Using Your Collection to Intimidate Daughter's Boyfriends

[John-Melb]

Funniest one I ever heard came from a mate.

"Whilst you're going out with my daughter, you're part of the family, the only thing you need to remember is if ever you make my little girl cry, I'll make you cry"

The other thing to remember is that this message was delivered to a skinny eighteen year old by a 6"2', sixteen stone fellow who'se worked the last sixteen years as a Senior Prison Officer in maximum security prisons.

Musta worked, six years latter they're happily married with a little one.

 

[ctdonath]

Whilst you're going out with my daughter, you're part of the family

I like it!

 

[ctdonath]

If you think you've got to threaten your daughter's date then you've already failed as a parent.

I'm not his parent.

And both are independent humans.

Hopefully I'll raise her to know that dating is not to be taken lightly, and that certain behaviors are off-limits for good reason.
Thing is, I don't know to what degree he got the same message - or cares about it. He may know exactly what to say to sound respectable (to both me and her), and he may even believe it. Ditto for her! ... but when they slip off to a private place, the desire for intimacy can easily overwhelm more cerebral behavior. I was a good, well-behaved kid who got & lived the right message ... and sometimes it was awfully hard to stay that way.

Ergo: letting the boy into her life to that degree involves a LOT of trust on both her and my part. It is a getting-to-know-you process. We will have a chat about what behavior is permissable or not - and why. We will also come to an understanding, at least tacitly, that this is not merely entertainment, nor an opportunity for abuse. There will be kindness and "have a good time" ... there will also be terse clarifications that (1) if he wantonly harms her, justice WILL be served and harshly so, and (2) if he fathers her baby, he WILL care and provide for both for life.

Yes, there will be threats - just as government threatens citizens regarding unacceptable behavior.
But the threats back up mutually understood principles.

Just scaring the kid is pointless because the kid knows they will come to nothing, as there is nothing to make those threats real, and leads to lack of respect.

Taking the two of them shooting is a wonderful idea. Great way to have fun & evaluate the boy ... and letting him evaluate me. The "threats" don't have to be overt or gratuitous ... just display ability and indicate where such is properly applied.

I think that any boy who got scared by me being armed must have some reason to - and thus is not suitable for her.

To those who object to the indicated threats: as other posters document (some first-hand experience), some suitors may knock up, rape, or otherwise harm YOUR daughter (regardless of how well you've raised her). So? Whatcha gonna do about it? Gonna fill him in on the consequences before he tries?

 

[ctdonath]

Ayoob tells of his older daughter bringing a suitor around to meet dad.
At the range.
While teaching a class of cops.
In full body armor.
And well armed.
Boy didn't last long.

Honestly, what wet-behind-the-ears work in progress of an adolescent boy could possibly be good enough for any father's darling daughter?

A good reason for not letting her date any boy who cannot independently provide for her and their offspring (and not letting your boy date until he can). Short of him earning a "living wage", there is little chance the relationship can work out positively! Unless they REALLY fall for each other, and wait until they can be a self-sustaining couple, a lack of livable income pretty much guarantees that someone's gonna get heartbroken, and any sex risks an unsupportable child - neither is something any sane person would seek out.

offthepaper,
Any boy who, when picking her up for their first date, stays in the car blowing the horn has already shown a complete lack of respect for her (to wit: "don't make me get out, just c'mon & get in the car already so we can go") and me (to wit: "the old man ain't worth meeting") and even himself (to wit: "I'm too darned lazy to even be polite") is NOT suitable. She's not going out with him, and I'm going out to tell him so.

 

[wuchak]

I have no kids yet and while I'm getting pretty far removed from being a teenager I do remember that the decision about whether or not a girl and I were going to have sex was all hers (funny that's true in marriage also ). If she wasn't "that kind of girl" and didn't want to do it it wasn't going to happen no matter what tactics, short of drugging her, were employed. On the other hand if she wanted to do it there was no way it wasn't going to happen.

I think before any teenager, boy or girl, is allowed to date a good strategy would be for their parents to arrange for them to spend a day, or at least a few hours, at two different places so they can see first-hand the possible outcomes if they decide to have sex and are careless:
1. a home for teen-age unwed mothers so they can see just how difficult it is to be in that situation
2. a hospital with terminally ill aids patients.

Neither will necessarily change their minds about having sex but they will probably make them more careful if they decide to do so.

I also think it would be a good idea to go to Dr's and get a copy of every pamphlet they have on STD's, ones with close-up color pictures are best, and sit down and read them together.

I think education about real, possible consequences, is better than trying to make kids scared with some threat they know is never going to be carried out.

It might be nice to have kids emerge from their teenage years as virgins but that is not now and has never been reality for many of them (about 1/2 according to recent statistics). It wasn't all that long ago that girls were married by 16 and boys by 18. (It also wasn't all that long ago that a generation of teens came along proclaiming that "free sex" was the way to go and everyone should just be free to have sex with anyone else and damn the consequences. This was also the generation that was successful in destroying almost all of the institutions that formed the backbone of our society, but I digress.) Although the age of marriage has increase the biological urge for sex has not, in fact teens are reaching puberty earlier than ever. I think abstinance should be encouraged and reinforced by educating kids about the possible consequences of premaritial sex but that they also need to be tought about safe sex practices should they decide not to wait.

The end goal is to have kids emerge from their teenage years without a pregnancy or any STD's. For some the path to this end will be abstinance but for others it will be practicing safe sex and they need to be taught how to do that.

Sorry to ramble on so long and so far off topic.

 

[bigun15]

I also think it would be a good idea to go to Dr's and get a copy of every pamphlet they have on STD's, ones with close-up color pictures are best, and sit down and read them together.

Funny you should say that. When I was in 7th grade, and again in 8th, our teachers at school did this to us. And let me tell you, they got the CLOSE UPS of EVERYTHING. They told us every detail of every one and it took three days. To this day it is still one of the most horrible things I've ever seen.

 

[44AMP]

Forget the Dad

Beware of the Daughter!

Went shooting with daughter and boyfriend at an old gravel pit. S&W Highway Patrolman vs 2x4 @ 20feet. Shooting .38s, both daughter and boyfriend missed alot. Boyfriend asked to shoot .357s, so I let him. A couple of hits. Boyfriend talks daughter into shooting the "big shells". OK, she nails 2x4, blowing big chunks off, 6 for 6. I mention to boyfriend, "best not get her mad at ya!" Boyfriend..

Lots of other shooting, fun time plinking.

Finished off the session with a first round hit on 2 liter pop bottle, range 150 yds, offhand. Using SVT40 Tokarev 7.62x54R. Kids inpressed. Shooter (me) amazed. Daughter says to boyfriend, "Best not get him mad at ya either!" laughs.

They have been married a bit over 4 years now, and as far as I know, he tries not to get her mad! She is a Staff Sgt in the Air Force, and he is Mister Mom, our grandaughter turns 3 next month.

 

[chipp]

when i was 15 we used to hang at these poeples house. their routine was the one daughter would flirt with the new comer and the father would comeout with the shotgun. when i was the new commer I walked up to him and grabbed the end of the barrel and put it to my chest. he turned very red put it away and I never saw it again.
I think you might scare the nice boys. (why would you want to)
I would never pull a gun on anyone kidding or other wise.
hell I won't even slap fight.

 

[Logan5]

I had a girlfriend who's father did that to me, and it was mainly a matter of first impressions always being wrong. Back in the day, I was "sensitive pony- tail guy", and her father was a sargeant in the state police. He said some flat out mean things to me before he got to know me, along the lines of the old "I have a shovel and a .45, I doubt you'd be missed" movie quote.
Eventually we got to know each other pretty well, as will eventually happen with all girlfriend's parents, and he was a lot more shocked than I was that we had pretty much identical value systems.
Still, I had to do the AR shuffle when the ban came down, trucking my two to my uncle's house in Vermont, then down to Florida, while he was all "I shipped them out of state... on paper! Muahahahaha..."
That angered me way more than him mistaking me for some kind of total jerk, because I figure it's a rare teenage guy who is really a suitable date for your daughter, and of those, it's even more rare for your daughter's boyfriend to be someone who dosen't scare the hell out of you. People have teenage daughters in order to make their hair turn white, is my conclusion.

 

[chipp]

besides if you don't have "the look" it won't work...if you have "the look" you won't need the gun

 

[AmbulanceDriver]

Experiencing it from the other side.

Ok. So I have to tell you the experience I had with a father who did try to intimidate me with a firearm.

Had just started dating this young girl, her parents wanted to (understandbly) get to know me better. So I get invited over to dinner. She warns me that her dad "may" try to intimidate me some (hard to do since I'm about the same height/build as he is). I tell her not to worry, I'll behave myself.

Appointed day/time comes up. I bring a bouquet of flowers for her mom. I dress presentably. I even make sure to park my truck in a way that doesn't block anyone in. So I ring the doorbell, and daddy dearest opens the door for me. With a holstered revolver on his hip.

I take a look at it, and ask him "Smith & Wesson?"
"Yeah."
".38 special?"
"Yeah."
Point to it, "May I?"

Now he is seriously beffudled here. I'm supposed to be *intimidated* by this thing, doggone it!

So he hands it to me. Of course, he hands it to me muzzle first. (So it's essentially pointed at my gut.) I gently push it aside, and take it from him, holding onto the barrel.

Now at this point in time, I had to decide whether or not to let him off easy or to really pop his ego bubble.....

Care to guess what I decided?


So I do this little 'flip' with the gun and get the butt of it in my hand. Hit the cylinder release, flipped it open, looked to make sure it was unloaded. Snapped the cylinder closed, flipped it back around, and handed it to him butt-first. (all one handed, still had the flowers for her Mom in my left hand).

Look at him, "Nice revolver."

He takes the holster off his belt, and puts the gun back in it. "Come on in." (was that a bit of disappointment I heard in your voice there?) Follow him in towards the kitchen, he tosses the gun in the junk drawer, and pretty much sulks the remainder of the evening.

Talking to gf later on, apparently he'd had this whole night planned around my being intimidated by this gun. Apparently he was pretty disappointed that I didn't stick to his plan...

 

[jhco50]

One night when my daughter was about 15, her and a friend decided to have a movie night. As they just happened to have even numbers of boys and girls, my wife and I decided to watch with them. I also needed to sharpen a couple of knives and several straightrazors, so we sat there watching the movie while I toiled away.

A couple of days later my daughter told me one of the boys had said that if I had stood up, he was going through our front window.

I loaded some rounds and my daughters boyfriend, she is 18 now, was sitting near me. I grabbed a marker and wrote his name on one of the bullets. I showed it to him and told him it was his if he disrespected my daughter. He then informed me I misspelled his name. I think I'm loosing respect with age.

 

[TimboKhan]

haha, quite the opposite. She might have a keeper with him. If he is brave enough to point out typos on bullets, he is likely brave enough to protect her!

 

[GungHo]

My father did this with a couple of my sister's boyfriends. Most were scared of my father without the "tour of the arsenal", but a couple were dorks who needed things a spelled out a little more firmly. Honestly, my sister was a lot tougher than my father ever gave her credit for. However, the Timberwolf (old pump-action .357 MAG from Israel) got the most attention from my now brother-in-law, even over .30-30s, 12 ga., etc. My father brings it out occasionally, "just in case he forgets." It still gets the "proper" reaction.

I never had anyone do this with me except my (former) father-in-law, who showed me some of his blades (only police and the army are allowed firearms in his country, and honestly, they don't allow swords either, but the guy had a lot of business and government friends and was a relatively known martial artist in his younger days, and it's wasn't unheard of at the time for them to be given as gifts) when I went to ask to marry his daughter. He didn't do it as a overt "if you hurt my little girl, I'm gonna behead you" kinda display, more of a "see this knife, this one is nice, very, very sharp, I like the serrations" and "this is a traditionally-made Japanese sword, it is very strong" and kinda let your imagination do the rest. I did get his respect, though, when I used the correct grip.

Were I to have a daughter, I'm not sure what I'd do. I know my niece won't need it though. She's already pretty fierce.

 

[DigitalWarrior]

I have an Application to date my Daughter that every boy has to fill out before they can go anywhere.

Do not ask questions you do not want the answers to...

one possible answer:
I have piercings that are not specifically described by item 8, but feel that you may disapprove of, so I wanted to be sure:
==I=I=>

If I actually wanted to intimidate a guy
I would pay Danny Trejo to stop by on the date and say "I was told to check up on you two"

 

[Paints]

I would not be showing guns to boyfriends until you know them better. We had two guns stolen. We have heard from two sources that our granddaughter's boyfriend stole them.

Of course, we can all wish that our young 'uns would pick their friends wisely, but one cannot control some 20 year olds.... <sigh>

I would just as soon visitors to our house not know what's here.

Ken

 

[DerringerUser]

Yes, but be advised. Not all boys are intimidated by gun collections. Ill bet you half of them would yell "Cool!" when catching first sight of them.

 

[Glockamolie]

I've been lurking around here from time to time, but I registered so I could share this one:

My friend and his wife had their first daughter almost 2 years ago. My job, as Godfather, on the date of her birth (c-section, so the day was planned) was to go buy the shotgun. Yep, you heard me. So, I go to the gun shop after I got the call that it was a go, and bought a fancy 11-87 Premier. It is to be kept new in the box, unassembled. My friend says that when she starts dating, he'll show the shotgun to her dates when they come over, and explain that he's never had to put it together, and not to give him a reason to. Later, when she gets married, the 20-odd year old never-fired shotgun will make a nice gift to the groom, to continue to protect her with. I even had the receipt laminated, which shows that it was purchased 7 minutes after the time of her birth.