Real mall ninja in my area.

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Ya' know, rub it in, guys.

Today I took my wife to Borders Book Store in Madison. When I do, I get the reward of crossing the street to go to East Towne Mall and getting an Arby's.

Hey, when you're retired, that's a big deal. We don't have an Arby's in my little town.

I'm chewin' and I'm dunkin' into the sauce, and I'm having a about as much fun as I'm going to have fully clothed without a motorcycle, and my wife starts laughing. I don't mean giggling, I mean open mouthed laughter. The mother at the next table of the food court even looked over at her.

I've broken my neck, so doing a 180 turn is something I try to avoid, but I had to look.

Sure enough, it was my two little buddies, the rolly-polly little him and her duo of the Mall Security, and their antique walkie-talkies and Smokey the Bear hats.

I turn forward, and face my wife. She wipes her chin and smirks, "Too bad the fountain isn't working..."

I have promised her that I will toss any snippy mall ninja into the fountain while I await arrest by the real police. There's "something" about these little butterballs that just enfuriates me.

My wife got to go to Borders, she didn't have to cook, and now she wanted a floor show. This is the woman who claims to love me.

This is also the woman who will yell to the arresting officer, "Cavity search that biker, he's buttin' a gun...!"

I say this because of the unnatural way she enjoyed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in "Mr. and Mrs. Smith."
 
This is also the woman who will yell to the arresting officer, "Cavity search that biker, he's buttin' a gun...!"

That is so damn funny at 3:00am:D:D
 
My 1st real job was in a Baskin Robbins ina strip mall....there was 2 security guys,an old guy and a yound guy..both "ex-military".....of course the young guy would've been 9 in the Army...anyway,one night they come in and show me their"gun" complete w/ silencer.....I looked at it and the "silencer" was screwed INTO to barrel....I knoew a little about guns then and asked how the bullet comes out if the silencer was screwed into it?The both mumbeled and left....a few days later they got fired for brandishing their"gun" at some skteboarder......morons.
One reason why I DON'T get a security job is because I'm like 100 lbs over weight and would look pretty helarious in a uniform w/ a big hat.Plus I can't find a silencer for a smith and Wesson 500.:uhoh:
 
...anyway,one night they come in and show me their"gun" complete w/ silencer.....I looked at it and the "silencer" was screwed INTO to barrel....I knoew a little about guns then and asked how the bullet comes out if the silencer was screwed into it?The both mumbeled and left....a few days later they got fired for brandishing their"gun" at some skteboarder......morons.
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So what's upwith the singular version of gun? Did they only have one between them? That is funny.
 
UN-Licensed Security

If the Security Officers are not licensed through a State mandated training program, they are just some people walking about, if they are sued, your dues will go into 6 digits!

In Florida, a 40 hour training program is mandated to obtain the D Lic; not armed, the G Lic; armed, is an other 24 hours. Weapons that you carry are either .38 Special Revolvers or 9mm pistols. The jobs go from access control at gated community's, to the Tactical unit at the Kennedy Space Center. Their pistols are Glock 17s, not sure of the current rifles, M16s?

The boxy radios have been sidelined in most cases by Blue tooth, the Police can be as little as 10 minutes away, or much longer, it is nice to have a three minute response time, especially when the responding individual has only your problem to deal with at that time, they also know you and your family content. Don't laugh to hard at the older Gentleman with a Glock 19, with TruGlow sights, and a spare magazine, he might just be quite good with it.
 
If it makes them feel cool or whatever, who cares.
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Well, as one who's had to deal with mall ninjas, I care.

We had a drug gang move into a shopping mall in a west Texas city, and so we're working with the local police department's narcotics task force. I have to go and inform Mall Security (most of whom were off-duty police officers) what we were doing. After all, we were a pretty scroungy looking bunch.

And a few days later, damned if I'm not sitting by the fountain actually WATCHING two of the little gangsters starting to make a deal when a mall ninja comes over and starts hassling me. Not an off-duty real cop, a freaking wannabe mall ninja.

And just when it couldn't get any worse, or so I thought, over comes his partner, huffing and puffing and saying in a loud voice, "He's all right. He's all right. He's a DEA agent and I've authorized his mission." Every head in the vicinity turned my way, including the two gangsters'.

I could've shot the little twit. Couldn't do that, but I did get him fired the next day.

Sorry, but I have zero use for mall ninja types. Why not go get a real law enforcement job? If you can't, then own up to it, accept it, and move on.

And again, thank God I'm out of that miserable lunacy for a career.

Jeff
 
That's crazy stuff. I was a security guard a couple of times right out of high school(thinking about getting the certification now). The first place I worked it was always two guards on duty.

I was 18, the youngest guard next to me was my boss and he was 56, there were several other guards there that were on up into later 60's early 70's. Our main purpose was to check in deliveries.

That place was laid back, I mean seriously, who's going to try to steal sand? Anyways, my amazing mall ninja story. I was the night guard, the first night the boss came on duty with me. He proceeded to show which keys opened who's offices and which offices had the most comfortable couches to sleep on.

I'd still have that job if it would of paid more than 6 bucks an hour.


The second security job I had was guarding a construction site. The site was way the heck out in the middle of nowhere. I parked my car inside the gate on the entrance road and logged in trucks and made sure the vehicles entering had the proper stickers on the window.

Where I was at, I carried a .22 rifle and did a little bit of rabbit hunting while I was on duty. Me and the boss finally had a few words over him not wanting me to have a gun on my person. I was in the middle of nowhere and I didn't like the idea of getting eaten by badgers in the middle of the night.
 
During the summer after I graduated from Appalachian State U. I moved back to Fayetteville for 2 months prior to moving to Chapel Hill for my (now ex) wife to start grad school at UNC.

Since I was only going to be back in Fayetteville for a couple of months I chose not to get a job in my chosen field (mental health/vocational rehab). So I ended up delivering pizzas for 2 mos.

One of the managers at the local Domino's was an "Ex-CIA agent" whose wife had been killed 2 years ago because he "knew too much" and now he "wears a disguise". As best as I could tell without getting too close to him, he really was that ugly and no it wasn't a disguise. I have no idea whether his wife had really died 2 years prior, but I seriously doubt it had anything to do with him being in the CIA or knowing too much.

What made all this even more hilarious was that this was in Fayetteville, NC. Home of Ft. Bragg and Army Special Operations. Several of my other co-workers were the real deal who were moonlighting delivering pizzas for extra $.

I came to the conclusion rather quickly that the manager in question was in need of some services from my chosen profession.
 
So they killed his wife because HE knew too much? OK. ;)

These stories are hilarious. I need to get out more, I occasionally see these types but have never conversed much with them.

The last mall security guard I spoke to was a really cute girl on a horse in the parking lot of The Woodland's Mall. She directed me to the restaurant where I was meeting my wife for lunch. She was unarmed, didn't even have a bandoleer on her.
 
I did security years ago, never in a mall. Got accosted in a mall back many years ago, waaaay before AZ had CCW. Buddy of mine and I were open carrying in Park Mall, and four hours after we got there, a young guy with a nightstick came over and demanded we leave. OK, that's alright under AZ law, and we said we would go, when Junior Idiot reached out to take my friends revolver! We quietly convinced him of the error of his ways, and peaceably left the area.
Now,the best security is high dollar hotel - the things you see, especially late night, can be a hoot.
 
All of a sudden I want to buy my little Bichon Frise a K-9 Unit shirt and go walking with him.
 
All of a sudden I want to buy my little Bichon Frise a K-9 Unit shirt and go walking with him.
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Be sure to put a little camo paint on the dogs cheeks and forehead. Those big fluffy white areas may que the perp as to your position.
 
Whenever you see spot a mall ninja (or sub-species like parking ninjas of park ninjas) have some empathy. Walk a mile in their Tactical Combat boots and wonder if, at any point in their fantasies, the words "mine shaft canary" surfaced. They might be a walking testing grounds for some BG (BG ninja?) who thinks the ninjas know what they're doing. Oh, the sad irony. These poor deluded fools are strutting around and a BG intent on mass murder does show up and the ninja is the first target.

Oh. well. Think of it as evolution in action. You pays your dime and you takes your chances.
 
Philmccan said:
That is so damn funny at 3:00am
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You should hear the stuff she says I cannot print here on a public forum.

My opinion on mall ninjas is clearly well-known and I believe well thought out.

If you have something worth protecting, hire a professional or an off duty LEO.

If you cannot afford a full staff, install cameras and one professional.

But the last and the dumbest thing to do is hire ninjas. They have no training in law enforcement (and as such they'll get you sued blue), they have no skill, nobody respects them anyway, and the only thing they will do against real crime and danger is to call for more ninjas with the same weaknesses.

Unless this poser has a Writ of Manadamus also duct taped to his cardio plate, he's just another guy at the mall. He has no legal right to do anything. And frankly his safety is in jeopardy, as well.
 
So what's upwith the singular version of gun? Did they only have one between them? That is funny.
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One carried the gun, the other carried the bullet ;)
 
Re: the Pirate poster -

Ah, the PhotoGnome (that's what he calls himself, IIRC). Met him at DragonCon in Atlanta last year where he was having QUITE a good time getting attractive, and frequently scantily-clad, women to pose for pics with him. He was usually dressed in something fairly silly and/or suggestive himself. He's got a photo site out there in the wilds of the Interwebs somewhere, I imagine it could be found via Google. Be warned, most *DEFINITELY* NSFW.

Re: tales of the mall-ninjas -

LMAO! Especially B Yond's comment WRT photo verification - "Never happen. You can't catch a ninja on film." PERFECT!
 
I worked security while going to school.

Lots of unique individuals. :)

One guy decided it would be a good idea to take a shower one night in the chairman of the board's (of a fortune 50 company) private bathroom.

Only two real nuts that I recall off the top of my head. One guy used to tell me stories about how when he was in high school ROTC during the race riots he and his fellow ROTC cadets had to "strap on their 45s to protect their women" at school.

Another guy was too young to legally work as an armed guard but religiously carried a nightstick. He related to me that he was certified to kill with his nightstick so did not need a gun. IIRC, he was let go when his fingerprint results came back from the state. :)
 
I saw a security guard carrying a Bryco 9mm with no spare mag in a uncle mikes holster that was several sized to small. The barrel and slide hung out the bottom of the holster by at least 2". Dork Patrol.
 
As mentioned previously, I work security now to get through school. The job gives me ample time to do homework, and really isn't very demanding. I "guard" (read drive around and look at deer, elk and porcupines ) a city owned property in rural El Paso County. I check doors, windows and vehicles but my main job is to politely greet city employees as they show up for work in the morning.

As far as I can tell there are 4 types of people working for this company they are;

1. Retired military looking to supplement their pension. As far as they're concerned, they're pullin' CQ for 8 hours.

2. College students (cést moi). It's a job, it'll pay the bills while I'm in school I show up on time, my uniform is neatly pressed, I perform my duties in an orderly manner. I am a polite as I can be to city employees and I freely acknowlegde that I have absolutely no police authority.

3. Females that have no other job skills ( security pays better than 7-11)

4. The Ninja, these are the guys that scare me, none of them have any college. They all claim to be pursuing careers in Military Intelegence, Various law enforcement agencies ( every thing from CSPD to the Secret Service). a couple of them are wash outs from the army. They appear to have ZERO firearms knowlege ( I had to explain to one of the the difference between 7.62 & 7.62 X 39, he got really lost when we got into .380, 9 X 18 & 9mm Luger)

From what I've seen, these guys know they're in dead end jobs. They know no L. E. agency is going to pick them up. But they'd rather hang on to the dream (fantasy) of bettering themselves than admit they're losers. I find it really hard not to feel sorry for them.
 
The concept of freedom is like healthy muscle tissue. It atropies if not used.

A mall ninja has no authority, nill, zip, nada, zero authority to do anything. The fact that people tolerate them at all is "white coat syndrome." They look like a cop, hence people assume they have policing powers. They do not.

We have only ourselves to blame.

If there is a danger in malls--the place where our wives shop and our children play--then get real cops. Don't foist these cardboard cut-outs on us.

Just like any law that restricts freedom, only the law-abiding citizen will comply, the criminals will not. Do you actually believe a gang banger selling dope in a food court is even going to look up when approached by a mall ninja?

And if the felon shoots, do you think that any protection at all will be realized by your wife and children?

I do not comply to a mall ninja. They are all told the same thing. They are told to get real cops if they believe I have committed a crime, and they are told to not limit my movements. They are asked for a Writ, and failing that, then they are ignored.
 
I had a mall ninja run up behind me and grab my arm and try to twist it up between my shoulders. (try). I had just came out of radio shack after making a purchase,(electronics geek). I spent 4 yrs in the military in a combat MOS, and had to use those skills, I am also 6' 4" at 300 lbs. The mall ninja ended up with a broken right arm and a severe concusion, and a trip to the hospital. It was all caught on camera. For some reason he thought I had just robbed somebody in the mall. Someone had been robbed in the mall, the description didn't come near looking like me. Last mistake he made as a mall ninja.
 
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