that most rape goes unreported. most of these rapes happenned at parties where most of the people there were minors and they were drinking illegally. so they didn't report the incedents. my gf no longer goes to these parties but this guy has become obsessed with my girlfriend. then yesterday we (me and my girlfriend) stopped at her work because she needed to talk to one of her coworkers and the suspect walks in. he stands at the other side of the store and acts like he is looking at something. then we walk out to my car and he runs to his car. I noticed him by this time and take a longer way out of the parking lot so that I was behind him. so he drives in the general direction of my girlfriends house but sudennly pulls over. then he pulls out behind me and follows me to her house but drives past. now this was bad enough but then I went inside with her and her cell phone rings and it was him. the police have been called and reports filed but he hasn't done anything but follow her so far. during the week I am at school in philadelphia and she lives almost 3 hours away. so what now? I'm 19 and she is not quite 18, obviously neither of us carry a gun. I always have a knife and I am very situaltionally aware but I am not always with her. she always has a cell phone and doesn't live alone but it still worries me that someone is following her.

Edited to remove personal information. Jeff

 

[Meow]

http://www.esia.net/ might help
hope every thing turns out well

 

[strambo]

Well since he does appear to pose a real threat due to the prior history of date rape etc... and isn't just a harmless loser... I'd probably have a conversation with him at a time and place of my choosing and make certain things clear to him about acceptable behavior and consequences of non-acceptable behavior. I will not go into any more detail on the internet, but I think you get my drift. (I'm not necessarily talking about breaking any laws BTW...fill in the blanks with details you feel appropriate for your situation)

Thats the only proactive thing I can think of, the police are all but useless in these situations until after something bad happens. But you/she should also pursue every legal action possible as well. (restraining orders etc..) Oh, and do you both have OC? if not get some, and make sure she has it at all times. Good time to get some awareness and personal protection training as well. (I guess I can think of more proactive things after all! )

 

[Black92LX]

i would have to agree with strambo on this one. me and this guy would be having words! I would agree that you should get her some sort chemical spray.
make sure that this guy knows that his behavior is unacceptable! also make sure the girl has a cellphone in case this punk tries anything.

does she live with her family? if so i would get them involved as well. messing with daddies little girl is never a good idea. and i would highly suggest of informing him of the situation.

 

[Barbara]

Who does she live with?

Get her a shot gun and if its at all possible, have it in the room she sleeps, loaded. Make *sure* she has a cell phone with her at all times..even one without a service plan should be capable of calling 911. Make her sleep with it and take it into the bathroom with her. I learned the hard way..don't ever depend on a landline when dealing with creeps.

Get her a big 6 battery maglite and put a leather grip on it..then get a "tactical" flashlight and work with her on using it. Find someone to teach her some unarmed combat basics.

Then get a personal protection order.

 

[fslflint]

I guess the moderators didn't like the fact that I had the guys name in my post. sorry about that. I just thought that since the government can put the name of known sex offenders on the web why can't I?

whatever. I just talked to my girlfriend, no problems today. thanks for all the input. I'll keep you updated.

 

[Meow]

I wouldn't suggest confronting this individual, because such people are not rational, although many are highly intelligent, and most often this leads to escalation. I would suggest using the restaining order, Personel protection order, with great care for the same reason

Stalkers don't take no for an answer

 

[cryptoguru]

May I suggest your girlfriend and yourself go down to the local police/sheriff/marshalls office and file a simple police report to get the paper trail spinning. Possibly a restraining order, notifying school officials and notifying the parents of the alleged stalker.

Also you can maybe persuade a friendly LEO to go have a heart to heart talk with this alleged stalker and his/her parents so this individual knows if something is up, he's going to be under scruntiny.

Things like that don't solve the problem but may help keep that guy in line or away.

 

[Josey]

On a different note, she is 17 and a high schooler, you are 19 and in college, right? Why? This "stalker" may honestly feel that you are the bad influence. In his mind, (confused as it may be) he is going to be her knight and protect the damsel in distress. This actually sounds like immature behaviour. I would get OUT of the whole situation, PDQ! I have heard these fantasies so many times. This is not a flame. This is experience. If you stir manure, don't expect a smell of roses.

 

[fslflint]

she is my girlfriend and I love her. getting out of the relationship is not an option. I have dealt with her ex boyfriend that was quite psycho and came out on top without a fight (he move to florida). this guy is almost a stranger to me and her. he went to the same highschool but graduated 3 years before me(four years before my girfriend). that makes him 22 and not in college, presumably working a dead end job. he's a loser.

A shot gun is not an option and pepper spray is in the works

 

[Moparmike]

A shotgun may not be possible with her, but it is with you. Not that it will do her much good. Some OC at all times, and have no less than an ASP next to her bed. I suggest an ASP because it is easier to weild than a 6-D Cell Maglite, and just as deadly in the right hands.

 

[Black92LX]

On a different note, she is 17 and a high schooler, you are 19 and in college, right? Why? This "stalker" may honestly feel that you are the bad influence.

i don't think that is a bad age difference at all. i started dating a girl when i was 17 and her 15. But we started dating in High School and still are together (well sort of) now we are both in college i will be 21 and her 19 two weeks from today. i think that 2 years is actually a good age difference.

sorry for the detour just had to chime in about that one!

 

[Andrew Rothman]

Get pepper spray from a police supply (sometimes listed as "uniform") store. The stuff will be of good quality.

More importantly, you can get a "practice" canister. It's filled with a non-irritating spray, and gives your girlfriend to actually try it out, see how it works, how far it goes, what the wind does to it, etc.

Like any weapon, it only works well if you know how to use it.

Have her call the cops on her cel phone EVERY time she sees the creep, and have her REMAIN ON THE LINE until the cops come. This will help ensure her safety, send him a message, and hopefully keep the cops interested in the case.

She should vary her routine (routes and times to and from school or work), sleep over at a friend's when possible... anything to make the stalking more difficult.

By the way, if a girl gets raped, the cops don't give a flying... hoot... if the girl was drinking underage at the time. She ought to encourage her friends to file charges. It's not too late.

She should remind them that he will KEEP ON RAPING WOMEN until one or five step up and take action.

And tell us -- what do her folks think of all this. They ought to be involved.

Best of luck and keep us informed.

 

[GigaBuist]

1) Restraining order if possible.
2) Get her carrying OC. If you can find some way of getting training on it, good!
3) Get the parents involved -- I assume she still lives with them.
4) Get a shotgun in that house ASAP and get the people inside trained. The more the merrier. Even if this situation ends up a moot point getting more people trained on how to use one is never a loss.
5) She can't legally CCW, so make sure she's carrying a good blade on her. It doesn't have to be a good one. Heaven forbid if it's actually used it's ability to "keep an edge" doesn't really matter. Better off with two $15 knives than 1 $30 knife IMHO... or 2 $30 knives instead of 1 $60 knife. You get the idea.
6) And maybe this should be #2.5 -- get her accustomed to kicking a guy in the nads and gouging eyes. Get a cup, get a helmet, whatever -- and have her beat the snot out of you. It takes some getting used to kicking the crap out of a human being. It's NOT natural -- especially for women!
7) Cell phone can't hurt...

I would not confront the guy -- you don't want to incite anger and his 'protective' instict at all. He may very well think you're the bad guy as Josey said... though from your description he sounds like a piece of work.

Find somebody to help with all areas of defense. If you know somebody that knows basic knife skills, get their help. If you can find somebody that knows any kind of dirty hand-to-hand combat, get their help.

Get her going on the "situational awareness" stuff -- and how to find weapons in any situation. A glass, a bottle, cup of coffee, etc.

If you know somebody that can train her with OC, do that too. Just having it doesn't help much if you don't know how to use it.

If she's not living with her parents hopefully some is of the age of 18 and can legally own a shotgun. If not... I wouldn't advocate doing anything illegal but taking "the high road" (whatever course you deem that to be) holds precidence.

Just remember, there are some really screwed up people in this world that will do totally irrational things. I'm related to an alarming number of them by blood. Whatever seems like the stupidest, most illogical, wrong thing in the world to you personally might make perfect sense in their mind.

 

[sanchezero]

Whack this guy.

 

[Penforhire]

How about starting with a restraining order? Yeah, it won't be the end but it is a start.

 

[fslflint]

sanchezero
that was my first intuition, but my girl said she would rather not marry a guy thats in prison.

 

[joab]

If she is 17 this is her parents responsibility. Have they been advised of the situation if not why not. Niether you nor your girl can get a restraining order (I believe I know you can't). Believe tit or not this is none of your business legally.
Do not confront this guy what could you possibly say that would not be a threat and there fore make you the aggressor Remember it is none of your business.
Involve the parents, That's our job not your's.
What is the statute of limitations on rape. Why can these prior victims not band together and do the right thing and take this guy off the street. Or are they the type that preventing their own embarrasment is more important than anothers safety.

 

[fslflint]

joab
the first thing that was done was to alert her parents. they have been involved since day one. they have been there when the cops were called more than I have. I do not plan on confronting this guy. mostly I agree with you. but I do disagree when you say this is none of my business. I took on the responsibility to love this girl, thus the responsibility to try to protect her. if it be from a guy that wants to rape her then I will do whatever is in my legal bounds to protect her. it is my business.

I asked why they have not had this guy arrested and my girl said I wouldn't understand. I asked her to try to explain it to me and she was right, I don't understand.


p.s. by saying she is just shy of 18 I meant that she turns 18 next week

 

[joab]

When I said it was none of your busines I meant lagally from the stand point of LEO and his gang coming out to answer a complaint against you for threatening this guy. I said that because I was in a similar situation in my youth and recently with a young member of my wifes family. In both cases I was told that it was none of my business I was just a concerned bystander.
And please don't take this the wrong way, but I understand if you do. The situation I spoke of in my youth was when I was 18 and she was 17 ( I'm 42 now) I broke a guy's jaw and spent $5000 1979 dollars to get it reduced to a 1rst degree misdemeaner and only get 6 months in jail. If I try REAL hard I can almost remember what she looked like.

And as far as her friends I don't unnderstand how someone can allow a predator to roam free when they have the means to stop it. Your girl definetlyneeds to find a better class of friends.

 

[Josey]

FUNNY! That is almost the circumstances in my case. I advised you to get out of the situation. If I had, I would not have become introduced to Gunnery Sergeant Million. Semper Fi!

 

[gunsmith]

cellphone/911/call direct

Often calling 911 from a cell phone will get you the state police and not your local jurisdiction.
Have you local police emegency number programmed in the phone,this is a common security guard trick,works like a charm. A delay of even 2 minutes can make a difference.
Model mugging school teaches women self defense,allmost every college has one

 

[joab]

FUNNY! That is almost the circumstances in my case. I advised you to get out of the situation. If I had, I would not have become introduced to Gunnery Sergeant Million. Semper Fi!

Even funnier cause I got introduced to Senior Drill Sergent Satterwhite over the matter. 4 years getting paid was better than 6 months sleeping with my back to the wall

 

[clubsoda22]

flint, was this right after we we're all up at your house?

Come see me and i'll send your GF some Fox Lab OC for her keychain. Tell her the next time he confronts her, give him a good spray then a kick to the nads.

What is the statute of limitations on rape.

13 years...plenty of time

 

[fslflint]

yup clubsoda,
she said that I should tell my friends that they left one night too early. lol. I'd appreciate the OC.

I've been trying to make this clear since the beginning. I am not going to confront this guy. if he confronts me then so be it. if he touches my girlfriend I will have to restrain myself but it will be legal action, not physical action that is taken. I am not some unrestrained punk 19 year old. I wear other colors besides tactical black and camo. I am not a future marine or future swat guy. I have a good respectful relationship with my girlfriend and her parents. I am not infatuated with how tough or cool I am. I do not like to fight but I am always prepared to do so. what I am trying to say is that I am trying to handle this situation in the utmost responsible way. I want it all to be legal and without pain or blood. it is her safety that I am concerned about. please undestand, I am not going to break this guys jaw unless he is swinging at me trying to break mine.