Parents Say I am Not Welcome Thanksgiving Because I have Guns.. What To Do??

[Midwest]

Make a deal. Tell them you'll leave your gun in the trunk if they'll leave their liberal propaganda in the toilet. This way there will be nothing to talk about and you can focus on the food--just like Thanksgiving was meant to be.

I agree, but if they do bring up the anti-gun liberal agenda...( after you left your gun in the car or at home and told them ) . I would feel free at that point (without guilt) to walk out in the middle of dinner and just leave , because they didn't keep their end of the bargain. Then it will be on them, it won't be disrespectful...because they didn't keep their word but you kept yours.

Me personally, I would just leave the gun in the car. But I would not have someone badgering me over something I believe in especially at Thanksgiving. It is a time to give thanks and appreciate the company of loved ones, not a debate on gun control.

 

[303tom]

I just can`t fathom it, and I don`t know what to tell you, good luck with it..................

PS; They are your parents !

 

[valnar]

Unless your parents live in the worst part of Detroit and are always having break-ins, I think you'll be okay for one Thanksgiving without it. Go eat some turkey.

That being said, you may have already crossed the point of no return. Having the argument before you even got there might cast a bad light on the festivities. When they asked you to not bring your gun, your immediate response should have been "okey dokey. What time do I come over for dinner?" Simple as that.

 

[Sav .250]

A house divided by feelings/emotions is a hard nut to crack. Principals should never be
tossed aside to appease others.
Your a big boy..................you decide!

 

[hardluk1]

Seems if you go it may be a very quiet and short dinner . Are you the only child and with no other family it will also be a small gathering . Is there going to be any thanks and any small talk besides bitching about anti and pro gun politics??

I can get along with someone with a different view untill try turn hard core and look to push it down my throat. Thats when its time react. Are you and your parents are at that point. You just have to deside what you and them still have in common to talk about besides anything related to firearms and politics in general.

If not go where you will be comfortible with people you do get along with.

 

[tdstout]

My Dad died back in June. I would throw every one of my guns away if I could spend this Thanksgiving with him. He was only 62.

What I'm getting at is you never know when they'll go. If you love them and want to spend time with them, leave the gun in the car. Don't go if you don't want to, but be sure that it's not something you'll regret in a couple of years.

 

[bob40caliber]

Look you are not likely to need your carry piece while having dinner at their house.
However, this seems more like a matter of principle. And since THEY have made this an issue--you feel compelled to stand your ground and not be bullied. I understand and I imagine I would feel the same way.
I would tell them that being a man and a man with strong convictions, you will not be bullied into giving up your beliefs and they should be proud to have raised such a person who stands up for their beliefs even when it is not an easy thing to do.
And then ask them to consider moving the dinner to either another family location or a restaurant. And if they refuse then shame on them.
Sometimes, you got to let the chips fall where they may....and sleep well at night.

 

[HOOfan_1]

A house divided by feelings/emotions is a hard nut to crack. Principals should never be
tossed aside to appease others.
Your a big boy..................you decide!

I have to agree with this.

When I read the subject line, I thought he meant, just the fact that he owned guns meant his parents would not allow him over.

If it means not taking it into their house...I think I would just go ahead and go without taking the gun.

On the other hand, a lot of people are chastising him and saying "they are your parents, you need to respect their rules and compromise"
However, he is their son. Where is their respect for his beliefs and where is their willingness to compromise? I think the father's willingness to put him up in a hotel is certainly a step in the right direction.

 

[J-Bar]

I been watching this thread for a couple hours. I have an opinion that both parties are having control issues and this issue is just the focus not the cause.
It is easier to talk about things, rather than feelings and the underlying emotions. Either way the solution is in talking, compromise, respect and love, not arguing.
Then again i have been known to be wrong.

Bingo! We have a winner!

 

[Certaindeaf]

Sounds pretty simple to me. Provide the turkey. Enjoy turkey. After turkey, pop in the turkey blasting (handgun focus optional) video for the family to watch and enjoy.

 

[beatledog7]

I told them that I am against gun-control and think their way of thinking is bad.[/QUOTE [emphasis added]]

In my experience, telling an anti--and this would apply triply if it's your parents--that their thinking is bad is never going to get you anywhere and usually creates more negative feelings than anything else.

But let's get to the heart of this. Thanksgiving is a time where we set aside to give thanks for those things which provide for us, keep us safe, and give our lives meaning. Your insistence on carrying a gun into your parents house, and refusal to enter at all without one, demonstrates that for which you're thankful, and it isn't them. It is a blatant statement on your part that:

- You think what matters to you is more important than what matters to them, even in their home.
- You don't appreciate all the years your parents fed, housed, and clothed you and wiped your behind when you couldn't do so for yourself.
- You don't feel safe in your parents' home.
- You're more thankful for the Second Amendment than for your parents' love and nurture.
- You prefer the company of your gun to that of your parents.
- You love carrying a gun more than you love your mother and father.

Evergreen, this is what you've left you mother and father thinking. I could go on with the list, but if that's not enough to make you feel ashamed of your attitude, there simply isn't enough. And your brother is going to be there, a brother you haven't seen in two years! Seems you love your gun more than you love him as well.

You asked for thoughts and advice on this, so here's mine: Man up. Apologize to your parents, and mean it. Recognize that you'll lose them one day and you'll realize too late how unloving of them you were being. Honor the invitation for Thanksgiving. Disarm (and I mean really disarm--no sneaking in a pocket .380 thinking "What they don't know what hurt them"), and enjoy the warmth and comfort of your parents and their home. Pray in thanks that you can go be with your parents on Thanksgiving--many of us can't.

If you don't think you can feel comfortable disarmed, I suggest you practice. Spend time each day between now and then without your gun. It is surprisingly easy once you remember that your situational awareness and proactive decision making are far greater contributors to your security than a firearm will ever be.

You say you're in your thirties, not some college kid on holiday break? I say you're acting very childish for a man of that age. The young people I teach and lead in my church are 5th grade through high school, and they all exhibit more wisdom than you're showing here.

If in the end you decide you simply cannot disarm for the weekend, seek psychological help. I'm not being sarcastic in any way when I say that.

 

[Remllez]

I lost both my parents almost twenty years ago now...I'd do anything to have Thanksgiving dinner with them one more time! Please don't let your differences come between the two people that have loved you since the first time they laid eyes on you.

One day of compromise on your part will in all likelyhood not put your life in danger. Leave your gun and differences locked in the car and enjoy the day with your loved ones! I respect my friends when they ask me to leave my gun in the car, why would I treat my parents any differently?

I am not you, only you know in your heart what's best in your situation and I trust you will do what you know is right.

 

[larryh1108]

Obviously it's more about principle than being safe at dinner. Your parents won't be around forever. Do you have a problem leaving your gun in the car at a courthouse or on school property? They also ban them much like your parents are. It is, after all, their house. You accept other places that ban them, just make this another place you can't bring them. Life is too short to get your undies tied up into a knot about some things you can't control.

 

[psyopspec]

My Dad died back in June. I would throw every one of my guns away if I could spend this Thanksgiving with him. He was only 62.

Re-read that statement. Put yourself in tdstout's shoes. Make your decision based on that exercise.

I had a couple close calls of my own in the past few years (military, then a medical issue when I got home from the last deployment). I'm passionate about RKBA, but making the best of the time I have with loved ones is miles more important.

bikerdoc might be right that the issue could be worth thinking about a little more. I agree that it sounds less like a gun issue and more like an indicator of a bigger root problem. But even if the relationship isn't perfect, so long as it's not manipulative or unhealthy I'd be there sans gun.

 

[JustinJ]

I said I always carry my gun with me and loaded at all times and that I would be willing to compromise by keeping them unloaded in the house, but the magazine with me, so if I needed to load up, I could.

It's way past time to grow up and stop pretending you're James Bond. The idea that it is too dangerous to attend Thanksgiving dinner unarmed, with some possible exceptions, is absurd.

What if you one day find a good job that does not allow guns at the place of business? Are you going to continue putting up with financial troubles so you can never be without your gun?

It sounds to me like the gun is a huge part of your personal identity and that is what bothers you more than anything, sort of like a security blanket. Personal security decisions, which a gun is often a part of, should be made based on realistic threat analysis.

And others have said, it's your parents home, their private property. They are not infringing on your 2nd amendment right with their rule as they are not forcing you to come. I wouldn't like it either but i don't think you're being practical.

 

[sarge83]

Go eat dinner and stay in a hotel and pay your own way even though it may be difficult for your financially. You are only unarmed a short time while eating dinner. You get to see your relatives and parents, you send the message you will not be dictated to like a 12 yr. old and they cannot claim you disrespected their wishes.

And if they complain about the hotel remind them it was their choice not yours and do not accept one cent from them and don't argue the issue, they are liberals their minds are closed. The only way they will change is when they need a firearm and realize their god the government is not going to be there to help them and it may be a costly lesson, but it's probably the only way they will change.

 

[barstoolguru]

two stand up people and no one wants to sit down.... this is how wars start

 

[breakingcontact]

Their house. Leave it in the car. Keep the mag with you in case you're concerned about someone breaking into your car.

It's tough when we grow up and realize that not all adults are reasonable.

 

[Creature]

I am glad that our signers of the Declaration Of Independence weren't so willing to compromise.

I am raising my child to think for herself. To make a decision and to stand by it...but also to be able to explain why she believes in her position.

Your parents belief is based on irrational fear. Do not compromise your principles to match their irrational fears.

 

[TennJed]

My wife's mother died a couple of months ago while taking the trash to the road before it started raining. A tree fell on her. This issue seems silly to me. If you love them and want to be with them that day leave your gun in the car. If you don't want to see them, then this should not bother you much anyway.

I hope I never get to the point where I can't enjoy life without a gun strapped to me. I like swimming in the ocean too much. I sometimes wonder how some of the people here sleep, since it can leave you at a disadvantage

 

[AlexanderA]

Realize that this is about family dynamics and not really about guns. The guns are merely the point of contention -- if it wasn't the guns, it would be something else. Solve the family problems, and the guns will take care of themselves.

 

[NickEllis]

If you have truly serious issues with your family you need to address those and move forward. If they're truly awful people, fire them. If this is a petty power struggle then don't bet the rest of your relationship with them on it.

This.

Are your folks "truly awful people"? Or will this precedent that you're about to set eat into precious years and moments with people that you actually love? Your folks won't be here forever, and as someone who lives a long ways away from my folks I'd gladly compromise in order to spend time with them.

(On the other hand, concealed means concealed. If you're so serious about all of this, get a KelTec, Don't flap your mouth about it, and eat some turkey).

 

[BSA1]

Your issues with your parents is far deeper than bringing a gun into their home against their wishes. You summarized it well in Post #1 where you wrote “I said I don't respect them.”

You have not made a case why having a firearm with you while in your parent’s home is paramount to not spending even a short period of time in their home with them. Is their home in a high crime area and you fear a armed home invasion or do you have a “funny” uncle that will try to molest you while you are sleeping? Or is this a much deeper long time issue like a close family member abusing you as a child and you blame your parent's for allowing it to happen?

Your Dad seems to be reaching out to you with his offer with a motel room.

I agree with 45 auto. My mother was also antigun and I would give everyone up just to be able to see her again.

 

[KingMedicine]

You should go, unarmed, without issue and be happy to see your family. Carrying is the least of your worries. Go enjoy everyone without burden.

 

[Cluster Bomb]

Even if its your parents they shouldnt manipulate you like that and preach about Antigua. Respect works both ways. Your mom sounds like a coward and probably is for rapists and muderers getting free health care food and warm meals than the elderly and vets.

Many have died defending our rights. Including those others dissagree on. Just because can nyc etc spin and lie doesn't been I wanna ban free speech like Obama has in areas the secret service is at.

Its not about paranoia or banking on a potential likely hood of an event. Its about being strong and wanting to defend your self and loved ones.

I would not go. I would say that I respect your opinion as its protected speech. I respect your position as its your protected choice. I don't guilt trip you so why do you real that guilt tripping me like I'm a criminal . I'm an american its my right to carry and to protect my family and to be self reliant. If you take that away your un American and not family.

My family has done my self and parents wrong many times. So we don't talk much. But my family is mostly pro gun. But as generations go less are self reliant. And are taught if something happens and no cop around...oh well...

My mother in law in a mega pitch. Her whole family hunts and 4 outage 5 in the house carry. But she's anti gun...

Opinions change when ship happens to them. I carry so things don't happen and don't have to live with the paine