Help! Anti-gun Girlfriend.

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My wife isn't "pro gun" by any means, but we've had enough discussions to the effect of "you do your thing with our kids and I'll take them hunting and fishing. If you don't like it, expect a nasty divorce." We both respect each other's territory now, and thus we are happy. She can do arts and crafts till she's blue in the face, just don't mess with my time with the kids. Not saying it can't be done, just be careful and take it slow.
 
There are heightened liability issues with guns. Having an anti-gun person in the house makes liability issues substantially worse.

Imagine having an unfortunate gun mishap or firing your gun for self-defense. A companion who is level-headed and pro-gun would be highly advantageous during the legal aftermath. For example, a pro-gun girlfriend is far less likely to do or say something stupid that will get you fried. If your anti-gun girlfriend cringes at the mere discussion of firearms, then you seriously need to think about what would happen to your personal well being if you ever fire a gun outside of the range.

If parting with your anti-gun girlfriend is NOT an option, then you should make your best effort NEVER to have a gun mishap and NEVER to use your gun for self-defense. A cost of keeping your anti-gun girlfriend may end up being your freedom (criminal case) or your money (civil suit). Is she worth the risk? That's up for you to decide.
 
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There is a big difference between intelligent and educated. I know several people with PHDs that can't read a map or balance a checkbook.

Anyway if she's hot, I would not bring up the subject of guns. I would carry something small for a while that you can hide from her. Deeeep concealment. Don't ask, don't tell.

If she really loves you she will except you for who you are as long as you keep it on the down low. Good luck.
 
All, I have recently met a wonderful woman and things are going amazingly well. There is one issue between us about which I would appreciate some helpful advice and opinions. She is VERY anti-gun.

She also claims to be quite liberal. I do not know quite how deep her feelings on these issues go. I have asked but she is somewhat reticent to explain in detail. The other day I half-jokingly suggested that I thought she would be in favor of making all guns illegal and she did not correct me. However, she has said that she won't ask me to give up my firearms.

She is fairly ignorant about guns, but cringes in fear every time I offer to help educate her about them. I am very gentle with her, and she realizes that I am not at all a violent person. The few times I've been able to get her to read a pro-gun article she has been astonished that the author (Ayoob!) seems well educated and doesn't want to go around shooting everybody at random.

If she is going to be around me on a long term basis, I consider it vital that she should at least know how to handle firearms safely, even if she doesn't like them.

I need advice on how to proceed. This is a very intelligent woman (a Ph.D.!), but she has drunk the media Kool-Aid, and thinks all firearms are evil. Is there any hope in getting her to accepting that people have the right to own firearms, and how do I help bring her around to this view? - ArthurDent
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:) Hello Arthur,

Listen, in the normal course of human behaviors most boy-girl relationships are, ‘wonderful’ when things are just starting out. Unfortunately, there is better than a 60% probability that, over time, things aren’t going to stay that way.

Many years ago, now, my mother gave some good advice to her love-stricken son: In a rare moment of perfect candor, Mom said; ‘Son, lions and rabbits weren’t made to run together.’ Looking back on my life from where I am today, I wish I had listened. If I had, it would have spared me from a disastrous first marriage! That marriage did, however, teach me more than just one valuable lesson.

I’ll share some of those lessons with you here: The woman you are dating today, and the woman you are going to be living with 3-5 years from now are NOT the same person. I will, also, guarantee that if you strongly differ on one point now then, later on, there ARE going to be other areas of disagreement between the two of you. In fact, if your situation is typical, the more time that passes the less agreeable these differences are going to become. (It’s just human nature!)

After my first marriage broke up I lived on my own for several years. Typical bachelor that I was, it would have been impossible for one of my dates to either miss or object to the several (empty) guns I kept around the house.

In fact, there was a method to my apparent madness! This was one of the, ‘tests’ every woman had to pass before being allowed to advance to (Ready?) the next relationship level. :D Know what? Those dates who saw any number of my guns and (cleverly) said nothing never got past, ‘level one’. (And I didn't have to say a word!)

I suppose this is one of the principal reasons, ‘Why’ I didn’t rush into a second marriage and finally ended up with a woman who is, both, extremely beautiful in body and soul, trained in marksmanship by a former Finnish sniper, (Don’t laugh, back in the late 1930’s, the Finns frequently ambushed and, ‘shot the crap’ out of the invading Russian Army.) and was, at least initially, marginally better with a pistol than I was. (Very humiliating! Took me years to finally get over.) ;)

Sure, it’s important for a woman to be good looking. It’s important for her to be smart too; but, most important of all, if the relationship is going to last then you’ve got to be, ‘kindred spirits’. (Don’t ask! I’ve already told you how I know.) In a way I suppose I’ve been really lucky – really lucky! My wife never once discouraged me from buying all sorts of guns and gun-related stuff; as long as the bills were paid I could do whatever I wanted with my, ‘reloading room’.

The only area of disagreement between us was her adamant refusal to EDC a self-defense pistol. Her favorite quip was; ‘What do I need to lug one of those things around for?’ ‘I’ve got you!’ (Very cute) Then one morning the gun shop next door to her office got robbed. It was bloody! My wife and a retired NYC Police forensic scientist were the first on the scene; and, at the end of the day, I could already see the changes that had occurred inside her mind. (She told me the place looked like a butcher shop; there was even blood on the ceiling!)

Then, about a year later, one night my wife stopped at the post office on her way home from work. Well, wouldn’t you know! Two young gangbangers tried to jack her brand new car. Of course she made every mistake in the book, did everything completely wrong, and still managed to run over one guy’s foot and make, something of, a miraculous getaway. When she got home she demanded that I give her a gun to go along with her unused 10 year old carry permit.

I not only gave her a gun I, also, ran her through her own NRA Firearms Safety and pistol marksmanship course. To my undying amazement I was astonished at the level of attention and cooperation she demonstrated. (I got to be, ‘the man’ again. Every well-aged husband like myself should have it so good!) :p

Unlike some who’ve replied to this thread I do NOT believe that people with diametrically opposed viewpoints tend to get along well together. In my own experience time will often work to solidify the difference(s) and ultimately drives people apart. (But, hey, this has just been my own experience; yours might be different.) ;)
 
I have a liberal girlfriend who I started dating about 18 months ago. She is fine with guns and even bought me a gun safe for Christmas this year. Since we have been dating she has definitely become more conservative on some economic issues(not that she is by any means a conservative... YET). But I don't plan on having kids with her unless we can raise them right (and by right I mean RIGHT). I completely think all it will take is time (a year or two) away from her brainwashed mom. We have an awesome relationship and trust me dude if shes worth it, work on her.

Use FOX news!!!! Its your friend!!!!! It can make you look smart!!!
 
There are none so blind as they who will not see.If you can't reason with her now, do you think you can in 10-20-30 years?
 
My wife used to be like that. Didn't even want ME to have guns. I'm currently shopping for a pink Kel-Tec for her, to compliment her pink Saiga 410. She can be turned around, but don't force the issue. If she cares about you, she'll eventually become numb to it. Once she is numb, you can work on her. Often times it's because she is ignorant of them that she'll feel the way she does. So just suggest you take her shooting, later down the road. It can be an activity to bring you two closer together, and that's what you should tell her. If she says no, accept it and offer again a few weeks or months down the road.
 
You will never know which is the best advice. What you need to do first is decide what type of life you want to have 5-10-25 years down the road. If it includes having guns about the house, etc, you have to tell her that. No compromises. Not negotiable. Then, it becomes her problem, not yours. If she runs away, then she didn't really plan to take you the way you are. You are not asking her to indulge herself in firearms, or change for you, just maintain your own freedom. If she cannot handle that, then she is planning to IMPOSE her lifestyle on you. Some women in our lives are only there for a short while. So enjoy her for all that she is, but look for a lifemate elsewhere if she puts up a wall.
 
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Arthur - forget her and move on. Life is just too short to mess with it. BTW, it sounds like you have lots of lady friends that shoot. Why not snap one of them up if they're not already taken?
 
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She sounds like the type that might be able to be sloooooooowly brought around over time, with YEARS of gentle probing, prodding, suggesting, and fact-giving. But you'd better extract out of her a specific written promise before the big "M" that she won't ever try to banish your firearms, kids or no kids, etc., etc., and that she will at least TRY to keep an open mind. If you really like a challenge, go for it - you will be succesful over time, most likely, if you continue to be 'gentle', as you say you have been thus far. That's too big a challenge for *me* personally, but if you're young and full of energy and enthusiam for her and the relationship, then it could probably work over time, if at a bare minimum, you call a 'truce' on the isse, and make her promise that she'll never try to control you or your actions vis a vis this issue. Proceed *extemely* slowly & cautiously. Someone like that, you'd better date a minimum of 3-5 years before M.

You will never know which is the best advice.
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Well, if he *drops* her, then true; he will never know which advice was best.

But if he keeps her, he will definitely come to know which advice was best. :)
 
Add me to the "leave it alone and enjoy yourselves" crowd. Don't push it and thus create a problem where none exists. Worked for me.
 
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Took about 8 years for my educated, liberal GF to become more or less neutral about firearms. I have gotten her to go shooting twice. She does not mind that I ccw and buy lots of guns.

I'm happy with it.
 
more then likely no hope if she swallowed everything the education system fed her. The best you might be able to pull off is getting her to be neutral on the subject. just show her stuff that most of that anti gun stuff is false and why it makes sense to own a gun. just remember. 65,000,000 gun owners killed no one yesterday.
 
If we're being honest with ourselves, guns are pretty low on the totem pole of what to base your entire life around...
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That may be true to an extent. But, for many, guns are part of a lifestyle. It's true for me that guns aren't everything; but, they're right up there.
 
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Ok, this is at my Church, most people are gun freindly, but there are a few exceptions, one family I know of, from Canada is one of those liberal demmy crats, becuase they parents was, because they's parents was, I asked one of them, do you REALLY support Obama because you support abortion? "Ummm, no, But the idea of taking everybody's guns away will solve all of our crime!" (actual statement) these people spit out whatever others put in, they refuse to voice their actual opinions, ...
 
ArthurDent, here's a little test that will clarify everything for you. Get your carry permit if you don't already have it, and start carrying everywhere. Make sure she knows you have it and are packing whenever you go out. Especially when out with her friends. If she gives you crap about it, she's not a keeper. If she's cool with it, you might have a shot at a nice life with her. It's all about her respecting who you are.

Oh yeah, and put an NRA sticker on your car. :D
 
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How about leave gun talk at the door?

I know, I know; Wrong forum, but we have to be realistic and not just as stiff as the antis. My girl friend is anti too. When she found out, she raised hell. I disagreed and tried to show her reason. It went nowhere not very surprisingly. So I decided it wasn't a big enough deal to fight over. She is wonderful woman, I just didn't give up the guns either. :neener: We went back to being ourselves with our differences. Sort of an agreement to disagree, and be civil about it. That topic has not come up again. She found out after knowing me for a year. Imagine that! Was she going to walk away from a guy she thought was great after a year? Was I going to walk away from her after all that time? Not a chance. :D

The right/left arguments are rather stupid because trust me there are absolute ideologue idiots on both sides who don't have a brain of their own, but just chomp on any talking point no matter how stupid, and run with it. Be glad you support 2A and there are rational people who support it even among Democrats. Insulting those who don't support your views will win you no friends and it just probably only makes them more steadfast in their believes that you think are illogical. Yet I think we can all agree that guns can be horribly misused, and your environment can seriously influence your opinions. You can see why some lefties might be so rabidly anti-2A. That does not say they are right, it just says you can see how their opinions are formed. My girl is rabidly anti-2A, I wish she wasn't, but she is not an idiot, I am not giving her up, and neither am I giving up the guns is what I know. The OP should be happy the girl is with him regardless. She didn't leave you over guns, so I think advice to leave her is kind of ignorant. This is a common enough issue that a big percentage of gun owners will face it in their life. My mum and sisters are anti-2A too, what should I do about that? The male side of the family is pro-2A. So you see, the girlfriend has plenty of company. I love them all regardless. And lets face it, my human relationships trump guns anytime any place. I am just glad no one is forcing me to give up anything because they'd have a huge fight on their hands and they know it. :evil:
 
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That may be true to an extent. But, for many guns are part of a lifestyle. It's true for me that guns aren't everything; but, they're right up there.
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They are symbolic of a lot of things, too.

Individual rights and responsibilities, for example, are a core value. If you believe in them, or if you are a die-hard collectivist who believes the individual has no rights, nor any ultimate responsibility, that's a HUGE difference, and not a reconcilable one.

I will note that ArthurDent opened this post by saying she is VERY anti-gun. That is enormously different from "she doesn't care about guns", etc.

When it comes to relationships, and other long-term commitments, I have learned something. If there are red flags up front, get out and move on. Time is not an unlimited resource. People ruin their lives with relationships, including relationships with people who are smart, attractive, rich, creative, educated, etc.

Red lights eventually change to green. Red flags never do.
 
Joe Demko said:
The level of surmise about the woman based on a couple sentences of description boggles the mind.
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Here's what the original poster said:

ArthurDent said:
She is VERY anti-gun.
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In the original post, that sentence is in its own paragraph with the word "very" in bold all caps. There is not much to surmise there. All we need to know is that he's a pro-gun gun owner in a relationship with a woman who is VERY anti-gun. It's quite possible to give intelligent responses on this evidence alone. Further, he gave us even more information about his girlfriend.

Posts like your post serve to get threads locked. So, the post irritated me a bit.
 
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