Dating girlfriends and guns

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StephenT

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Hi all,

I'm a busy IT consultant always traveling and decided to give eHarmony a try this week. I'm also an avid gun owner with a collection of 100+ guns. I'm concerned that my "hobby" may scare away any prospective girlfriends. How to defuse this potential problem or deal with it before it becomes a major issue? I've seen some threads on THR about husband/wife relationships and guns, but not too many about dating and guns.

What have your experiences been with girlfriends and telling them for the first time that you've got a ton of guns and ammo at home?

FYI, the person I may meet through eHarmony is from the cajun country and so has probably grown up in a gun/hunting culture.
 
Personally I mention that I enjoy the shooting sports pretty early on, like if I meet a girl online I'll mention it while emailing and all that, gives her an easy out if shes uncomfortable with the whole idea. I think so long as she's cool with it and you don't talk on and on about them you should be good to go, I once had a girl who insisted that I show her all my guns, loved to shoot, beautiful too, to bad we didn't get along on other issues.
 
Put "I collect firearms and sport shoot" in the description of hobbies. No sense having an ugly surprise somewhere down the road. 'swhat I do, at least.

I've never had any genuine prospect stop talking to me because of it, and those few that were uncomfortable with the idea always had the decency to be upfront and listen to reason.

Surprises are bad. You being a gun-nut to someone uncomfortable with the idea is like someone having a surprise kid they didn't mention.
 
Good points so far, thanks all. I've been in relationships where, at breakup, my collection and hobby became a convenient excuse for insulting me and justifying the separation (hey, why not tell me about it before?) I don't want to blow my chances (after all, most women do not like guns), but at the same time, no need to waste my time with women who will never be able to bridge the gap.

I think I'll mention my interest early on so that there's no surprise.
 
I don't suppose there's any hard and fast guideline but I'd make mention of it pretty early on. Like if you're emailing or talkng on the phone and the "what did you do today?" question pops up, it's the perfect time to say, 'ah not much. did some grocery shopping, mowed the lawn, went to the firing range. Pretty good day overall. How was yours?'

Either it'll raise a red flag for her or it won't. One way or the other, you'll find out if she's cool with it or not and you should be able to proceed from there..
 
I'd not mention it on your profile,just tell the lucky lady later on when the subject of hobbie's comes up.You never know if "anti gun" opinion is based on knowledge or not.I dated a girl from England for years,whe we met she "hated guns",untill she had a go with an Suppressed Mini 14 and the she was hooked!Shooting is normal,safe and fun,unfortunatly today making love is only two of those three!
 
i'm not sure you need to make a big deal out of it. I think there are a lot of women who will immediately see 'collects guns' as 'nutjob' but the same women, after 3 dates, will know you are NOT nuts, so then you take her to the shooting range, or if she balks at that then you take up the issue.

many people will see the light with a little bit of hand-holding, but putting it out there too forward will drive many ignorant people away.

also, sometimes if you make something seem like more of a big deal than it is, that can drive people away to.

For example, say you are looking at a profile of a woman, and you are interested. If a few dates later you find out she is jewish, vegan, a neo-druid, or other 'fact' that may be an issue with 1% of the population, you'd probably just shrug it off and not worry about it.

Contrast that with the same woman's profile who puts in it ATTENTION!!!! VEGAN!!!!!!! (or whatever) Now it seems like this person is going to be dwelling heavily on that aspect, and that can cause problems
 
Don't be worried. If she doesn't like guns, it is probably because she has never shot one. Explain the issues to her. Take her shooting, get her interested in them and you'll have a best friend who likes guns almost as much as you do.
 
just like the rest of the guys if you like her and you think there maybe some kind of future for you and her then it will come up after all when you first meet each other you are both kind of feeling out each other just go with your gut that has always seem to be best thing for me. GOOD LUCK
 
Be open and upfront about it from day one. If things go good and you start having feelings for her, the last thing you want is for her to freak out on you and not talk to you again because she's an anti. That being said, most girls that I've talked to absolutely love target shooting and are overall comfortable with guns. In fact, most of my range buddies are female. :)

Just be open, about everything, not just guns. For me, I try to be open from day one about guns, politics and religion (or lack there of). That way there are no surprises. It's far better to have things open from day one, than have a nasty surprise several dates later. Like I said though, you'd be surprised how open most girls are to guns once they realize that A) you are not a psychopath and can actually be trusted with guns, and B) guns are just objects, much like a car, kitchen knife, shovel, etc.

Good luck on finding a nice girl BTW. I'm still searching myself, but when you find her it makes it all worth it :)
 
Does eHarmony let you filter out anti-guns girls beforehand? Unlike any other interest, guns are just one of those where it's either hot or cold with a person.

For me, the point of online dating is to be able handle deal breakers before I even meet. Why bother "working on" a stranger with respect to guns? That's a waste of time.

I tried Match.com about 7 years ago with little success. Maybe this new stuff is better.

EDIT:
I think some guys are coming from an unrealistic perspective with this gun & dating thing. There are lots of women who hate guns and who absolutely are NOT looking toward eHarmony to find the perfect man to take them to the range. Anything about guns would make the woman completely tense. I can't understand why any man in his right mind would bother even remotely dealing with such a woman in a dating situation. This is online dating. You don't have to go through all the time wasting B.S. that you have to put up with if you meet a woman in the grocery store or whatever. You get to filter with online dating.
 
A few years back on Match, I ended up with one who wanted me to protect her against a former husband who was a cop wannabe, and it turned out that she'd had her own problems, including a restraining order against her...

Droppage.
 
Just date the girls. Dont date the guns.. they are just for shooting. Hope that helps you
 
Just date the girls. Dont date the guns..
Click to expand...

Or you could just date the girls with guns. If you spend enough time at the range or join a shooting club, you'll notice that there are a few (unfortunately, just a few) single women who shoot on their own.

Me? I've given up on women, so don't take advice from me. Unless a gal pistol whips me with her Les Baer or a Ed Brown, I'll just keep shooting and minding my own business.
 
As a girl on eHarmony let me give you my perspective.

From the feminine perspective, be upfront about it and let them know early on. We (or at least I) like to know these kinds of things beforehand. If she is cool with it great, if she isn't it just isn't meant to be. A girl(or guy!) can be "perfect" but if they can't stand something that is important in your life they are not "perfect." I am sure you are a wonderful individual who deserves to have someone who loves or at least tolerates are aspects of your life.

From the perspective of someone who is interested in guns, I am upfront with it. Granted, it is generally easier for girls with guns to find guys who are ok with guns. Thus far none of my matches have been very interested but I would rather know that upfront so that I can concentrate my time on someone else!

Good luck!:)
 
Be nonchalant about it. I usually just casually mention things like, "oh, btw, I have a concealed handgun permit and am carrying now, so please don't be alarmed when you see me take my firearm out. It won't go off or anything."- as I place my gun on my kitchen table.
 
I've heard a lot of people say to take girls to a range for the first date... I'm not sure that the first is really necessary, but early on its never bad to do so.
Generally if you ease into the topic of guns or gun control girls will volunteer something about their experience with firearms. A number have told me they've never fired a gun. Just offer to teach them. :)
 
"gun collecting and sport shooting" scream "nut" to alot of single women so be up front.

Also, join a club and shoot some matches. Talking to my wife and to women at work, "organized" sport shooting seems much more "acceptable" than just some guy with guns. Also gives you a chance to invite her along.
 
I made it known to the girl I'm with now upfront about my hobby.

She asked me once, jokingly, what would happen if she said she wouldn't be with me if I had guns.

I told her, very politely, "The guns were here before you, remember that."
 
the girl im with now... she is awesome...
about a week after we met she was playing with my phone, on there was a picture of me shooting...
I was leaning back while i was shooting (which i never do) and she corrected me on it :D
 
I normally brought it up early, second or third date. Most ladies were uncomfortable with it, some didnt care, one was a shooter as well.
 
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