I'm not sure that you are going to find the answers on THR.
My sense is that every action that I take in my marriage is either strengthening or weakening my marriage. I don't much get into he power games of "Nobody can tell me what to do!" That just seems silly - but that's my marriage not yours. We talk through all major decisions, and the decision to carry/not carry would be a big one.
I would suggest that you sit and talk - if the issue is that important to you, then it might be worth having that conversation with the help of a marriage counselor. If you think that you can't afford a counselor, then talk with somone that's been through a divorce!
I think that for this to work, you would have to enter into this conversation with the open mind that you want her to have!
It could come to the point where you have to decide whether you want to carry more than you want to be married. That's obviously a very personal decision - go into it with your eyes open.
My wife is very anti. I do not carry, but I don't perceive any need to carry, so that's not an issue for us. I target shoot and reload - after a lot of discussion. I have taken my a nephew, a niece, my son and my daughter shooting. She does her best to understand why I like to shoot, and I am punctilious about safety around the home.
It would be very cool if she enjoyed shooting. But she's a Quaker - as was I when we got married. She it not likely to ever change her mind, and that's life. People are not a Chinese dinner - no substitutions allowed.
I took a very serious vow when we got married, promising "with the help of God, to be a faithful and loving husband to her, so long as we both shall live." To my mind, that vow was a recognition of a solemn commitment made with the blessing of G-d to work as hard as I could at building and maintaining that relationship. Even though I am no longer a Quaker, I am still bound by that vow, and grateful every day that G-d and that my wife have blessed me with the marriage I have.
You may need to think very hard about the kind of marriage you want, and understand the inflexibility on
any major issue may start you down a road you really don't want to go. Maybe you don't mind going down that road, and maybe you really don't want to go down that road. But one thing is very clear - you don't have any control over her inflexibility; you can only control your own.
I won't be offended if you don't want be be married the way that I am married. But I will let you know that I am very happy to be married the way that I am married.
Mike