a-sheepdog
Member
She needs to go unless you want to get rid of your firearms. No room for liberals. Just my .02
Help! Anti-gun Girlfriend.
- Thread starter ArthurDent
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Ronsch
Member
This may be a bit of a shocker, but I did the following with a girlfriend (before being married) who had issues with firearms (and try to avoid the term "weapon.") If it is mentioned, get out a tire iron, a baseball bat, or a knife and mention those have been used as weapons. Anyway, my original suggestion is this:
Lay a small, (preferably revolver, empty) firearm on the dining room table, or coffee table, where ever is most comfortable. Sit with her and just watch it for 5 minutes or so. Make sure all music and TV or other entertainment devices are turned off. Eventually (usually after 5 minutes) she will ask what you are doing. State clearly, calmly, and in your best logic-oriented voice that you want to see if this firearm is going to commit a crime. Then explain that this firearms, nor the others you own have ever committed a crime themselves.
Believe it or not, that is what I did with my children's natural mother (disclaimer: we were not or ever married, but I raised my children on my own until 2003) when she swore up and down that an empty shotgun shot a relative, with no human interaction (according to the relative.)
it is not demeaning or treating her like she is stupid, either. it is a perfectly scientific experiment and explanation on how firearms are not inherently evil, and they do not "make" people do anything.
YMMV. Worth a try.
Lay a small, (preferably revolver, empty) firearm on the dining room table, or coffee table, where ever is most comfortable. Sit with her and just watch it for 5 minutes or so. Make sure all music and TV or other entertainment devices are turned off. Eventually (usually after 5 minutes) she will ask what you are doing. State clearly, calmly, and in your best logic-oriented voice that you want to see if this firearm is going to commit a crime. Then explain that this firearms, nor the others you own have ever committed a crime themselves.
Believe it or not, that is what I did with my children's natural mother (disclaimer: we were not or ever married, but I raised my children on my own until 2003) when she swore up and down that an empty shotgun shot a relative, with no human interaction (according to the relative.)
it is not demeaning or treating her like she is stupid, either. it is a perfectly scientific experiment and explanation on how firearms are not inherently evil, and they do not "make" people do anything.
YMMV. Worth a try.
My girlfriend is pretty progressive, but I was eventually able to get her to accept my gun hobby through framing my ownership in a concept she could understand. I told her I collected firearms and I have a FFL. I didn't go into detail about what a C&R is or what I could or couldn't do with it, the fact that I was "licensed" gave her great comfort.
xsquidgator
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I would suggest that if having and using (including carrying) your guns is important to you, that you make that clear at some point before things get "too far along". You don't have to "convert" her (and I agree with the people who think such an effort would be doomed) but you won't be doing yourself any favors if you back down on her at least accepting something that presumably is a large part of who you are. Before making any long-range plans together, assuming it goes that far, I think you need to have her agreement that at least she's not going to start demanding no more guns, or no more guns in the house, or no carrying, or whatever. And I would make that an explicit point, in the same way you might make expectations clear about a pre-nup agreement.
No, it's not incredible. When you find yourself trapped in a living HELL of a relationship with a woman that tries to control the very essence of who you are, and you can't get out of it for one reason or another, THAT'S incredible. I advise the OP to run as fast as he can the other way. There's lots of women out there, find one more compatible. If I could get out of the hell I'm in, I'd never go near another one.
sv51macross
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^
Maybe he meant people looking at the OP and skipping waaaaay past the meaningful discussion to post a reaction, avoiding the other posts the OP made in the meantime.
Maybe he meant people looking at the OP and skipping waaaaay past the meaningful discussion to post a reaction, avoiding the other posts the OP made in the meantime.
thesecond
Member
The following question may or may not be an issue, with respect to her views on the 2nd amendment (i.e., whether she's an anti), but it can affect your ability to defend yourself (i.e., with a firearm), in the future, just the same:
"Have you assessed her capacity for vindictive behavior?"
An accusation (of the threat of violence) is all that it takes to make your life miserable.
I always hope for the best, but the examples are there, and, unfortunately, it is a matter of settled law (please see 18 USC 922(g)(8) and (9)) ....
"Have you assessed her capacity for vindictive behavior?"
An accusation (of the threat of violence) is all that it takes to make your life miserable.
I always hope for the best, but the examples are there, and, unfortunately, it is a matter of settled law (please see 18 USC 922(g)(8) and (9)) ....
Nicky Santoro
Member
Help! Anti-gun Girlfriend
Libtardism will never be just about the guns. Consider your future carefully.
Libtardism will never be just about the guns. Consider your future carefully.
Joe Demko
Member
Well, we're at the "libruls are teh sukk!" stage. Threadlock can't be far off. Those of you who made such posts can probably go ahead and start feeling martyred and oppressed right now.
thesecond
Member
Of course, locking down a thread because of the few who can't resist the urge to take a dump in it, would be expedient.
I believe, however, that the moderators will exercise good judgment, simply by redacting the one-liners (coming often from those whose intention it is, at the outset, to lock the thread down), and/or addressing the offenders, personally.
I believe, however, that the moderators will exercise good judgment, simply by redacting the one-liners (coming often from those whose intention it is, at the outset, to lock the thread down), and/or addressing the offenders, personally.
KevininPa
Member
I can't say that I.........
.....read through all of the responses due to the amount. But of what I read, I agree with not pushing it on her as long as she is willing to be neutral. As long as she is not going to push for you to get rid of everything and you reciprocate by not trying to change her views you'll be fine. It is the classic example of agreeing to disagree on a point. One of the tougher areas of a possible long term relationship.
Have a picnic/barbecue with some of your shooting buddies. Some of my shooting buddies are lawyers, bank execs, teachers,IT guys...etc. Maybe once she sees some of the people you shoot with, that might help.
Do you own Blackpowder firearms? I've converted the most diehard liberals to shooting because for some reason, they don't find them as threatening. They love the boom and the smoke and due to the loading process, don't feel that they're as evil as modern firearms. It's not too long till they're up to .22s after that.
Then they miss the boom and want to go further than the .22
My biggest problem is that none of liberals want to go the trouble of learning how to clean my Ruger old Army. But at least I get them going down the right path. They just need to see that you can still shoot and own guns and believe in some liberal things.
Another route I've gone is busting clays. Once you can convince them that busting clays is alright because you are killing anything, you're half way there. When they see their first clay explode and see their smile, priceless!
I wish you luck in your relationship. If this is the only thing where there might be a problem and you are soulmates in everything else, you'll do alright.
.....read through all of the responses due to the amount. But of what I read, I agree with not pushing it on her as long as she is willing to be neutral. As long as she is not going to push for you to get rid of everything and you reciprocate by not trying to change her views you'll be fine. It is the classic example of agreeing to disagree on a point. One of the tougher areas of a possible long term relationship.
Have a picnic/barbecue with some of your shooting buddies. Some of my shooting buddies are lawyers, bank execs, teachers,IT guys...etc. Maybe once she sees some of the people you shoot with, that might help.
Do you own Blackpowder firearms? I've converted the most diehard liberals to shooting because for some reason, they don't find them as threatening. They love the boom and the smoke and due to the loading process, don't feel that they're as evil as modern firearms. It's not too long till they're up to .22s after that.
Then they miss the boom and want to go further than the .22 My biggest problem is that none of liberals want to go the trouble of learning how to clean my Ruger old Army. But at least I get them going down the right path. They just need to see that you can still shoot and own guns and believe in some liberal things.Another route I've gone is busting clays. Once you can convince them that busting clays is alright because you are killing anything, you're half way there. When they see their first clay explode and see their smile, priceless!
I wish you luck in your relationship. If this is the only thing where there might be a problem and you are soulmates in everything else, you'll do alright.
FROGO207
Member
Arthur D
Judging from what was said in your last post that there may be some good in her intentions after all. You are the one who said that she was VERY anti so the reaction was about what I expected.:banghead: IMHO progressing forward with any relationship is like navigating through a minefield. We ALL do it anyway. Keep your priorities straight and tiptoe forward.
Judging from what was said in your last post that there may be some good in her intentions after all. You are the one who said that she was VERY anti so the reaction was about what I expected.:banghead: IMHO progressing forward with any relationship is like navigating through a minefield. We ALL do it anyway.
Keep your priorities straight and tiptoe forward.thelaststand
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My wife was afraid of guns, but slowly she has warmed up to them and now I'm teaching her how to shoot. But I use very effective argument to counter her anti-gun views and it worked. It will be impossible for her to not lighten up to guns a little, living with guns in the house. In fact women like guys who can defend them, so she will not admit it but the fact that you are not a wus is attracting her it is instinct. Eventually try to take her shooting at the range. Do not let her mold you because if she does she will no longer respect you. Also consider that in Canada if a woman does not want her husband to own a gun, he pretty much can't own a gun, and if that fascist crap starts happening in your state, you know what would happen.
Life’s too short, any small problem prior to marriage becomes a large problem if not corrected afterwards. It sounds like this is going to fester and become an issue unless you nip it in the bud. This will also give you insight as to how the rest of your time with this lady will be spent. If she realizes that you have your own interests and accepts that, then you will most likely have a nice peaceful life together. If she on the other hand is relentless in any way about your hobby, take heed my friend, the root of the problem may just lay on the surface
thelaststand
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"All,
Thank you for your opinions. As is always (or should be) the case on a public forum like this, many of your posts are directed at the problem in general, as well at my specific question. I seem to have touched a nerve, as there are now well over 100 replies in less than 1 day. This is obviously an area that is near and dear to many of you through very painful, very personal experience.
I just thought I'd give you an update that is playing with my head a bit. This weekend (Yes, Valentines weekend) there is going to be an appleseed event in town. I told her about it (and sent her web pages), and suggested that I might want to do Saturday only at this event, and spend all of Sunday with her. (There is another appleseed in about a month that I could do the whole weekend. This would just be a trial run so I'd be more ready for the full event.)
To my surprise, she is encouraging me to go! She says she thinks I'd enjoy it, and that I should sign up! I read her as being genuine in this, and not just "throwing me a bone."
That is pretty amazing progress for someone who inspected my CCW license with suspicion about 2 months ago! (Yes, I carry on our dates, and now she knows it.) I think she's been talking to her brother-in-law and some other friends, and is figuring out that interest in guns is fairly normal. She's "not from around here," and has lived all over the world, in a lot of places where only the bad guys have guns and the good guys are forbidden from even liking them.
She still doesn't want to even see an actual gun, but she seems to be gaining some acceptance of my interest.
I appreciate all of the warnings that have been posted here. Most of those thoughts had already occurred to me, and I am being very cautious. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and to think with the right head. Time will tell what is the right thing to do.
Thanks again! "
This reminds me so much of my relationship. At first I took out the gun and put it next to me on the table and started cleaning it, and I noticed she was looking at it and I asked if she liked guns. She said no, they are dangerous and bad and yadda yadada blah blah gun evil blah. She wouldn't even touch it, but as I've exposed her to argument (not fighting) and shown her pro gun information and some videos on the results of gun confiscation she has warmed up and is now enjoying learning to shoot, I also showed her the image I'm about to post. I asked her if she thinks we should have the right to own guns, and she said yes. But you do need to expose her to the actual gun. This is important to you and she needs to be a part of your life and someday you may be able to talk her into getting a small gun for protection. My wife is warming up to the idea of having her very own gun.
Copy this to your computer and show it to her.
Thank you for your opinions. As is always (or should be) the case on a public forum like this, many of your posts are directed at the problem in general, as well at my specific question. I seem to have touched a nerve, as there are now well over 100 replies in less than 1 day. This is obviously an area that is near and dear to many of you through very painful, very personal experience.
I just thought I'd give you an update that is playing with my head a bit. This weekend (Yes, Valentines weekend) there is going to be an appleseed event in town. I told her about it (and sent her web pages), and suggested that I might want to do Saturday only at this event, and spend all of Sunday with her. (There is another appleseed in about a month that I could do the whole weekend. This would just be a trial run so I'd be more ready for the full event.)
To my surprise, she is encouraging me to go! She says she thinks I'd enjoy it, and that I should sign up! I read her as being genuine in this, and not just "throwing me a bone."
That is pretty amazing progress for someone who inspected my CCW license with suspicion about 2 months ago! (Yes, I carry on our dates, and now she knows it.) I think she's been talking to her brother-in-law and some other friends, and is figuring out that interest in guns is fairly normal. She's "not from around here," and has lived all over the world, in a lot of places where only the bad guys have guns and the good guys are forbidden from even liking them.
She still doesn't want to even see an actual gun, but she seems to be gaining some acceptance of my interest.
I appreciate all of the warnings that have been posted here. Most of those thoughts had already occurred to me, and I am being very cautious. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and to think with the right head. Time will tell what is the right thing to do.
Thanks again! "
This reminds me so much of my relationship. At first I took out the gun and put it next to me on the table and started cleaning it, and I noticed she was looking at it and I asked if she liked guns. She said no, they are dangerous and bad and yadda yadada blah blah gun evil blah. She wouldn't even touch it, but as I've exposed her to argument (not fighting) and shown her pro gun information and some videos on the results of gun confiscation she has warmed up and is now enjoying learning to shoot, I also showed her the image I'm about to post. I asked her if she thinks we should have the right to own guns, and she said yes. But you do need to expose her to the actual gun. This is important to you and she needs to be a part of your life and someday you may be able to talk her into getting a small gun for protection. My wife is warming up to the idea of having her very own gun.
Copy this to your computer and show it to her.
There are some funny comments here. I like the ones where the wife/gf has a real problem with guns, but the wise and logical husband uses patient arguments to counter all her objections and, finally, grudgingly, she admits that the man is correct and she was wrong.
Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus. If a woman has a problem with guns, there probably is no "reason" for that per se, she just don't like 'em and they make her uncomfortable. It's likely to be purely emotional. Hey guys, you had much luck winning arguments with the wife?
Even if you won, you lost.
So here, any success is going to come from addressing the emotional issues at play, which is why recommended going out to the range if possible. If she sees other women shooting, she might be able to envision herself doing that. If she has fun, she'll be down with the gun. This essay at corneredcat on "How to make your wife hate guns" is brilliant. Lots to learn there.
Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus. If a woman has a problem with guns, there probably is no "reason" for that per se, she just don't like 'em and they make her uncomfortable. It's likely to be purely emotional. Hey guys, you had much luck winning arguments with the wife?
Even if you won, you lost.
So here, any success is going to come from addressing the emotional issues at play, which is why recommended going out to the range if possible. If she sees other women shooting, she might be able to envision herself doing that. If she has fun, she'll be down with the gun. This essay at corneredcat on "How to make your wife hate guns" is brilliant. Lots to learn there.
Joe Demko
Member
If you tried something with ALL the women I know (including the ones who own guns) like putting a gun on a table and insisting both sit and wait for it to commit a crime, their immediate reaction would more likely be " **** you, ya condescending *****!" than "why thank you! I never would have figured that out on my own!" Nobody reacts well to condescension. Including you.
12131
Member
Whatever you decide, do NOT create a child with her, before you 2 resolve this issue satisfactorily.
wvshooter
Member
My wife and I had been married 35 years when I decided to buy my first handgun. This was the first gun I had owned during our marriage. I would characterize the wife as pretty anti gun and leaning liberal.
I had been out shooting my new handgun a few times when the wife surprises me by saying she wanted to go the next time. The gun I bought was a 40 caliber but at the time I wasn't aware there might be a problem for her regarding recoil. Long story short, we went, she shot the gun and was hooked. We've been shooting many times since. I've bought so many guns she's starting to lament the money but she has become a real enthusiast and has a concealed weapon permit. And she does carry. All the time.
Bottom line, shooting is fun and most people enjoy shooting sports. I'd start the girlfriend off with a nice .22 however.
I had been out shooting my new handgun a few times when the wife surprises me by saying she wanted to go the next time. The gun I bought was a 40 caliber but at the time I wasn't aware there might be a problem for her regarding recoil. Long story short, we went, she shot the gun and was hooked. We've been shooting many times since. I've bought so many guns she's starting to lament the money but she has become a real enthusiast and has a concealed weapon permit. And she does carry. All the time.
Bottom line, shooting is fun and most people enjoy shooting sports. I'd start the girlfriend off with a nice .22 however.
That is very good to hear. Sounds like you'll do the right thing. Clearly, she's not as
"VERY anti gun" as you may have thought, and she might have an open mind, too. Good luck.
See, the deal is this: as a man with some years and relationships under my belt, and now a happy marriage, I cared about you, the OP.
I have ZERO obligation, Joe Demko, to be "open-minded" towards her. She didn't ask. He did.
This is foreign to me, because I didn't marry a child. I married a grownup. This is not "mars vs. venus", this is "grownup vs. brat." I got married at 38, after a series of relationships, and I am glad as hell that I never married any of the previous women in my life! I'm not saying I knew better; I didn't. I'm just saying that the school of hard knocks taught me some things, by inflicting pain on me for years, and that's what I learned from that most brutal of institutions.
Really? Sounds like the women you know are insecure and immature. A self-confident adult would laugh and say, "Yeah, I see your point. You don't have to put any more stuff on the table. Let's have some of that wine you bought."
Joe Demko
Member
I never said you had to be open minded about her or anything else. I suggested that you might consider answering the question as asked.
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