I just never brought it up. When I went to the range she was not invited, and I never took them out in her presence. I suspect if she knew in the first week that she might have been scared off. Eventually she will see the light. I have hope. I wonder what she tells her anti girl friends about her gun-nut guy Ha ha oh to be a fly on the wall. That one must be a bit tough to explain to the rabid crowd.
Help! Anti-gun Girlfriend.
- Thread starter ArthurDent
- Start date
- Status
Exactly. Now if he posted falsely, then the responses might be wrong. However, that would be his responsibility to correct, and I'm sure he would make the correction as soon as he saw that he'd been misunderstood.
Count me in as someone who agrees with Ghost Walker.
Joe Demko
Member
You're easily irritated, are you jakemccoy? I'll be very sure to screen all my future posts with that in mind.
Okay, he said she's very anti-gun. He also said she is wonderful, but we haven't seen any extravagant interpolations about her intelligence, character, or political leanings spun off that, have we? I daresay that a lot was said about the man's gf in this thread that would warrant an asskicking if you said it about a man's wife or girlfriend to his face. I daresay most of the guys saying the nastiest things would also be the ones who got the hottest under the collar.
Okay, he said she's very anti-gun. He also said she is wonderful, but we haven't seen any extravagant interpolations about her intelligence, character, or political leanings spun off that, have we? I daresay that a lot was said about the man's gf in this thread that would warrant an asskicking if you said it about a man's wife or girlfriend to his face. I daresay most of the guys saying the nastiest things would also be the ones who got the hottest under the collar.
TexasBill
Member
As this thread has clearly shown, liberals do not have sole ownership of close-minded ignorance. In fact, I am pretty sure they don't even have a majority interest.
First off, ArthurDent said he is close to getting his Ph.D. I suppose, according to some of the responses, this means he soon will be turning into a mush-minded gun-grabber?
Ph.D.s, like the rest of us, run the gamut from very conservative, even reactionary, to Marx-spouting revolutionaries. My own parents had advanced degrees, were very conservative, and anti-gun (to top it off, they were both native Texans). They were some of the finest people it was ever my good fortune to meet.
Guns are a fact of life, whether you like them or not. I remember one young lady who told me she didn't believe in guns. I showed her the one I was carrying and assured her they do exist. However, I didn't try to make it the focal point of a relationship.
ArthurDent should continue the relationship and see where it leads. Unless the lady is as much of a hard-ass as some of our group, guns should not be that much of a sticking point. If they are, there were probably other issues, as well.
Perhaps an invitation to accompany him to the range to watch, participation optional, tied in with an activity she enjoys, like a meal at a favorite restaurant or something she enjoys that ArthurDent looks forward to like oral surgery. Make it a two-way street to better understanding of each other.
I see no need to force her through an indoctrination of gun facts to know and share. Simply have your facts in a row should the subject come up for debate. This does involve at least some exposure to the other side so appropriate rebuttals can be ready at hand.
Should the subject of guns and children come up, ArthurDent should agree the guns need to be stored, under lock and key, unloaded and generally kept out of the children's world until they are old enough to accept and understand firearms training. This need not be any attempt at indoctrination: present gun safety as an important part of growing up and note it's better learned at home than on the street. Enlist the help of your spouse (should this all work out). Since one would assume the children of two PH.D. would have at least the normal amount of smarts, exposing them to both sides once they are old enough is building a better foundation upon which they can base their own decisions.
To sum up, don't make a huge deal of this difference. Be patient and let her make some decisions. The most important is not whether she is anti- or pro-gun; it's whether she is pro-you enough to accept differences. So work on the pro-you; the rest will follow.
First off, ArthurDent said he is close to getting his Ph.D. I suppose, according to some of the responses, this means he soon will be turning into a mush-minded gun-grabber?
Ph.D.s, like the rest of us, run the gamut from very conservative, even reactionary, to Marx-spouting revolutionaries. My own parents had advanced degrees, were very conservative, and anti-gun (to top it off, they were both native Texans). They were some of the finest people it was ever my good fortune to meet.
Guns are a fact of life, whether you like them or not. I remember one young lady who told me she didn't believe in guns. I showed her the one I was carrying and assured her they do exist. However, I didn't try to make it the focal point of a relationship.
ArthurDent should continue the relationship and see where it leads. Unless the lady is as much of a hard-ass as some of our group, guns should not be that much of a sticking point. If they are, there were probably other issues, as well.
Perhaps an invitation to accompany him to the range to watch, participation optional, tied in with an activity she enjoys, like a meal at a favorite restaurant or something she enjoys that ArthurDent looks forward to like oral surgery. Make it a two-way street to better understanding of each other.
I see no need to force her through an indoctrination of gun facts to know and share. Simply have your facts in a row should the subject come up for debate. This does involve at least some exposure to the other side so appropriate rebuttals can be ready at hand.
Should the subject of guns and children come up, ArthurDent should agree the guns need to be stored, under lock and key, unloaded and generally kept out of the children's world until they are old enough to accept and understand firearms training. This need not be any attempt at indoctrination: present gun safety as an important part of growing up and note it's better learned at home than on the street. Enlist the help of your spouse (should this all work out). Since one would assume the children of two PH.D. would have at least the normal amount of smarts, exposing them to both sides once they are old enough is building a better foundation upon which they can base their own decisions.
To sum up, don't make a huge deal of this difference. Be patient and let her make some decisions. The most important is not whether she is anti- or pro-gun; it's whether she is pro-you enough to accept differences. So work on the pro-you; the rest will follow.
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CosmicGrooves
Member
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2009
- Messages
- 114
Good luck is all I have to say. For me personally, my politics are not just something I can leave in the car when I get home every day. My political beliefs are determined by my personal beliefs. Unfortunately, any relationship I'd have with someone with an opposing philosophy would not last and it would pointless to continue.
You win the golden star of the thread sir. Like I said, I am in the same situation, and it never devolved to anything serious. I tried inviting her on a range trip, she declined. I am ok with it. If I ever have to defend her, you bet I will, and I am sure when the dust settles she might have to endure some sarcastic ribbing. Of course I hope that day never comes. My dear mum is also very conservative and anti-2A at the same time too. My sisters liberal and anti. Brothers liberal and pro-2A, one is conservative and pro-2A. Dad is very conservative and in the pro-2A category. Family pretty much splits on male-female line on guns. There is no strife as a result, however. They are all my own family not like I can change that either. It doesn't even bother me. Its just not that important unless you make it so as you have point out.
FROGO207
Member
The OP has to think this one out himself. He asked and got lots of advice.
In my PERSONAL experience I have had several long term female partners.Different ones represented different sides of the political spectrum. IMHO the small differences that are present now will most likely get larger as time goes by. One of my former GF's (BTW was a LEO and thought I had too many guns already), after about a year started to try to "improve" me. At that point I asked her why, because the previous week she had stated that I was "just perfect". She said that I should have chosen more coordinated outfits, healthier food, a newer car, ETC. ETC. Then she stated that she thought I was going to change due to her influence on me.
I replied that I thought she liked me for the person that she had met and lived with and I DID NOT plan to change. Furthermore I no longer needed a mother figure to show me how to act at the age of 35 and if she disliked what she saw she was free to leave.
I still wear the same clothes, drive an older car, eat the same food, and did not stop buying firearms or have to sell my house after she left. In an agitated state I may add. I am doing quite well presently, she ....on the other hand.:banghead: Just saying . Beware and go into the whole process with your eyes open. Compatibility between the sheets is not 50% of the relationship for me.
I wish you a clear head and good luck
Rick
In my PERSONAL experience I have had several long term female partners.Different ones represented different sides of the political spectrum. IMHO the small differences that are present now will most likely get larger as time goes by. One of my former GF's (BTW was a LEO and thought I had too many guns already), after about a year started to try to "improve" me. At that point I asked her why, because the previous week she had stated that I was "just perfect". She said that I should have chosen more coordinated outfits, healthier food, a newer car, ETC. ETC. Then she stated that she thought I was going to change due to her influence on me.
I replied that I thought she liked me for the person that she had met and lived with and I DID NOT plan to change. Furthermore I no longer needed a mother figure to show me how to act at the age of 35 and if she disliked what she saw she was free to leave. I still wear the same clothes, drive an older car, eat the same food, and did not stop buying firearms or have to sell my house after she left. In an agitated state I may add. I am doing quite well presently, she ....on the other hand.:banghead: Just saying . Beware and go into the whole process with your eyes open. Compatibility between the sheets is not 50% of the relationship for me. I wish you a clear head and good luck
Rick
DAVIDSDIVAD
member
Teach her the basics with a BB gun.
RoostRider
Member
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2008
- Messages
- 670
My mom hate guns.
My dad loves guns.
They have been married for 47 years without so much as a squabble over it... but they don't squabble over much....
If you tend to squabble, you might find it an issue...
My dad loves guns.
They have been married for 47 years without so much as a squabble over it... but they don't squabble over much....
If you tend to squabble, you might find it an issue...
FenderTK421
Member
Run.
06
Member
An anti-gun attitude is merely the tip of the iceberg showing. IMO it represents a much greater liberal aggenda lurking in the shadows. Ask yourself this -- if your life or the life of your children depended upon her having the ability and willingness to use deadly force--- would she or could she. I have a very poor respect for those who are not willing to go the distance to protect themselves and/or others. IMO, they are a danger to my safety and the safety of our loved ones. If she and your children go on a trip to a neighboring town--who is going to protect them????? If you are out of town, who is going to protect them????????? Will she "rake you over the coals" when you want to teach your children gun safety/shooting???? My aunt did me when I let her son fire a shotgun--now he lives in Amsterdam with HIS boyfriend----and I blame her for his lifestyle. Are you going to raise men and women who not only can defend themselves but their children in the future. There is a lot at stake in that simple question about her anti-gun attitude.
qajaq59
Member
I doubt it. If she can't abide by the Second Ammendment, then there is little you can do. There is an old saying that we used to use at the newspaper. "I've already made up my mind so don't confuse me with the facts."
You don't. But if she is tolerant of your hobby you'll do ok. If not, then it's trouble looking for a place to happen.
rattletrap1970
Member
I've had this happen on three different occasions.
A girl I was seeing in college made a comment when she visited my house one day and said, "I'll never have guns in my house." I asked her, "What would happen if your home and my home were the same home? She shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Well, tough for you." I told her to go home. Never went out with her again.
A couple years after college, a girl I had been seeing for about a year (who came from a fairly liberal family) had said to me just prior to going out to dinner in the city (Hartford CT), "You know, I hate when you wear that thing." (In reference to my FEG .380) I said, "Tough. My guns were here before you and most likely will be here long after you, do you still want to go out to dinner or do you want to go home." That relationship limped on for about 2 years. But her Liberal BS got to be too much.
People say all the time that politics should not enter into a relationship. I say that's bull$h*t. Your beliefs and values steer you toward the politics that you embrace. So, if someone has political views that run seriously askew to yours, odd are that deep down that persons beliefs and values do also. You may be able to get many years out of the relationship but ultimately you spend a lot of your time just trying not to look at that rift. You put it out of your minds like it's not there, but it is, always.
I'm sure there are guys on here that have made things work with someone who is their political opposite. Well, congratulations for having more tolerance than me. But if you think about it. If someone's politics run askew to yours and they stay with you anyway, they are betraying what they say they believe in if they really believe in it that strongly. And if you stay with someone who is totally opposite to yours, you are betraying what you believe in.
That's just my take on it.
A girl I was seeing in college made a comment when she visited my house one day and said, "I'll never have guns in my house." I asked her, "What would happen if your home and my home were the same home? She shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Well, tough for you." I told her to go home. Never went out with her again.
A couple years after college, a girl I had been seeing for about a year (who came from a fairly liberal family) had said to me just prior to going out to dinner in the city (Hartford CT), "You know, I hate when you wear that thing." (In reference to my FEG .380) I said, "Tough. My guns were here before you and most likely will be here long after you, do you still want to go out to dinner or do you want to go home." That relationship limped on for about 2 years. But her Liberal BS got to be too much.
People say all the time that politics should not enter into a relationship. I say that's bull$h*t. Your beliefs and values steer you toward the politics that you embrace. So, if someone has political views that run seriously askew to yours, odd are that deep down that persons beliefs and values do also. You may be able to get many years out of the relationship but ultimately you spend a lot of your time just trying not to look at that rift. You put it out of your minds like it's not there, but it is, always.
I'm sure there are guys on here that have made things work with someone who is their political opposite. Well, congratulations for having more tolerance than me. But if you think about it. If someone's politics run askew to yours and they stay with you anyway, they are betraying what they say they believe in if they really believe in it that strongly. And if you stay with someone who is totally opposite to yours, you are betraying what you believe in.
That's just my take on it.
Artiz
Member
Throw it back in the dumpster. I have enough experience with die-hard anti-gun liberal girls to know they are really not worth the hassle.
doc2rn
Member
If you are adament about helping her to open up and maybe assist by bringing her over;
see if there is a ladies only shoot anywhere near you. I think she could really be enlightened.
see if there is a ladies only shoot anywhere near you. I think she could really be enlightened.
Zach S
Member
edited...
Arkansas Paul
Member
The founding fathers of this country didn't think that guns were low on the totem pole. In fact, they thought them to be NECESSARY to the security of a free state. Without a second ammendment, we wouldn't still have the first my friend.
Also, what do you think keeps foriegn invaders from coming here to start wars? Obviously I'm not talking about terrorist groups bombing buildings. But there's never been since I believe the War of 1812, another country sending it's military to our soil to fight us. That's because they wouldn't just have to worry about the military. We're one of the very few countries with an armed population. They're not going to attack here because it's on of the only places in the world where granny can sit on the porch in her rocking chair with a 12 gauge across her lap, and no one will say a word to her.
That puts guns pretty high on my totem pole.
I know this is a little off topic. Sorry about that.
Also, what do you think keeps foriegn invaders from coming here to start wars? Obviously I'm not talking about terrorist groups bombing buildings. But there's never been since I believe the War of 1812, another country sending it's military to our soil to fight us. That's because they wouldn't just have to worry about the military. We're one of the very few countries with an armed population. They're not going to attack here because it's on of the only places in the world where granny can sit on the porch in her rocking chair with a 12 gauge across her lap, and no one will say a word to her.
That puts guns pretty high on my totem pole.
I know this is a little off topic. Sorry about that.
DAVIDSDIVAD
member
Don't listen to all of the HURR DURR in this thread, OP.
If she is important to you, then do what your heart tells you.
Educate her.
If she is important to you, then do what your heart tells you.
Educate her.
Arkansas Paul
Member
I don't have a problem with doing what my heart tells me, but I'm at least going to ask my brain to pitch in a little too.
Artiz
Member
^^ Absolutely.
DAVIDSDIVAD
member
Exactly, and the brain can be used to great effect to secure that which the heart desires.
My current girlfriend lived for the first 6 years of her life in the USSR.
Our initial discussion on the USA and guns resulted in my showing her the TX DPS conviction rate statistics on CHL holders, and a book at Barnes and Nobles showing all different peoples from all walks of life owning guns.
She is now very cool with my concealed carrying, and is nearly open to the idea of learning how to shoot.
All thanks to my thoughtfulness, control of emotion and sensitivity in discussing the issue.
So you are absolutely correct in stating that the brain should pitch in too,
My current girlfriend lived for the first 6 years of her life in the USSR.
Our initial discussion on the USA and guns resulted in my showing her the TX DPS conviction rate statistics on CHL holders, and a book at Barnes and Nobles showing all different peoples from all walks of life owning guns.
She is now very cool with my concealed carrying, and is nearly open to the idea of learning how to shoot.
All thanks to my thoughtfulness, control of emotion and sensitivity in discussing the issue.
So you are absolutely correct in stating that the brain should pitch in too,
thesecond
Member
Arthur: Once you move in together, or get married, please realize ....
If you stay together, you may lose your guns.
If you do not stay together, you still may lose your guns.
It will be up to her, and that is the truth. Some here may know what I'm referring to, and others already may have experienced it.
Now is the time to figure out. Good luck. I hope for the best.
If you stay together, you may lose your guns.
If you do not stay together, you still may lose your guns.
It will be up to her, and that is the truth. Some here may know what I'm referring to, and others already may have experienced it.
Now is the time to figure out. Good luck. I hope for the best.
turbohardtop
Member
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2006
- Messages
- 43
Arthur: A couple of years ago I had no FA because my wife was terrified to ever see a gun. After Katrina happened, I sent her stories that showed how a civil society can be so fragile. She is now open to the idea of me owning guns. In fact, I have gather quite a collection in such a short time and she knows about most of my gun purchases. Her last birthday she asked to go to the range and she shot several calibers including 357 sig, .45 cal 1911, and AR platforms. I think if you feed her the right information, she will come over to the "light".
ArthurDent
Member
All,
Thank you for your opinions. As is always (or should be) the case on a public forum like this, many of your posts are directed at the problem in general, as well at my specific question. I seem to have touched a nerve, as there are now well over 100 replies in less than 1 day. This is obviously an area that is near and dear to many of you through very painful, very personal experience.
I just thought I'd give you an update that is playing with my head a bit. This weekend (Yes, Valentines weekend) there is going to be an appleseed event in town. I told her about it (and sent her web pages), and suggested that I might want to do Saturday only at this event, and spend all of Sunday with her. (There is another appleseed in about a month that I could do the whole weekend. This would just be a trial run so I'd be more ready for the full event.)
To my surprise, she is encouraging me to go! She says she thinks I'd enjoy it, and that I should sign up! I read her as being genuine in this, and not just "throwing me a bone."
That is pretty amazing progress for someone who inspected my CCW license with suspicion about 2 months ago! (Yes, I carry on our dates, and now she knows it.) I think she's been talking to her brother-in-law and some other friends, and is figuring out that interest in guns is fairly normal. She's "not from around here," and has lived all over the world, in a lot of places where only the bad guys have guns and the good guys are forbidden from even liking them.
She still doesn't want to even see an actual gun, but she seems to be gaining some acceptance of my interest.
I appreciate all of the warnings that have been posted here. Most of those thoughts had already occurred to me, and I am being very cautious. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and to think with the right head. Time will tell what is the right thing to do.
Thanks again!
Thank you for your opinions. As is always (or should be) the case on a public forum like this, many of your posts are directed at the problem in general, as well at my specific question. I seem to have touched a nerve, as there are now well over 100 replies in less than 1 day. This is obviously an area that is near and dear to many of you through very painful, very personal experience.
I just thought I'd give you an update that is playing with my head a bit. This weekend (Yes, Valentines weekend) there is going to be an appleseed event in town. I told her about it (and sent her web pages), and suggested that I might want to do Saturday only at this event, and spend all of Sunday with her. (There is another appleseed in about a month that I could do the whole weekend. This would just be a trial run so I'd be more ready for the full event.)
To my surprise, she is encouraging me to go!
She says she thinks I'd enjoy it, and that I should sign up! I read her as being genuine in this, and not just "throwing me a bone."That is pretty amazing progress for someone who inspected my CCW license with suspicion about 2 months ago! (Yes, I carry on our dates, and now she knows it.) I think she's been talking to her brother-in-law and some other friends, and is figuring out that interest in guns is fairly normal. She's "not from around here," and has lived all over the world, in a lot of places where only the bad guys have guns and the good guys are forbidden from even liking them.
She still doesn't want to even see an actual gun, but she seems to be gaining some acceptance of my interest.
I appreciate all of the warnings that have been posted here. Most of those thoughts had already occurred to me, and I am being very cautious. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and to think with the right head. Time will tell what is the right thing to do.
Thanks again!
Tim the student
Member
Good to hear Arthur.
Yep, she seems like she is a horrible anti, right guys?
Yep, she seems like she is a horrible anti, right guys?
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