Friends' wives won't let them have guns....

[patent]

3. Facts and stats to combat the missinformation that they have been subjected to. Remember, neither of them are die hard antis, they just don't know any better.​

I think you need to know what missinformation they are actually concerned about before we could provide a reasonable suggestion here. Different women have different hangups, IMHO. Some think all guns are illegal. Some think they will be used against you. Some think they are dangerous. Some think all of these things. We would have to write volumes to answer the question and cover all the possibilities.

I recommend the guys sit at the internet an hour or two a day for the next couple weeks and get familiar with some of these issues on basic terms, think about the arguments for and against guns in the house, and then have the talk I mentioned above.

As for how to introduce them to firearms, I was an opportunist on that subject. After I told my wife I was getting a shotgun, I did so. She didn't really care to see it or anything. However, eventually I had it out for cleaning, and she was there. Of course, I had a big advantage, my boys were very, very curious, and their enthusiasm helped drag her in. So, I showed it to her, and took it apart in front of her so that she could see it and its pieces. Just take the opportunities when they arise to show them a gun. Maybe if they are all over at your place for dinner, and if you have a gun similar to one the guys want to buy, he could show it to her. It should be unloaded at the time, and probably with a trigger lock on it, just to make it easier on her. I'd also bring it out to her, rather than drag her back into your armory where she'll be a bit overwhelmed. (You do have an armory, don't you?)

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[patent]

Plus, it wouldn't be much help to my neighbor if someone broke into their house and their pistol was in my safe. Even worse for my friend who lives 40 minutes away.
​

That's true, but it might be a good starting point. They get the gun. They store it at your place. From time to time they come get it, go shoot, bring it home to clean it (in front of wife), then drop it back off. Eventually they get their own safe and bring it home.

That isn't how I'd want to do it though. That's more of a last resort sort of thing, but I'd bet it would work over time. It usually seems to me that the wives just need some familiarity here, and then they relax once they get used to it.

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PS, if your house won't work I have room in my safe.

 

[Joe Demko]

Butt out and stay out. Don't offer advice. Don't try to convince anybody of anything. Don't let anybody store anything at your house. Strive to be completely uninvolved in this. How this is resolved, or not, needs to to worked out by the married couples in question. You have no rôle to play in this other than troublemaker.

 

[P95Carry]

I just feel very sad that there are some wives who are so paranoid about ''guns in the house'' and guns in general. Maybe I am lucky to be ancient, married to a great gal who now has her CCW - and who approx a year ago all but talked me in to getting a M27-2 8 3/8 at a gun show.!!

I wish they would see the defense values, and sporting ... and not be so apparently keen to accept possible victim status.

Boy, am I ever lucky - and know it.

 

[White Horseradish]

Strategy and Tact, guys. Saying "I'm the man, I wear the pants, I do what I damn well please and if you don't like it get lost" is not the best way to have a good relationship with anyone.

Especially if you wear a kilt...

 

[SDAL]

First let me start by saying I have never been in this situation, I was blessed with a wonderful wife and partner. With that said when we where dating I had the sence to ask questions and talk about guns and my hobbies, which she was very in to. If she would have been opposed to guns I would have just moved on and found someone else. IMO you can’t be happy with someone who opposes your core beliefs that much, there are lots more people in this world.

That being said, if you are already married that’s another problem. You should know each other well enough to have a serious talk and trust to understand that you want what is best for each other. Don’t just talk, listen here what your husband or wife has to say. Talk about safety, use, and storage of guns. Talk about self-defense and protection of the family. Let them know this is not something you take lightly.

Then if she still doesn’t agree get one anyway.

 

[Series 70]

Since most of us who have had it easy getting our women into shooting were shooters before marriage, I'd suggest the following approach:

1. Invite the guys to the range with you. You provide the firearms, or they can rent, if your range does that. Do this regularly. This will get the women used to the idea that their guys go shooting.

2. Have them (maybe one at a time) invite the women along. Do the usual safety briefing beforehand. This will be their hands-on exposure where many fears/misconceptions can be put to rest.

3. Continue shooting with the guys. Have them invite the women along occasionally.

4. Eventually, the women will be comfortable around firearms. The guys can then bring up buying their own firearms.

This will take some time and committment. The idea is to get the women to accept that shooting is one of the hobbies/activities that the guys have enjoyed for a long time. This seems to be key based on all the anecdotes here.

My $.02.

 

[torpid]

I never understood the whole, "My wife/husband won't let me..." dynamic.

He/she is supposed to be your partner, not your parent.

I understand a heartfelt request to not store firearms in the shared home from a gun-wary signifigant other, but the whole concept of setting of "rules" and being "allowed" is just creepy/sad to me.


Crazy story:

I had a friend tell me of his buddy who loved VW bugs. He visited his bug-happy chum and while hanging out with him, idly picked up one of the VW magazines from his pal's collection. The magazine was filled with cut-out squares throughout- as if someone had gone through all the pictures with scissors.

His pal resignedly shrugged and explained that his girlfriend objected to him looking at the girls next to the cars in the magazines, so she clipped them all out, and he kept silent because he was just happy to be allowed to keep the mags at all.


.

 

[Jay Kominek]

A friend of mine had a similar problem. I don't have time for people to be stupid, so I just went over and plopped a gun on the table in front of his SO. Her eyes bugged out, she asked a bunch of questions, and I said "You wanna touch it? "

She did. Then I said, "You wanna hold it? "

She did.

Then a few months later, when they had time, she came over, and I ran her through the equivalent of NRA basic pistol. Then he and I took her to an indoor range. And except for the guy shooting the .44 magnum in the lane next to her, she absolutely loved it.

Now the only thing keeping them from going and getting their own is student loan payments.

No sense in beating around the bush, and if she was going to get upset, it would've been at me, not him. (He didn't even know I was going to do it.)

Your Milage May Vary.

 

[ojibweindian]

Totally agree.

This isn't really about guns, it's about control. And like it or not, in any relationship, one person is going to be dominant. If you don't think this is true, ask yourself this question, "Who has the final say on important decisions?". That person is the boss. Period.

It sounds like the two men in the initial post are not the dominant partners, as evidenced by them complaining about not being allowed to bring a gun in the house. As far as I can tell, they have two options. First is that they attain dominance in the relationship. Second is that they quit complaining and accept the fact that they do not call the shots.

Harsh? Yep. But that's the way things are.

 

[torpid]

A friend of mine had a similar problem. I don't have time for people to be stupid, so I just went over and plopped (censored) on the table in front of his SO. Her eyes bugged out, she asked a bunch of questions, and I said "You wanna touch it? "

She did. Then I said, "You wanna hold it? "

She did.

 

[HI express]

Closing the barn door

Seems to be like it's a case of closing the barn door after the animals have left the barn.

When I dated my wife and girls prior to that time, I always seem to get around the subject of having guns before the relationship got too serious.

I have been married to the same easy going woman for 27 years now. I have been able to buy a weapon of choice and all accessories anytime my budget allowed me to. She sometimes encourages me to go shooting with my buddies when she knows I need some stress relief. When my buddies can't go (odd work schedule) she goes shooting with me. So does my daughter.

I believe that the men that you mentioned didn't check off that box when it came to having an understanding with their SO. Sorry about that.

 

[Wedge]

My wife was anti but I found that plinking made her a lot easier around guns. Invite them on a range trip. Don't spout politics, CCW, hunting, anything...just have fun shooting at paper, cans, clay pigeons. Rome wasn't built in a day and almost everyone I have met that was anti or afraid of guns had never actually shot one.

And if that doesn't work...too bad for your friends. You don't want to get dragged into their divorce proceedings...

 

[Rabid Rabbit]

My Mom was anti and wouldn't allow my Dad to buy a shotgun for hunting. So he bought her a shotgun for Mothers Day and asked if he could "borrow" it. My Mom is no longer anti and has shot in several rifle competitions winning "High Woman" and ownes a couple of HD pistols.

 

[entropy]

My wife was not-anti, but just had very little experience with guns. Her Dad has a rifle (M1903A3 that I will inherit) and a shotgun (.410 bolt H&R) for farm guns, and the only time she saw them used was the shoot at fox and weasels, or to put a down cow out of misery. So had no idea one could enjoy shooting guns, so while we were engaged, I brought her out to the back 40 with my Dad's .22 Woodsman, and my .357, and taught her how to shoot. Next trip I brought both of those, plus my .44 Redhawk. (I had wadcutters for the .357, and loaded some really light loads for the Redhawk.) She is a good shot with pistols. She is finally going to try rifles this summer.
A good friend married a woman whoi was anti, but put up with him owning a gun because of his job, driving an armored car. When he was deployed to the sandbox for GulfWar v.1, she got rid of the pistols, having made him sell the rifles and shotguns before he left. ( My Dad bought my 742 from him; I should never have sold it to him. I've learned.) She even sold the Star .380 'Super' his Dad bought while on Embassy protection duty in Spain in the 50's. Not a rare one, but it had sentimental value, and was a fun gun to shoot.
He is now remarried to a woman who likes guns; they are going to come out shooting sometime this spring.

These guys in the original post have a long uphill battle to find their 'cohonjes.' Stay out of it, and wish them good luck.

 

[Fred Fuller]

Friends don't let friends have wives who won't let them have guns.

lpl/nc

 

[KAR120C]

Some people who are leary of guns can overcome that by gradual, responsible exposure. Tell them to calmly challenge them to come to the range and try it out, then at least they have given it a fair trial, and are not being prejudiced.

The power of guns to kill/destroy can be extremely intimidating. This isn't entirely a bad thing. We should all strive to keep the power and potential for destruction in the back of our minds at an appropriate volume. Unfortunately it sounds like these women may have their volume control on 11. It can take some time to get over this.

I grew up with long guns in the house, and was taken plinking every year or two. I was respectful, but not nervous about these guns. But we never happened to have a pistol, and I can still remember being in my 20's and holding a friends .380 for the first time. It was totally different than holding a long gun. I couldn't get over the fact of how easy it was to point the pistol at myself, if I didn't pay attention, vs. the long gun, which required a concious effort to point at myself. I eventually acclimated and now own several pistols. I think this effect may be magnified for women, who (stereotype but true) on average haven't been given the mechanical knowledge to understand how guns work, what they can and can't do.

On a tangent issue... several here have mentioned their wives allowing them to have some guns, but setting a limit at some quantity. Since any single gun can kill I don't see how this can be motivated by (presumed) safety. Isn't this really more of a "You aren't going to spend any more money on guns" issue, than it is a "guns are dangerous, I don't want more than N in the house" issue?

 

[carebear]

The "quantity limit" may just be an illogical compromise. People don't always use reason when emotional topics are involved. Especially dames.

Better to accept that compromise and work from there to help them "see the light" then go for the whole shebang and cause a big to-do.

 

[thatguy]

When my wife and I were dating many moons ago, we were at a small gathering of friends on a Friday evening. John had come alone as his wife was not feeling well. The phone had accidentally been unplugged and nobody noticed, meaning John's wife was unable to get through when she started calling at 9 o'clock. At around 10:00 PM John's wife barged through the front door, in her nightgown, and ordered him to go home at the end of her extended finger. I have never seen a man look more humiliated in my life.

My girlfriend (and later wife) turned to me and said "I promise that I will NEVER do anything like that to you." I replied that she sure as Hell wouldn't do it TWICE because I would kick her ass out after the first time.

My wife and I have a deal. She doesn't tell me what to do and I don't tell her what to do. Some things, like a home purchase, vacations, etc, need to be negotiated. Some things are not negotiable, including one's manhood. John got what he did because he allowed it.

I say your friends are wimps and wussies and need to get their testicles back from their wives. Seriously. If the women have no interest in the shooting sports they need not participate. If they are concerned about gun safety then good, we all are, and appropriate safety measures will be taken. But this sounds like a control issue. The wives have it, and the men... er, well husbands, anyway, don't have it. If the wives are laying down the law on this issue I have to assume they control everything.

 

[Sam]

Some of these felows don't exactly sould like very manly men. Either wayif they are involved in unhealthy relationships, basic values not in common, poor communication, the list is endless. That is the problem, not guns.

Give them a gift certificate for some counseling or a free lobotomy at the Taxachusetts Home for the Mentally Bewildered, or get them on Dr Phil!

Sam

 

[dairycreek]

Been married to my wife for 45 years. We didn't do that by drawing a line in the sand and then daring the other one to cross. If you are willing to let your partner dominate and you can still be happy in the relationship that's okay. If not then you take a stand or accept the situation and just shut up. There are :banghead: no other choices

 

[patent]

On a tangent issue... several here have mentioned their wives allowing them to have some guns, but setting a limit at some quantity. Since any single gun can kill I don't see how this can be motivated by (presumed) safety. Isn't this really more of a "You aren't going to spend any more money on guns" issue, than it is a "guns are dangerous, I don't want more than N in the house" issue?​

I don't have a quantity limit, but if I bought 10 guns all at once I'm sure it would raise an eyebrow, and it would be on the money issue, not the safety issues. I suppose my wife is lucky in that respect, as I'm much more frugal than she is, so she doesn't have much to worry about.

John had come alone as his wife was not feeling well. The phone had accidentally been unplugged and nobody noticed, meaning John's wife was unable to get through when she started calling at 9 o'clock. At around 10:00 PM John's wife barged through the front door, in her nightgown, and ordered him to go home at the end of her extended finger.​

LOL. Apparently she was feeling better?

My girlfriend (and later wife) turned to me and said "I promise that I will NEVER do anything like that to you." I replied that she sure as Hell wouldn't do it TWICE because I would kick her ass out after the first time.​

I can't imagine dealing with that either. My wife hesitates to even call me when I'm out with friends, because she doesn't want to act like John's wife. Works for me.



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[Standing Wolf]

I can't imagine being interested in a woman who wanted a lapdog husband.

 

[Bruce H]

As so many have said before don't get involved. I have enough trouble running my own life to tell others how to live. The last gun show wife and I went to she disappeared. Looked around and found her dickering for an SKS. Her comment, mine is prettier than yours and has better accessories. Life can be grand with the right circumstances.

 

[stevelyn]

What goon said. And........

I would suggest testosterone therapy for my friends. Their relationships are more like dictatorships. Women can be replaced. Self respect and freedom aren't as easy to replace.