Crazy Ex Husband

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glassman

glassman

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Had a conversation with a girl at work who is going thru an ugly divorce. The guy is addicted to cocaine and she feels she has done everything she could to help him including getting him into an in-patient drug center. His sobriety only lasted a short time and she finally threw him out.
He has since been harrassing her on the phone, having her home services discontinued, etc. Then all of a sudden, the harrassment stopped completely and this has her worried. She said that the harrassment was a pain but she could deal with it. Now that he has gone quiet, she feels like he has come to some sort of decision and is a bit paranoid that he means to do her harm instead of walking away.
Her dad is an ex LEO and she has some experience with shooting. Although she doesn't own a firearm, she is not afraid of them.
Moving is not an option for her.

My advise to her was:
Talk to her father.
Call the police and go on record with the situation.
Have her locks changed and reenforce the frame and hinges.
Install a burgler alarm system and have it monitored.
Upgrade the outside lighting with motion sensors.
Reenforce the lock and hinges on her bedroom door and lock it at bed time.
Take her cell phone to bed with her in case the land line is cut.
Buy 2 guns. The first being a shotgun in a guage she can handle for the home and a pistol that she can handle for her person (after getting a permit).
Lastly, practice, practice and more practice.

I think I gave her good advice but wonder if I left anything out.
 
Or he could have just gotten over it. She probably should have made her point when he has actively harassing her. Unless he is actually doing something now, it is unlikely any one can do much for her. I can just see the police report "Subject states husband is no longer antagonistic toward her, and she feels this is cause for concern".

The rest of your advice is not far off, and would apply to most anyone.
 
If he's a crack head he could just be on a binge. Wait until he's done and looking for money for hios next session and he'll likely become a menace again.

YES call the police get it on record. apply for a CHP/CWP/CCW. and everythigng glassman said:
Talk to her father.
Call the police and go on record with the situation.
Have her locks changed and reenforce the frame and hinges.
Install a burgler alarm system and have it monitored.
Upgrade the outside lighting with motion sensors.
Reenforce the lock and hinges on her bedroom door and lock it at bed time.
Take her cell phone to bed with her in case the land line is cut.
Buy 2 guns. The first being a shotgun in a guage she can handle for the home and a pistol that she can handle for her person (after getting a permit).
Lastly, practice, practice and more practice.
Click to expand...
 
Why hasn't she reported the harrassment to the police yet? With the harrassment, a restraining order could have been procured. Granted, they are useless for a deterrent, they DO give the police the immediate power to arrest him. It will also help her in court as she would have a paper trail showing the escalation of violence.
 
Has his harassment been just annoying or has he threatened her, has he been violent with her or others in the past? His change in behaviour would bother me as well. Make sure she knows paranoia is an irrational fear, suspicion, or distrust of others, in this case I'd say she is rightfully concerned whether his behaviour has changed or not.

She could also search the local jails / prisons online, maybe he got arrested and is in jail.

Another thing to consider is if he has been in the house he knows the floor plan and where people and kids if any will be sleeping, moving the couch, etc might not be a bad idea. She could also vary her schedule and routine, and be extra aware of who is around her.

Fortify the window locks as well, the factory locks are very easy to break also make sure any sliding doors have acceptable security measures applied.

If she doesn't have one I'd recommend getting a dog, German Shepherd or similar. You can't count on a dog defending you but they are better at early alert than burglar systems, they can hear people moving around way before a sensor is tripped and have the ability to distinguish normal vs. abnormal.
 
I'd go with locks, dog, and shotgun. I just bought a single shot H&R in 20 gauge - gave it to the wife with 2 snapcaps and said, see if you can figure out how to fire it. She did and was thrilled at how "logical" it was. Recommended.

In addition, I think the DeBecker book "Gift of Fear" is of high value in determining whether behavioral changes are escalation or not.

Others with more direct experience may want to chime in on that one.
 
Sounds like something I encountered years back. Wound up giving the wife similar advice to that posted above. The guy was found dead about three days later, estimated he'd been dead for about a week and a half or so.

Oh and no matter what the protest, moving is ALWAYS an option.
 
Last edited:
Btdt

My ex wasn't a drug abuser, but had a violent streak like you can't imagine.

I moved out and tried my best to settle where he'd not know where I was. Unfortunately, in my state, if you purchase a house prior to the divorce being finalized, the soon-to-be ex has to sign off on the papers when you close. So, he saw the address where I was moving. I have an unlisted and unpublished phone number as well. I simply wanted to "disappear" for a while.

Once I moved in, I kept a pager number for a friend with the local PD and I let him know if he got a 911 page to get to my front door ASAP. I also got really good at using a vantage point to where I could see my front door without the person standing there realizing I could see them.

My ex finally got the message and left me alone.
 
I am not completely sure but i think that some locations will grant an immediate CCW permit if the person can show an immediate need for it. I don't know the exact qualifications, so hopefully someone reading this can expand on it.
 
In Idaho the sheriff can issue an emergency CCW at his / her discretion, even to someone under 21.

Also if she is comfortable with it she can always open carry, provided her state allows it.
 
I'd go with Locks, Dog, handgun.

Women are more susceptible to gun snatch attempts and I think a pistol is easier to retain than a shotgun.

He probably got picked up by the cops for something...

Good luck.
 
Cocaine is one of those drugs that makes people completely unpredictable. The addiction recovery rate is abysmal. There is no telling what he will do next, he could even leave her alone.

- The dog is a good idea if feasible.

- Moving is a good idea and even though it is a pain not to leave a forwarding address and have an unlisted number it can be worth it.

- If you care about this person follow up frequently. You can give someone advice but she probably has a lot going on in her life and will put things off.

- The husband will likely show up again once he has exhausted his resources and needs more money or support of some kind. This will be an ugly visit.
 
Personally, I would recommend an intermediate caliber rifle over a shotgun. Better "stopping power" than buckshot, way less recoil. Much better power than a pistol caliber carbine, and only marginally more recoil. Wall penetration may be a factor, but not a huge one except in an apartment. Hard to go wrong with an AK-47. Cheap, reliable, cheap, also reliable. And cheap.

Also, really stress situational awareness. Especially when entering and leaving the house, as that's one of the most opportune times to attack.
 
Well I have a different perspective on this. I was recently divorced. My Ex portrayed me as a gun crazed maniac who couldn't let go of her. She'd set up situations trying to set me up to make me look like I was harassing her. She told all her coworkers that I was "after her" and that she feared for her life.

Don't believe everything people tell you at work unless you've seen it first hand, up close and personal.

I started bringing a witness with me any time I had to meet with her and always in a public place. I started recording all her phones calls and saving all the e-mails she'd send.

In the end, I was vindicated in court and have since had to have the police intervene twice. still, this week, I have to take further legal action.

Despite all the proof I have that she's the wack job, despite her complete lack of proof of any wrong doing on my part, her friends and family continue to believe her. I'm guessing even when she lands in jail they'll still think I was the bad guy.
 
+1 for "Gift of Fear". Picked it up at the library and read it in about 2 days. Lots of good information to help you to get 'inside the head' of the harasser and use your instincts/intuition to identify a bad situation.
 
Perhaps the ex is either in jail or dead.
Big dog, court orders, notifying the police and home defenses are appropriate.
 
He prolly got shot....

Or found another chick to sponge off of...

OR...

I don't believe most things chicks say. The can be devious and all of them have ex husbands or ex boyfriends that are "crazy" / "abusive" so on and so forth. She could be trying to play you or worm something out of you... Just FYI, not meaning to pass judgement, but often times people that would be wise to a con coming from a guy are suckers when they come from chicks.

Good luck and your recommendations were sound.

And remember, document everything. The most documented wins. So, get cameras, call the police, tell neighbors, so if the SHTF, you have plenty of records on your side saying you did as much as you could do.
 
Had a conversation with a girl at work
Click to expand...

If you do not know this girl personally, I would offer advice then steer clear. She may be telling the truth, she may just be looking to create drama in her life, or seeking a "white knight" so her life is more like a romance novel. I know it sounds harsh, but men should be aware that women know about men's protective instincts and know exactly what buttons to push.
 
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