My new girlfriend HATES GUNS!

[peacefuljeffrey]

Yep. My new girlfriend is anti-gun. She said last night that she thinks they should be banned.

What's more, she personally knows Sarah and Jim Brady! She showed me a picture of them (I don't remember but I think she was in the picture with them).

She knows I have and love guns. She accepts that. She knows I have a concealed weapon license, and that I "occasionally" keep a gun with me.

We spoke about it a bit this morning, and she keeps saying that she can barely believe that we got involved together and that it sorta creeps her out that I have guns in my house; and she said that if we were to be in my car and she were to know that I had a gun in the car, she probably wouldn't feel able to ride with me.

Well... She has not asked about the small nylon shoulder satchel that I always have with me when we go out. Maybe she doesn't figure it's big enough to possibly have a gun in it? I dunno. But I have not volunteered to her the information that it does contain my carry gun, more importantly, I do not know how she might react if and when I do inform her of that. She might flip out knowing that I've had the gun with me all this time. She might be able to rationalize that if I had it all these other times, it's apparently and obviously not a big deal.

I have made some occasional efforts to see it my way -- relating to her that bad guys will always avail themselves of weapons with which to harm people, and good guys (like me) are not wrong to keep the means to fight back for our own protection -- but only when she has brought the subject up.

She was asking, when we woke up this morning, how many guns I had, so I told her. When I mentioned that I would like to take her to the range and let her fire my guns, she locked up on me and said something like "not in this lifetime."

We love each other. I don't love this about her, though. It's a tough spot to be in, but I'm just gonna ride it out, I figure. Eventually she will probably find out or figure out that I carry -- daily, regularly, frequently...well, always. At that point, I figure she will have to either come to grips with it and love me anyway, or move on. (In other words, there is not a chance that I will stop carrying, for love or not. How could I love someone and abrogate my ability and means to protect myself and her?)

What are your thoughts? I know we read a lot here about bringing antis around to see our logic and reason. Some of you are lucky enough to have real shootin' girlfriends... Mine's great in the sack, but I'm missing out in this respect. Not sure what's going to happen. What would you do?

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

[HighVelocity]

Well, if she won't come around and you can't accept it then there's plenty of fish in the sea. Unless your new girlfriend is Jessica Simpson, then you should shut up and deal with it.

 

[cslinger]

What's more, she personally knows Sarah and Jim Brady!

Wow talk about sleeping with the enemy.

I just wanted to get my thoughts in before you get the barrage of dump her like last weeks trash responses.

This, like many of life's little issues, is a GREAT opportunity. Teach her, educate her and see if you can meet somewhere in the middle. Talk about her thoughts vs. your thoughts and see what you can do to bring her over to our side. Who know's maybe your efforts could eventually help all gun owners since she might have an in to the Brady's.

Now I don't mean use her. I am only saying this if you actually like her and want to stay with her.

Remeber we all have a right to our opinions and remembers what opinions are like.

I have found that education is the key to those who are anti gun and in 99% of my personal cases it has won them over to our side. Just don't be a jerk about it and respect their opinions as well.

Chris

 

[Sindawe]

What would you do?

Dump her and find another Gfriend.

The fact that she know's Jim and Sarah Brady, AND was in photo with 'em would creep ME out. IMHO I think this a train wreak waiting to happen, riding down the line at full throttle, the Engineer is passed out drunk at the controls and the bridge ahead is washed out.

Maybe you could start small/gentle like. Introduce her to other shooting related/type things, like paintball or videogames with guns, then work up from there.

 

[cslinger]

JOMT,

When she, inevitably, wants to go shooting with you DO NOT SADDLE HER UP WITH A .357/.44/.41 or any other damn thing with magnum after it, not even .22 magnum. Ease her in. Maybe even an airgun at first. Show her the fun and skill involved.............then hit her with 3.5 inch 12 guage turkey load.

 

[Zeke Menuar]

Sounds simple to me. If she doesn't accept you good, bad, warts, guns and all, dump her.

Plenty of open-minded and less judgemental women out there.

I wouldn't waste my time trying to sway her. That would cut into range time.

This is my opinion. Your opinion may vary.

ZM

 

[3rdpig]

I've had girlfriends that hated guns, hated motorcycles and hated other things that I call hobbies, or neccessities or just love, so I've got a bit of experience. If she's really adamant about hating guns, and you're really adamant in your love of guns and your requirement of having them, then eventually it will split you up.

Sooner or later she'll gain enough influence over you, probaby because you've had children together, that she'll feel confident enough to tell you to "get the guns out of the house and keep them out!". And what will you do when this happens (and don't tell me it won't...I know better)? I'll tell you what you'll do, you'll find some way to rationalize that she's right, it will be a safer house without the guns, you'll get rid of them and then she'll really have power over you. That or you'll refuse and she'll eventually start using anti gun statements (usually made by other anti gunners she knows, and after time most of these will be coming from other "guys" she knows) and eventually she'll take the kids and leave. You may get a second chance from her to "do the right thing and get rid of the guns", but probably not, she'll already have other plans, including you paying child support for years and no visitation rights as long as you have guns in your home. She'll turn the kids against you, teach them to be good little liberal anti gunners and hate everything you love.

Something like this, when both sides are set in stone, WILL result in a parting of ways sooner or later. Be smart and let it happen sooner, not after you've been married for 5 years and have kids.

Just the 02 cents of a guy who's lived through it, more than once...much to my own shame.

 

[Derek Zeanah]

My wife used to have an issue with the possibility that I'd decapitate someone that broke into our house at night. She understood the necessity and wouldn't blame me for the actions, but she didn't think she'd be able to stay with me afterward.

Discussions about why someone would choose to invade an occupied house versus go in when unoccupied, mixed with utilitarian arguments about how many lives she saves in a year vs the life of some scumbag who wants to mess with her flesh brought her around mostly. She'll still rack the slide to chamber a shell, but if the invader's gonna continue after that warning he's just too stupid to live.

Now, she first went shooting when she was 3 (using a modified bicycle handlebar as a prop) and she loves venison, so she was most of the way there.

If she'd been antigun, I don't think it would have worked. For me, firearm ownership is something of a symbol of my approach to life and my responsibilities and willingness to act in it. If she was revolted by that symbol, I'd take it as a symbol that at a core level we weren't compatible.

Just my 2 cents, taken from personal experience.

 

[P95Carry]

I'd see this as a challenge and opportunity - heck if she could be helped to ''see the light'' - who knows how much she might help influence Brady! (OK - so dreams are free!).

Find out what it is that gives her so much concern about guns - the actual piece of engineering, that is inert until used. Find out why she should believe there any real answers to keeping guns out of crook's hands.

Following that last item - how would she suggest once guns were banned from legal ownership - folks should go about defending themselves?

Lot of ground to cover but - softly softly, catchee monkey - make this your mission - to not only keep her as your beau but - enlighten her as to the fallaciousness of her thinking.

 

[Baba Louie]

What would you do?

Probably what cslinger says. Let it ride, work the educational philosophy about personal responsibility and self defense, get a copy of the latest issue of Women and Guns or something like that (Paxton Quigley's book maybe) where she could find it.

Sex ain't all a relationship is based on, cause once that familiarity has lost it's luster, there's gotta be other common ground based on trust and friendship and positive communication.

Besides that, Sarah & Jim own guns (or used to for target shooting anyway) and Sarah has even bought a rifle for her son, right?

Good luck, have fun. Enjoy the moment. Hope things last and you reach substantive common ground on all things important to each of you.

 

[bakert]

If you are truly into guns as you sound then that aint never gonna be a match made in Heaven. Irreconsilable differences and it's not very likely to ever change love or no love!! :banghead:

 

[Tony Mig]

That's a tough situation to be in my friend, and I do not envy you one bit.
My wife isn't thrilled about my love of firearms, but she's not a "friend of the Brady's" kind of anti-gun extremist either.
The only problem I have with my wife concerning guns, is that she still will not allow me to take my 15 year old son to the range, as she puts it...."I don't trust him with guns, and this is all too much too soon"....

In others words, getting my son involved in something as "adult oriented" as the shooting sports, makes her feel as though he is growing up too soon, and she can't come to terms with the fact that our children are growing up, and we are growing old. Sooner or later she'll have to give in, or I'm just going to take him anyway, and force her to come to terms with it.

Being great in the sack is a bonus, but having things in common with each other is the cement that bonds a perminent relationship. Once a woman hooks her man, she will try in every way to mold him into what "she" thinks is the perfect partner, this gun issue will not die with her, and it will come back to bite you where the sun don't shine. This is and area where you'll need to remain firm, and ungiving, because if this relationship leads to marriage, and the two of you will now be sharing a home together, she will likely demand her home to be a gun-free zone....and that won't be a good thing for you, or you rights to protect yourself.

Just some food for thought......

 

[OF]

You say you're in love? Then you need to be completely honest with her or you're not only setting yourself up for some serious trouble, you're being disrespectful to her.

If you're carrying when she's around and she's as much as told you that it creeps her out and she thinks it's wrong, you can't keep that a secret from her. If you're in love with her you need to be trusting in her and she in you. In a real relationship, secrets are not good. I'll say that again: secrets are not good. She needs to accept you as you are, not as she thinks you are. Keeping secrets from her hides your real self and you'll never have a real relationship unless you both know each other completely.

You need to be honest. You have to have all the cards on the table, all the time.

Personally, I'd make her go to the range with you. I'd tell her that this is part of your life, you own guns, you shoot guns, you carry, you're pro-gun. If she wants to continue with you she needs to at least make an effort to understand what you're all about. Shooting is part of that. You also have to make an effort to understand her point of view, with an open mind. She's wrong, but you need to show that you are willing to hear her out if you want her to hear you out.

Don't put it off, you'll regret it.

If you take her shooting and she freaks, if she will not accept the whole thing, then you need to make a decision as to where you stand. Can you live with that? With her fighting against you and the 2nd Amendment? What kind of comprimise will you ever reach about guns in the house? About anything related to this part of your life? If she is completely irrational about it and has a real phobia, a visceral emotional reaction to the presence of a gun, as many anti's do, you're in for a serious hard time.

You need to be honest with her about your conversation with yourself over that point also.

Don't be subversive about it, not if you really love her. If this is just a fling or something, then I'm all for trying to educate her gently and see if you can get some new thoughts into Brady's thick head.

But if you love her, you need to be honest and open. No subversion. No 'riding it out until she finds out'. That's just cruel.

- Gabe

 

[mcooper]

If I were in your shoes and she wouldn't change her mind, even after trying, I would leave her.

 

[OF]

I have to agree that if you really open up and make an effort to show her the light on this and she won't budge and shows no signs of ever doing so, I'd hit the road.

- Gabe

 

[peacefuljeffrey]

Dump her and find another Gfriend.

The fact that she know's Jim and Sarah Brady, AND was in photo with 'em would creep ME out. IMHO I think this a train wreak waiting to happen, riding down the line at full throttle, the Engineer is passed out drunk at the controls and the bridge ahead is washed out.

Maybe you could start small/gentle like. Introduce her to other shooting related/type things, like paintball or videogames with guns, then work up from there.

Well, I don't know or think that she is like, in tight with the Bradys.

I think that there is a good chance that simple lack of exposure to the TRUTHS we all know about guns, gun owners, good guys and bad guys is likely what makes her feel that she is "anti gun."

The thing is, she says that the reason she dislikes guns is because of "the power that they give people over other people."

I have not leaned hard on the diatribes to get her to see it our way, at this point. I don't want to hit her real hard with all the reasons why, as I'm sure you'll agree, her view on the subject is irrational, uninformed, and just plain wrong. Anti-gun is simply wrong. Yes, owning guns is not for everyone, but that's the personal level. When someone says that they should be banned, they're attempting to make the choice for all.

When it comes to the next discussion, I am planning now to lean on the fact that she is extremely pro-choice (the ol', "No one should be able to tell a woman what to do with her body" line that she said to me last night while we went for a walk and talked about what we look for in another person). When I point out to her that just like we should not tolerate telling other people what to do reproductively, so should we not tolerate attempts to tell other people that they may not own guns to protect themselves, I expect that may really give her pause to think.

I should add that not only does she seem pretty afraid of guns, she also is squicked out by knives as well. We had a bit of a tiff because of something that was said between us about knives, last week. After she got over it (and she did admit that it was something for her to get over, not me) she told me the next day that she was going to go to Walmart and get herself a pocket knife so that she could work on getting over it.

Instead, I gave her my Mini Griptilian (til then my EDC knife) and she accepted it, putting it into her purse.

Last night, she told me that she is still getting used to having a knife with her!

I played it cool, but I am really thinking, "What the hell?! How could having YOUR OWN knife give you anxiety?! Does that mean you worry about what YOU YOURSELF might do with it?!" I mean really. What is there to worry about regarding one's OWN weapons? First of all, a Mini Grip is such a non-menacing knife that even though it could do a job on you ('specially with the edge I put on it) it is really barely a weapon. Second, unless you think that either the knife has a will of its own, or you might lose control of yourself, what is there to fear from it? That it might be taken out of your purse and used against you? Wouldn't anyone who might do that, likely just come at you with their own knife?

Well, thanks for the opinions, folks. I'm not gonna give up on this one just yet. Lots of other stuff about her is just fine. Although I feel like I wanna rush rush rush and indoctrinate her to being pro-gun and pro-self-defense, I realize I have to play this one u-l-t-r-a s-l-o-w-l-y or she's gonna trip out.

I'll let you know how it goes, eventually.

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

[Old Fuff]

For the most part I agree with 3rdpig. Resolve this issue now before your relationship goes too far (meaning children). Today many women think that they can (and should) control the man in they're lives, and get him to come around to her way of thinking. When or if she can't, she may be the one who does the dumping, and leaves you paying child support until the last kid has turned 18. I've seen this happen several times.

Should you dump her now? Well that's not for me, or anyone else on this forum to say. You have clearly tried to avoid a confrontation over guns, but this is something you can't put off forever. Considering the stakes, do it now - not later.

 

[bigbadge]

When my wife and I first got together she was the same way - yellow dog Democrat and all.

Over the last almost 9 years she has mellowed alot. After going through elections (County Sheriff) with me and seeing the crime, criminals and other small minded types, she has just gotten her CCW and religiously votes (conservative, thank G*d!). She still does not like having a gun on her, but she likes to keep it close at hand all the times. Also, I hate to admit it, but she now outshoots me with just about any 38 special I own .

This has all happened with open and honest communication from day one. I would have never been able to convince her :banghead: , but she came to understand some of the things I dealt with and why and how I perceived various situations so she eventually convinced herself.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

 

[OF]

The thing is, she says that the reason she dislikes guns is because of "the power that they give people over other people."

Tell her how the truth is just the opposite. Guns remove power from people who shouldn't have it. A small woman becomes the equal of a 300lb man with a .357 in her hand. Effetively removing power from the man.

With the knife thing it sounds like you've got a classic hoplophobe on your hands. You've got your work cut out for you, buddy. You wish you only starting from zero on this. You're starting waaay in the negative numbers here. It's a long row to hoe.

Maybe stories of the weak and helpless defending themselves from big bad nasty people would help?

If you're going to take this task on, you need to get her to the range. You absolutely have to demystify guns (and knives and everything else you can think of). You have to remove the voodoo magic from the guns or you'll never get anywhere. Right now she thinks weapons are all evil. That weapons are the cause of pain and suffering.

Man, the more I think about this the more I realize you don't have a gun problem here, you have a reality problem. Your girl lives in a fantasy world. It's going to be tough for her to open her eyes. Like waking up out of the Matrix tough.

- Gabe

 

[Bufford t. Justice]

Dump it

 

[.45&TKD]

This is probably not the only issue....

Most gun grabbers are liberals. As a gun enthusiast, you are most likely conservative. In addition, most liberals are rebelling against God, conservatives are more likely to be right with God. I know that I am generalizing. But if this applies to you, this is probably the first issue you will be disagreeing with her about.

My advise: Try a different conservative issue to persuade her on. If you can turn her more conservative, then her opinion about guns will eventually follow as well.

 

[peacefuljeffrey]

GRD, thank you for a very thoughtful and provocative post. It's the best so far.

You say you're in love? Then you need to be completely honest with her or you're not only setting yourself up for some serious trouble, you're being disrespectful to her.

If you're carrying when she's around and she's as much as told you that it creeps her out and she thinks it's wrong, you can't keep that a secret from her. If you're in love with her you need to be trusting in her and she in you. In a real relationship, secrets are not good. I'll say that again: secrets are not good. She needs to accept you as you are, not as she thinks you are. Keeping secrets from her hides your real self and you'll never have a real relationship unless you both know each other completely.

You need to be honest. You have to have all the cards on the table, all the time.

This IS the part that I am having trouble reconciling.
I like to build a relationship on honesty. She has never asked me if I am carrying, so I have never told her. I will not stop carrying. Period. And since we are starting to build a good relationship as a couple, I do not want to jeopardize that. This is a big elephant in the corner.

You are correct on every count. I guess I've just been thinking that I can let her normalize to me and feel comfortable, and then this issue can be brought up. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. We're not married yet, not pooling our "stuff."

If it comes out that my bag contains a handgun, and she gets irate, she either will calm down about it and see it my way or she won't. I don't feel the need to break up with her preemptively about the gun issue; if that's gonna happen, it will break US up, on its own. I'm of the mind to ride it out and see what happens gradually and slowly.

I'm thinking of maybe one night introducing the idea of giving her a handgun anatomy lesson with my USP... or maybe the little Walther since it's not so scary. Yeah, the Walther.

I really think that there may be some lurking "past history" thing with her that makes her dislike guns. I think that the weight of some ideas (guns are used to hurt people) is being given excessive emphasis in her mind, to the exclusion of others (good people defend themselves with guns from bad guys who will never give theirs up). I just need to shift that balance. I think it'll be like jiu jitsu. I don't have to upend the whole weight, just nudge part of it from one side to the other.

-Jeffrey

 

[The_Shootist]

Anti-Gun Girlfriend?

As the old saying goes - "I've had guns and I've had wives and girlfriends...and I still have my guns "

Glad I live in Texas. Was on date with this nurse a month back and we were getting out of my truck and I handed her her purse, which she had placed on the bench behind us. Seemed kinda heavy and I joked that she must have a Ladysmith in there (I thought it was a joke, given all the stuff women can carry in their purses).

That is until she gave me a hard look at that comment - which made me think a bit. But I didn't ask any questions and she didn't offer any explanations (or open her purse in front of me). I guess thats a form of don't ask/don't tell

Also, I figured she had me out gunned as all I had on me was my P-32.

 

[M2 Carbine]

I'm afraid she sounds like the typical closed mind anti gun liberal that has no idea what the real world is all about.

Personally I can't stand people like that.

Chances are guns aren't the only things you don't have in common.

It's your life, but I don't think I'd bet the farm on her.

 

[Mulliga]

I should add that not only does she seem pretty afraid of guns, she also is squicked out by knives as well.

Not surprising to me. My own sister, though a very intelligent person otherwise, was a bit astonished when I got a SwissTool for Christmas (surprised because of the modest blade, of course).

I think slow exposure and honesty is the key. Good luck.