Crazy Ex Husband

[glassman]

If you do not know this girl personally, I would offer advice then steer clear. She may be telling the truth, she may just be looking to create drama in her life, or seeking a "white knight" so her life is more like a romance novel. I know it sounds harsh, but men should be aware that women know about men's protective instincts and know exactly what buttons to push.

I have a working relationship with this woman and have always known her to be on the level. When she told me this story, she was not hysterical or dramatic or seeking sympathy. Besides, I know she can be a tough nut when she needs to be. I really believe she was only asking for advice and not seeking a 'white knight'. I see her at work from time to time and ask how it's going. She just says, 'It's working out and thanks for the advice". End of story.

 

[Prince Yamato]

If you do not know this girl personally, I would offer advice then steer clear.

This is excellent advice. Also, careful that you don't get too involved and then crazy husband comes after you.

 

[elkhuntingfool]

I had a co-worker in a situation like this. She had a crazy ex - or soon to be ex. He constantly harassed her. She filed a police report, restraining order, the whole nine yards. She recorded the calls he made - some were threatening, etc... she turned everything over to the police.

Anyhow - she was upstairs, he broke into the house - she popped him in the chest - he died. She did spend a few days in jail, but once all of the evidence was given to the DA's office - she was released.

So.... document, document, document. If there isn't a paper trail - it didn't happen.

 

[Barbara]

It means he's busy with another woman. Tell her to keep her guard up..when the new woman dumps him, he'll get back to harrassing her.

 

[Xenia]

I also endorce the book "the gift of fear" too. It is not written specifically to women but it still covers a lot of great material.

Although she has not reported any physical abuse while they were together, she might stop by a women's shelter and ask for information from them. Most of them have very good pamplets that spell out some warning signs and could tell her about emergency shelter should she qualify for it. (She might not qualify but she could find out.)

It is possible that the guy has given up and moved on. Sometimes this is what happens. But if this experience helps her to increase her personal safety measures it will be a benefit to her. She can keep herself more alert without being in a panic.

I think suggesting she talk to her dad was very good. I am not sure that a police report at this time is helpful if the harrassment has stopped. But her father would know people and would likely be one of her best resources.

I would not suggest she even try for a PPO (protection order) at this point. They get served on the person and maybe he was willing to let go and move on and this could just aggrevate him. Personally, I am not a big fan of them either. I have yet to see a piece of paper protect anyone but I have seen it be harmful.

Someone mentioned above about the fruadulant use of ppo's. I have seen way way too much of that myself. So much that I think they are just a waste.

A person I was working with had a PPO on someone. They called the police and said "there is a ppo on this guy and he is on my property and won't leave." The police showed up 90 minutes later. (nothing happend but still...)