drunk girlfriend

[cpttango30]

I myself would have the little single gun safes in stratigeic places around the house.

If you truly care for this girlfriend then ask her to seek help. Drinking can be fun too much fun (I know about this from seeing and feeling the affects first hand).

I would sit down with her and tell her you are not comfortable with the way she drinks.

 

[mainebear]

Guajiro: Get a gun safe now! not tomorrow, not this afternoon, but right now. If you can't let a friend keep your guns until you do.

My exwife, depression mixed with a bunch of other stuff tried to take her life one night when I was asleep. I also firmly believe that the would have taken mine as well. There was one thing that stopped her. The safe. Only I had access to the key.
Please do one or the other right now. Please also either get her some help or get rid of her right now. I know this is very tough to do, but these types of things can escalate before you even know its happening.
Please let us know how you make out. Good Luck

 

[Troutman]

<<What's wrong with fornication?>>

I have to look that one up. Too much hanky-panky going on?

 

[DMK]

The abuse of alcohol shows a level of immaturity (and I'm talking about the amount of alcohol consumed here). I'm assuming that you and your girlfriend are under 25. I've been there, many of us have. At some point, you grow up and show the proper respect for dangerous things (cars, alcohol, guns, etc). Then again, some folks never do get to that point and are irresponsible adolescents their whole lives. These folks are dangerous to themselves and anyone around them, regardless of their age.

The bottom line is you didn't trust her. That's something you need to think about critically. If this is a once every six months thing on a special occasion, and she's just blowing off steam, no biggie. Lock everything up and keep an eye on her when she does it. If this is more regular or there are other signs that she might be untrustworthy, then you have a big problem that you probably need to distance yourself from. Don't forget to look at yourself with that same critical eye as well.

 

[iiibdsiil]

Aight, so being a younger guy on here, I'm going to assume y'all are younger, probably still into the partying scene a little bit. That means that coming home poop-faced enough to puke and then fall asleep happens about once a week, at least it does for me. No big deal. If that's the case, then don't listen to these guys making her seem like an alcoholic.

I would limit it to one or two guns around the house when you know she/y'all are going to be coming home drunk. Make it easy to round up if there is a problem, and other then that don't worry about it. Find a little hiding spot inside the house that she isn't going to find for the hour she is drunk, like in a coat pocket, etc.

 

[axeman_g]

I recomend a safe and a long discussion on alcohol abuse asap.

You can not allow her access to firearms if she in anyway abuses alchohol.

 

[DMK]

Aight, so being a younger guy on here, I'm going to assume y'all are younger, probably still into the partying scene a little bit. That means that coming home poop-faced enough to puke and then fall asleep happens about once a week, at least it does for me. No big deal. If that's the case, then don't listen to these guys making her seem like an alcoholic.

I would limit it to one or two guns around the house when you know she/y'all are going to be coming home drunk. Make it easy to round up if there is a problem, and other then that don't worry about it. Find a little hiding spot inside the house that she isn't going to find for the hour she is drunk, like in a coat pocket, etc.

That is dangerous advice friend.

I've been through the out and drunk every weekend phase. Life isn't like Mayberry, nor do we necessarily want it to be.

However, even one gun accessible to a drunk is very bad mojo. I've seen some of my closest friends, mellow as anything when sober, become completely uncontrollable when blind drunk and the right emotional circumstance. I remember an acquaintance of mine getting a 12ga out of his closet, putting it to a freinds head and pulling the trigger. Lucky for everyone it only went click (and needless to say, he was paid a painful visit by my friend once we all sobered up). That was one situation everyone involved would have liked to have not happened.

You want to go party, go for it. Just lock up all firearms and car keys away first, preferably under the care of someone who isn't drinking. You don't like that, then give up either the guns or the partying. You can't have both without bad consequence.

 

[akodo]

I too have been in the 'roaring 20s' where every weekend there was a big drinkfest party, and lots of people drank until they were fall down drunk.

Now, the question is, can she shut off her binge drinking when necessary? I.E. does she still go out and party when there is a serious college homework assignment due? (or insert similar life situation here) To me that is the key to acloholism recognition...not the volume of booze consumed, but choosing (or being unable to choose to NOT) to continue to drink when life circumstances dictate not.

Also, lets just take this to your girlfriend is a angry drunk, but only drinks once every 6 months...

Yes, you need to secure your guns. Now, you threw around the term 'safe', to most here that is going to be the $1000 very big fireproof impossible to break into without the right tools and knowledgebase. While that might be a good investment eventually, I'd suggest one of the $199 metal gun cabinets. They can be broken into with a crowbar or even a steel snipps pretty easily, however, they do work wonders for repelling children, drunk, and totally unprepared 'snatch and dash' type robberies

in addition to that I would add a single 'gunvault' type lockbox, the type that you can store anywhere, punch some buttons and a springloaded door pops open to give access to a single handgun.

 

[lee n. field]

how long do think it'll be before she starts picking fights with you?

And first thing you know, he's got "domestic abuse" on his record, and loses his guns.

There's an immediate problem, and then there a root problem.

 

[Malamute]

You've gotten some good advice, and some not so good.



You can get a cheap gun "locker" from wal-mart for under $100. Not so good for determined thieves, but will keep guns secure from unauthorized people from laying hands on them. Not ideal, but simple and effective for this type of use. You mention (or imply) that she HAS to have access to the guns for defense,....well, no she doesn't, particularly when she is drinkning. IF an intrusion happened when she was under the influence, oh well. The risk of having guns accesible to someone that was not stable when they were drinking is higher. Too bad. Playing has risks, and no guns available may have to be one of them.


I've been on the drinking girlfriend road before. Think about a couple of things. From your description, she is NOT stable when she drinks. Happy-mad-happy-mad-happy........Even tho there was an argument with girlfriends, the "reason" doesn't matter, it's the result in that situation that does. She could very well be mad at you some time, and start a fight, (argument). Guess what, IF someone, neighbors etc, called the cops because of the noise, and they show up to a domestic argument, and you have guns in the house,....well, in many places you are assumed to be dangerous in that situation, and your guns may be taken, even if temporarily, no matter who started it or why it's happening. If it got worse, like she slapped you and you pushed her into a chair to get her away from you, it can get real stinky. She only has to say you did such and such, (whether true or not, it's not provable either way) and your guns are gone. Sometimes you can get them back and sometimes you don't, ever. And you can't go buy any more. Ever.


Frequency of heavy drinking has NOTHING to do with whether someone is an alcoholic. It's not that simple. It has to do with how they drink, how much they drink, how they act, and why they do it. Once a week, once a month, even once a year, is not an indication of an alcoholic or not. From personal experience, and what little you told us, I think she's an alcoholic. It doesn't even matter if she is or isn't tho, what matters is how she acts when she's drinking to excess. She may have other problems as well, we all do, but this one is a problem that is not likely to go away by itself.


Go get a cheap gun locker. No mattrer what esle you do, and DON'T give her a key. You can leave it open, or some (or all) guns out when you want, but have the option to lock them up.



I ended up getting rid of the girlfriend. It finally took a stalking protection order.

 

[Mtnvalley]

a) guns and alcohol
b) drunkeness

c) fornication
Huh? Did I miss somethin?
He asked for advice, not judgment.

Perhaps he was asking the OP if a) and b) are prerequisites to c).

Seriously, I'd personally have a problem keeping accessible loaded guns around someone with either anger control or alcohol issues. Keeping them around someone who's shown both is IMHO unwise at best, irresponsible at worst.

With these factors in the picture, it's up to the OP to decide which is more important to him: having accessible guns or keeping the relationship.

 

[Officers'Wife]

Hi guajiro

My advice? Boozers and whiners are best left to themselves. Why do you want to build a relationship with someone who's hobby seems to be drinking herself into a state where she feels nothing?

The very fact you are thinking of locking up your firearms becasue of her suggests to me you do not trust her with your safety at least part of the time. Life is dangerous enough, living with someone you do not trust makes it more so.

Selena

 

[ilbob]

I am sure this is not the answer you wanted but you need to seriously consider whether your relationship with this women if worth continuing. This kind of behavior almost always gets worse over time.

At the very least you need to lock up your guns and not give her access to them.

You also need to realize that there is a good chance at some point you will no longer want tolerate this kind of self destructive behavior and it could well precipitate an incident where you could end up gun less.

 

[macFarlaine]

Easy answer have them locked up at all times.Re:girlfriend not my businees.Alcohol,I don't like it,I don't consume it,I see to many young people,fighting,vomiting.

 

[Balog]

Buy an el cheapo safe from sprawlmart. Wait til she gets passing out drunk again, then relieve her of all copies of your apt key she may have. Assemble her stuff into convenient carrying cases. Then kick her ass out.

 

[wuchak]

Malamute beat me too it. I was going to suggest one of the < $100 gun lockers from Dick's. I have one and they are excellent if you mount them in the closet against the end wall. You have to move the clothes back to get to them and with 1/2 lag bolts into the studs it will be difficult for anyone to remove. Being in the closet also makes getting to it with a crowbar more awkward. A determined thief will be able to get into it but I have two dogs and attentive neighbors that will not allow them luxury of taking their time. Leave one of the key's in a safe-deposit box or your parents house and keep the other on you, but not on your car key ring or in your wallet, or well hidden at all times. If you want a suggestion for a place to hide it near the safe pm me. I don't want to post it in case someone else has thought of this and I give their spot away.

On a side note your girlfriend's behavior suggests that she might not yet be at a mature enough stage in her life to be in a serious relationship. If she is < 25 and like the vast majority of people the drinking will lose its appeal and will turn from getting loaded into a couple of glasses of wine. If she is much over 25 you have a problem, or rather she does and because you love her, you do too.

I am assuming that you do intend to marry her and her you. If that's not true on both sides then why are either of you wasting your time living with someone you don't intend to spend the rest of your life with and giving up the opportunity everyday to meet the person that you could marry? If it is true why not just get married now? If you do stay together and get married in a couple of years you'll regret not having done sooner it at every anniversary.

The two of you should watch Days of Wine and Roses together.

 

[peyton]

Boy I am surprised, this was his first post. He gives a terrible situation for us to help, 42 posts later not a peep fron the original poster. You all give good advice, guns do not mix with beer. I certainly enjoy a good single malt but whether it is at the house or around deer camp the guns are secured fitst.

 

[W.E.G.]

I don't know what amazes me more.

That somebody would announce that they have a girlfriend "who usually just throws up and goes to sleep"...

or

That somebody would announce that they "keep a few of my firearms in easily accesable areas through out the house"

or

That folks here would respond to the post like it were legitimate.


wow

 

[KelVarnson]

Next time the girl comes home drunk and angry, get the video camera out. Chances are, that will just make her more angry, but keep shooting, if you can.

If you show her the video a day or two later, and she doesn't make a serious effort to improve herself as a result, then it's time to move on.

YOU are responsible for your firearm 100% of the time, No exceptions!

Statements like this are troublesome to me, because they tend to elevate guns to something more than they are (inanimate tools). Obviously, do everything you can to keep guns and other dangerous items secure, and out of the hands of foolish people. But if one of your friends goes out and grabs a hammer from the garage and hurts/kills someone with it, are the authorities going to charge you?

But if it were a gun, ooooh, all hell is going to break loose. Why is that? A chainsaw, a pickaxe, a gun, what difference should it make? Treating a gun any differently than other, equally-dangerous items plays right into the hands of the antis, who fear the gun, not the person.

If the drunk girlfriend discovers the guns are locked up, she can walk in the kitchen and grab a knife. The problem is not the stuff you have laying around, it is the people you choose to associate with.

 

[DMK]

That somebody would announce that they have a girlfriend "who usually just throws up and goes to sleep"...

or

That somebody would announce that they "keep a few of my firearms in easily accesable areas through out the house"

or

That folks here would respond to the post like it were legitimate.

Oh come on. You've never had any of that happen to you?

Statements like this are troublesome to me, because they tend to elevate guns to something more than they are (inanimate tools). Obviously, do everything you can to keep guns and other dangerous items secure, and out of the hands of foolish people. But if one of your friends goes out and grabs a hammer from the garage and hurts/kills someone with it, are the authorities going to charge you?

That's a good point. But it's not that we should give less respect to firearms, but more respect to other dangerous tools. An unbalanced person could do a lot of damage with a knife from the kitchen. You don't shouldn't lend your car to an irresponsible person who then gets drunk and kills three people. Folks really don't think about these things as critically as firearms.

 

[NASCAR_MAN]

guajiro,

You are headed for some big trouble if you stay with this "girlfriend". If she is the type to pick fights with her friends - friends who are trying to help her - then she will eventually pick a fight with you. In fact, I bet she verbally abuses you now doesn't she? This is such a typical pattern. Eventually - through small increments - she will expand the range of her absurd behavoir until one day you are defending yourself against a lamp-swinging maniac. And...when you defend yourself - the police will come. You will be arrested. You will spend time in Jail. You will be known as a Woman Beater. No one will have mercy on you - neither courts, friends or family. Your ability to purchase and own firearms will forever be crippled - and so will your ability to defend your life.

So...my advice to you is this:

1. Get those guns out of that house...NOW! Take thenm to friends or family for safe keeping. Tell them what is happening.

2. Arrrange to move out immediatly - or throw her out. Call a Sheriff's Deputy to stand witness. You MUST have witnesses.

3. Do not tell HER anything...Nothing! Keep your mouth shut. Let the moving out be a surprise. Better yet, arrange it so that she isn't even around when it happens.

4. Every time you feel bad about what you must do, then imagine how it's going to feel when your friends, family, courts and police call you by your new title: "Woman Beater".

 

[FLORIDA KEVIN]

been there !

It seems to me that the only thing you can do as a resposible gun owner is to lock the guns in a safe when they are not in your manual possesion ! I know you are worried about your girlfriends safety at home ,but she needs to act in a responsible manner if she wants to be treated as a responsible person ! If you are going to try to stay in this relationship ,you are going to have to comprimise your personal safety by keeping the guns locked at all times ! Actually it is no comprimise as your are the most likely victim ! If the situation changes and she changes her destructive behavior then you can reevaluate the situation ! I think you either need to help her with her alchohol problem or cut her loose ! Kevin

 

[FLORIDA KEVIN]

Nascar man nailed it ! Plus when you get arrested you will lose your rights as a gun owner ! And it will be a 90% chamce that it is you that gets arrested in a domestic !

 

[Noxx]

Some tough advice you won't like.

Congrats first on being a responsible, well defended, gun owning citizen. There are some things that come with that, however.

Protection begins with prevention. Everyone here will read you the old mantra, "don't go to shady places, don't involve yourself with shady people". It's an old mantra, because it's 100% accurate.

Long before you need your gun, if you are really invested in defending your life and your property, you need to take the preventative measures that keep a life-threatening situation from evolving.

Drinks with friends is fine. Drinking until you pass out is not. Whether you're 23, or 61. If you want to engage in that behavior, or associate with people who do, that's your right, and your choice, but you must understand that once alcohol is driving the bus, nothing you can do is a 100% guarantee that something stupid won't happen with one of your firearms.

With the decision to keep implements of deadly force on and around your person, the onus of responsibility for those weapons is placed squarely on you, there is no wiggle room. Perhaps with the law, but certainly not with your own conscience should something unhappy transpire.

It is "on you", if you will, to live straight, and not associate with people who can engender the sort of misery discussed above. Either your guns or your girl should go.

 

[Beetle Bailey]

I think a safe or even a steel gun cabinet is a great idea and also cheap insurance. This is one instance where if you don't have the cash on hand, I'd even recommend using a credit card to buy the safe.

I'm not going to say you definately have to leave your girlfriend, but you definately have to have a calm and serious talk with her that includes discussing responsibility, trust, and feeling safe around each other. This is an opportunity for her to see how much damage her drinking does to not only herself, but the people around her.

Look to see if she takes the conversation seriously, like an adult would, or if she blows you off, like a spoiled child. Personally, that is what I would hing the relationship on. And yes, I would treat it as an ultimatum. If you are fearing for your lives, that's cause enough to leave. Tell her how you felt at the time and then deliver the ultimatum in no uncertain terms. Then if you are feeling generous, give her 24 hours to calm down and see that you are right. Obviously, if she responses poorly, it is a bad sign. Hope things work out for both of you.