Laid down the law on my anti-gun girlfriend...success!

[SAG0282]

You know, other then the fact that I only have two guns, I feel amazingly lucky when I read gun forums.

When people in IL, MA, CA, D.C., or other crapholes post about gun control and their severely infringed rights, I feel fortunate to live in WA, which has few controls, among the best CCW statutes in the country, and relative security from any gun legislation.

And in this case, when people post up about significant others that are know-it-all anti control freaks, I'm lucky my g/f is pro, carries herself, and is a hottie to boot. As others have said, this can't end well. If you dont have a relationship that has mutual agreements and reasonable discussions with well-grounded concerns and compromise, you have nothing. No quality or quantity of sex or any other quality will change the fact that a relationship lacking that mutual respect and maturity is doomed. Worse, your RKBA could be doomed following a restraining order or other example of spite.

I'd ditch, quick.

 

[Double Naught Spy]

In bubba-speak, when a man claims to have laid down the law with his wife or girlfriend, it usually just means he managed to get her permission.

 

[Sungun09]

nomarriage.com

OK - the first thing(s) I told my potentail GF is that I am no compromise on two things, my faith, and my guns.

To her credit, she has gone shooting with me a couple of time even tho now we don't consider ourselves a couple for other reasons.

Read http://nomarriage.com/ and see what your future would be with a women who thought protecting life and limb is "icky"

 

[jlbraun]

Yeah, we're broken up. Some choice statements:

"You said that buying guns was part of you wanting to take responsibility for protecting me and our future family - well, then, I'll just break up with you and get back together after the guns are gone."

"OK, we'll just move to a country where you can't have guns."

"I don't want a gun in my life."

"Having a gun creates negative energy, which means bad things happening to you is more likely when you own a gun."

On top of some other things, I wouldn't want this woman raising my children. 3 years down the drain. Oh well.

 

[ArmedBear]

"Having a gun creates negative energy, which means bad things happening to you is more likely when you own a gun."

Look, we've been hearing a very wise bit of advice since we were little:

DON'T SQUEEZE THE SHAMAN!!!!

(Good choice on your part, BTW. I'm glad she's not going to be raising your kids. I'm only bummed to know she might raise someone's, and that she might vote.)

 

[K-Romulus]

don't worry about it

I understand the "3 years gone" sorrow. I was in the same boat (firearms were one of several issues). I felt like crap for a while, and questioned whether the "gun nut" thing was worth it after the loss of the relationship.

I realized that it was worth it: principles should not be compromised without good reason (like a different set of facts or circumstances). With the other non-gun-related issues, it never would have worked out. Not that we hate each other, the relationship would never be able to work "on that level." Still have lunch. Still keep in touch, just not "significant others."

Presto: I met someone else within two months. At our third date, when it looked like there was some potential here, and I trusted her enough to even broach the subject without her going psycho and calling the cops on me , I lay my cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may: CCW, EBRs, safety/responsibility, "matter of principle," etc., etc.

She listened, tried to repeat the "22 times" regurgiprop, and then listened some more. After thinking it over, she agreed that my principles weren't all that far off from hers. We got married a year and a half later, now three years on with kid.

The only sacrifice I chose to make regarding the "gun issue" was leaving behind my rental apartment in VA and moving to her house in MD, thus giving up any current chance at daily CCW. This decision was based on several factors that outweighed daily CCW in the balance.

Look at your past 3 years as a learning/refining/growing experience. I guarantee you will be the wiser the next time you "date" someone, in many ways beyond the "gun issue."

I shudder to think what would have happened if the ex was the one raising my kid.
One memorable quote near the end:"No American flag will ever fly in front of my home!"

 

[Andrew Rothman]

Look at your past 3 years as a learning/refining/growing experience. I guarantee you will be the wiser the next time you "date" someone, in many ways beyond the "gun issue."

Bingo. You've learned an important lesson about boundaries and control that will serve you well.

 

[Lunga Bunga]

Stand your Ground ~ J ~

Good you for . I totally agree. Last year my wife and 2 kids. 7 yr old girl . 3 yr old boy ......... had to evecuate :hurricane Katrina came to visit...... I live in Tx ! We got less than an hour away from home after being in the car for 32 hours ! AT 8:30 at night I ran out of gas and pulled over in a carwash parking lot. Here I am . in a Not so good neighborhood . 8:30 at night with a wife and 2 kids. with no protection at all . I thought . anyone could come up to me and my family . especially if there were more than one person.. and do whatever they wanted and I couldn't defend myself . Thank God a guy on his way home from work saw us and stopped and asked if we needed help. Him and his wife and daughter brought us 5 gallons of gas and some food for us and the kids. You can't IMAGINE how grateful I was to them . We made it home. spent the night . and stayed the next 2 days in a shelter..... which I'll NEVER do again . but that's another story. I told my wife I would NEVER put us in another situation that had us THAT vulnerable again . So I went and bought ~ KIM ~ . So Now . me and Kim ........ Kimber 2 Stainless 45 automatic . will be going with us should we ever have to leave again !
Tony.

 

[Guy B. Meredith]

Better three years than a life of misery--you did the right thing by your potential offspring and they should grow up thanking you for it. Good you caught on in time. People who want control aren't worth living around.

 

[mack]

I can't believe I read this whole thread. I'm sorry things didn't work out. Been married and divorced, now remarried. Men and Women are very different. Relationships take time and effort. Healthy personal and emotional boundaries are central to a healthy relationship. Better to learn those lessons now then after you are married and have kids. In my wedding vows, when I married again, I said that I had nothing to offer her but my love. Never do something for another person ever, even your spouse if you are doing it for any reason other than because you truly want to do it out of love, out of a real desire to do so without any expectation of return or because you feel obligated to do so or because you feel you "should" or "have to" - otherwise you will end up with resentments and anger that the the person that you "sacrificed/compromised/gave in to" did not "repay" you adequately or fairly in return. Never try to make another person responsible for your feelings or happiness and never try to make yourself responsible for someone elses feelings or happiness.

Personally, I find that if the most central and important relationship in one's life is a loving and intimate relationship with God as they understand him then, (since that relationship is eternal, unchanging, secure, and forgiving) - one does not need to look to others to fulfill their emotional and spiritual needs.

One is then free to live a life out of love and one never has to be afraid of "losing" someone - for we do not desire to possess someone. Each day that I wake Up and each night that I go to bed I know that I have a choice to love my wife, kids, and family or not. I am free to be a husband, father, brother or son, or not. It is always my choice - just as it is always my wife's, kid's, and families choice to be a loving part of each others lives or not. Stay healthy.

God Bless

Mack

 

[NineseveN]

The thing is, now you'll hopefully know to get these kinds of dealbreaker issues out of the way early on in a realtionship. No hiding or downplaying your guns, political or religious leanings or whatever boundaries you have, no matter how hot the liberal anti-gun sex bunnie arts-major is.

 

[Sig245]

I think you did a great job the way you handled that situation. We can all learn from your experience.

 

[Leanwolf]

NINESEVEN - "The thing is, now you'll hopefully know to get these kinds of dealbreaker issues out of the way early on in a realtionship. No hiding or downplaying your guns, political or religious leanings or whatever boundaries you have, no matter how hot the liberal anti-gun sex bunnie arts-major is."

_________________________________________________________________

Never more wise words have been spoken (WRITTEN)!!!!!!!!!!!

L.W.

 

[jlbraun]

To put a coda on this thread...

After the breakup, I bought a ticket for my sister to come out here. I had talked to her months ago about the gun issue coming between me and my now-ex-girlfriend as it was happening, and she just couldn't understand it, she said. My sister just didn't get the idea of having a loaded gun in the house or carrying it around with you, heavens! Note that my sister and I are capable of disagreeing without getting mad at each other. She's an anti-gun middle-left Democrat.

Point of order - my sister has been robbed at gunpoint and was pistol whipped AFTER they had her purse, just once WHAM in the face as they ran away. I think that her experience was pretty motivating in my deciding to buy a gun a learn how to use it.

So I asked my sister to come with me on a hike at night, because full moons are really pretty here. It's something I've done for years, well before I bought a gun - a lot of people from town go hiking when there's a full moon. So, rationally, I strap on the Safepacker with the CZ, flashlight, and a spare mag, and off we go. So we get out to the trailhead out ten miles from town. We begin hiking, there's no other people on the trail and no other cars at the trail head, and it's about 11PM. She says something about being a "city girl", and how being out West is pretty cool - but aren't there mountain lions out here?

I say that "you're more likely to be hurt by a two legged predator than a four legged one out here, and that's why I have this", patting the safepacker which she now realizes CONTAINS A GUN! I have to give her credit, she didn't flip out or anything, just moves over to my weak side and says, "So, basically, if anything happens I should get behind you and duck?" I say yes, she nods, and nothing else is said of it.

I then realized that her reaction is the appropriate, rational, and measured response that I would want out of any woman I date in the future. My sister is anti-gun, doesn't own one, doesn't want to learn to shoot - but she also didn't walk away, demand I walk back to the car and leave it, or anything else unreasonable. I take the defense of my family and girlfriend very seriously, and I'm not going to start compromising on that ever again.

(Lastly, the ex broke up with me in a *^%*&^ email, said that "you were convincing me on the gun thing there at the end when we went shooting, but there are still problems, so I don't think we're going to work out" - mostly the problems centered around her wanting someone just like her dad: quite controlled by her mom, always wants the best hotels and food, and giving her $600+ "just because" whenever he visits. I don't ever ask my parents for money, ever.)

&^%&$ this. I'm goin' out.

 

[PATH]

You have seen the light. Best now rather than later. There are a great many women in the world who don't want your.........in a pickle jar.

Good Luck to you!

 

[American By Blood]

"Having a gun creates negative energy, which means bad things happening to you is more likely when you own a gun."

Worst argument ever. A woman I was dating years ago said this when I was first looking into buying a gun and I laughed in her face. I don't care how much I love you, how smokin' hot your body is, or how good a baker you are--that kind of dumb will get you laughed at.

&^%&$ this. I'm goin' out.

Atta boy.

 

[Green Lantern]

Some pain now...is better than a lifetime of pain later on...!

Glad to see you out of a no-win situation. Chin up, and good luck!

EDIT - yep, that "negative energy" rant would have sealed the deal for about anybody! Moooooooonbaaaaat....

 

[Snap]

"Negative energy", huh? Of all the arguments.....Be happy you got out when you did. What was she, anyway, a new-age hippie holistic healer or something? As someone else said, sounds more than a little moonbattish.

 

[CNYCacher]

Yeah, we're broken up

Congradulations!

3 Years down the drain.

Stop right there!
You did not waste the last three years. You spent the last three years learning more about yourself and more about what you are looking for in a woman. Time spent learning what type of woman compliments your character, values and personality is necessary and vital and was never wasted.

The truly happy people in marriage are either very lucky to have stumbled upon someone who works well with them, or they spent a lot of time with different people learning what does or doesn't work. That time should never be consdered "wasted". None of us know right off the bat what we are looking for, we have to find out through trial and error.

The truly unhappy people are the ones who didn't know enough about themselves before making the decision to marry, who thought that they could compromise away all their differences, and wanted to "make it work" at all costs. Perhaps they thought that they could never do better, perhaps they didn't know any better, perhaps they were just scared of being the "bad guy". Who knows why, but for whatever reason when they should cut and run, they try as hard as possible to stay with it.

A lot of us on this thread saw you heading down that second road to a life of misery and we encouraged you to stop and re-evaluate. Knowing that there was a good chance you wouldn't [be able to?] listen, we tried anyway, at least one of us prayed for you too. I know there is pain where you are now, I know you are probably hurting, feeling dejected, doubtful of your future, etc. You may be concentrating on all the things that you liked about this girl. You may be thinking to yourself "how am I ever going to find a girl like her again?". Heads up kid, you aren't going to, and that's a good thing! Trust me, there are qualities in some woman you will meet in the future which you never even dreamed of. Some girl you haven't met yet is going to shake your whole belief system on what makes a good girlfriend/friend/wife, and you will love her for it.

The past three years were were not wasted time. Any time you spend now looking for a girl just like the last one, or trying to work things out with the last one will be wasted time.

 

[djpullen]

I never saw this thread til today so most of what I say here will probably not go those it is intended to.

Pax, grow some skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The one great saying that I've come up with is this. The truer something is, the more it offends someone. People make generalizations about white males all the time and I don't take offense if those generalizations don't fit me. I let it roll off. The only thing that bothers me is the double standards that many minorities posses. I'm a white male with a shaved head and a really long goatee. You wouldn't believe some of the looks I get from minorities. I also have had several go out of their way to initiate conversations and friendships with me despite my appearance. That tells me right there that they don't believe in the "skinhead" hype. I don't hate women or pink, blue, white, black, brown or yellow people.

JL, if your ex nag thinks having a gun with no ammo is a compromise, you should have handed her a set a batteries and told her should could have those but no vibrator.

 

[SoCalShooter]

Nice

Nice work there mate. Perhaps once she lives with a gun in the home for a while she will be less afraid of it. Good job! I would have said something similiar but I tend to use more colorful language . I hope that you are able to console her fears of guns, good luck and good'onya mate!

 

[mr.trooper]

O i bet you probably THINK you won this argument.

Now that you have "won", dont be surprised if you loose every other argument the two of you have from now on.

 

[strambo]

The best relationship advice I ever got was from my old german teacher in high school, of all places. Frau Zeitek, I don't rember how the subject came up...I didn't bring it up. Her and the mother of the girl I was dating were good friends...I was just a "C"-"D" student in her class, but she took a liking to me anyway.

She said; "Life is too short to spend time with someone you don't have anything in common with."

Of course, I didn't really listen and we dated for 3 years...but I was in the Army and it was long distance...so no real problem either. That statement did strike a chord, and I never would have considered marrying this girl. I heeded that advice better after that.

My mom said "you can control who you date, but not who you fall in love with". I think those two statements together make a very good dating philosophy. If/when you realize the girl you started dating doesn't have that much in common with you (It should be very early unless you don't talk) bail before you fall in love. When you find a person you are compatible with...it isn't that hard. If things are that hard, you aren't compatible.

Worst argument ever. A woman I was dating years ago said this when I was first looking into buying a gun and I laughed in her face. I don't care how much I love you, how smokin' hot your body is, or how good a baker you are--that kind of dumb will get you laughed at.

That's awesome. I'd have done the same thing...not in a conscious way, but I would have reflexively laughed at that statement or given an involuntary "you have two heads" kind of look at her with a smirk.

 

[psyopspec]

I just read this for the first time and I gotta say that aside from all the clutter of looky lous showing up late and posting only in reaction to the OP this is one of the best thread's I've ever read on THR. A lot of the advice ya'll are giving now is relevant in my life too, and it means a lot.

I just ended a relationship when I realized that it had a long-term expiration date. It was hard to hurt the girl, but I felt a small measure of peace afterwards. Drive ahead jlbraun; it's easy to see by your character that you'll be alright.

 

[jlbraun]

"long-term expiration date"

That precisely describes our relationship. "How can I NOT date this girl" while at the same time knowing there were compatibility issues.