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New Girlfriend introduction to Gun Collection, Help!

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Rockrivr1, Sep 9, 2003.

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  1. Rockrivr1

    Rockrivr1 Member

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    Ok, I'm looking for some advise here. After 14 years of being with my ex, I find myself back in the dating scene. I've met a great lady and we've been getting along better then I ever expected. I shoot a lot and for whatever reason I haven't told her about my hobby yet. How have some of you single guys out there introduced your "hobby" to a new girlfriend without freaking her out or something along those lines. May be a dumb question, but one that I have no idea on how to approach.

    Also, once I do introduce her to the collection and if by luck she's interested in learning, what would you all recommend as a good starting point. Handgun, rifle etc. I'm smart enough to know(ok, no peanut gallery comments here lol) that I'm not just going to set her up with the 50 BMG and let her rip.

    Any advise from you ladies would be very welcomed as well.

    Thanks
     
  2. OF

    OF Member

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    Don't show her the collection. Just mention one day that you are going shooting the next afternnoon for a while and would she like to come along. If she says yes, start with the shooting session as a way to introduce her to guns and the fact that that's part of your life. After that the collection won't be so scary for her...if it ever was going to be. If she says no, say 'OK' and leave it at that. I wouldn't put any great weight on the fact that you shoot. Pretend like it's no big deal and if she makes a big deal out of it you can go from there.

    - Gabe
     
  3. 45R

    45R Member

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    I started 45Boo off with a .38Special and a Ruger MKII .22 Pistol at the local range when we first started dating.

    Taught her all the rules and she has been shooting ever since. :)
     
  4. OEF_VET

    OEF_VET Member

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    My fiancee found out about my hobby the night we met. I was giving her, her friend, and my friend (who was hookin' up with her friend) a ride home. I had been at the range earlier that day, and there was an empty ammo box on the floor in front of her. I told her not to worry, I wasn't a psycho, I'd just been shooting earlier. She wasn't fazed at all, in fact, she thought it was totally natural to have an empty ammo box laying around. After I met her dad, I fully understood why. He's a police officer and firearms instructor, and he's got a lot of ammo strewn all over the house. Heck, he's got a case of .45-70 sitting on the floor of the den.

    I took her shooting for one of our first dates, and she impressed me. I let her shoot my 6" S&W 629 .44, and she hit the spinner 4 out of 6 times! I had to help her support the weapon, but she did the aiming and trigger squeezing.

    Lucky me.

    Frank
     
  5. Gus Dddysgrl

    Gus Dddysgrl Member

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    I say drop hints that you are interested in shooting. Such as saying you are going to go shooting sometime. Don't worry about it too much. If you make a big deal about it, she will make a big deal about. Act natural about. If she doesn't like she will get used to it. Start small and build from there.

    Gus
     
  6. boltaction

    boltaction Member

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    and if the unthinkable happens...

    one of my good friends went through this, and his new female companion did not approve. She said, "Tom (name changed to protect the innocent), I want you to get rid of your guns." Tom: "no". Her: "Gee, Tom, can't we talk about it?" Tom: "We just did". And that was the END of the story.
     
  7. Mauserlady

    Mauserlady Member

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    I don't remember the whole conversation but... The first time David and I talked on the phone one of the questions he had asked was how I felt about guns. Opened the conversation up for some good dialogue (I wasn't anti but had no interest up to then in them) and then he asked me if I wanted to go shooting.

    Since it hasn't come up in conversation yet I think Gabe's approach may be the best way to go.
     
  8. Steve Smith

    Steve Smith Moderator Emeritus

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    I will tell them as early as possible, but only if they show promise. Lots of women never know, like the one I went out with Friday. Carried the whole time and never mentioned it. Dropped my right arm low to force her left arm up when on the doorstep.

    I suggest you tell her you're going shooting one day, and invite her along. You've seen plenty of threads about what gun, so I won't waste my breath on that. Make it easy and pleasurable, have a small cooler with cold (or hot) drinks depending on weather, and maybe some food. GET ICE CREAM after shooting. I like ice cream after shooting even if I'm alone, but its always better with a good looking woman, and who doesn't like ice cream?

    BTW, surprise her with the ice cream...just make sure you leave the range early enough to go.
     
  9. 4v50 Gary

    4v50 Gary Moderator Staff Member

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    I like GRD's suggestion. I wouldn't show the collection either. However, delivery is important.

    Say she wants to go out. Tell her you can't and that you have a committment without stating what it is. All worthy daughters of Eve will pry and you can concede you're going to the range with some buddies. At that point, you invite her.
     
  10. iamkris

    iamkris Member

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    My vote would definitely be to feel her out slowly (not meant to be a peanut gallery comment) on her acceptance of shooting. The last thing you want to do is take her to your "cave" and show her the armory...if she is the least bit anti, this might put her over the edge. That's not being PC...its just a fact of life in today's world.

    My then-girlfriend (now my wife of 11 years) saw my wild boar's head mounted over my bed and immediately became anti-hunting...it took lots of years to sway her back.

    I'd slowly get her feelings on shooting as a sport / hunting / whatever's important to you. You should mention your involvement non-chalantly and defintiely not defensively (remember, if you look like you're supposed to be there, people assume you're/its OK). Don't be *rabid* about it...that can turn people off as well and make them not listen to your words / logic.

    I found out my girlfriend / fiance / wife was borderline on guns. They scared her. I basically talked about shooting off and on for a while until I got a sense she was comfortable then took her to the next level (seeing guns, seeing lots of guns, eventually shooting)

    My wife still isn't crazy about them but she accepts that it is important to me. I believe I have made her more pro-2A than she would have been otherwise.
     
  11. TallPine

    TallPine Member

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    Whatever happens, just remember that being true to yourself is more important than any romantic relationship.

    You don't want to spend most of your life with someone who can't stand your hobbies and interests.

    If the slightest mention of guns runs her off, then you are better off without her.
     
  12. Jesse H

    Jesse H Member

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    First time my girl saw me was a pic of myself on the Internet, w/a gun pointed at the camera.

    When we're out she discreetly pats my hip to make sure I'm carrying. :D
     
  13. RustyHammer

    RustyHammer Member

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    .... you mean you didn't tell her that you're an alternate on the U.S. Olympic Shooting Team? Ha.ha.ha....
     
  14. gun-fucious

    gun-fucious Member

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    next time yer out for dinner with her,
    pop by Walmart to pick up some stuff for the weekend,
    buy a cool DVD like LOTR Two Towers and a 1000 rounds of 22lr.
     
  15. gulogulo1970

    gulogulo1970 Member

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    Let her know you go shooting as a hobby. Ask her if she might want to come along. Do not show her your collection. She might freak. I'm getting married November 1st of this year and I've never shown my fiancee all my guns, only the ones we have went and shot together. Plus, it leaves the door open for when you are married and she goes, "Is that new?" You can say, "That old thing, guess you never saw 'that one' before." "That was in the back of the safe," excuse has saved me some real ??? chewings so far. Careful it will only work for so long...

    If she has never shot anything before shoot a .22LR or a heavy barrelled .357 magnum with mild .38 special target loads. A middle sized 9mm would work too. Just make sure the gun doesn't look too insane. No AR-15 the first time out, no man shaped targets either. Just my advice from a guy that spooked one before learning the proper way to introduce my hobby. Good luck, hope it all goes well!
     
  16. BerettaNut92

    BerettaNut92 Member

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    Can I ask you what position you carry that thing? :uhoh: :scrutiny:
     
  17. Sean Smith

    Sean Smith Member

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    Simplest way to do it is to mention it in passing. When she asks what you are planning to do at particular time, and the real answer is "go shooting," then tell her you are going shooting. See how she reacts and go from there.
     
  18. Mikul

    Mikul Member

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    I mention shooting as casually as I mention anything else. I shoot about eight times per month and run at least 1,200 rounds in that time, so it comes up pretty quickly.

    "Let's head up to the beach on Sunday morning."
    "I can't, I've got a rifle match that day, how about next week."
    "Hunh?"
    "There's a match every 4th Sunday and I hate to miss it. We can do something when I get back around 5."
    "You mean you shoot guns?"
    "Yea, usually I shoot pistols at various organzed shoots and at local matches, but I like to participate in rifle matches when they're convenient."

    Sometimes discussion ensues and sometimes people move the conversation along as if nothing happened.

    My point is that if you shoot a lot the topic will pop up early on, but if you plink around 4-5 times per year, it may not enter into the picture for a while which is how it should be. Anything else and you'll be blowing things out of proportion. If she has an aversion to guns, you've got a personality conflict that is going to manifest itself in a dozen other ways before shooting becomes an issue.

    If you feel the need to test the waters with her, I would say, "I'm planning to go shooting next Saturday in Chappewa, would you like to join me?" Encourage her to invite a friend, and you can invite someone she is most likely to get a long with.
     
  19. Steve Smith

    Steve Smith Moderator Emeritus

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    I think that being a competitive shooter also legitimizes it for some folks...don't know why.
     
  20. genie

    genie Member

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    heh - this is where we shooters can use the liberal pc mentality against liberal pc minded people!

    having shooting pigeon-holed as a sport can make it less threatening to some antis. for example, archery is an olympic sport and so is various forms of shooting. after all, what can be more family friendly than the olympics?

    i've done this myself. when inviting people to go shooting for the first time, i mention it as "target shooting". and that seems to make it less threatening...maybe even mention how pistol shooting is very form dependent like other benign activities such as golf.
     
  21. Standing Wolf

    Standing Wolf Member in memoriam

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    I make a point of letting women know I'm a conservative well before I ask them out the first time. If they're receptive to the idea, I proceed. If they're hostile, I don't waste time asking them out at all. If they seem ambivalent, I mention the loss of my civil rights when I was a subject of the People's Republic of California, and judge their reactions accordingly.

    When I lived in the P.R.C., I had lots of first dates with women who proved whacko leftist extremists. I decided when I moved back to the United States I was finished wasting time, effort, and money on women I have no interest in and don't respect. So far, so good, although I still haven't found Miss Right.
     
  22. Steve Smith

    Steve Smith Moderator Emeritus

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    I consider mentioning my competitive interests as my "gateway conversation." After that one, and a few weeks, we conquer CCW.
     
  23. greyhound

    greyhound Member

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    I grew up with (not anti) but a but a non-gun owning family. So I was always fascinated but somewhat intimidated by guns, never having shot anything other than a BB gun. After the sniper shootings, the GF and I had a conversation about gun ownership (she grew up in a hunting , gun owning family) and left to my own devices would have let it drop with just a conversation. Well, she kept on me until I had gone to the gun shop and at least looked at some weapons. Thanks to her, its been all downhill since then.:D

    She says she knew there was a gun nut in me just waiting to get out. Its funny though, she has no anti feeling about guns, has killed and skinned deer, yet is kinda ambivalent about shooting. She'll go to the range occaisionally, but only wants to shoot the .38 and not the .45. Guns just aren't her thing, but she doesn't care if they are mine.

    Not to mention her Pop gave me an 20 gauge 870 Wingmaster while we were visiting her folks in Alabama - that was a way cool gift.

    We went to see "Magdalene Sisters" like she wanted last weekend, so this weekend we'll go to the gun show. All about give and take!
     
  24. aerod1

    aerod1 Member

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    You are not married to her right? Well then, just be honest and if she doesn't like it, tell her to hit the road!! I would not want to take that relationship any further.

    Jim Hall
     
  25. tomkatz

    tomkatz Member

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    When I first met my wife, she soon found out I had an interest in guns, she didn't say much, and I already knew she grew up in a hunting family. The next day she told me she talked to several friends at work about the fact that I carried a gun and had a CWP, turns out 4 out of the five she talked to also had CWP and carried daily. I took her shooting soon after and now she loves it, and has a permit herself. She is even helping instruct other women at our shooting club. I got a keeper!......tom
     
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