Alright, Round 3...
Let me start this by saying that I do appreciate everyone's input, but that I don't think it is necessary to bash each other for having an opinion. However, I do appreciate that you just care so much about me
. Just kidding. Oh, and this is not a psych experiment, though it would be a good one.
But really, as promised let me explain my story. As someone pointed out, I live in a house that is owned by my girlfirend's parents. My girlfriend, her sister, and I live in my girlfriend's grandmother's house, who passed away a few years back, and the house was then taken over by her parents. After graduating college, it was either move here (where I pay a fraction of the going market to live in a four bedroom house
with my girlfriend) or move back home to northern Ca, and no longer live with her, which was not really an option for me.
I love my girlfriend, I have ever since my last year of high school. I am 23, as is she, and we have been living together a little over two years now. *Please no one bash me as being immoral for "living in sin", not really the point of the story, thanks*. My girlfriend is a great person; she is intelligent, funny, beautiful, and very similar to me in a myriad of ways. BUT, she hates guns. Why, you ask? Well if I could get a straight answer out of her on that one, I might not be asking this question in the first place. We both lean a little to the left on social issues, but more to the right on fiscal ones, although I (obviously) hold one particular conservative view that she does not.
Ever since I was a young boy shooting BB guns in the back yard with my friends, I have had an affinity for firearms. I always had lots of toy guns, even an uncle mike's holster that I bought at an army surplus store. I have always had a vision in my head that one day I would own a whole wall of guns, with every model that I ever wanted. Two years ago, my best friend from back home bought himself an XD-9 and invited me to go shooting with him. When I turned 21 I was more concerned with college than anything else, so my shooting desires had been moved to the back burner. But when I went to the range again for the first time in years (my father used to take my brother and I to shoot his 22's and I got my hunting licence when I was 16 or so, but used it very little), I was hooked again. I found a range in southern ca near my house and I started going, renting different handguns mostly. I even went down to LA (about two hours drive, one way) to shoot with my brother at a range that offered far more rental options. I've been back there twice and I frequent my local range about once a week, shooting 100-150 rounds a session.
Now I am ready to buy myself a handgun. I really want to get to know one particular firearm inside and out and really take pride in taking good care of it and in becoming proficient with it. And this is where my real trouble began. My girlfriend was not all that into me going to the range, but she knew she couldn't tell me no, so she let it go. However, she makes little snide jokes about guns or looks at me funny (those with experience in this will know the look I mean) when I say something particularly gun-nutty. But when I brought up ownership it was like I was asking to open the gates of hell in our living room. After riding a sea of NO's long enough, I usually give up and call it a day. I have tried to discuss the issue with her reasonably, but as others have rightly pointed out, emotional responses are hard to reason with. A major problem is that she can hold our living arangements over my head and she uses it to her advantage. She knows that her parents would agree with her (although thankfully she has not yet involved them) and since they own the house, its her way or no way. Convincing her is the only chance I've got to staying in the relationship without giving up something that makes me happy.
I am trying, and I am no where near close to running away just yet. She is a great woman, and I can see a future between us. We have had some issues in the past (mostly with my partying with friends a little too hard) on which we disagreed, and we have had some heated arguments, but for the most part these issues are resolved amicably between us, and on other issues (religion for one) we agree to disagree and let it rest there. But for whatever reason, this is different. I have tried the home/family defence approach and it didn't really fly, despite it's obvious truth and the fact that she and her sister were followed by a group of wanna-be thugs a few weeks back. She bought pepper spray...
I am going to try to refocus my efforts on shooting as a sport and on statistics and stories of guns being helpful. I've invited her to come to the range with me, but to no avail thus far. By the way, I loved the idea of arranging for her to get mugged, but she is one tough bitch and that might not go well for my friend/mugger.
But really, I've seen a lot of good advice on this board, and I want to thank those of you who stepped up and really put some thought into your responses and to those who shared their personal history with this trying issue.
As for PlayboyPenguin and therapy in gereral, give 'em a break guys. Yes he might have been a little presumptive about me or your actions (thinking of the guy with the gun in the glovebox), but he's right in saying that's what therapists do. And they do a lot of good for a lot of people. Also, I do try to look at this from her prospective as well. I took up shooting and gun ownership five and a half years into our relationship. I appreciate that she didn't throw a fit that I was going to the range. Her deal is mostly about having a gun anywhere near our house. I told her that I would lock it up with a trigger lock inside of a locked safe, but no. I tried the garage or even my car, but no. They actually rent lockers (at astronomical rates, I might add) at my local range, but ultimately she doesn't want me to have access to a hangun that I could take anywhere I please. Wow, writing that bothers me. It's almost like she is afraid of what I will do with a gun in my hands. :banghead:
I don't know. I'm up against a wall that I want desperately to not be in my way. It's a problem that really could be a deal-breaker and that would be heartbreaking. I know there are other women out there and that after the initial pain, things always improve, but I really want this to work with her. This could be a control issue, and if it is that would be a greater problem for me than if she genuinely has a fear or issue with guns. I don't like her telling me what I can and can't do, and we haven't really had a problem with that in the past (other than that I shouldn't party so much in college, but it really was pretty bad
). So I hope that this resolves itself in time, and I think that some time is going to be the best thing that I can give her. Time to warm up and time to really think about how important this is to her, and I am to her. Thanks again everyone. If nothing else (which isn't the case) you've shown me with the sheer number of resonses that you guys are receptive to my plight and I appreciate your support. I love you guys! "sniffle"
p.s. I can't believe this behemoth is as long as it is, but you owed me one, it took me like half an hour and almost made me late for work reading your posts this afternoon.
Also, I didn't think I made any disparraging remarcks about the quality of people on this forum (ie. "rednecks"), in fact I appreciate your knowledgable input, and I did appreciate the pictures of the girlfriend at the range. Very nice, you lucky bastard.