Ooops, I just freaked the girlfriend out with my gun.

[KenInColo]

IMHO, she's controlling you. Statements like "We need to talk.", "...way beyond my [her] comfort zone...", "...a people killer...", implying that she gave you permission to get a plinker but you went way overboard, tell me that she has the upper hand in what s/b a 50:50 relationship. And it's been like that for 3 1/2 years I suspect.

Just what do you two have in common? For a relationship to truly succeed, you need to share common interests.

As far as "normal people" not carrying around the house: if I wanted to, I could give you a dozen examples of "smash in" home invasions. If you're not carrying, and this happens, you're in deep trouble.

So far, you have painted [me] a very bleak picture of your GF. I hope there's more to her than we know here.

 

[Ridgerunner665]

I guess I'm not "normal"...wouldn't be the first time I've heard that though.

I carry 24/7/365...I may be caught off guard (though not likely)...but I'll never be caught unarmed.

 

[2RCO]

Brother keep the girl and ease her in to the hobby. You'll see alot of these guys telling you to drop her --don't listen to these clowns. Relationships are about give and take. Should you let her whip you into her puppet, no. But you should take the time to listen to her concerns.

Also you might want to consider moderation in your hobbies, take it easy and enjoy life. If you get too consumed by one thing the rest of your life suffers.

 

[25wssmisgood]

Freezebyte: Glad to hear that it looks like a positive outcome.

You still have one big problem though. You stated "get out to the range as soon as this damn snow clears up".........

Dude. You're in Montana. the snow is not going to clear up.

If by chance I am wrong about that, it'll be back before you can get to the range.

 

[MD_Willington]

Define, "Normal"...

I'm pretty normal and do carry when I can... though it may be a while before I can do it again, my wife would even bring my EDC to me when we were heading out, she just "gets it" that there are people that do bad things, and I should be prepared.

 

[goon]

I didn't read the WDT but I also don't see what you did wrong.
I often stick a revolver in my back pocket if I have to go outside at night for something. The same revolver goes on walks and hikes with me and rides on my right hip when I go to town. It goes in my backpack when I travel anywhere.

If seeing you with an empty gun on your hip in your own home freaks the GF out, I think she needs to develop a thicker skin.

Not saying get rid of her, but you aren't doing anything wrong. She's the one that needs to adapt.

On the money issue - I had similar discussions with my ex-GF. She was totally new to guns but not an anti - just not experienced.
She understood the need for one of this and one of that but also saw a lot of gun expenditures as a waste of money that could have been put into a savings account or the stock market or some other obnoxiously boring freaking use.

Anyhow, I explained it to her like this:
She was an accountant. I acknowledged that if I needed help balancing my checkbook or doing my taxes, she was undoubtedly more qualified to that I was. Since she was the "smart one" at that, it would be logical for me to pay a lot of attention to what she had to say on that subject.
Without being a butthole, I explained to her that I was the one who was qualified to comment on what made sense with guns. I was the one who'd been shooting for over 20 years. I was the one who had the permit and had been carrying since age 21. We shot my guns when we went to the range. I was the "smart one" with guns. If I deemed it necessary, it probably was.
It seemed to work for me.

 

[AlaskaErik]

Normal people, do not carry guns around their house.

I'm more interested in staying alive than in meeting someone else's criteria for "normal". I always carry for a number of reasons. First of all, it's just easier to always carry. That way I'm ready to leave the house immediately when the urge strikes me. Secondly, my house may be my sanctuary, but to a thug it's just another target. I have a duty to protect myself and my loved ones, and that might be little difficult if my firearm is locked up or otherwise out of my reach. Thirdly, I work in LE and I have pissed a lot of people off over the years. One day one of them might just decide to pay me a visit. It's not hard to figure out where someone lives. A quick visit to the tax assessor's office or web site will get you my address and the web site even provides a handy map. Fourthly, if my pistol is on my person, it is not laying around for someone else to find it. It's just safer to have it on my person.

Fortunately, my wife does not have a problem with me always carrying. Otherwise, she would have never become my wife.

 

[wrs840]

My wife knows I'm carrying because I love my family and take my responsibilities seriously. My kids have quit asking why I'm carrying.

It's now just "normal" to them. Maybe your GF can get to the same realization.

Les

 

[NotSoFast]

The first thing I need to remember, despite how other men view this, is that the woman has different views on security than we men do. Then I need to find out what she is comfortable with. Finally comes the decision of what to do. For us single men the choice is adjust to help her (not make her) feel more comfortable or to drop the relationship. For the married man, especially those who do not believe in divorce, i.e. Christians, etc., how to make things both comfortable for her but to also give us some freedom to enjoy the hobby we have chosen.

If we only listen to the extremists who always carry inside their house, those who don't aren't normal. But In all my life I have yet to visit a friend and see him carrying at home. It may have been nearby and loaded, but it was never visible to me. So to your girlfriend, it isn't what she is used to, normal or not. As to the videos, some is healthy, but apparently the amount you are watching is straining your relationship. She has a point that time on the range and hands on training will help you as much, if not more, than videos. At some point we need to put what we have watched into practice in order to be good at it.

Remember that it is only control if she starts doing things to get you to change, not just talking about it. Talking about it is healthy and is a normal and much needed part of a woman's life. The more you get it out in the open and talked out the safer and more comfortable she will be.

While you may see your "go for broke" ways as fun and healthy, she does have a point that moderation is a good thing. Since the newness wore off for me, my all out attitude and all consuming desire have faded some - to the point of a little each day with certain days/evenings set aside for the range, etc. I no longer feel the need to be immersed in guns 24/7 as I was when brand new. Yes, it is fun and new and exciting, but you have the rest of your life to enjoy both it and your girlfriend if you slow down a bit and remember to breathe.

How do I know these things? Women have taught me. Sometimes I learned the hard way, but lately I have learned more by slowing down and learning to understand that woman and what makes her tick. If we understand that they think,do, see, and communicate totally differently than we do, we have a place to start with making our relationship with them easier.

It might help, too, to tell her that you are doing this partly to protect her in case she is threatened. For those who think she's controlling you, this is reverse control. It will definitely help put her at ease.

 

[NotSoFast]

Sounds like a plan, Stan.

 

[withdrawn34]

FYI: I Just told her that I posted this on some gun forums and what you guys have been saying and suggesting and she stated:

"I'm very proud of you sweetie and yeah, maybe I did overreact a little bit, but I still love you! *kiss*"

I think we'll be ok First step, get out the range once this damn snow clears up and start practicing then go from there

Tada. I consider that strong evidence that although there is a element purely related to guns, it really is something about whether you are spending enough time with her or not. The fact that you were considerate enough to actually be concerned enough about this to spend some time on one of your gun forums talking about it shows her that you care at least a little bit.

Keep talking with her, I suspect you'll do fine.

BTW, you should consider yourself blessed/lucky/fortunate... many here have rabid anti-gun female companions. It's good that your girlfriend is open minded enough to at least talk about it.

 

[seale]

I finally thought of a short term solution. Strap on two guns and ask her to pick one. If she gets mad and says neither, then it's time for a personal ad.

 

[notorious]

If she's not paying the bills and she is not comfortable with you spending money just because she didn't have any, I would tell her to mind her own business. I hate people like that, no disrespect.

I grew up in a well-to-do family but of course, I knew people who were better to do than I but do I hate them or seethe when they spend their money? No... it's their money.

I know you guys are in a relationship but you aren't married and if you're taking care of business (rent, bills), then the rest is your money and she can lay no claim to it. That's just me.

Every girl I have dated, I make it clear from the get-go. I have been shooting before you, I will be shooting after you. That speech goes with all my habits and passions. I won't ask her to change, she don't ask me to change. If she doesn't accept it, fine, we're done. It'll never work, especially when you think there's another 50 years to spend together.

That controlling, touchy feeling, I don't feel comfortable and comfort zone BS is all too new-age aromatherapy sensitive psychobabble. If she doesn't like it, leave.

Trust me, do not compromise your principles for a woman to save a relationship, they will never respect you afterwards because they got you. Stick to your principles as a man and if she can't respect it, she's not the one. In the end, she will respect you for it and you will respect yourself.

I am not condoning disrespecting her but she is disrespecting you. You're not being unreasonable or acting in any way that is that bad like you want to sacrifice her puppy or burn live rats in your backyard.

Trust me, it only goes downhill from here, I've seen it too many times with my friends who wuss out and sell out to appease their women. Either she ends up cheating and dumping him, or he lives a long and miserable life with her.

RANT OVER (puts on flame shield)

 

[HeavenlySword]

Freeze, i know that feeling of obsession with your hobby.

However, you must control yourself, since you are now a representative of firearm owners. Have fun though.

Don't listen to anyone telling you to dump her, but it looks like you guys do need to talk.

 

[notorious]

From what I have read, he has been nothing but responsible and taking very diligent steps to be careful and learn about his hobby. She's the unreasonable one.

Talk to her but don't compromise yourself and your principles.

 

[aHFo3]

I've done this with cars, R/C cars, gaming, PC's, game consoles

Congratulations, it looks like your hobbies may be growing up.

 

[Doc_Jude]

Hey, the situation is very easy. You did say "girlfriend" and not "fiance" or "wife", after all.
Tell her to either suck it up & get used to the man she's with, or hit the road.

 

[Walkalong]

When my wife first met me there were guns in open view in my house where I lived alone. Broke her in right away. She will carry on car trips alone, but that is about it, and I have to encourage that. She does not mind me carrying, or walking around the house with a gun sometimes. She is used to it and I have always been very safe with them.

 

[JImbothefiveth]

Well, at the least, you should know the 4 rules of gun safety.

After that, maybe spend less time on guns, gun forums, etc. Use moderation.

 

[jorb]

It seems to me that this boils down to a lack of gentle education of some people (not limited to ladies). Many people are not yet ready to acknowledge that we are in times that call for preparedness. The land of Denial is cozy and they are not yet ready to be disturbed.

 

[Superlite27]

I'm going to take the road less travelled and agree with the girlfriend........to a point.

Reason being:

Too large of a first step. As you have realized, and mentioned in your post, carrying a firearm is a tremendous responsibility. By strapping one on and actually thinking of the responsibility it takes to carry in public is something too few people do. I commend you on actually taking conscious thought about it. Not too many "veteran" carriers have taken the time to think about this. The fact that you have done so and are just getting started speaks wonders about your mental maturity and feelings of responsibility.

That being said, you missed something. The fact that you have realized this doesn't mean that EVRERYONE who is near to you has simultaneously done so also. You failed to introduce things gradually. You didn't have a good conversation and reveal your intentions in a manner that your girlfriend could understand in the manner that you have.

"TA-DA! I'm carrying a gun now!" is a little bit of a shock to someone who hasn't really thought of it in the manner you have. Your girlriend actually sounds like someone willing to learn and consider carrying, but you have failed to give her the time to consider at all. She just had to go with a spurt of the moment decision on carrying a gun. Most folks might need a little time to gather information and come to conclusions about something that requires so much responsibility.

Unlike those who reccommend kicking the "gun-hater" to the curb, I would reccommend apologizing for springing it on her, lay out your ideas on the practicality and responsibilities of self-protection, and let her make a conscious and informed GRADUAL DECISION, rather than an instantaneous choice.

Similar to the above posters, I wouldn't allow myself to be controlled in my decision, and would seriously consider the relationship if she doesn't see things in a mutual manner and consider my point of view as well. I would just give her the benefit of the doubt and let her make a more controlled decision rather than spring "I'm carrying a gun now!" on her.

 

[amprecon]

My dream would be that people pay as much attention to seeing a gun as they do seeing someone wearing eyeglasses.

 

[ArmedBear]

Tell her to either suck it up & get used to the man she's with, or hit the road.

Do it now, while it doesn't destroy your life.

There are 150 MILLION other women in the United States.

It's not about the gun.

 

[akodo]

Tell here 'you are right...I am going to spend less time watching shooting on the internet and go take a class...would you like me to sign you up too?'

 

[notorious]

That being said, you missed something. The fact that you have realized this doesn't mean that EVRERYONE who is near to you has simultaneously done so also. You failed to introduce things gradually. You didn't have a good conversation and reveal your intentions in a manner that your girlfriend could understand in the manner that you have.

Jeee-zuz! Sorry, maybe I am a relic of another time or because I didn't come from the same background but what was that group consensus, let's all get along, take your time to digest this, touchy feely, can we align our chakras, stuff?

She overreacted and is trying to control the situation of which she has no business controlling. Both of them are not new to guns and she is not rabidly anti-gun so he had no reason to believe that she would freak out like this. He is not out of line.

All he did was wear a gun in a holster the way it was meant to be since the beginning of time immemorial. Did he draw it on her? Did he run around the house doing ninja flips with it in his hand? Did he draw down on every shadow in the room? Did he make "pssshew" sounds as he simulates recoil after he points it at a bad guy on TV? NO!

This new age drivel and continued emasculation of the American male to be sensitive and discuss feelings and get in touch with your inner child is killing me. What's next? Couples therapy for them and hynotherapy to see why he needs a gun and then one of those pay a quack $595 to sit in the forest hold hands in a circle and cry because you realized one time your dad didn't buy you a bag of potato chips when you were 6 like he promised and you were disappointed, thus driving your need to push your wants on others?

He's a man, he made his decision, he is taking all the steps he needs to do it safely and responsibly, and as far as anyone is concerned, he is single and paying his own way. He should respect her feelings, of course, as any couple should, but she is the one that needs to realize the problem is her, not the other way around. It's his house, and she is the freeloader so if she is "outside her comfort zone" then get out and go back to her own comfort zone where "normal" people walk around without guns.

Comfort zone... another touchy feely cr4p term... on the level of "I promise not to take myself too seriously", "I have abandonment issues", "I don't necessarily agree", "Want some more wheatgrass juice", "we connect on a spiritual level", and "the dolphins are crying when you carry a gun".