Real mall ninja in my area.

[Hoplophile]

I live at an apartment. We have "Security Officers", all of whom are privately employed (not part of a company). Most of them are quite sweet and just walk around and tell people to be quiet, and some of them are really quite amiable and will chat with you.

However, we have a Mall Ninja. Let's call him S. For starters, S is working a 7 dollars an hour night job. This seems like a sad fate for someone who was once a badass tactical security-cleared straight-up operator. So tactical, in fact, that not only, according to him, is assaulting the other security officers a misdemeanor, but assaulting him is a FELONY!

That's right, apparently, he's like the baddest operator in Iraq and the CIA is protecting him or something.

He also carries a bandoleer of live ammunition.

But no gun.

In addition to this, he drives an old van. On the side of the van, he has printed out, in red lettering, on computer paper:

PROTECTION OFFICER: FIRST RESPONSE UNIT

The worst part is, he is apparently about 50% of the way to convincing the management that he actually knows what he's doing.

Anyway, he's not any real threat, just a bit loopy. If I find some more stories about him, I'll post them here.

 

[buy guns]

Haha post pics!

 

[Hoplophile]

I'll post pics of his van the next time I see it. Should be next week or so.

 

[Joey_the_Wolf]

Ask him what his plan is for dealing with multiple .308 rounds to the back...
Trauma plate of some sorts, or does he have another method?

 

[DFW1911]

Since he has a bandoleer of ammo he MUST know something the rest of us don't...yep, someone is protecting him.

Maybe he was a General in the Salvation Army? I've heard they really take care of their own

 

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

I've come to a new realization about Mall Ninjas. I now believe that as long as they aren't hurting anyone, or really passing themselves off as something they're not, they're fine in my book.

Everyone has to have a hobby or something that brings them joy or pride. If one can find that through their job, good for them. It's rare to have a job that you really like. Mall Ninjas whether they are doing it as part of their job or not, are just guys having fun. Think of them as Civil War re-enactors in modern times. Instead of grown men playing dressup with 1850s clothing and gear, they use 5.11 and Blackhawk. If it makes them feel cool or whatever, who cares. As long as they don't tell people they have LEO authority or something, let them spend their money on overpriced tactical junk and feel happy about it.

Tons of hobbies are either dorky, expensive, pointless, really far outside the norm, or a combination of the above. Who are we to critique how one spends their money or how they have fun.

 

[KiltedClaymore]

good lord.....imma need picture verification of this mall ninja sighting.

 

[Harvster]

If you don't post pictures you will be shunned....shunned I say.

 

[yesit'sloaded]

So are we talking like a Gecko45 type mall ninja or a Dale Gribble in black tactical gear type mall ninja? The subspecies are very different.

 

[Treo]

I took a job as a security gaurd to pay my way through school. I am AMAZED at the number of ex Navy Seals & retired Delta force, and aspiring Secret Service / U.S. Marshall's and such , that take up second careers as 10.00$ an hour security guards. I really feel honored to to work W/ such seasoned professionals. And I know, as I make my rounds in the middle of the night, if I'm ever attacked by a rabid skunk that they'll be ready to swing into action to cover my "six" .

P.S. When they start talking guns ( only police & military should own GLOCKS) I really get scared.

 

[JWarren]

What can I say?


Oh wait, I know....

I'll leave it as a thumbnail for sake of the thread.






-- John

 

[Eleven Mike]

I'll post pics of his van the next time I see it. Should be next week or so.

Just make sure you block out the license plate and such.

Who are we to critique how one spends their money or how they have fun.

I'm me, that's who. And I'll critique anything I want. Why do I have to be somebody special to critique anything? My hobby is critiquing people on internet forums. It makes me feel extra cool. So judge not.

 

[wheelgunslinger]

Doesn't sound like Scotty Helvenston, that's for sure.

 

[ceetee]

It could be worse. When I was right out of high school, I took a job as a security guard while I figured some stuff out about what I wanted to do in life. One of the guys I worked with had this odd habit. For some reason, he always felt compelled to share with me the story of his most recent bowel movement. As he regaled me with this story, he would start with how it felt coming on... a preamble, if you will. He would then lead on to how it felt as the movement progressed, the texture, sounds, and smells of it, ending his story by rating his general level of satisfaction with the episode in general. As this was an elderly gentleman -- well, an elderly man, at least -- and I knew from his other stories that he really had no one to chat with away from work, I felt sympathy enough to compel me to listen to these "bathroom tales" without objection.

I hope someone treats me with the same patience if the shoe should ever be on the other foot.

 

[ArchAngelCD]

The Pirate Wench on the right in red is very cute. She has an almost evil smile on her face. Yup, very cute.

 

[walking arsenal]

I knew from his other stories that he really had no one to chat with away from work

There could be a reason why that is. If the most exciting thing in his day is his turd then maybe he ought to get out more.

Anyway

I used to work for a company that had a guy who was certifiable.

I got stuck training with him at night at our local hospital.

After a week of him telling me I had Telekinesis and hearing about his days with the CIA and working with aliens I had had enough.

I volunteered for a more physically dangerous position.

Figured I'd take my chances.

 

[myrockfight]

Anyway, he's not any real threat, just a bit loopy.

I will bet he could extensively challenge that statement were he to be interjected into many scenarios - especially anything involving anything important or of consequence.

Everyone has met someone who is too big for their britches. They often get in over their head. This tends to happen when they are "in charge" of the boat that everyone else is in. While they are over their head in water, everyone else tends to have drowned long ago as a result of their loopiness (or whatever you want to call it )

I've seen people hurt very badly at worst and put in great danger at the least when people like that are given too much rope. I tend to steer clear.

 

[HK G3]

Ask him how many duct-taped trauma plates is adequate for apartment security or just walking around the premises after hours.

 

[JohnKSa]

If the most exciting thing in his day is his turd then maybe he ought to get out more.

Spectacularly poor choice of words...

I was passing a local gas station the other day and noticed a black & white Crown Vic. An obviously EX-police car. Clustered around this well-worn vehicle were three uniformed men, one of whom was pumping gas into it. My first instinct was to laugh but empathy overcame me and instead I just felt embarrassed for them...

 

[airforceteacher]

The Pirate Wench on the right in red is very cute. She has an almost evil smile on her face. Yup, very cute.

Yar! What about the one on the left? She is hAWt with a capital AW - for AW YEAH!

 

[KiltedClaymore]

have you nothing better to do than ogle pirate wenches? nah, me niether...

 

[Eleven Mike]

Yar! What about the one on the left? She is hAWt with a capital AW

You're just saying that because you like her treasure chest. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

[esmith]

I'm me, that's who. And I'll critique anything I want. Why do I have to be somebody special to critique anything? My hobby is critiquing people on internet forums. It makes me feel extra cool. So judge not.

Finally, someone who has the balls to come out and say it!

 

[B yond]

picture verification of this mall ninja sighting.

Never happen. You can't catch a ninja on film.

 

[Nate C.]

Better leave that dude alone. He might be legit, and you don't want a bunch of CIA black-bag types on your tail. After all, 'the truth is out there'. If you don't believe me, just ask him.