Help! Anti-gun Girlfriend.

[jakemccoy]

There are some funny comments here. I like the ones where the wife/gf has a real problem with guns, but the wise and logical husband uses patient arguments to counter all her objections and, finally, grudgingly, she admits that the man is correct and she was wrong.

Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus. If a woman has a problem with guns, there probably is no "reason" for that per se, she just don't like 'em and they make her uncomfortable. It's likely to be purely emotional. Hey guys, you had much luck winning arguments with the wife?

Even if you won, you lost.

So here, any success is going to come from addressing the emotional issues at play, which is why recommended going out to the range if possible. If she sees other women shooting, she might be able to envision herself doing that. If she has fun, she'll be down with the gun. This essay at corneredcat on "How to make your wife hate guns" is brilliant. Lots to learn there.

LOL...I noticed the same thing. I didn't say anything though. I just figured some guys here have dated the type of woman that's NOT in my set of friends or prior relationships.

 

[dougwx12]

I just thought I'd give you an update that is playing with my head a bit. This weekend (Yes, Valentines weekend) there is going to be an appleseed event in town. I told her about it (and sent her web pages), and suggested that I might want to do Saturday only at this event, and spend all of Sunday with her. (There is another appleseed in about a month that I could do the whole weekend. This would just be a trial run so I'd be more ready for the full event.)

To my surprise, she is encouraging me to go! She says she thinks I'd enjoy it, and that I should sign up! I read her as being genuine in this, and not just "throwing me a bone."

Good news. Just as an addendum to my earlier post: It took *years* for my wife to accept/like guns, from an initial position of fear. And the more I pushed it, the slower the progress. The answer should've been to obviously not push it, but the younger you are, the dumber you are, I think.

Hopefully you're ignoring the ideologues in this thread, and weighing *both* sides of the coin. The world really is a shade of gray. Good luck.

 

[84B20]

Show her this video and see how she reacts. If she discounts it as a joke or takes it seriously you'll get a better understanding of her deeper feelings about firearms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gLmKpNgSnM

 

[golocx4]

Have you met her mother yet?
If you are serious about spending the rest of your life with her meet the mother first because that is what you are marrying.
Your new wife will age into her mother.

 

[woad_yurt]

Note: I didn't read all of this so, if I am redundant, please disregard.

I suggest planning a couples' day which later includes lunch or dinner at a place she really likes, a cooler w/sandwiches ansd Snapples or whatever, a trip to a nice, sunny-but-not-too-hot outdoor range with some semi-auto .22s and one or two additional couples, preferably folks she likes. The vibe should be that of a day trip/picnic/fun thing. Maybe make a side trip to some museum or other attraction she'd enjoy. Unless someone has a true, severe, clinical phobia, where they scream if they're near it, folks will usually have a fun time popping things with a .22. Reactive targets are strongly recommended. Everyone I've been with has turned once they had some fun. It's difficult to oppose something you like to do, you know? My old Whitney Wolverine has been a great aid because it's the least threatening-looking gun I've ever seen. "It's so cute!" Leave the ARs and Tec-9s at home.

No one I've ever been with has ever chosen to remain home frowning when I did the above. The trick is to combine the range trip with something else that she likes and a few friends. It seems like your sticky point may be in finding some shooting buddies whose company she thoroughly enjoys. Mine were already in place; 50% of my friends are avid shooters. Anyway, good luck.

 

[vaupet]

I'm maried for 16 years with tree kids and a anti-gun wife.

Now my kinds have "enlisted" in my shooting club, and my ten year old doughter is a crack shot (easily outshoots me). We made this happen with air rifles, so guns aren't weapons annymore but become sporting tools in a very nice sport involving accuracy, technology, concentration etc.
Next step: match style 22 lr, single shot bolt action 22lr. certainly wouldn't comply as a weapon.

PS, i'm a "european" liberal. That is the opposite of a socialist. In the word liberal, you can see "Liberty", wich means that a liberal is in favour of as much liberty as possible, free enterprise, freedom of almost annything and as little rules as possible.
A European Liberal wants "as much state as strictly necessary, as little state as possible"

Greetz

Peter

 

[Carl N. Brown]

In the end, there are people who are not so much anti-gun as they are anti- the bad things that bad people deliberately do with guns, or the mistakes or accidents that some people do with guns.

If your first encounter with a dog is Cujo, your gut instinct is to be anti-dog.

People need to realize and be shown that there are more than one side to every question--multiple sides not just two.

 

[gym]

38 is young to get married, I waited till 50, why the rush, lol

 

[S&W-Keeper]

Run real fast, you will not change her mind.

 

[cornman]

First think to consider is that maybe YOU are the kool-aid drinker. This is always the best place to start.

 

[Win1892]

My girl was anti-gun and voted for Obama. She is also highly competitive, that was my chance to help her "see the light". Brought out the Ruger Mark II and got her shooting targets for score. Let her shoot the 10/22 the same way. She really got into the challenge. Now she has her own Mark III and has even had me change her sights. She still dislikes the big guns because they're loud, but not because they're big.

She just the other day began to question her presidential vote.

 

[goon]

I agree with the guy who said you might have to just work for neutral and settle for that.
Some people are afraid of guns whether it's rational or not. I love guns and couldn't imagine my life without them. I constantly think of buying another one or more ammo or more magazines. But they aren't for everyone.
I'd say if she trusts you (and she'd better - if not you either need to work that out or split up) then just reassure her that your storage and handling of your guns is totally safe and that you are adamant about keeping them.
See where it goes from there.

 

[benEzra]

My wife was a mild anti when we were married, but over time evolved into a Glock enthusiast and CHL holder. I didn't really push her (and if I had, she probably would have dug in); she changed her mind on her own, based partly on becoming more familiar with firearms herself from watching me handle them.

The final straw for her anti-gunnishness was when I kept a friend's Glock 17 for him when he was attending college. when I was getting ready to put it away, she asked if she could examine it. I double-checked it was unloaded, she examined it, and told me "I don't like guns, but if I did, I'd want one like this." It wasn't long after that that she asked me to take her to the range, decided to get a gun of her own (she started with a Phoenix Arms Raven because that was literally all we could afford at the time, then picked up a beautiful Russian SKS, and within a couple of years finally got her Trijicon-equipped G26 and a CHL. She has become a darn good shooter as well.

 

[smoking357]

I need advice on how to proceed. This is a very intelligent woman (a Ph.D.!), but she has drunk the media kool-aid, and thinks all firearms are evil. Is there any hope in getting her to accepting that people have the right to own firearms, and how do I help bring her around to this view?
ArthurDent

Women are rarely into guns, so don't be surprised if she's never into it. Also, her profession has much invested into opposing to the party that usually represents gun owners, so admitting to her friends that she shoots won't do much for professional advancement.

Don't listen to Glenn Beck, Country Music, Fox News, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity or any dimwitted entertainment that scares off persons of better breeding. Don't reinforce the dumb gunowner stereotypes she's come to accept. Further, none of that is good for you.

Be a 100% alpha male. Let her know that you're going shooting. Don't drag her along to the range, since that seems so forced and desperate. If she's interested, take her. Do not give her a course in using guns. They hate that. If you're truly worried about her safety, get her a pepper spray, but don't make a big deal out of it. Women hate the thought of killing another living thing. Being into bullseye shooting or trap/skeet gives an academic quality and legitimacy to the hobby. Approaching it as a sport, instead of a lifestyle, allows outsiders to make sense of this easier.

Mythbusters is an accessible and intelligent exploration of many of the issues we encounter. Watch that while she's around. Adam and Jamie are hardly racist hicks and are decent advertisements for shooting.

Even though she's a Ph.D., she's female and has an innate desire to respect you and please you. Play the male role. If your actions are understandable and fair, she'll respect you and accept your pursuit, or she'll walk. Either way, you'll be happy.

Lastly, be a liberal yourself. We should be advocating just about every civil rights initiative that her side champions. Get around to noting that gun rights constitute one of the civil rights that she should be advocating. She may never have seen this right through another perspective.

 

[stickhauler]

Even though she's a Ph.D., she's female and has an innate desire to respect you and please you

That's funny, I don't care who you are! How you came to that insight is beyond me, I've seen a helluva lot more women who latch onto a guy and decide to change them into what their dream man is, rather than accept him as he is and honor him because of that factor.

And gun ownership around an anti-gunner is as toxic a mix as a couple, one Catholic, one rabidly anti-Catholic getting along. I saw the OP mentioned her reaction to his belief that kids should be taught about firearms, if she feels that way right now, she'll damned sure resist any attempt to teach a child about guns, or even allow her children to be around guns.

My first wife was raised as a member of the Church of Christ, her family were anti-Catholics, maybe not rabidly so, but they didn't care for us much. In time, mainly because I wasn't attending Mass regularly, we seemed to get along fairly well, until the kids came along anyway.

Then, it was a flat refusal of raising our kids as Catholics, which turned into a situation where she sent the kids off to a local church in that area where the pastor raised money to assist the forces against Catholics in Ireland. It didn't end well.

I'll not say the OP will never sway his female friends beliefs about guns, but my life experience, and what I've seen of absolute opposite beliefs in couples show that it rarely works out well.

 

[bushmaster1313]

This is a very intelligent woman

She is VERY anti-gun.

How intelligent can she be if she is "VERY anti gun"?

Can she cook?