What do you do if your wife or girlfriend simply rolls her eyes at your advice?

[stickhauler]

My questions are:
Do you ever desire to sleep in the real bed again, or are you fond of the sofa?
You're actually naive enough to believe wives ever listen to their spouse?
You're newlyweds, right?

Any man who has been married longer than say, 15 minutes should have learned that you can tell a woman something, but you sure as hell ain't gonna tell them much. They refer to us when talking to their girlfriends as "that idiot I married." I got loads of friends I feel are idiots, I do not take their advice for anything.

You don't list the state you live in, if you're somewhere they require training as part of the criteria to get a CCW, let the instructors teach her to shoot. My wife has decided she doesn't want to get a carry permit right now, I've still talked her into getting training, simply by telling her "I don't want to teach you the bad habits I have, I prefer you learn from a professional firearms instructor."

"You know more about this than she does?" Hell, you are a newlywed aren't you? No long term married man is dumb enough to make that statement, especially to HER.

 

[Double Naught Spy]

Any man who has been married longer than say, 15 minutes should have learned that you can tell a woman something, but you sure as hell ain't gonna tell them much.

What is with this continued sexist crap? It just keeps going on and on and on. Since when is it High Road to be sexist?

Just because some of y'all might have made poor marriage partner choices does not mean there is a problem with the opposite sex. It means you made some really poor choices.

 

[danprkr]

Just get ready to tell her "I told you so"

That ain't gonna end well I promise you. It may very well end with her practicing her new skill at you.

Double Naught Spy - lighten up, this is all in fun. Having said that I might point out that all humorous issues and stereotypes have at least some basis in fact.

 

[Double Naught Spy]

Right, got it. It is okay to be sexist and demeaning if you are having fun.

Having said that I might point out that all humorous issues and stereotypes have at least some basis in fact.

So you are saying that the sexist, know-it-all male gun owner stereotype has validity and hence is okay?

 

[DammitBoy]

I'll just qoute some sage advice here...

"Lighten up Francis."

 

[danprkr]

So you are saying that the sexist, know-it-all male gun owner stereotype has validity and hence is okay?

Have you not been to a gunshow/range/store in last 20 years? Of course it's true! Of some. And occasionally me. But, if you can't laugh at those jerks you really need a sense of humor transplant.

I do on a regular basis. Of course I can also see my shortcomings and make fun of myself. Many can't, and that says more about them than me when they get upset at my humor.

 

[HexHead]

2. Teach her the 4 rules, and how to run the gun, then shut the heck up. Let her shoot it however she wants to shoot it as long as she is being safe. Go shooting with her, and mind your own target. She will either shoot better than you (in that case, maybe she can teach you!), or you will shoot better than her (in that case, maybe she will realize it and ask for some tips). Don't give her coaching unless she asks for it.

This is the best advice here.

 

[nitetrane98]

Somebody briefly mentioned the societal angle a ways back. I agree. When was the last time anybody saw a commercial, TV show, movie etc that did not depict the man as a clueless idiot. The woman is always the one making the correct decision, even his children mock him.
The bottom line here is that she does not value your opinion in the slightest which begs the question, "If a man says something and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"
Oddly enough, the man she has chosen to be with is the ultimate idiot. OTOH she will dwell on every syllable spoken by another man.
You're solution is obvious.

That sexist enough for ya', Francis?

 

[doc2rn]

Get her to a womens shoot with a female instructor! Plenty of them around here!

 

[danprkr]

Get her to a womens shoot with a female instructor! Plenty of them around here!

Yeah, we have one at our local club. As soon as it reappears on the schedule I'll get it for her for Christmas/birthday/whatever. I'm also taking her to the RTBAV class in September.

 

[inSight-NEO]

Telling someone to shoot with both eyes open the day before they go to qualify is terrible advice. Maybe that's why she rolled her eyes. And to change her stance? I don't know what kind of qualification you have to do in your state, but if it involves shooting, you did her a real disservice and I hope she disregarded it.

Actually, it was mere advice and nothing more. Since (not claiming to be an expert by ANY stretch) I have logged many more hours vs my wife in shooting/handling a handgun, I simply felt obligated to give her a few insights related to shooting in hopes of making for a smoother/safer transition.

BTW- My wife and I just completed our CC class and almost everything I mentioned to her (stances included) was either referenced by the instructor or was contained within the text of the CC manual. This is a good thing as it seemed to validate, within her mind, what I have been telling her. Now she takes me more seriously.

In terms of the "shooting with both eyes open"...this was not bad advice and I cannot see how you could claim otherwise. I have never read nor heard of anyone "in the know" advising that shooting with one eye closed is a good thing. After all, during an intense HD or PD situation, chances are both eyes will be open. Therefore, this issue should be addressed right from the start. Sure, shooting with one eye closed might make things easier at first, but its a bad habit to form, IMHO. Therefore, I felt inclined to make my wife aware of such an issue. Before I mentioned anything at all, she was not even aware of "eye dominance/cross dominance/forced dominance" as relating to firearms. Again, I see absolutely nothing wrong with covering such issues with her beforehand.

 

[polekitty]

Knowledgeable advice?

Back when I was a "working engineer" we had an axiom: "An expert is anyone with an attache case more than fifty miles from home."

I guess in your case it would be anyone not related to either of you.

 

[inSight-NEO]

I guess in your case it would be anyone not related to either of you.

Im not sure if this is a slam or not...sounds like it though. If it is, it is unwarranted, ridiculous and far away from being "sage" advice.

Listen...I see nothing wrong with passing along information that could prove useful when someone else is just beginning to become aware of the world of firearms. Sure, cramming advice down someones throat is not the way to do it, but ignoring the issue entirely wont make it go away either.

Believe it or not, simply saying nothing could result in a dangerous (or extremely frustrating) situation brought about by a simple lack of knowledge. The lack of knowledge is understandable...standing around and merely watching it happen without doing anything about it? Not always the best thing to do...ya know?

After all, we arent talking about picking out new furniture or buying a new car. We are talking about a weapon that my wife may rely on one day to defend her life or mine for that matter. Not to mention, a weapon capable of seriously harming her, myself or others around her. Now, if she wont take my advice...I will find someone whose advice she will heed. This is fine by me. I just want her to do well and be safe in doing it, thats all.

But, after all is said and done, I feel that I would have done an even greater disservice to my wife had I simply kept my mouth shut all along.

 

[springmom]

Weeeellllll....

Going over the four rules, yes; that's a safety thing. Correcting her stance, not so much.

I've seen a lot of women stand "swaybacked" and shoot. I don't, myself, because I find from experience that if I keep my back relatively straight, my back hurts less and recoil bothers me less overall (not counting the arthritis in the hands...nothing helps that unfortunately). OTOH, I'm betting that I still may look "swaybacked" in comparison to a male because of my different body type.

Don't take all this too much to heart. The only thing more ubiquitous on a gun board than brand/caliber bashing is unwanted marital advice on a thread like this. (Mine included! ) Maybe it would just help if you ask her "how can I help you the best when we go out to shoot?" and then do what she asks of you.

Couldn't hurt.

Jan

 

[inSight-NEO]

Correcting her stance, not so much.

This was mainly an attempt to help her shoot better as she was becoming frustrated with her performance.

However, I accept what you have said and will leave it at that.

Thanks again all...I enjoyed the responses.

 

[danprkr]

OTOH, I'm betting that I still may look "swaybacked" in comparison to a male because of my different body type.

And we are happy about that!

 

[inSight-NEO]

So we have a guy trying to force instruction on his wife

So apparently, the OP has suffered an afront from his wife because of the obstenance he perceives and the fact that she has the audacity to not massage his male ego regarding his shooting prowess.

These, ridiculously so, are assumptions and nothing more. Just because my wife rolls her eyes or disagrees with what I offer, it is not indicative of male dominance in any shape or form. To think otherwise is essentially cliche and certainly stereotypical.

This has nothing to do with my "expertise" or shoving opinions down ones throat...but, it has everything to do with me simply making an attempt to introduce my wife into the world of handguns as used for HD or PD. Im not sure where some here are getting the idea that this stuff was somehow "forced" upon my wife. It was not.

It was about communication and gentle guidance...not demands and/or forceful opinions/corrections. Ego, as well, had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Im not going to get into the whole "woman vs. man" thing as this absolutely is not what this thread is about. However, Im wondering if some here (those who claim I am some type of neanderthal) have not at least considered that my wife, in this case, may simply be too prideful to accept my help vs. an attempt of mine at flexing my "male dominance."

I dont know about some of you here, but when I encounter someone who knows more about a particular area than I do (based on experience), well...I listen. Sure, I dont hang on every word, but I still listen, try to learn from what is being said and then implement what I have learned (adding to or dismissing as needed). I see nothing abnormal about this.

Many times have I sought my wifes advice regarding certain things which I know she holds more knowledge/experience than myself...and have done so without hesitation or feeling otherwise emasculated. Thus, Im hardly of the "me man...you woman" mentality.

In light of all of this, I see absolutely nothing wrong with me desiring just a bit of reciprocity on my wifes part. Its not a "man" thing...its human nature.

 

[springmom]

But....don't you know that people on gun boards have omniscience about others' marriages? Heavens, did you not get the memo?

I may have misunderstood your comment about safety issues; if so, my apologies. And again...don't let the armchair psychoanalysts get you down. Just talk it out, see what is going on with her, see what she wants out of the whole situation, go with that.

And ignore all the blather.

Jan

 

[inSight-NEO]

But....don't you know that people on gun boards have omniscience about others' marriages? Heavens, did you not get the memo?

Yeah..I got the memo.

Just talk it out, see what is going on with her, see what she wants out of the whole situation, go with that.

Agreed.

And ignore all the blather.

Its hard to, given that some of the "blather" is based on misconceived notions regarding my intentions. Regardless, you are right...this is a gun forum, so a thread such as mine, along with the responses, should to be taken with a grain of salt. Thanks again...

 

[Johnny Guest]

This is getting tiresome.

Although generally couched in terms of shooting instruction, the thread is really about a request for advice that is clearly outside the realm of this thread and THR in general.

I hope you can work out something acceptable to both of you.

In the meantime, this thread is

CLOSED