Parents Say I am Not Welcome Thanksgiving Because I have Guns.. What To Do??

[Mike J]

My Mother died from bone cancer at the age of 53 when I was 26. At the time of her death I had been angry with my Father over things that had happened when they had divorced for 10 years. Realizing that life was just to short to let it be ruled by resentment I made an effort to be of service to him & spend time with him after that. While we were never really close at least we were at peace and comfortable with one another when he passed in 2004.

As far as uncomfortable subjects I remember not long after my parents divorce every time I got around my Father he felt it necessary to bad mouth my Mother. I just looked at him & said, "If every time we talk about this it ends up in an argument why do you want to bring it up." He pretty much quit talking to me about that subject after that.

I said all that to say this. The choices you make will have consequences. Your actions today will directly effect how much regret or peace you have in the future. Choose carefully.

 

[snakeman]

My in-laws are the same way. However, if they don't want me to have a gun in their house that's fine. In these cases find an escape route and employing pepper spray is probably the best way to defend and evade. Respect their household rules even if it unjustified and you see it as ridiculous. Make sure they know that you love your family and keep your bond strong. Someday, you'll need each other in some form or fashion. Just ask them if you can carry pepper spray and perhaps a baton or a good knife. I don't understand why people fear guns, but if they won't give and you won't give then that's bad for everyone. Find some way for both parties involved to compromise. If you are uncomfortable sleeping unarmed in their house, perhaps consider sleeping in the car with your firearm at your side.

 

[highlander 5]

As others have said their house their rules,but this is nothing more than emotinal blackmail on both sides. I'm sure you love your parents but it seem to me that from their prospective it's " We love you but...." scenario. You're being treated like you're 12 and not an adult who has his own life and beliefs. I'd go with the compromise invite them to a nice restaurant or go to a family member's home and pay for a caterer to provide part of or the whole meal to take the stress off the whole situation

 

[MartinS]

Your dad gave you a speech therefore this is about making a political statement. Politics is bad form at the dinner table, very bad for the digestion don't you know. Give it pass this year, let them think about the relative importance of speeches and sons.

 

[preachnhunt]

From your initial post it seems to me that you are focused on either winning or losing, depending on how you make your decision.
If you make it clear to your family that you will come for thanksgiving, and respect their wishes in regard to firearms, because your love for them is more important than the need to make a point,everyone wins.
If you "stick to your guns" all you are proving is that your need to carry trumps your love of family. Everyone loses. Be the bigger man. You will not regret it later.

 

[richie]

Family is much more important than a gun issue, sounds like your parents want you there, just leave the gun locked in the car and enjoy a day with your family. Be thankful there still around and healthy.

 

[GAF]

Hi,

There is a lot of very good advice here and some very bad advice.

I am sure you will know the difference when you read it.

IMHO you need to suck it up, call your parents to tell them you were out of line, that you now understand their house their rule .....

Go enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with your parents. You will not regret it !

 

[RugerBob]

Thier house, so thier rules. Works the same for me, and most holidays are at our house. Such as no smoking, except in the garage if its cold. All people got thier quirks. I didn't catch how long a drive it was for you, but if shoet enough leave in car. If not, offer thaksgiving at your house next year, your rules.
I carry , my wife carries 2 of my 3 kids carry. My BIL carries. So family times are usually revolved around gun talk, and some range time with the women gettin screwed cuz of cookin. Usually go with grandkids (9yrs -4yrs old) to range. The other 2 -11 months and 7 months stay home ,till at least 4 yrs old.
Have you taken your dad and mom to a range for some plinkin fun time? You should. Let them see its serious, yet under safe conditions very enjoyable. Maybe they are scared and won't admit it. I have taken sevral people ,1st timers to range and it opened them up and now have new respect for the ' hobby '.

 

[The Lone Haranguer]

So don't take your gun in their house.

 

[mgmorden]

I'm with you ideologically, but one of the things that always strikes me as puzzling is the people who get too stubbornly hung up on the fundamentals.

You're carrying your gun to protect your life right? To protect those you love? That's good, but when you become so stuck on carrying that you allow the gun to rule your life and distance yourself from those you love, then what it having it on really accomplishing? You're destroying the very things that make life worth living and protecting.

Realistically, though we all carry for the occasional what-ifs, the reality is that the vast majority of people go through life unarmed and the vast majority never have anything happen to them that would require use of the gun. You'll be ok for a weekend without it.

Carry to live - don't live to carry.

 

[brnmw]

Their house. Their rules. Obey and respect them and don't let politics drive a wedge between you. One day they will be gone.

Agreed.....(However):

Now I on the other hand differ maybe a little if I in fact respect and obey their wishes and leave the guns at home, then they continue to press their issue and make me feel unwelcome still.... then I will just say no thanks, and call me when you are no longer willing to drive me away. Now this advise is not for everyone, some people are very family oriented and will do anything to keep family and friends close. I on the other hand have come from a very different background and growing up has made it very difficult for me to really get attached to people (and for good reasons, but personal) and sometimes it is very easy for me to simply walk away from people given the right circumstances. You should love and respect your family and friends... but life is not a one-way street, it's not your way and it's not their way either. No family or friend should ever make you change who you are just to be accepted nor should you do it to them... that is wrong.

Ex.: I recently just un-friended on fb and now no longer have contact with someone whom I have known for 15 years since high school simply because he felt that because he was gay *(see note below) I have to vote for a candidate that will help his community and not the other that will repress his rights. He claimed that he respects my opinions but also felt that if I did not vote in his favor that we should re-evaluate our friendship... I said okay, I think I understand and it was nice knowing you. Now before I start getting hate replies, this is not the road I wanted to take with this individual but I felt necessary in order to separate myself from someone that in actuality if he did in fact respect my right to choose a candidate of my choice "never" would have asked me to make that compromise no real friend would in my opinion.

*NOTE: (I have never ridiculed him for this either for the record, even though I do not agree with the lifestyle.)

Please try your best to make hard relationships work, the stronger relationships are the one's worth keeping.... but sometimes it may be best to separate yourself from the ones that were never meant to be.

 

[The Lone Haranguer]

Possible compromise: go to the house for dinner and other socialization without your gun, stay in a motel.

 

[Reloadron]

No it doesn't. It makes you a person with weak principles.

I make exceptions for parents.

Ron

 

[CharlieDeltaJuliet]

Respect people rights to free choice, they are what gives us the rights to bear arms. If someone is an anti, I hold no hard feelings. It is their right as much as it is mine to carry. If everybody lived, believed and did everything the same then it kind of defeats the point of freedom. To each their own. My advice is not to let ANYTHING, if possible, come between you and your family. I know from first hand experience, it can tear a man down, quick.

 

[kerreckt]

This is your family. Put the guns in the trunk of your car and enjoy your visit. LIFE IS SHORT.

 

[pockets]

I guess I just don't see the big deal here. You really cannot get through one holiday with the family without carrying (or arguing)?
But...what if someone invades the turkey heaven and I'm defenseless?
I dunno.....What if a bus hits you, what if a 747 falls on your head, what if....all the day long.
Your parents won't be around forever, you can wave your personal principles at internet strangers after they are gone.
But honestly....by then you'll have wished you had spent some time with them while they are still around.
.

 

[Pronghorn19]

how would they know your carrying? Isn't that the point of concealed carry? Just don't say anything, and go to thanksgiving. But remember, loose lips sink ships.

 

[xsquidgator]

Lot of good commentary here. My two cents:
You should respect your parents' wishes in their house.
They should respect you, including your human right to self-defense. They are entitled to their opinion, but frankly, their opinion is an illegitimate one born of ignorance and fear. You must respect their opinion and wishes in their house regardless, but it couldn't be simpler that they are wrong.

I would find a way if possible to honor their wishes and not dishonor your way of life. How about you offer to go out to eat with them for Thanksgiving instead of eating at their house? No need to go in to their house with a gun, then. Make it clear you are trying to honor their wishes, but they'll need to help you do so.

On most things, I would compromise or give in to meet my parents' wishes. But not something like this. If they didn't like guns or me having them, I would not bring them into the house. But I'd do that by not going into their house, if that were the case. They're welcome to have all kinds of opinions and wishes etc, and they're my parents and I love them. But if their superstitions cause me harm, such as ensuring I can't have an important self-protection tool, then they're going to have to live with the consequences of such. In their house, their rules indeed. If the rules are unsafe or morally wrong, like I think this one is, then I won't go in to a place where I have to compromise my beliefs.

This impasse doesn't mean you can't see them for Thanksgiving, but I don't see anything wrong with making them accommodate to you and going out for dinner somewhere else if they want to be this way and force you to be less safe for the sake of their superstitions.

 

[Hangingrock]

I’ve often referred to my mother as the great manipulator. Basically she appeared to be unsatisfied with her own life. Between her and my sisters they knew how to push each others buttons and became masters of manipulation sad but true. My sisters repeated the same pattern with their children. In my mothers twilight years she became a victim to her preoccupation and when the walls started closing in referred to her condition as her sickness saying “It’s my sickness it’s my sickness”.

Do what you feel is best.

 

[MachIVshooter]

I'm going to go against the grain here.

Sometimes you have to cut ties, even if it's painful.

I have a similar situation, though more political than gun related. I forgave people who voted Obama in 2008, as he was a big mystery to a large extent. However, anyone who voted Obama this time knowingly voted to cripple my business and harm my twin daughter's future. That is unacceptable, and unfortunately includes my entire family except for my little sister.

I was willing to leave politics out of it and maintain civility, but then my mother just had to gloat. Our relationship has always been a bit strained, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not only will I not visit her on holidays, I will not even answer her phone calls or emails. She should have been wiser; She should have been a gracious winner. Rubbing my nose in the results of this election that she was an accomplice to, that will be the greatest challenge my business and family have ever faced, is unforgiveable.

There are always consequences for our decisions.

 

[barstoolguru]

After reading some of the posts I have to say I think too many people are watching jimmy Stewart movies. He has beliefs just like she does but he has to buckle under to her, really? Why doesn’t she buckle under to him? Just because it’s his mother doesn’t mean she is right or has to have her way.
And if my parents told me to stay at a hotel instead of the house I wouldn’t waste my time answering them

 

[homatok]

Your situation needs a hero---that would be you!! I understand where you are comming from, BUT, these are the only parents you will ever have, and they will not be around forever! My sugestion would be to call them and offer to atend Thanksgiving at thier home and agree to leave your gun in the car---BUT---on the condition that niether of them discuss politics or gun control in any form while you are there. Make it clear that you consider (right or wrong) thier position on guns equal to your "condition" (no politics/gun discussions) to be an infringement on thier/your basic rights (your 2nd amendment/free speach) but in the intrests of family you will compromise if they will! Perhaps taking this position will make them think (likely not but we can hope)!

 

[shaggy430]

Your situation needs a hero---that would be you!! I understand where you are comming from, BUT, these are the only parents you will ever have, and they will not be around forever! My sugestion would be to call them and offer to atend Thanksgiving at thier home and agree to leave your gun in the car---BUT---on the condition that niether of them discuss politics or gun control in any form while you are there. Make it clear that you consider (right or wrong) thier position on guns equal to your "condition" (no politics/gun discussions) to be an infringement on thier/your basic rights (your 2nd amendment/free speach) but in the intrests of family you will compromise if they will! Perhaps taking this position will make them think (likely not but we can hope)!

^^^^ This.

 

[CoRoMo]

It's easy to excommunicate the loved ones that don't think like you. The act is almost always reciprocated and often neither party believes they are in the wrong. Usually both will write off the other and think nobly of themselves. Both sides will feel like the other brought it on, like the other party is the immature one that needs to grow up and admit that they were wrong.

 

[Pete D.]

Family

So don't take your gun in their house.

I am in the "Their house. Their rules" school of thought.
Do you like your parents? Did you get a good a upbringing? Was there food on the table? Did they care for you when you were sick? Did they see to it that you got an education?
What if something happens? How many Thanksgivings have you attended that were disrupted by the need for a gun? How often have you had to use your weapon in the neighborhood in which they live? (or at all)
Yeah....bad things could happen and do. Most likely, though, bad things won't happen.
Put the gun in the car. Lock it securely and have a nice day with your family.
Pete