Bad parent because I have guns in the house, please help

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TH3180

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This weekend we had some friends over. One of the people that came over is a friend of my wife's. I really don't like or dislike her. Myself and some buddies were talking about all of us getting together at one guys place and shooting all day and having a BBQ that evening. My wife's friend walks up and says to me "you don't really have guns in this house you have kids". I said yes I do and later this summer I am going to buy my son a rifle.(he is 7 and has been shooting his red rider for 4 years) she about fell over and then went into a 30 minute rant about what a horrable parent I am. Luckly my wife looked over and saw my red face and came over to see what was going on. She defused the situation before it got to bad. I would have loved to tell her off, but with a house full of people that wasn't the time to do it.
I grew up in a gun free household. Not the my parents are against guns they just don't have the intrest in them. I have taken my dad shooting a few times and he says it's ok. He would rather be golfing or working on one of his street rods. I am looking for advice from my dads on here. How should I handle a situation like that if it comes up in the future? I wanted to tell her off. My wife offered to take her shooting sometime just the two of them. I told the wife the next time she is coming over to give me some warning. So I can have my son in the backyard shooting his BB gun. Any advice would be great.
Thanks
Tim
 
There should never be a next time, this woman came as a guest into your home and then berated you in front of other guests.

Why on earth would you (or your wife) ever tolerate her presence in your home again?

She is a fool and your family should not be made to suffer her around them.
 
You would be a bad parent if you didn't have guns in the house :D
Seriously, tell that *#%*# to mind her own business.
 
Having the wife take her shooting is a good idea. Not having her over again is a better one. The type of person who would come over to YOUR house and have the gall to rant and rave in your face about YOUR parenting choices... well, let's just say she wouldn't be coming over to my house again. 50 bucks says one or more of her kids ends up in therapy/prison.
 
That's a tough one. If I were in that situation, I know I couldn't have held my tongue for 30 minutes. If she's the type of person that just doesn't leave an opening, I would have calmly interrupted her and explained my side, ie all firearms are locked away from the children, they're taught proper safety techniques, etc, etc.
 
50 bucks says one or more of her kids ends up in therapy/prison.
Click to expand...
Or involved in a gun accident at a friends house.
Because he never had his gun questions answered at home, or proper gun safety training, and curiosity got the better of him.

rc
 
First its your house your rules! Second its your and your wifes values that you collectively want your children to have. If your guns are safely stored in a locked child proof container offer to show her. If you have them well hidden from your child don't say a thing. I'm not passing judgement its your choice and what ever happens will be from the choices that you AND your wife made together.

I would respectfully tell your visitor that when in YOUR house she is welcome if SHE behaves herself as a guest should and that you will not be spoken to like that in your house. If she is willing to pay the bills there then she can have her say, until then SHUTUP.

Thank your wife for doing what she did in support of your decisions.

Or get her so pie eyed that you can post blackmail on the internet..... Just kidding.
 
Ive been in this situation before. WHILE it was in my house. I told her to Enjoy her night with everyone because she would never be invited back..

That was 2 years ago. Haven't heard from her since. She gave some sob story to my fiancee about it not being fair and she is frends with everyone we have over and she wants to hang out too.... My fiancee told her that she agreed with me and said its better for everyone involved to stay away from each other.

She will never be allowed back in my home or even near me unless it is to apologize and even then i don't think i trust or believe her.

JOe
 
I'm no parent, but I have not had the best of luck trying to reason in discussion with folks who think this way. I have, however, had great success if I can get them to try to shoot. Most who actually try it, or at the very least observe a competition get curious, some then followed by obsessed. One piece of advice though, if you do convince her to shoot, take her to a proper range with a "Certified" instructor. Doing it in a buddy's back yard will not show her the safety and discipline of our sport.

If you can't get her shooting, here's a article the was published on the FRONT PAGE of our paper today about one of my juniors taking third place overall at the National Championships. It's a perfect example of the good that can come out of kids learning to shoot.

"At 16, she's No. 1 with a bullet" - Raleigh News and Observer
http://www.newsobserver.com/2010/08/09/620583/at-16-shes-no-1-with-a-bullet.html
 
Bet you she doesn't have kids of her own. Just a guess.

OP, it is really easy to get upset when someone judges your parenting. As you have children, you know how hard it is to raise them and keep them safe, then you have a nutbag tell you that it was all done wrong.

Just know that you are in the right here, and you deserve a good pat on the back for standing up for your family.
 
This works both ways.

If someone invites me into their home, I don't tell them what to do, either. If they don't like guns, that's their business, too. I can decide whether to go back, but it's not my place to tell them what to do, when they're in their own homes.

I don't hide who I am or what I believe, but I don't tell someone else what he/she should do.
 
I would have loved to tell her off, but with a house full of people that wasn't the time to do it.
Click to expand...

You handled it well.

Discuss the situation with your wife since she is her friend. The best thing to do, imo is to discuss this at great length with your wife and make sure she understands how you feel. Then, the two of you should determine a course of action together. We'll supply you with any specific ammunition for your arguments. But how to handle the situation can only be best determined by yourself and your wife as a couple and as parents. Bravo for handling the incident with dignity and without sinking to her level of childish tirades where no one wins!

I doubt you will persuade this anti, though. If she feels strongly enough to berate your parenting (in front of your wife, her friend), then all the facts in the world won't help you. Open mindedness doesn't seem to be her strong suit.

MY advice is to avoid her. If your wife wishes to confront her, so be it. If your wife never cares to see her again...problem solved. Retaliating with anger or a hostile, confrontational attitude. She should have shown respect and restraint and treated you in that manner...but she didn't. That's still no excuse to treat her that way.
 
Most, not all, people who are anti gun are very close minded and using logic is about useful as as a canoe in the desert. I probably would have told her that there are hundreds of things in a house that can be harmful to children if not taught how to use them and that teaching them the proper way to use them is being a good parent. Fortunately they are my children and not yours, so if you want to be a guest in this house I suggest you realize that.

I'm sure it would be unfertile however.

Best of luck.

Shawn
 
OK, bicycle accidents kill about three times as many kids as gun accidents. It's been a few years, but last I checked bike accidents killed ~750 kids a year and gun accidents killed ~250. Health problems from no sports or outdoor activities at all are a national scandal too.

QUOTE: "....if you own a gun and have a swimming pool in the yard, the swimming pool is almost 100 times more likely to kill a child than the gun is." --Steve Levitt, "Pools more dangerous than guns", op-ed, ''Chicago Sun-Times'', July 28, 2001.

I could go on. Some people are so bent about guns they will never see straight.

People intoxicated by Brady Campaign kool-aid or mis-medicated by Drs. Kellerman & Hemenway need to be de-toxified.
 
I would guess that if I was in your boots... She wouldn't have had to ask as I carry openly at home. But in your case (house full of people or not)...I might have told her to kindly keep her concerns and opinions about my parenting skills to herself. I would have offered her the option me showing her the door if she can't contain her liberal views. I would have reminded her of where she was standing and that her opinions on such matters SHALL be contained....or she WILL be leaving.

As for her returning....I would have a discussion with my wife and insist that she not bring "anti gun".... "pro child protecive service" air headed liberals in our house. I would explain that associating with people that are not our kind....ends in trouble or hurt feelings.

I am quite selective about who visits my house / shop....and why. I also dislike it when someone that I trust...brings someone I don't know...unannounced. My friends all know that treat my home and shop as a "secure zone" and as such I am quite critical of who I let visit.

Cheers
Mac.
 
I once had a crazy chick tell me my children would grow up as serial killers because I took them fishing. Children shouldn't experience death - that's why we invented packaged meat at the grocery store... I was confused towards the end of her tirade.

A little devil's advocate to mix this up...

I'm a parent and while not overly protective (in contrast to my peers at least), I do look for risks, esp. things that are easy to avoid. Things like 5 year olds running alongside a pool deck, using power tools unsupervised - horrible accidents waiting to happen.

If I was at someone's house, and kids (even the home owner's children) were doing that, I'd say something. If I was told to mind my own business, I probably wouldn't persist, but would take my family and leave.

There's a line, a fine one, but a line between voicing a concern and being disrespectful. I'd be a lesser man and father if I didn't bring up something I felt strongly against - but that's my values.
 
Thank you everyone for replies. The wife and I talked about it a little bit last night but I think we need to have sit down about this. We need to decide where to go next with this. I am thinking about showing her this thread.
 
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You'd be a horrible parent if you had no real way of protecting your family from the evils in this world. As far as the chick, she would have been escorted out of my house immediately and told to never come back.
 
Yes, we all here can agree on this point.
However, there is wording within the recently passed healthcare bill about the dangers and "health" risks of gun ownership...yes, it's in there, not just in your living room.
 
I'm a parent and while not overly protective (in contrast to my peers at least), I do look for risks, esp. things that are easy to avoid. Things like 5 year olds running alongside a pool deck, using power tools unsupervised - horrible accidents waiting to happen.

If I was at someone's house, and kids (even the home owner's children) were doing that, I'd say something. If I was told to mind my own business, I probably wouldn't persist, but would take my family and leave.

There's a line, a fine one, but a line between voicing a concern and being disrespectful. I'd be a lesser man and father if I didn't bring up something I felt strongly against - but that's my values.
Click to expand...

The line you're looking for is all about proximity. If I can stop a child from hurting himself with a power tool because I'm closest and aware, then it's my responsibility to do so no matter whose child it is. Don't go looking for the parent, stop the activity.

You cross the line when your speech is about policy rather than action.
 
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