Living with an anti-gun spouse, how do you do it?

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If it's truly all about guns, the guns should go IMO. It'd be pretty damn dumb to give up a successful marriage for what is essentially a hobby
 
OK, I'll get rid of the guns and ammo but from now on when something goes bump in the night, you get to investigate. Yeah, right!

My first wife was anti-gun but our first robbery where I pulled my CCW and the bad guy ran away, pretty much changed her mind. In New York it is well known: a Republican is a Democrat who has just been mugged. My second wife was anti gun untll she was purse-snatched at the mall. Changed her mind big-time after that. (Mr. robber landed a couple of punches while she fought for posession) My third wife was pro-gun or I wouldn't have married her. So much with convincing people!
 
I'm so glad I am not alone,23 years of marrige, you are almost telling me my life story for me!!!! I feel your pain brother, your heartache problems ect. Not sure how to go foward?????
 
I doubt you two will ever compromise on the gun issue.IMHO if you are honest about wanting protection, keep a hand gun, put it away and don't discuss it. Perhaps some day she will see things your way but you must decide which you would rather spend the rest of your years with, your guns of your wife and child.
 
Big Irish: I'm sure you are welcome here, and that solution is understandable and would be tempting (I will admit it). Here is a different perspective, and partly because the guy's wife did indicate some mellowing of her attitude. He could possibly risk a steady, good relationship with his child as he/she grows up.

It appears very likely that it could blow any more future progress that she makes, and make home defense very difficult with guns which 'don't exist'. She recently said that he could have bought a gun at the show(!). Don't get me wrong.
Here is a personal example of my deception:

My wife is very level-headed -for a female- and indifferent about guns (her late Dad was a 30-year Quartermaster, i.e. vol. to go with the 101st to Normandy, Arnhem, Bastogne siege, Haguenau, Goering's Haus). The goal is to limit monthly expenses.
The point: I had two cases of Wolf or surplus Bulg. ammo shipped -via cashier's check (no record)- to friends' houses. She suspected such and did not mind. Unlike the OP's wife, mine primarily doesn't want to Hear more than a small bit about guns and ammo...she drops her head like she is drugged for a colonostopy.
 
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Acelaw said:
If it's truly all about guns, the guns should go IMO. It'd be pretty damn dumb to give up a successful marriage for what is essentially a hobby
Click to expand...
If one cannot learn to live with the other's hobbies, is it a successful marriage?

When we found out we had a child on the way, my wife demanded I get rid of my guns. I responded as most here would expect. The compromise would be a gun safe. I didn't have one, wanted one, but still wanted my 9mm in the nightstand. I lost the nightstand gun, but on my own terms and reasons. It actually turned out for the best as she doesn't care what's in the gun safe. She actually saw inside it for the first time (I've had it 2 yrs) the other night, and was pleasantly surprised to see everything except the lever action and 9mm also had a trigger lock in addition to being locked in the safe.

I also know EXACTLY what you mean about "not liking her much". It's not fun at all.
 
My wife of 45 years has always hated guns and has never fired one herself.

But she has always tolerated my collecting hobby and didn't care when I got my CHL in the mid 1990s.

Of course having custom jewelry made or buying a bit of bling for her every time I got a new gun may have had something to do with that. :D
 
My ex-wife didn't like guns. Our first date was to a shooting range...I guess she figured she would change me??? She didn't like hunting (poor furry animals) or a lot of other things that I do either. This certainly wasn't the only reason for our breakup, but it was high on her list.

I would recommend couples counseling, always telling the truth, locking the guns up, and trying to avoid the topic.
 
Is she controlling in other areas of your life? or just this one? I think she has some serious control issues. Maybe why she psychologically chose the dark side of government controls your safety.
 
My wife never mentioned her dislike of firearms until we were married, and we had dated for over 5 years. About 6 months into the marriage she started suggesting I find another hobby, as she did not want guns in "her" house. At this time, one of her girlfriends had gone through a nasty divorce and was giving my wife suggestions about how to best handle me. One of her "hates" were guns. I found that we fought more when her friend had been around receintly.

I told my wife that her friend was divorced and did she want the same situation? I told her to get rid of her friend or I was gone....... And yes, we did go to counceling. I told both her and the counseler that if it was her or the guns, she would have to go as before we married firearms had never been mentioned as "verboton". That out of the way, I conceded to some of her other wishes. We have been married now 43 years so I guess something worked. I have three gun safes and four gun racks too......:evil:

Good Luck and Stand Your Ground!
 
I did not read everyone's response. I have an anti-gun spouse, it is a phobia of hers, even. I was a shooter and hunter and economics determined I did neither during our courtship and marriage. So it never came up. After 15 years of marriage I had a chance to buy some of a family friend's gun collection and I did so assuming I could store them in safe in the shop, my man cave. Whoops.

We were able to get past this. How? I recognize her phobia and respect it. She recognizes my hobby and the joy it brings me, and respects that. I do not discuss guns in the house, there are no toy guns nor do I teach my 7 yo boys how to shoot. That is their loss, which I lement. I shoot twice a month and 95% of the time my guns are off site (safe deposit box) and the 5% they are in the safe she is aware of their presence.

I forgot to add that once the kids are out she's currently on board to bringing them on site.

I am going to be judgmental about your situation: it sounds like you want your spouse to share your values in gun ownership and use. It sounds like she has no interest to do so. Leave it be, you do not want to change her, as you would not want to change. Own your faith, and let her own hers. If you cannot own who you are and what you believe because of who you are married to, that is a real problem. Can you both see you share that problem?
 
Had a chance to read the OP's replies and the rest of the threads. From what I am reading the situation is salvageable. Do not be deceitful, do not accept deceit. Call it out on yourself or her if she engages in it. If either of you decide to change for the other or yourself, own that change.

Also, if you married the right person, any progress you make in your relationship will pay off big time. Keep it up!
 
The wife will probably be anti-anything that seems to displace her from the center of the universe, diverts money from her spending entitlements or gives her husband pleasure.
 
Made sure my wife wasn't anti-gun before I married her. Or before I took her out on the 3rd date, iirc.

Choose better next time :eek:
 
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